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    (Original post by Riku)
    Maybe I shouldn't. I have considered ending it before for her sake.
    I think I trust her, but maybe I don't trust anyone. Maybe I don't trust myself either. I don't know.
    This was definitely what it was, but even if he's taken she's going to have good (better?) memories with him, just by the fact he seems to make her laugh more. Imo he is genuinely probably a better match for her, although she is a good match for me, if that even makes sense.
    I would say that to love someone, you must first love yourself. I spent years hating myself and it meant that I created a barrier in relationships. Now I accept myself, like myself and even perhaps love myself and my relationships since have improved greatly.

    She's with you for a reason. You need to accept that, embrace it and realise that she is JUST FRIENDS with this other guy. There's a huge difference between memories with friends and memories with partners. She may even think of him as a brother. I am really really close with a guy from back home and the thought of even kissing him (not on the cheek) freaks me out because he's like a bro to me!
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    Man up
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    I would say that to love someone, you must first love yourself. I spent years hating myself and it meant that I created a barrier in relationships. Now I accept myself, like myself and even perhaps love myself and my relationships since have improved greatly.

    She's with you for a reason. You need to accept that, embrace it and realise that she is JUST FRIENDS with this other guy. There's a huge difference between memories with friends and memories with partners. She may even think of him as a brother. I am really really close with a guy from back home and the thought of even kissing him (not on the cheek) freaks me out because he's like a bro to me!
    I know you keep saying I should love myself first and she's with me for a reason but then why does it feel like she's flirting with him? She even brought up about a girl who asked him out at a party, not knowing he was taken . I think he's perceived as an attractive guy, and to be honest, that she likes him a little. Whether or not enough to end it with me, I don't know.
    I don't hate myself but I do feel that, objectively, most things about him are better than me. As much as I would wish it to be true, I don't understand how your value is measured by anything other than your external environment. Even with friends, if they thought they were awesome, that isn't conclusive proof that they're not a flat-out bore or a jerk.

    The other fact is, most of my 'friends' have ditched me since I was ill, and probably with good reason. Even with my close ones, it feels like sanitary relationships at arm's length.
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    (Original post by techno-thriller)
    Man up
    Shut the **** up, those two words made me punch myself in the face until my teeth nearly fell out last year

    Those words basically say 'as a man, your feelings aren't valid, only results count'
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Shut the **** up, those two words made me punch myself in the face until my teeth nearly fell out last year
    Ooh someone's mad

    Those words basically say 'as a man, your feelings aren't valid, only results count'
    No they don't.
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    (Original post by techno-thriller)
    Ooh someone's mad


    No they don't.
    They do. If I 'manned up', I wouldn't have to explore my feelings, I would have absolute control of them by default
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    (Original post by Riku)
    They do. If I 'manned up', I wouldn't have to explore my feelings, I would have absolute control of them by default
    If you manned up, you wouldn't sit inside and masterbate and do something to sort your problems out.
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    (Original post by techno-thriller)
    If you manned up, you wouldn't sit inside and masterbate and do something to sort your problems out.
    I'm not sitting inside and masturbating...right now
    I am in therapy, and tbh, I think the therapist is quite sick of me
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Shut the **** up, those two words made me punch myself in the face until my teeth nearly fell out last year

    Those words basically say 'as a man, your feelings aren't valid, only results count'
    I think you need space apart, just say to her for the moment its best to have a break until you sort yourself out. Your too paranoid and you really will lose her if you continue acting this way.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    I think you need space apart, just say to her for the moment its best to have a break until you sort yourself out. Your too paranoid and you really will lose her if you continue acting this way.
    Perhaps it's for the best...although she's never given an hints that it'd have to go to this length
    Maybe in the break she's go for someone like the guy in your OP? See I keep trying to improve, but it's never enough. People are always ahead of me.

    (I haven't punched myself in the face recently, but the 'man up' thing gets to me badly and seems like a very personal attack, is what I meant)
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Perhaps it's for the best...although she's never given an hints that it'd have to go to this length
    Maybe in the break she's go for someone like the guy in your OP? See I keep trying to improve, but it's never enough. People are always ahead of me.

    (I haven't punched myself in the face recently, but the 'man up' thing gets to me badly and seems like a very personal attack, is what I meant)
    Its hard for anyone to find a guy in my sig (he is a wrestler who used steroids to get that body).
    Your so adamant that she is going to leave you anyway if your still together, if you go on a break and if she likes someone else then she isn't worth it, if its meant to be you will be together if not then not.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    Its hard for anyone to find a guy in my sig (he is a wrestler who used steroids to get that body).
    Your so adamant that she is going to leave you anyway if your still together, if you go on a break and if she likes someone else then she isn't worth it, if its meant to be you will be together if not then not.
    Seriously? I thought that level of definition's what most women want and (deep down) expect if you want to be 'hot'

    So you're telling me if a partner shows signs of growing in attraction to their friend, it's not the norm to cheat on their lover, regardless of whether one of them/both of the cheaters are in a relationship already?
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Seriously? I thought that level of definition's what most women want and (deep down) expect if you want to be 'hot'

    So you're telling me if a partner shows signs of growing in attraction to their friend, it's not the norm to cheat on their lover, regardless of whether one of them/both of the cheaters are in a relationship already?
    The guy is hot and nice to look at but this is 10 years ago he dosent look like this now.
    https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=ra...w=1366&bih=596

    To be honest looks do play apart but the chemistry has to be there and being able to have a connection is more important to me than their looks as these can change over time, you can be muscly but over time that will go away as you get older.

    I meant if she cared and loved you she wouldn't want to be with someone else,and if both of them decide to have an affair then they are **** people for not ending their relationships first.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    The guy is hot and nice to look at but this is 10 years ago he dosent look like this now.
    https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=ra...w=1366&bih=596

    To be honest looks do play apart but the chemistry has to be there and being able to have a connection is more important to me than their looks as these can change over time, you can be muscly but over time that will go away as you get older.

    I meant if she cared and loved you she wouldn't want to be with someone else,and if both of them decide to have an affair then they are **** people for not ending their relationships first.
    OK...so you agree there is a high probability that she will want to dump me for him when he becomes available?

    I feel like he is just the better guy. I already have a thread about self-improvement vs self-acceptance. From most men's replies, you should never accept yourself, always just be better.
    Sometimes the pressure to make sure I do better or become a better person makes me feel like I'm really not good enough as I am (maybe I'm not?). Surely there can be a balance, or perhaps there shouldn't and we should hate ourselves until we're ripped, have seven-figure salaries, every diploma under the book and everybody in absolute adoration of us
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Has anyone ever had this and how did they deal with it?

    For the last couple of months seeing my girlfriend build confidence and becoming more sociable, I've been so, so happy for her that she's finally starting to settle into university and be comfortable in her own skin.
    But then I had that sinking feeling that soon enough she's going to be confident enough not to want me holding her back anymore. She's a lot more active in University life, holds positions on the committees, does advocacy work, gets a lot of voluntary opportunities, and has a lot more friends on campus-basically she was only just out of my league and soon she's going to be way out of it.

    I'm not sure what to do. Well actually that's the point, there is nothing I can do, except either resign myself to her eventually leaving (which feels 80% certain)
    What should I do? Break it to her that she needs to go and have the best life she can because I can't provide it for her?
    You're over-thinking everything. Such a pessimist. Why break up - if she will want to break up with you she will tell you. Then you would have those man's emotions for the next few days and then you'd get over it. But no need to screw everything up yourself!
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    (Original post by SoftPunch)
    You're over-thinking everything. Such a pessimist. Why break up - if she will want to break up with you she will tell you. Then you would have those man's emotions for the next few days and then you'd get over it. But no need to screw everything up yourself!
    Because if thousands of years of evolutionary psychology tell me anything...she will break up with me because I'm no longer good enough for her
    That's just the way nature is

    What kind of girl with anys ense of self-worth will want a guy who might have a panic attack from drinking too much, or too much work? None.

    OK I'll spell it out for everyone.
    I think my girlfriend deserves someone better than a shy geeky virgin with Dyspraxia and a mental illness.

    That's the bottom line. I am ashamed of having panic attacks, ashamed of my anxiety, shame shame shame. It's made me feel less of a man.
    I'm in therapy, it's treatable, I've had support for Dyspraxia since being a kid, but I have it. It's like a brand, a stain on me that will never wash off, whether people know I have it or not, whether I have it under control or not.
    I was doing pretty well until the day I got convinced I was going to die.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Because if thousands of years of evolutionary psychology tell me anything...she will break up with me because I'm no longer good enough for her
    That's just the way nature is

    What kind of girl with anys ense of self-worth will want a guy who might have a panic attack from drinking too much, or too much work? None.

    OK I'll spell it out for everyone.
    I think my girlfriend deserves someone better than a shy geeky virgin with Dyspraxia and a mental illness.

    That's the bottom line. I am ashamed of having panic attacks, ashamed of my anxiety, shame shame shame. It's made me feel less of a man.
    I'm in therapy, it's treatable, I've had support for Dyspraxia since being a kid, but I have it. It's like a brand, a stain on me that will never wash off, whether people know I have it or not, whether I have it under control or not.
    I was doing pretty well until the day I got convinced I was going to die.
    So basically if you're so convinced she is gonna break up with you, why are you here asking for advice? I mean, I guess, if you wanna tell her, confront her, you do what you want and what you think is best. Personally, I wouldn't tell her - seriously does it matter then if you gonna offer the break up now or she (might) offer it later?
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    (Original post by SoftPunch)
    So basically if you're so convinced she is gonna break up with you, why are you here asking for advice? I mean, I guess, if you wanna tell her, confront her, you do what you want and what you think is best. Personally, I wouldn't tell her - seriously does it matter then if you gonna offer the break up now or she (might) offer it later?
    Because if life is fair, then she tells the truth and loves me despite all of this, and there's no reason to worry.
    The question is, is life fair and has society moved on? Or am I the fault with society?
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Because if life is fair, then she tells the truth and loves me despite all of this, and there's no reason to worry.
    The question is, is life fair and has society moved on? Or am I the fault with society?
    *Insert dramatic music

    You should take a more relaxed outlook on life though.
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    (Original post by SoftPunch)
    *Insert dramatic music

    You should take a more relaxed outlook on life though.
    ****ing hell I'm a drama queen after all >_<

    It's really hard to be relaxed when everything I read says be on your guard
 
 
 
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