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    (Original post by Summerdays)
    Everything you said is right, and I fully agree with you. It's just my intense emotions that are getting in the way; if I was in the right state of mind, none of this would matter. It's ridiculous that, 5 months later, I still can't stop thinking about what happened. It's irrational, and I hate it.

    I have done a lot of self-improvements within the past two years. I go to the gym very regularly, my social skills are much better, I look better, I know how to interact with people very well etc.. Anything that I set my mind to, I can achieve. But this whole companion idea, that is always on my mind, eludes me.

    I think the only plausible way for me to get "answers" is by getting to know her personality (particularly, in person). I am in a mental dilemma where I can't separate "what she could be" with "who she actually is". I was never given a real opportunity to create that distinction of her because, by the time I was just starting to get to know her, everything ended.
    When my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, i was devastated. And i missed her. Terribly. And you know what i did? I romanticized the relationship and her. I basically forgot all her bad points, all the bad points of the relationship, and just remembered the good stuff. But of course, that skews gives you a false perception of the reality. But its a perfectly normal and easy trap to fall into.

    I only realised this when my friend pointed it out to me. He told me i was just focusing on the good stuff, while conveniently just deleting everything negative and toxic about the situation. He told me that i didnt really miss her; i just missed an image or a made-up, idealistic memory of her. And he was right. I wasn't missing the actual girl who had just broken up with me, because the girl i was thinking of or missing was a romanticized version of her where everything was grand (in my mind). But she didnt exist, because that situation (where everything was grand) never existed or never actually happened. There was no nirvana moment with her.

    And i believe it might be a similar situation to you. You seem to think this girl was great, had an awesome personality, could have been someone dear to you, etc. But its not like that. Its your mind playing tricks, and you need to reinforce that message into your head.

    You have romanticized her and put her on a pedestal. The reality is, she is nothing like how you imagine she would have been.

    After all, you only knew her for 8 days. Its not nearly long enough to know someone, especially their negative traits.
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    (Original post by Summerdays)
    She told me that "I thought being around me more or seeing me more would increase your feelings towards me, not that I won't believe we cannot be friends, it is just experience talking.. quite a lot of it, that made me do this. I have seen people around me get hurt because I have been too kind and nice, continued on to be their friends, when, in fact, they have always wanted a relationship. It has hurt many of my friends and I didn't understand at that time that the best thing was just to let go."

    But then she starts dating a 17 year old, that she only knew for 2 months? That doesn't sound right. What she wrote sounds like she is in a long term relationship or very picky. So for people that were saying that she was scared of this happening, I don't think it was the truth.
    Just forget about dont over analyze it its not healthy. Take a holiday
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    (Original post by Spongebob'sPants)
    When my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, i was devastated. And i missed her. Terribly. And you know what i did? I romanticized the relationship and her. I basically forgot all her bad points, all the bad points of the relationship, and just remembered the good stuff. But of course, that skews gives you a false perception of the reality. But its a perfectly normal and easy trap to fall into.

    I only realised this when my friend pointed it out to me. He told me i was just focusing on the good stuff, while conveniently just deleting everything negative and toxic about the situation. He told me that i didnt really miss her; i just missed an image or a made-up, idealistic memory of her. And he was right. I wasn't missing the actual girl who had just broken up with me, because the girl i was thinking of or missing was a romanticized version of her where everything was grand (in my mind). But she didnt exist, because that situation (where everything was grand) never existed or never actually happened. There was no nirvana moment with her.

    And i believe it might be a similar situation to you. You seem to think this girl was great, had an awesome personality, could have been someone dear to you, etc. But its not like that. Its your mind playing tricks, and you need to reinforce that message into your head.

    You have romanticized her and put her on a pedestal. The reality is, she is nothing like how you imagine she would have been.

    After all, you only knew her for 8 days. Its not nearly long enough to know someone, especially their negative traits.
    Not only do I believe this is the case, that I am simply in love with the idea of being friends with a romanticised image of her, but - for my own health - I sincerely hope that is the case; I don't know if I can live with the idea of me losing someone that is/could easily have been a best friend or companion. I am talking to you guys about this because it is making me feel better... I don't want to bottle it up.
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    How can she write: " "I thought being around me more or seeing me more would increase your feelings towards me, not that I won't believe we cannot be friends, it is just experience talking.. quite a lot of it, that made me do this. I have seen people around me get hurt because I have been too kind and nice, continued on to be their friends, when, in fact, they have always wanted a relationship. It has hurt many of my friends and I didn't understand at that time that the best thing was just to let go."

    and

    ""Anyway, I will wish you best of luck and I know you can manage going through this hard time. You are at a very vulnerable stage right now, I reckon you should definitely speak someone more close to you as well. Because I think at this very sensitive stage you shouldn't be talking to someone you were attracted to. It is just experience talking, since the feeling will culminate eventually. Even though you won't believe it to be case. I am sorry but I will say goodbye for now. "

    Well the above implies that she is very picky and is someone that is in a long-term relationship with someone that is around the age of 21 (she's 21).

    Nope. She is a dating a 17 year old, which she only knew for two months before the relationship started.

    I hope we aren't compatible.

    I hate dishonesty. I hate indirectness. I hate being wrong.
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    Final message:

    You know what, another reason why this whole situation has eaten me up is because he seems like almost the exact opposite of me. I don't know him, so I can't be 100 % sure... But I am probably, at least, 80-90% sure.

    Let's see shall we:

    The boyfriend: Extremely rich, extroverted (by the looks of it), popular, has a lot of friends, has more life experiences than me, doesn't come from a scattered family, didn't have to live alone with NO ONE to talk to through out childhood and teen-hood etc. etc. etc.

    He is almost the EXACT opposite of what she wrote "Right, I always click with other introverted intuitive people, I feel kind of awkward around extraverts, since I myself want peace and quiet and alone time and thereby I might not be a good companion for an extraverted person."


    I sure AS HELL hope I was wrong about her. I sure as hell hope this was some sort of cruel joke by God. Showing me someone, during the darkest periods of my life where I was so close to ending my own life, someone that I thought is the person that I have been looking for, subconsciously, for as long as I can remember. And then she left without giving me any real explanation. I was left in a mental torture trying my very hardest, EVERYDAY, to unravel some kind of truth.
    WHY did I react the way I did when I saw her face for the first?
    WHY did I want to talk to her, after only seeing her face once, when there have been so many girls that I find very attractive that I still haven't said a single word to?
    WHY did it turn out that she's an INTJ?
    WHY do we phrase things so similarly?
    WHY did we click so quickly and so substantially?

    Everything felt like it was some sort of divine appointment. I thought I had finally found someone I could help to grow (both mentally and spiritually) and, simultaneously, learn from. I thought I had found someone that I could FINALLY reveal my true self to.

    But NO... It looks like either my gut instincts was wrong or I just lost everything I had ever wanted in a person to someone that is (most likely) the exact opposite of me. If she was never mine to begin with WHY did she appear? WHY did I feel so strongly about her even before I had said a single word to her? Was I hallucinating the whole time?

    For ME... ME OF ALL PEOPLE TO START SCREAMING AND SHOUTING "NO!" IN THE BATHROOM, FOR A GOOD 20 MINUTES, WHEN I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO RAISE MY VOICE.

    I DIDN'T EVEN RAISE MY VOICE WHEN MY ONLY BROTHER DIED. I DIDN'T DO THAT WHEN MY SISTER WAS IN A PSYCHOSIS, AND WE HAD NO ONE TO CALL UPON. I FOUND IT DIFFICULT TO EVEN RAISE MY VOICE WHEN MY FORMER BEST FRIEND BETRAYED ME.

    I can't control or change anything that has happened, including her decision. My only hope is that I was wrong about her.
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    (Original post by Summerdays)
    It's very long, but I will definitely rep everyone that helps.

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...it?usp=sharing

    When I saw her for the first time, she was studying the fourth floor of the library. I didn't see her once again until a month later; I wasn't actually actively looking for her, I must say - and I wasn't sure if I was going to recognise her if I was to see her again . When I saw her again, I remember thinking very hard to find something to say, and I ended up tapping her and then asking her "Hey, are you a fourth year chemist?" while knowing full well that she isn't. Her reply was "No, I am a first year biomed". I ended the conversation with "Oh, sorry, my mistake!" while laughing it off. I saw her again, a couple of times, around campus, but I didn't say anything or smile at her because she was with people. It wasn't until I one day saw her sitting alone in the library cafe (eating a baguette) that I decided to go talk to her.
    It was a very spontaneous decision that I made; it is something that I would have never done a year ago. I asked her "Hey, is anyone sitting here?" and she replied with "No, you can sit here". I then asked her "Haven't I seen you before" and then she said "Yes, you thought I was a fourth year chemist". I was slightly surprised that she remembered considering more than a month had past between this conversation and the previous one. We then introduced ourselves, spoke about her home country, and then we spoke about our respective courses. I asked for her facebook, and we added each other during the conversation. Also, during that conversation, she dropped a small amount of cheese (from her baguette) on the table - as she did so, she started blushing and making an audible sound will trying to sweep it. I then asked her "What's that?" and her reply was, in a very cute manner, "I was trying to hide it from you". I found it really cute. Everything was going so smoothly that day. We then walked to the library and took the lift together (I was working at the fourth floor - she was working at the fifth). It was only the two of us at the lift, and we didn't say anything while in the lift. A week later, I decided to flirt with her a bit because I didn't want her to friendzone me - I thought she was single. A few hours after flirting with her, she messaged me to inform me that she is taken. She still wanted me to be her friend, and so did I.

    That very same day, we both found out that we share the same MBTI personality type (INTJ); I was so excited when she told me that. Our conversations became deeper and more meaningful the second we found out. But then the strangest thing happened the very next day... She unfriended me on facebook. At first, I assumed it was her boyfriend that made her do it. After politely asking her why was I unfriended, she told me that the reason why she unfriended me is because she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to keep in contact with me considering, in her point of view, that I liked her more than a friend. I tried my very hardest to convince her that I hd no feelings for her, and that I will prevent any feelings from ever interfering with our friendship, but she still insisted on cutting contact with me. She eventually blocked me that very same day, before unblocking me the very next day (for, largely, unknown reasons). Her reasoning is that she fears that I will develop stronger feelings for her if I keep talking to her. Yet, she still wanted us to talk to her IN PERSON whenever I see her; she wants us to be acquaintances.

    After giving her 6 weeks’ worth of space, I decided to facebook message her again. I informed her, in that message, that I want to tell her some things, but it would take me about a week to write them down (mainly, due to exams). In that same message, I also wrote "I hope your emotions are no longer an issue". It was a bad move, in retrospect, because her reply was "I think we shouldn't talk in any way. And my emotions do not play a role here. Bye!" She quickly blocked me after that. I still emailed her immediately after she'd block me - I told her that "It's quite obvious that you had feelings for me; I was wondering why your personality changed on the Saturday that we last spoke." The e-mail wasn't aggressive, but I tried my best to convey disappointment. In retrospect, she probably didn't, but it felt that way to me for a month or so. Two months later, and she's still, very much, in my mind. She's a big WHAT IF to me - because I only knew her for 8 days. I haven't see her at all, on campus, since the day that she unfriended me. I presume that she decided to stop coming to the library that is located at the main campus. This whole situation, admittedly, made me even more depressed than I was before I knew her. I had so many things that I wanted to discuss with her. Today, I found out that she is dating the 17 year old that I had always suspected to be the boyfriend.

    I tried my best to communicate to her that just because I find her cute doesn't mean we can't be just friends. And the only reason why I wanted to stay friends is because she showed characteristics that I also have (and we even share the same MBTI personality type).

    The conversation confused me for the following reasons:




    • She was still talking to me (and was invested in the conversation) despite the flirting.
    • She seemed really happy when I told her that we can be "really great friends" after it was revealed that we are both INTJs, when she said "Yes ".
    • Before the unfriending, she used a lot of smiley emoticons. When she unfriended me she initially using sad emoticons. And then when she unblocked me, she didn't use any smiley or sad emoticons/the sad emoticons were replaced with ellipses "..".
    • In fact, there was a significant change to the way she spoke to me after unblocking me.
    • It seemed like she was angry at me during the conversation we had after she unblocked me. As if she was trying to find reasons to be 'mean'.
    • For example, despite everything I had already said she still questioned my depression by saying "May I just say that from seeing you in person you don't look like someone that is depressed. You seemed okay." And then the next thing she wrote was her final goodbye to me.



    She initially wrote "I thought being around me more or seeing me more would increase your feelings towards me" and then she said "please, do talk to me when you see me, okay? We can be just good acquaintances".

    When she unblocked me, she asked me about what severe depression is and how is it different from mild depression - this was her first question after unblocking me. But before she even unfriended me she was telling ME about the differences.

    I just wish she was more clear; and consistent with her intentions. First she says it's because of my feelings, then at the end she said it's because of how vulnerable I am, I shouldn't talk to someone that I am attracted to because feelings will culminate. I don't know.

    The reason why I am still looking for answers is because I find it impossible to move on without concrete answers (it was like this with my former best friend). So I have been asking a lot of questions in hopes that it would help me to get as close to understanding what her true intentions were without going to the horse's mouth itself.

    I really want to know why she did things the way she did them in hopes of knowing whether my initial gut feelings match reality. In theory, it should help me to move on a lot faster but, in reality, it might lead to even more questions. And what if it is the case that my gut instincts do, indeed, match reality? I will be in an even worse state than I was before - especially when I know, full well, that I can't change anything. But it is unlikely because I had such a very idealised version of what I wanted out of her.
    Unfortunately, when it comes to interpersonal relationships, one person can only control 50% of the situation. The way I tried to control the situation between me and her is the same was I try to control any situation of my life - I like to take control of the situation. It doesn't work for interpersonal relationships because, again, only 50% of the situation can be controlled be any either person.

    I was depressed and I had already lost one of my close friends, which made me feel a lot worse, before I'd even met her. I approached her in such an intense manner because I was afraid of losing her to someone else (this was before I knew she had a boyfriend; boyfriends have ended an unacceptable number of my friendships in the past) and I wanted to make a deep friendship as fast as possible due to my condition. In hindsight, it was a bad way to go, but I don't think it is worthy enough to end a friendship with.

    Her name means more than just the person that I am referring to, much like how the names "Naomi" and "Andreea" that came before. Subconsciously, it represents the companionship that I have always wanted. The companionship that I have always cried to have. Due to unfortunate circumstances, mum would leave for work while I stayed at home watching TV all day, with no friends or siblings. It has been this way for 15 years. At the time, I was perfectly fine with it. But, like with anything that is very unhealthy, it caught up with me. The "No!" that I shouted and screamed today weren't just tantrums, they were 15 years of loneliness finally coming out of me for everyone to see (and hear).

    Another reason why this whole situation has eaten me up is because he seems like almost the exact opposite of me. I don't know him, so I can't be 100 % sure... But I am probably, at least, 80-90% sure.

    Let's see shall we:

    The boyfriend: Extremely rich, extroverted (by the looks of it), popular, has a lot of friends, has more life experiences than me, doesn't come from a scattered family, didn't have to live alone with NO ONE to talk to through out childhood and teen-hood etc. etc. etc.

    He is almost the EXACT opposite of what she wrote "Right, I always click with other introverted intuitive people, I feel kind of awkward around extraverts, since I myself want peace and quiet and alone time and thereby I might not be a good companion for an extraverted person."


    I sure AS HELL hope I was wrong about her. I sure as hell hope this was some sort of cruel joke by God. Showing me someone, during the darkest periods of my life where I was so close to ending my own life, someone that I thought is the person that I have been looking for, subconsciously, for as long as I can remember. And then she left without giving me any real explanation. I was left in a mental torture trying my very hardest, EVERYDAY, to unravel some kind of truth.
    WHY did I react the way I did when I saw her face for the first?
    WHY did I want to talk to her, after only seeing her face once, when there have been so many girls that I find very attractive that I still haven't said a single word to?
    WHY did it turn out that she's an INTJ?
    WHY do we phrase things so similarly?
    WHY did we click so quickly and so substantially?

    Everything felt like it was some sort of divine appointment. I thought I had finally found someone I could help to grow (both mentally and spiritually) and, simultaneously, learn from. I thought I had found someone that I could FINALLY reveal my true self to.

    But NO... It looks like either my gut instincts was wrong or I just lost everything I had ever wanted in a person to someone that is (most likely) the exact opposite of me. If she was never mine to begin with WHY did she appear? WHY did I feel so strongly about her even before I had said a single word to her? Was I hallucinating the whole time?

    For ME... ME OF ALL PEOPLE TO START SCREAMING AND SHOUTING "NO!" IN THE BATHROOM, FOR A GOOD 20 MINUTES, WHEN I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO RAISE MY VOICE.

    I DIDN'T EVEN RAISE MY VOICE WHEN MY ONLY BROTHER DIED. I DIDN'T DO THAT WHEN MY SISTER WAS IN A PSYCHOSIS, AND WE HAD NO ONE TO CALL UPON. I FOUND IT DIFFICULT TO EVEN RAISE MY VOICE WHEN MY FORMER BEST FRIEND BETRAYED ME.

    I can't control or change anything that has happened, including her decision. My only hope is that I was wrong about her.



    I should also note that I will not, ever, communicate with her, in any way, unless she does so first. I know that she is extremely unlikely to even be thinking about what had happened between us (and why would she?). I am doing just for purely my own sake and benefits.

    I think from that conversation, she is quite a genuine person.
    She doesnt want to lead you on, so she told you.
    Seems that you paid too much attention to her.
    Let me ask you, when you see her in person do you touch her? What is your way of flirting? Do you face your whole body towards her when talking to her?
    You seem too desperate in that conversation... Asking her to add you as a friend again, why block etc...
    When she blocked you, she was thinking that this guy is a weirdo (im being honest here), he has some mental problems.
    As i read on, seems that she wants to compare what your problems are to what she already knows. Essentially acting like a doctor.
    And again as i continue to read on, it seems she was really freaked out by your interactions with her.
    DId she looked freaked out when you met her?
    How did you touch her in your interactions?
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    (Original post by Zenarthra)
    I think from that conversation, she is quite a genuine person.
    She doesnt want to lead you on, so she told you.
    Seems that you paid too much attention to her.
    Let me ask you, when you see her in person do you touch her? What is your way of flirting? Do you face your whole body towards her when talking to her?
    You seem too desperate in that conversation... Asking her to add you as a friend again, why block etc...
    When she blocked you, she was thinking that this guy is a weirdo (im being honest here), he has some mental problems.
    As i read on, seems that she wants to compare what your problems are to what she already knows. Essentially acting like a doctor.
    And again as i continue to read on, it seems she was really freaked out by your interactions with her.
    DId she looked freaked out when you met her?
    How did you touch her in your interactions?
    I am completely over this, but most of the questions were answered in this thread already.

    The last time I saw her agin was in October. I didn't talk to her, I just gave her a blank stare. She started laughing (shyly) as I looked at her. I then walked away. Haven't seen her since then
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    (Original post by Summerdays)
    Final message:

    You know what, another reason why this whole situation has eaten me up is because he seems like almost the exact opposite of me. I don't know him, so I can't be 100 % sure... But I am probably, at least, 80-90% sure.

    Let's see shall we:

    The boyfriend: Extremely rich, extroverted (by the looks of it), popular, has a lot of friends, has more life experiences than me, doesn't come from a scattered family, didn't have to live alone with NO ONE to talk to through out childhood and teen-hood etc. etc. etc.

    He is almost the EXACT opposite of what she wrote "Right, I always click with other introverted intuitive people, I feel kind of awkward around extraverts, since I myself want peace and quiet and alone time and thereby I might not be a good companion for an extraverted person."


    I sure AS HELL hope I was wrong about her. I sure as hell hope this was some sort of cruel joke by God. Showing me someone, during the darkest periods of my life where I was so close to ending my own life, someone that I thought is the person that I have been looking for, subconsciously, for as long as I can remember. And then she left without giving me any real explanation. I was left in a mental torture trying my very hardest, EVERYDAY, to unravel some kind of truth.
    WHY did I react the way I did when I saw her face for the first?
    WHY did I want to talk to her, after only seeing her face once, when there have been so many girls that I find very attractive that I still haven't said a single word to?
    WHY did it turn out that she's an INTJ?
    WHY do we phrase things so similarly?
    WHY did we click so quickly and so substantially?

    Everything felt like it was some sort of divine appointment. I thought I had finally found someone I could help to grow (both mentally and spiritually) and, simultaneously, learn from. I thought I had found someone that I could FINALLY reveal my true self to.

    But NO... It looks like either my gut instincts was wrong or I just lost everything I had ever wanted in a person to someone that is (most likely) the exact opposite of me. If she was never mine to begin with WHY did she appear? WHY did I feel so strongly about her even before I had said a single word to her? Was I hallucinating the whole time?

    For ME... ME OF ALL PEOPLE TO START SCREAMING AND SHOUTING "NO!" IN THE BATHROOM, FOR A GOOD 20 MINUTES, WHEN I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO RAISE MY VOICE.

    I DIDN'T EVEN RAISE MY VOICE WHEN MY ONLY BROTHER DIED. I DIDN'T DO THAT WHEN MY SISTER WAS IN A PSYCHOSIS, AND WE HAD NO ONE TO CALL UPON. I FOUND IT DIFFICULT TO EVEN RAISE MY VOICE WHEN MY FORMER BEST FRIEND BETRAYED ME.

    I can't control or change anything that has happened, including her decision. My only hope is that I was wrong about her.
    To be honest with you, just because he looks extrovert, does not mean he is...
    People can adapt, just like me i switch between introvert and extrovert all the time.
    Sometimes im as loud and out going as ever and know the whole school. Other times i like peace and quite and dont like social interactions.
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    (Original post by Zenarthra)
    To be honest with you, just because he looks extrovert, does not mean he is...
    People can adapt, just like me i switch between introvert and extrovert all the time.
    Sometimes im as loud and out going as ever and know the whole school. Other times i like peace and quite and dont like social interactions.
    I think they have broken up (not entirely sure) - I have seen him quite a few times on campus (and in parties) without her. But it doesn't matter, either way, I don't care about it anymore
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    I was severely depressed when I made this thread. The therapy changed everything
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    (Original post by Summerdays)
    I was severely depressed when I made this thread. The therapy chanegd everything
    That is great dude!
    Achievement is what drives the smartest people to success.
 
 
 
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