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How do girls feel about being approached in the street? Watch

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    (Original post by miser)
    Obviously they don't, but I'm talking about dressing in a way that's obviously going to creep someone out that's going to mess up your interactions with people.
    Simply the act of breaking the social norm of approaching and attempting to talk to a stranger in the street is going to creep out 99% of women when they realise your intent.

    If you want to appear a normal, safe (ie non-rapist) guy, you need to find a way of talking to women without breaking social boundaries.

    If you really must insist on attempting to chat up complete strangers, please restrict your activities to places where it is socially acceptable to do so, such as pubs, bars and parties.
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    (Original post by Ade9000)
    What right don't I have? We all have that right. By that logic, we shouldn't compliment anyone at all.

    Granted. Once again, as stated, when done like a decent human being, the interaction will end. Why are you encouraging women to live in fear of men?

    *Sigh* You just don't get it. You're too determined to see men as villains.

    I'm off to lunch.
    You keep making this about me. This isn't about me, I am simply reflecting the views of victims on in-street sexual harassment back to you.
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    (Original post by Yasmin25)
    I would personally hate it and be very creeped out and would try and get away asap. I wouldn't give out my number to someone I had literally just met. If it were in the exact same situation you described where I am at a restaurant with a friend and you just came over, I would fine it awkward and rude to be interrupted.

    Some girls maybe would like to be randomly approached and some would hate it. Its hit or miss I'm afraid. I can't imagine most girls like being approached by a random stranger asking for their number though.

    From what I've seen(a lot) american cuties ain't like that. Though you've to be attractive and charming.


    Unlucky for me I don't live there (yet).
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    If you were around my age and you were hot (or just decently-looking), I'd be flattered. If not, please don't approach me because I would be kinda creeped out...
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    I wouldn't go as far as to call them creeps, but if they're being persistent or not leaving you alone then yeah.

    Also want to point out that this creepy business is a part of British culture. Most other places in the world, people approach other people and it isn't seen as weird, especially places like the USA. Don't know where this idea developed in Britain whereby you're advised to be scared of everybody.

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    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    What you say:

    "hey I know this is really random but, I saw you had a great smile and just decided I wanted to take a moment to come meet you."

    What she hears:

    "hey, I don't respect social boundaries. Wanna find out what other boundaries I don't respect? I'll give you a clue, it begins with an r, and ends with me ****ing your dismembered corpse"
    I'm not sure why people are taking exception to your post.

    It's just a factual description of the possible results of chatting up women on the street.
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    I recently had about 3-4 guys consecutively do this while I was in Los Angeles (men are probably a lot more forward about these things over there), and I turned them down. Not because I'm stuck up, but they genuinely went about it in THE most creepiest way possible. And I get that they probably didn't mean for it to be that way, but when you're asking something as intrusive as that, you HAVE to get the delivery right to stand a chance.
    One guy just stopped in the street, made a whistle sound or something crude, and straight up asked if I had a boyfriend and then without waiting for a response, asked to have my number. Another just followed me creeper-like for a good 5 minutes before awkwardly asking with this weird smile on his face (his attempt at easing the awkwardness, I guess). Didn't ask anything about me or explain himself, just outright asked for it. And the rest were similar..

    You have to lead up to a question like that- introduce yourself and make it obvious that you're interested because she seems like a NICE PERSON, not just a hot body you want a one nighter with some time. Possibly it's best not to reference her appearance at all, even if you're just being sweet and not perverse about it, because it can easily give off the wrong signal. Try not to come across awkward, but then not too cocky either- it's a very fine line you're walking. I don't disagree with approaching women when you're genuinely interested in getting to know her and maybe date her; but men have to understand that a lot of us go through a lot of crap on a daily basis from less decent guys, so we're always cautious. Once we realise you're not being a weirdo about it, it's easier for us to open up a little.
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    (Original post by Eva.Gregoria)
    I wouldn't go as far as to call them creeps, but if they're being persistent or not leaving you alone then yeah.

    Also want to point out that this creepy business is a part of British culture. Most other places in the world, people approach other people and it isn't seen as weird, especially places like the USA. Don't know where this idea developed in Britain whereby you're advised to be scared of everybody.

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    its called "respecting the right to privacy". People don't necessarily want to be constantly harassed and approached by potential suitors when they're walking down the street. People would stop going down the street altogether if this kind of behaviour was allowed to go unchecked, and then the streets would descend into a lawless anarchy.

    Its also the reason pubs exist. If you're open to being approached, you go in a pub. Everywhere else, you expect your right to privacy to be respected.
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    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    I'm sorry, but you're very badly wrong. Please see the everyday sexism project for more details. Women do not appreciate being constantly harassed when they're just trying to go about their daily business.

    This is no laughing matter. Please do not harass strangers and make this country a less safe and pleasant place for us all to live in.
    This is very sad to hear. Britain is once again going back into some sort of repressed Victorian like state where people must not show their feelings, speak nor dare express themselves.

    There is nothing wrong with going up to someone and talking to them, whether they are a man or a woman. If you notice they are clearly feeling awkward or they directly tell you they must be on their way then you leave them to go on their daily business. How do you ever go about meeting people? I assume you are not a hermit.

    I'm sorry but you sound like you want to make this country a very cold, unfriendly and inhospitable place.
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    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    its called "respecting the right to privacy". People don't necessarily want to be constantly harassed and approached by potential suitors when they're walking down the street. People would stop going down the street altogether if this kind of behaviour was allowed to go unchecked, and then the streets would descend into a lawless anarchy.

    Its also the reason pubs exist. If you're open to being approached, you go in a pub. Everywhere else, you expect your right to privacy to be respected.
    It happens in places like America though, didn't know there was a lawless anarchy brewing there.

    And there is a type of way to talk to people that wouldn't make them creeped out, it's not that difficult. Regardless of what you say, many girls still respond to being chatted up on the street and many of them even go out for drinks with them. It's definitely not unheard of and not every woman subscribes to the everyday sexism project as a rule of life.

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    (Original post by Welsh_insomniac)
    This is very sad to hear. Britain is once again going back into some sort of repressed Victorian like state where people must not show their feelings, speak nor dare express themselves.

    There is nothing wrong with going up to someone and talking to them, whether they are a man or a woman. If you notice they are clearly feeling awkward or they directly tell you they must be on their way then you leave them to go on their daily business. How do you ever go about meeting people? I assume you are not a hermit.

    I'm sorry but you sound like you want to make this country a very cold, unfriendly and inhospitable place.
    You're once again confused between casually chatting to someone in a socially acceptable manner, which is entirely acceptable and making an overtly sexual approach to a complete stranger, which is not.

    Your conclusions are 100% wrong. Just because someone is a woman does not make it ok to go and harass them with complements and sexual comments and make them feel uncomfortable and scared.
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    (Original post by Eva.Gregoria)
    It happens in places like America though, didn't know there was a lawless anarchy brewing there.

    And there is a type of way to talk to people that wouldn't make them creeped out, it's not that difficult. Regardless of what you say, many girls still respond to being chatted up on the street and many of them even go out for drinks with them. It's definitely not unheard of and not every woman subscribes to the everyday sexism project as a rule of life.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I've lived in America, verbally harassing people in the street is likely to get you shot.

    There is no type of way to talk to people that makes it ok to harass them. They have not asked you to pay them a pitifully transparent complement, so don't.
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    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    You're once again confused between casually chatting to someone in a socially acceptable manner, which is entirely acceptable and making an overtly sexual approach to a complete stranger, which is not.

    Your conclusions are 100% wrong. Just because someone is a woman does not make it ok to go and harass them with complements and sexual comments and make them feel uncomfortable and scared.
    Who are you? Why do you keep saying that talking to someone is sexual harassment. You either live in fear of women or you're trying to make women fear men. Either way your views are divisive, perverted and damn right offensive. A society that condemns people from speaking to each other is a very fractured society. I'm not going to entertain you any longer. Either you're a troll and I applaud you for being successful or you are a person who is deeply scared of life and are there to stop people from meeting each other in the street. To you, you must be paying money (at a bar or whatever) to meet someone and that's a sad state of affairs.

    I shall not reply to any further quotes from you on this topic.
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    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    I've lived in America, verbally harassing people in the street is likely to get you shot.

    There is no type of way to talk to people that makes it ok to harass them. They have not asked you to pay them a pitifully transparent complement, so don't.
    I haven't lived there but I've been on holiday several times and I also observe that people are a lot more laid back and talk to strangers a lot more easily. That is the point of a compliment though, the fact that it wasn't asked or required, it's just a random act of being nice and making someone feel better, what's wrong with that?

    What would you consider verbal harassment?

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    (Original post by Welsh_insomniac)
    Who are you? Why do you keep saying that talking to someone is sexual harassment. You either live in fear of women or you're trying to make women fear men. Either way your views are divisive, perverted and damn right offensive. A society that condemns people from speaking to each other is a very fractured society. I'm not going to entertain you any longer. Either you're a troll and I applaud you for being successful or you are a person who is deeply scared of life and are there to stop people from meeting each other in the street. To you, you must be paying money (at a bar or whatever) to meet someone and that's a sad state of affairs.

    I shall not reply to any further quotes from you on this topic.
    I'm merely reporting back on what women are saying about how they feel about being approached in the street by strange men. There is a massive awareness campaign going on currently called the everyday sexism project which tries to highlight these serious issues and challenge men's understanding of what is and is not acceptable.

    if you want to bury your head in the sand and pretend that sexual harrassment does not exist, that's your issue. But please refrain from partaking in it yourself, if there is CCTV evidence you could find yourself in court with serious charges against you. I urge you to educate yourself on this project as a matter of extreme urgency.

    Thanks for your time.
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    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    Simply the act of breaking the social norm of approaching and attempting to talk to a stranger in the street is going to creep out 99% of women when they realise your intent.

    If you want to appear a normal, safe (ie non-rapist) guy, you need to find a way of talking to women without breaking social boundaries.

    If you really must insist on attempting to chat up complete strangers, please restrict your activities to places where it is socially acceptable to do so, such as pubs, bars and parties.


    People give approach signals that make it socially acceptable, usually in places like you've mentioned but might also give it off in the street. I've gone up to strangers before when they were 'making the eyes' if you want to call it that and things have been great from there.
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    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    Simply the act of breaking the social norm of approaching and attempting to talk to a stranger in the street is going to creep out 99% of women when they realise your intent.
    I'm sorry but I don't believe you're talking from experience. It's possible to talk to people you don't know without being creepy - if you are talking from experience then maybe something about the way you've done it has had a creepy vibe. :dontknow:
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    (Original post by Eva.Gregoria)
    I haven't lived there but I've been on holiday several times and I also observe that people are a lot more laid back and talk to strangers a lot more easily. That is the point of a compliment though, the fact that it wasn't asked or required, it's just a random act of being nice and making someone feel better, what's wrong with that?

    What would you consider verbal harassment?

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    There's nothing wrong with talking to strangers at all, I talk to strangers all the time. In the shop, at the bus stop, sitting outside a cafe. Its a good, friendly thing to do.

    But I never approach strangers specifically with the intention of luring them into a sexual encounter with a series of complements. That's just creepy.


    If your first line includes a personal comment, the law would probably consider that harassment. If there is no real reason for you to talk to this person: eg they are the other side of the street in full stride, the law would probably consider that harassment as well.
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    (Original post by Hal.E.Lujah)
    People give approach signals that make it socially acceptable, usually in places like you've mentioned but might also give it off in the street. I've gone up to strangers before when they were 'making the eyes' if you want to call it that and things have been great from there.
    A typical human interaction starts first with non-verbal communication (eg a smile, holding eye contact), then polite verbal communication (ie intriductions, small talk), then escalate through careful flirting, then full on flirting, and then sexual physical contact, then sex etc. If both parties partake fully in each step, then it is possible to be sure that the move to the next step is mutually consensual at each stage. If both parties feel a strong mutual attraction, it is possible to move from initial meeting to full sexual intercourse within less than a few hours.


    The problems arise when people decide they don't care about the other person's consent and decide they're going to skip a step. Depending on how far you skip, is how serious the offence is.

    Skipping straight to flirting: sexual harassment
    Skipping straight to physical contact: sexual assault
    Skipping straight to sex: rape


    What we're talking about here is situations of sexual harassment, where men go up to a woman and begin flirting without bothering to go through the necessary social prerequisites of non-verbal communication and small talk.

    A lot of posters here don't seem to understand how basic social interactions work. I find this extremely worrying.
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    (Original post by miser)
    I'm sorry but I don't believe you're talking from experience. It's possible to talk to people you don't know without being creepy - if you are talking from experience then maybe something about the way you've done it has had a creepy vibe. :dontknow:
    I talk to people all the time, it is never creepy, but that's because I never do creepy things like immediately complement them before I even know their name.
 
 
 
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