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Female bullying in the workplace - what do I do Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    See I don't get the first part, but I'm very good at reading facial expressions and tones etc. I can pick up on others feelings very easily. I just don't get why people are offended by harmless things, like piercings for example

    Yeah, I have, and she's apparently spoken to the other girl but she's still doing it
    One (or rather, several) steps ahead of me then. I took an online social intelligence test, and it basically told me I was autistic.

    Since this girl seems to be impeding your ability to work, I'd say bring it up with your boss again and try to get a more definitive type of warning. There must be something in the company policy or rules that she's breaking, can you get her fired?
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    (Original post by Another)
    One (or rather, several) steps ahead of me then. I took an online social intelligence test, and it basically told me I was autistic.

    Since this girl seems to be impeding your ability to work, I'd say bring it up with your boss again and try to get a more definitive type of warning. There must be something in the company policy or rules that she's breaking, can you get her fired?
    I've done those and I usually score quite highly on them, I think it's literally just this one area I have issues with. Because I just don't get it. I even read the link someone sent me and it just sounds like excuses for being nasty

    It's proving it. She's very sneaky and tries to blame it on me, so it's hard to get anything done. But I will speak about it again
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    (Original post by ElChapo)
    Sounds a lot like a Tyrion Lannister thread

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Quite Hound.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've done those and I usually score quite highly on them, I think it's literally just this one area I have issues with. Because I just don't get it. I even read the link someone sent me and it just sounds like excuses for being nasty

    It's proving it. She's very sneaky and tries to blame it on me, so it's hard to get anything done. But I will speak about it again
    Does being jealous of you help her to get more expensive goods? No. Does making nasty remarks get her a new bag? No. Some people, I swear :lol:

    Okay. That's tricky... and this is why I hate the environment of the work place.

    Sorry if you've answered this before, but what exactly does she blame you of doing? There must be a way to definitively claim that what she says is wrong (e.g, say she accuses you of breaking the coffee machine, you can just say that you don't drink coffee so there's no reason for you to even touch it)
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    (Original post by Another)
    Does being jealous of you help her to get more expensive goods? No. Does making nasty remarks get her a new bag? No. Some people, I swear :lol:

    Okay. That's tricky... and this is why I hate the environment of the work place.

    Sorry if you've answered this before, but what exactly does she blame you of doing? There must be a way to definitively claim that what she says is wrong (e.g, say she accuses you of breaking the coffee machine, you can just say that you don't drink coffee so there's no reason for you to even touch it)
    That's what I don't get! Being a ***** to someone won't get you what you want. Making someone feel **** won't make you more confident.

    She says

    - I'm always on my phone at work (untrue, I'm not)

    - Rude to her and speak down my nose to her (I don't)

    - I'm always in the staffroom instead of on the floor. Now this one is weird, because I get migraines and so often go into the staffroom when it's quiet for a glass of water so as to not get dehydrated. Everyone is aware I get migraines and my manager has okayed this. So not sure what her problem is

    - I told another girl she was a ***** (I didn't. The other girl was upset because she made a mistake and Sam shouted at her and said she didn't feel comfortable, so I said "She doesn't like me either. If you're stuck on anything again, come and find me if you don't want to ask Sam for help")

    - I don't help her out with the jobs (again a flat out lie. I'm not as good at them as her, but I do help)

    - I don't make any effort to try and get along with them. Again bull****. We just don't have much in common.
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    I've always found that it's usually women that cause issues in the workplace. I started working at a care home last year to earn some money for uni. Out of the 20 staff, there was only one other guy (who was the manager). Without trying to sound arrogant I'm a relatively good looking guy and I had a bit of attention from the women in their 20's who worked there. After about a week I overheard some of the older women talking about how much of a 'poser' I was and that the only reason I was working in that industry was to look good and get girls in bed. A few days later one of the older women filed a complaint making up some BS that I had slept with one of my colleagues on company property which was just a massive lie as I wasn't even working on the day she claimed I did it. She ended up getting the sack.

    Then there was a massive divide between the older and younger girls. They wouldn't talk to each other because the younger girls all knew that it was a lie and the older ones thought that I had got her sacked and the other girls were taking my side.

    After a month I was pushed out of my job and transferred to another care home because the manager thought it would be a better environment for me. In the other home there were more guys there and it was just a much healthier environment, banter was chucked around a bit, everyone worked harder, it was better run and the residents were far happier.

    To summarise, some women like to ***** and cause agro. Guys are generally better to get along with IMO. If I've ever been given grief in the workplace, it's been from a woman.
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    (Original post by Michael!)
    I've always found that it's usually women that cause issues in the workplace. I started working at a care home last year to earn some money for uni. Out of the 20 staff, there was only one other guy (who was the manager). Without trying to sound arrogant I'm a relatively good looking guy and I had a bit of attention from the women in their 20's who worked there. After about a week I overheard some of the older women talking about how much of a 'poser' I was and that the only reason I was working in that industry was to look good and get girls in bed. A few days later one of the older women filed a complaint making up some BS that I had slept with one of my colleagues on company property which was just a massive lie as I wasn't even working on the day she claimed I did it. She ended up getting the sack.

    Then there was a massive divide between the older and younger girls. They wouldn't talk to each other because the younger girls all knew that it was a lie and the older ones thought that I had got her sacked and the other girls were taking my side.

    After a month I was pushed out of my job and transferred to another care home because the manager thought it would be a better environment for me. In the other home there were more guys there and it was just a much healthier environment, banter was chucked around a bit, everyone worked harder, it was better run and the residents were far happier.

    To summarise, some women like to ***** and cause agro. Guys are generally better to get along with IMO. If I've ever been given grief in the workplace, it's been from a woman.
    Yeah I find guys easier to work with too. I hate groups of women.
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    unfortunately a job like the bins is always going to be bottom of the pile and whether or not your phobia is a genuine excuse other people will just see you getting out of a job they don't want to do either...I would buy some latex gloves and hand sanitizer and just wash your hands extra well afterwards, you say it's 'teamwork' and people do each other favours but you want it all on your terms and unfortunately you need to be on good terms with your coworkers for things like that to work!

    as for buying them things and offering to take them shopping if they think you're spoilt and rich and a 'princess' you're just consolidating that impression by trying to buy their friendship, I'm sure you mean it with the best intentions but they will see you rubbing your wealth in their face and trying to buy them

    to be honest women are *****y and there probably isn't much you can do but if you want to keep working there then I'd advise going to speak to this girl and telling her you're sorry you got off on the wrong foot and you're going to start pulling your weight more and it would be nice if you could all get on and then keep your mouth shut about any funny comments and be nice and see if things improve...if not make a complaint about her behaviour
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Step 1: Join a trade union (cliquey friends don't stand up well to professional legal advice)
    Step 2: Speak to your manager about it
    Step 3: your manager has to sort it out but you can't be sacked
    I thought you could be sacked? I'm having a similar problem at work and called acas for advice as they're trying to transfer me to a lower paid + worse role and they essentially said to shut up and take it as you have no employment rights til you've been working somewhere 2 years so they could sack me
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    Next time she starts being a **** over "how can you afford this"...
    Just say "wanna know the secret?" ... then whisper "I get paid more than you." smile then walk away.

    That'll eat her up inside because she'll think it's true.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    I thought you could be sacked? I'm having a similar problem at work and called acas for advice as they're trying to transfer me to a lower paid + worse role and they essentially said to shut up and take it as you have no employment rights til you've been working somewhere 2 years so they could sack me
    You can't be sacked because of untrue allegations. You can be sacked if you do something sackable and they take it to court and win.

    Well if you only join a union once the problems start often there's nothing they can do. Usually though you only have no rights in the probation period but once that is over you should have a case. Its different between each union though.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    You can't be sacked because of untrue allegations. You can be sacked if you do something sackable and they take it to court and win.

    Well if you only join a union once the problems start often there's nothing they can do. Usually though you only have no rights in the probation period but once that is over you should have a case. Its different between each union though.
    https://www.gov.uk/dismissal/what-to...oure-dismissed

    on this is says you only have a right to claim unfair dismissal after 2 years of service which I think is what acas was referring to

    Im not a union member as my employer refuses to recognise unions or interact with them
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She did say that.

    Me have empathy?! To someone who's essentially mocked my phobia and treated my like **** because I happen to come from a wealthy background? Sorry, what? I've tried to be nice to her. What should I empathise with? She has no reason to dislike me. Jealousy is a horrible trait.

    Sharing it was ****ty how? :confused:

    I have had treatment like this from others in the workplace and in college. I have an obscene amount of clothes (given to me by relatives who have much more money than my parents) and a great interest in fashion. I always like to change my look and wear things that stand out, NOT with any intention of showing off. But that was how it was PERCEIVED and I unwittingly turned half of my year against me lol.

    Would I change myself and my activity solely for the sake of others? No. That would be betraying myself. BUT to offer to spend money on someone who feels insecure and intimidated about the possessions of a colleague is NOT smart. Have some sensitivity. There has to be some balance.

    As for anyone dismissing your anxiety as "nothing" unfortunately people are just ignorant. I can't help but think that if it were one of her 'cliquey' friends who had the issue she would not make a mountain of it. More ammunition against you I would say. Just continue to try and show that you are enthusiastic and conscientious but also use your head. Be understanding and forgiving of these people and their complexes. You may have to tone it down just to get by. Decide how important it is that you stay and progress in this role and do what you need to do for yourself. At the end of the day, we have to make sacrifices and be aware of the psychology of others.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    https://www.gov.uk/dismissal/what-to...oure-dismissed

    on this is says you only have a right to claim unfair dismissal after 2 years of service which I think is what acas was referring to

    Im not a union member as my employer refuses to recognise unions or interact with them
    All that it means if they refuse to recognise unions is that a union has to represent each member individually rather than using collective bargaining. They can still offer advice and represent you legally.
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    (Original post by ArtGoblin)
    She seems like she lacks empathy too. It's not nice to be treated badly in a new place, and if she had a hard time when she first came she should have understood. However, she's told you why she dislikes you and you still can't understand. Jealously might not be nice, but we all experience it, right? You seem to have everything she wants; expensive clothes, make-up, confidence, a good relationship with the boss etc. Again, I'll stress that this doesn't excuse her behaviour but you might get on better in life if you try to understand things from the other side.

    From where I'm standing, there have been plenty of reasons for her to take a dislike to you but you're refusing to think about that. That you bought her stuff shows that you don't understand her; you probably think it was a nice thing to do, but when someone dislikes you because they perceive you as a show-off, you don't go and flaunt your money in front of them!

    I know that people are like "you shouldn't have to change who you are" etc etc. but in some situations you've got to compromise to get along with people. In work you're going to have to work with lots of different people and it's best for everyone if we change a little from who were are outside of work. I would say that very expensive bags are inappropriate for most jobs.
    I'm surprised at your victim blaming stance on this tbh. Usually I agree with you but I feel you are way off the mark. Let's turn it on its head, the person the OP doesn't get on with is male and instead of bullying her they are sexually harassing her. Would you recommend she cover up as you can see why he might be attracted to her? That she should compromise and get along with him? Tone down the makeup and not wear expensive shoes?
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    (Original post by redferry)
    I'm surprised at your victim blaming stance on this tbh. Usually I agree with you but I feel you are way off the mark. Let's turn it on its head, the person the OP doesn't get on with is male and instead of bullying her they are sexually harassing her. Would you recommend she cover up as you can see why he might be attracted to her? That she should compromise and get along with him? Tone down the makeup and not wear expensive shoes?
    I agree with you about how the OP dresses is down to the OP, she shouldn't be made to change. But she has to know the message it sends by giving someone a gift like that.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    I agree with you about how the OP dresses is down to the OP, she shouldn't be made to change. But she has to know the message it sends by giving someone a gift like that.
    Sometimes people can be a bit insensitive and stupid. In no way does it warrant this persons behaviour whatsoever.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Sometimes people can be a bit insensitive and stupid. In no way does it warrant this persons behaviour whatsoever.
    Oh I completely agree with you. But the OP seemed to not accept that what she did won't come across well. It sounds like the OP is having a rough time of it and I hope the situation is resolved.

    I think the OP needs to phrase things as: When you do X is makes me feel Y. Etc.
    And ask if there are any specific behaviours that make the recipient feel negative emotions etc.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Oh I completely agree with you. But the OP seemed to not accept that what she did won't come across well. It sounds like the OP is having a rough time of it and I hope the situation is resolved.

    I think the OP needs to phrase things as: When you do X is makes me feel Y. Etc.
    And ask if there are any specific behaviours that make the recipient feel negative emotions etc.
    Maybe. Personally I would fond it difficult to engage with this woman in any way and would probably cease talking to her/going near her unless 100% necessary. Its the only tactic that's ever worked for me.
 
 
 
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