Being told to smile or "cheer up luv" on the street by men

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I find it disgusting when anyone does this. What gives someone the right to comment on my appearance when they don't even know me.

I find it strange why they're even talking to me in the first place, then again I'm a guy from an area where even looking at someone wrong would get you stabbed.

Reply 121

DeadGirlsDance

Original post by LTG

Would you rather them worship the ground you walk on?

Stop being a miserable cow and cheer up luv

No obviously not. I don't think it's too much to ask to just be ignored by other people in the street. I've never felt like saying something to a stranger.

Reply 122

DeadGirlsDance

Original post by pocahontas lol

First off: I don't like your use of the word "chav." I am very much in love with a man who was called that when he was young. It's not funny, or cute. Do as you please but so will I addressing it.

Anywho: yes, I always get this. It is actually the nicest thing a random guy you don't know or aren't interested in can say. I've got:

"Come on, smile baby." And his friend said, "Nah, we just gotta MAKE her smile." I'm like :lolwut:

but I ignore them and just keep walking. Nothing good can come of responding. But it's better than the other **** I've been told by strange men :laugh:

Ok, well they are always chavs and I can call these people what I like. You don't get angry at me calling people scummy though? It wasn't meant to be funny or cute :lol:

it's an offensive way to describe someone doing something that I find very irritating. You don't have to get mad at me because your boyfriend is a chav :colonhash:

I think the only good that comes from responding is making me feel a little less annoyed :lol:

. But they probably do want the response.

Reply 123

DeadGirlsDance

Original post by Binary Freak

Cheer up luv.

Lol!

Original post by Crabbages

I'm a guy and I used to get this all the time when I was a bit younger, not so much now but it still happens once every so often. Both men and women say it. I was once told to cheer up by a guy with one leg, which was mildly amusing I guess considering the circumstances.

A lot of people say that this is a form of objectification or misogyny or whatever, really it isn't. It's much, much simpler than that.

The vast majority of the time, the people who say this to strangers just think that they are being friendly. That's all. There's nothing sinister about it, it doesn't come from any kind of internalised prejudice, it's just people being a bit daft and not realising that what they're doing might be a bit annoying, especially if the person they say it to is actually in a bad mood.

Yeah it's a minor annoyance but at the end of the day it's harmless. It's just a case of people talking before thinking, which you can't stop people from doing. I've heard much worse from strangers than 'cheer up'.

Haha the guy with one leg would actually make me smile. Not someone walking along with a can of Stella in their hand.

Yeah I didn't think it was misogyny or anything like that :lol:

. And it's been proved by how many men on here have it happen to them as well.

I just hope one day people will realise how annoying it is :moon:

but I doubt it.

Reply 124

Antifazian

Original post by Birkenhead

This is absolutely ridiculous. Get over yourself and your victim complex; it is not an issue of misogyny, as a plenty of male input in this thread demonstrates.

Seeing as it happens far more frequently to women by men than the other way around, that would indeed suggest that gender is a factor. It's not ridiculous at all, it's for the same reason that women get groped so much on nights out by men, to the point where it's 'normal practice' - they see women as public property, not a human being to be respected. This of course happens the other way around, but again, the prevalence is not comparable to that at which it happens to women. That's no coincidence.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 125

Cll_ws

Original post by Antifazian

It's not 'normal practice' for the average guy trust me. And any guy caught doing that would almost certainly be kicked out, In fact, I'm pretty sure a bouncer would take a girls word for it whether the guy was seen or not.

For what it's worth (And I'm not claiming that it happens equally as often), I've been groped by weird women on nights out in the past. The difference being that I'm not allowed to get offended over it. I wouldn't have a case if I went to a bouncer to complain.

I'm also often told to "smile" or "cheer up", especially when I'm working, usually by women. I'm also called 'love', 'darling', 'hun', you name it. That's never bothered me. When it comes to issues of sexism, the whole "cheer up" thing is really scraping the bottom of the barrel.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 126

blossomx

It always happens when you're alone as well. Always gross middle aged men whilst I'm down an underpass or something. It's disgusting and scary and I feel like most men wouldn't understand why it's so inappropriate. Walking alone you're always on guard for being attacked - mobile phone up your sleeve, walking quickly through an underpass, picking routes which go along main roads rather than through woods and stuff, thinking about how you could use your school bag containing your heavy biology textbook to defend yourself, etc.
When you're in that frame of mind you don't want to be noticed by any men, so their comments make you realise that they see you and they don't respect you.

I haven't really had this from younger men though. Like I've been on a train carriage by myself filled with young (18-25 ish) drunk football fans coming home from a match and had more respect.

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Reply 127

Viceroy

Enough women say that being addressed by strangers on the street bothers them that guys should really just shut up and stop making excuses -- "it's a compliment!" etc. -- and just be respectful and stop. Not that hard, really. If they don't stop doing this, they clearly don't care about women's feelings and just want to do whatever they want to do.

Reply 128

chukster97

bet you wouldnt be saying that if he was attractive and looking at ur dp, your showing unnecessary cleavage

Reply 129

lmontgomery231

I was at the bus station once waiting for my bus (obviously) and a woman walked up and said 'are you ok?' and I replied 'yes, I'm fine' and then she continually pestered me asking me if I had been crying and if I 'wanted to talk about it'.

No, I'm completely fine, I apologise for not sitting with a huge smile on my face in the cold weather at a dingy bus depot, or even if I had been upset, why would I want to talk to a stranger about it?

I know its maybe not a bad thing to ask someone if they're upset but I think after their first reply, it's just rude to continually question them! Similarly with your situation, if these people wanted you to smile more or intended to 'cheer you up' surely there are more polite ways of doing so?

Reply 130

lmontgomery231

Original post by chukster97

bet you wouldnt be saying that if he was attractive and looking at ur dp, your showing unnecessary cleavage

What does her dp have to do with strangers pestering her with annoying and quite rude comments? Wise up.

Reply 131

Antifazian

Original post by Cll_ws

You're so wrong - bouncers usually don't even react to this stuff. I have complained to them about it before and have been ignored. One guy stuck his hand down my trousers, they didn't care. You're shrugged off as being over sensitive, it's 'just a bit of fun' even though it makes you feel disgusting.

The things is, when a man gropes a woman vs a woman groping a man, there is a huge power differential there - that man has the power to physically overwhelm me, whereas the woman probably doesn't have the same power over you. Did you genuinely find her threatening? Because I always find these men threatening, men always have that power to intimidate women in a way that women usually don't have over men. That's why they do grope them so much in the first place, they know they have the power to do it, and there's little the woman can do about it. They feel entitled to do it.

I have been approached by men on my walk home from work in the early hours of the morning, who don't seem to realise how absolutely terrifying that is, because they are likely to be so much stronger than me, and we both know it. Me approaching them would not have the same impact on them at all. How often do we tell men to be careful walking alone by themselves at night vs. women?

I would bet money that if we recorded all instances of this 'cheer up' thing, the overwhelming majority would be a man saying it to a woman. Would you disagree? If not, how would you explain the difference?

Reply 132

DeadGirlsDance

Original post by chukster97

bet you wouldnt be saying that if he was attractive and looking at ur dp, your showing unnecessary cleavage

You sound bitter. Who hurt you bby? :console:

Lol why does my picture matter? :lol:

It wasn't unnecessary when I took it :moon:

. I guess I should start wearing turtlenecks and trousers because I've been showing unnecessary skin like cleavage or my...legs for too long now :puke:

I'm so disappointed in myself

Reply 133

xoxAngel_Kxox

Once, someone said to me "cheer up, it might never happen" so I stopped and told them exactly what had happened. I bet the poor guy has never said it to anyone else since!!

Reply 134

yo radical one

Women say it to me, usually middle aged :curious:

At sixth form I got it a lot too from teachers; it is my natural face

Reply 135

gemmam

Original post by Emily.97

Yes. I find it really insensitive.. What if you had just lost a loved one or had experienced a break up? They have no right to ultimately tell you how you should or shouldn't be feeling. I find it patronising too.

My friend told me this happened to her sister the day their mum died.

To answer the OP yes I've had it happen to me quite a lot, never had a woman say it to me. I just asked my boyfriend and he's said he's had it a couple of times too, again only by men. I agree its annoying. My neutral expression looks moody so I also often have people ask me what's wrong when I'm feeling perfectly fine or my grandmother telling me I'd be prettier if I smiled more.

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(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 136

scrotgrot

I don't really understand why men say this :s-smilie:

what is the thought process?

Reply 137

Birkenhead

Original post by Antifazian

Complete and utter balls. Where is your evidence that this happens more to women than to men, for starters?

Reply 138

Tom78

It was a problem whilst working in retail but I genuinely was hungover most of the time.

Reply 139

username1258398

If someone younger than me was looking seriously depressed on the Tube I might ask them if they were all right; probably wouldn't do it to girls, though, or on the street.