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    Until I was about 24 I was pretty adamantly against marriage - I'm a staunch atheist, and couldn't imagine a wedding being particularly fun in a registry office (I now know there are alternatives) and both my parents have been through several marriages.

    At 24 I got engaged, though. My partner and I had just discussed it quite a lot for a few months, and wanted to make some kind of 'next step'. We mainly liked the idea of wearing rings to signify our relationship (men can and do wear engagement rings here). I like the look of the legal protections offered as well. Less hassle than constantly thinking about wills and directives re. medical treatment/information and who's got how much of the joint money in their personal bank account and so on.

    I don't know when we'll actually get married, we're not in any rush and haven't decided (/negotiated ) how big or small it's going to be. I'm going to be a student for the next six years so we won't have a lot of money to put into it even if we save up, unless we wait until after I've graduated and started full-time work.

    Re. the name - I think I'll be taking (part of) his name, but only because my name is my stepdad's and I have no great wish to hold on to it as part of my identity, and my partner's name is native to where we live (and thus a. sounds kind of cool and b. raises less eyebrows).
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    If it happens it happens. If it doesn't it doesn't. In don;t plan these things.

    I'm not really that fussed about it to be honest. I donlt need it in order to spend my life iwth someone (if I ever want to do that), but I would be willing to do it if the other half was bothered about it.
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    We don't know anything for definite, however we can plan for the future.

    I do plan on getting married though, it's something I really look forward to.


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    I always thought I would want to growing up but now, at 23, I am certain I won't. I have seen too many divorces, too much tragedy, too much wasted life and too much heartbreak to ever go near marriage, not to mention I'm an atheist. To be honest, I don't even want to go near a serious relationship again; I don't think it's healthy to be dependent on another person for your happiness, and if ill-health or a freak accident or infidelity or falling out of love occurs then you will just be miserable for the rest of your life, especially if you have children, etc. Marriage also often makes people sacrifice achieving things that they otherwise would and reaching their full potential. The most influential people in history are often lonely people.
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    I'd like too. Not any time soon though.
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    6 years? Med student?
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    (Original post by macromicro)
    . Marriage also often makes people sacrifice achieving things that they otherwise would and reaching their full potential. The most influential people in history are often lonely people.
    This is the biggest pile of crap I've ever heard. No one is to blame for holding someone back but themselves - married or single. In a loving, supportive marriage/relationship your partner would help you achieve your goals and desires because your happiness is their happiness too. If it weren't for my partner being so encouraging and giving me confidence I may not be doing my masters with the aim of doing a PhD.

    If you mean 'sacrifices' like children, mortgages etc. then these things are not unique to marriage and can affect anyone. And even so given the person they should not hinder your goals anyway xx


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    I'd like to get married someday, however not any time soon. Maybe after 6-7 years.


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    (Original post by HotCoco.)
    This is the biggest pile of crap I've ever heard. No one is to blame for holding someone back but themselves - married or single. In a loving, supportive marriage/relationship your partner would help you achieve your goals and desires because your happiness is their happiness too. If it weren't for my partner being so encouraging and giving me confidence I may not be doing my masters with the aim of doing a PhD.

    If you mean 'sacrifices' like children, mortgages etc. then these things are not unique to marriage and can affect anyone. And even so given the person they should not hinder your goals anyway xx
    No, what I said is very true actually. A lot of people give up their passions for their wife and children because they need an income and need to support a family. The logistics of the married life are difficult, such as moving locations to be close; the amount of time it takes up to share your life with someone; the financial burden of a family, etc. When you are on your own with minimal responsibilities then achieving things of a scale that will leave your mark on history are more accomplishable.
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    (Original post by macromicro)
    No, what I said is very true actually. A lot of people give up their passions for their wife and children because they need an income and need to support a family. The logistics of the married life are difficult, such as moving locations to be close; the amount of time it takes up to share your life with someone; the financial burden of a family, etc. When you are on your own with minimal responsibilities then achieving things of a scale that will leave your mark on history are more accomplishable.
    I highly doubt the majority of everyday people, single or married, ever become such that they "leave their mark on history". If you want to become the next Gandhi then that is all well and good but most people don't accomplish this irrespective of marital status.

    So I'm going to refer back to more realistic, but still admirable aspirations and assume this is what you meant - like peaking in one's career, becoming CEO, travelling the world, humanitarian work, writing dozens of books, etc. I assume this is what you meant realistically by "putting one's mark" on the world.

    The above are still achievable even when married. You come at it from the perspective that marriage, spouses and children are negative things as a whole and are therefore burdens. But human beings crave social interaction, to be loved and love back. Love and socialising are positive, desirable things that people aspire to attain just as much as achieving other things in life. And yes one can do that anyhow when simply dating and single or spending time with family but marriage provides another realm in which one can enjoy these things too.

    And yes it can has its bad points sometimes, but what doesn't! There are highs and lows in everything that we do or want to do but if for the most part it's good then it's not reasonable to then drop it.


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    (Original post by HotCoco.)
    I highly doubt the majority of everyday people, single or married, ever become such that they "leave their mark on history". If you want to become the next Gandhi then that is all well and good but most people don't accomplish this irrespective of marital status.
    I know, I'm saying you have a better chance if you are single. And not just because of the time and financial constraints of being married and having a family, but also because people will convince themselves that they are happy and that they don't want to achieve more - they feel comfortable. That's what sets you up for a mid-life crisis.

    (Original post by HotCoco.)
    So I'm going to refer back to more realistic, but still admirable aspirations and assume this is what you meant - like peaking in one's career, becoming CEO, travelling the world, humanitarian work, writing dozens of books, etc. I assume this is what you meant realistically by "putting one's mark" on the world.

    The above are still achievable even when married. You come at it from the perspective that marriage, spouses and children are negative things as a whole and are therefore burdens. But human beings crave social interaction, to be loved and love back. Love and socialising are positive, desirable things that people aspire to attain just as much as achieving other things in life. And yes one can do that anyhow when simply dating and single or spending time with family but marriage provides another realm in which one can enjoy these things too.
    More the latter examples you mentioned rather than the former. Peaking in one's career is unlikely to be influential on society but it depends on the career of course, same with being a CEO and travelling the world. Please don't make the mistake of interpreting my ambition to pursue my interests at the cost of all else in order to leave something behind for society as my being self-righteous or arrogant. This is something that people often do, though I appreciate that you haven't yet. I'm not saying it's worse to, say, work in a graduate scheme and progress in a career like consultancy, marry someone you meet at work, get a mortgage, have kids, etc. That's a good life. But I think often people have aspirations that are more than just financial and familial success but these get lost on the way, and often this can come crashing down at a later stage, i.e. mid-life crisis, divorce, unfulfillment.

    I agree, love and security are positive goals worth aspiring to. I would be blind not to see how love completely dominates society, and I think that is good. However, I also think it causes a dilution of your goals and a lowering of your odds in succeeding in your passions, unless they are lucrative and practical. For this reason I think marriage and a family should be delayed as late as possible, at least until 30, preferably 35-40, optimally forever. This gives you one or two decades to focus entirely on your fundamental interests and on leaving a positive mark on society. I think marriage is a burden before that time and often is more harmful than beneficial. People become so obsessed and wrapped up in the idea of love and marriage and children that it becomes their only goal or their priority, and I think that is a shame and can be a waste. It's so easy to fall into that life of work and family where the former funds the latter and everything is just a means to its own end. I was in that life and it's why I quit my graduate scheme and left my ex-girlfriend who was moving too fast. The turning point for me was realising that part of me was starting to succumb to that life - my desire and motivation for my real interests was starting to fade because every second of my time was spent in a high-pressure job and maintaining a healthy relationship. That was a wake up call.

    (Original post by HotCoco.)
    And yes it can has its bad points sometimes, but what doesn't! There are highs and lows in everything that we do or want to do but if for the most part it's good then it's not reasonable to then drop it.
    But some things have lower lows than others, and marriage is one of them unfortunately.
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    I've always wanted to get married and have a family more than anything.
    I'm also at the age where some of my friends are getting married and I'm even going to be a bridesmaid in the next year.
    I have found a perfect man that I get on ridiculously well with but I would like to live with him first. Definitely would like to get married while I'm in my late 20s. 24 at the moment
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    dont know why but it irritates me when people spin stories about how they didn't want to get engaged until they fell in love and found "their man", telling others who say they dont want to get married will change their mind, because it happened to them. (add annoying winky face )
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    (Original post by ilex_noemi)
    I've always wanted to get married and have a family more than anything.
    I'm also at the age where some of my friends are getting married and I'm even going to be a bridesmaid in the next year.
    I have found a perfect man that I get on ridiculously well with but I would like to live with him first. Definitely would like to get married while I'm in my late 20s. 24 at the moment
    sounds like you have a wonderful life.
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    (Original post by ilem)
    I am planning not to marry. No point unless both religious.
    your a smart man
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    (Original post by Multitalented me)
    Honestly, I'm not particularly too fond of marriage.
    Saying no to marriage makes you quite intelligent.
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    (Original post by ubi1)
    Saying no to marriage makes you quite intelligent.
    Haha, saying that my parents will probs still try & get me an arranged one lol :lol:
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    No. I honestly don't expect to find somebody to 'spend the rest of my life with', but if I do, I wouldn't marry. I just don't find any reasons to do so. Why sign a piece of paper? I'd definitely throw a huge party though. And by huge I mean a marathon of Friends or something.
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    (Original post by Queen Cersei)
    I find it worrying too, more so the older I get! I've had a bf change in the past so I know what that is like but I think it is much less likely as you get older and more set in who you are.

    My main fear is just the longevity of it, trusting that someone won't cheat on you over all those years or that you won't just both be dying from boredom!
    I completely agree.the idea of spending the rest of your life(unless you divorce) is really scary
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    I would like to get married but I also like my own space and wouldn't like to have some woman nagging me and telling me what to do.
 
 
 
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