The Life of Leviathan – Depression, Bullying, Fatigue and Other Obstacles Watch

Leviathan1741
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#121
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#121
(Original post by FireFreezer77)
Indeed, that's very true! I can relate to that!
It can just spiral out of control one day out of no where!

I look forward to reading the further instalments in your mini series!
It's very interesting to hear! And very brave of you to open up!

No worries :jumphug:
There are 2/3 chapters left for me to upload, then I will be talking about something slightly different, but still related!
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FrenchUnicorn
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#122
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#122
Leviathan1741 I still think you're very brave to share that because that's very detailed and seemed so personal .. Mental health issues can really destroy a life ;( :console:
I'm very sorry for what happened to your dad, that's terrible. And I'm glad they finally took his issues seriously by coming home twice a day and stuff.
Idk what will happen next time but I truly hope that story has a happy ending :heart:

:hugs:
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||TheUnknown||
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#123
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Leviathan1741 I read through blog just now.

You have been so strong despite so many obstacles, and I really admire you for that! Definitely would like to be tagged in future posts! :yep:
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Leviathan1741
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#124
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#124
(Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
Leviathan1741 I still think you're very brave to share that because that's very detailed and seemed so personal .. Mental health issues can really destroy a life ;( :console:
I'm very sorry for what happened to your dad, that's terrible. And I'm glad they finally took his issues seriously by coming home twice a day and stuff.
Idk what will happen next time but I truly hope that story has a happy ending :heart:

:hugs:
Thank you FrenchUnicorn!

These 'chapters' are actually parts of the 'diary' I kept if you like, where I wrote down what was happening as time went on. I've edited them a bit for this blog, but all the detail is still there! There are 2 or 3 chapters still to come
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FrenchUnicorn
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#125
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#125
(Original post by Leviathan1741)
Thank you FrenchUnicorn!

These 'chapters' are actually parts of the 'diary' I kept if you like, where I wrote down what was happening as time went on. I've edited them a bit for this blog, but all the detail is still there! There are 2 or 3 chapters still to come
Having a diary is really cool, it helps so much to "talk" about things, and no one can judge. :yep:

Looking forward to read these chapters
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Leviathan1741
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#126
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#126
(Original post by ||TheUnknown||)
Leviathan1741 I read through blog just now.

You have been so strong despite so many obstacles, and I really admire you for that! Definitely would like to be tagged in future posts! :yep:
Thank you so much ||TheUnknown||! I will definitely tag you in future posts!
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Matrix123
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#127
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#127
Leviathan1741 This is a such a fantastic blog! Did you save it as a thread in my inspirational society? If so, I'm glad you brought it to my attention. Your writing style is great and keeps the reader interested the whole way through. You're a really brave and strong person for being about to discuss these issues and occurrences in your posts. Please tag me in your future posts because I'd love to hear what happens next, and to learn more :hugs:
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Leviathan1741
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#128
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#128
(Original post by Matrix123)
Leviathan1741 This is a such a fantastic blog! Did you save it as a thread in my inspirational society? If so, I'm glad you brought it to my attention. Your writing style is great and keeps the reader interested the whole way through. You're a really brave and strong person for being about to discuss these issues and occurrences in your posts. Please tag me in your future posts because I'd love to hear what happens next, and to learn more :hugs:
Hi Matrix123! Yes I did, I hope you don't mind!

Thank you so much for your kind words, I will be sure to tag you in future posts! :hugs:
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Matrix123
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#129
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#129
(Original post by Leviathan1741)
Hi Matrix123! Yes I did, I hope you don't mind!

Thank you so much for your kind words, I will be sure to tag you in future posts! :hugs:
Ohh OK, no I don't mind at all! I'm very happy that you did, more than anything!
You're welcome. Yay, thanks! :woo:
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Leviathan1741
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#130
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4 – Relapse and Third Attempt

Good afternoon everyone! I hope you’re all doing okay! I'm uploading this post a day early as I will be busy tomorrow! Here is the next chapter of my series on my father’s mental illness. Again, this post does contain references to suicide, so please bear this in mind before reading.

Some months later, my father sat me down and questioned me after I came home from college one day. He asked me if my mother had asked me to keep anything from him, and whether I was sure she wasn’t planning anything against him. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to get out of me, so I just said no, and said that it was all in his head, and he replied with “you might be right”. But then he said something that really freaked me out: “it’s just that, I’ve been having some thoughts”. When I asked him what they were, he said “it’s hard to explain, I can’t really put them into words”, and then “this conversation should go no further. Do you promise not to tell anyone what I’ve said?” I promised, and then rushed upstairs to think about what he’d said to me. I was totally panicked at that point, because I had no idea what he’d been thinking or what he could be planning.

I sent an email to my best friend, asking her what I should do. She advised me to tell my mother as soon as possible. I was hesitant to, because if he found out I’d told her then I knew I’d lose his trust forever and that might push him over the edge once again. Despite that thought, later on I told her what he had said. She said that she was glad I’d told her, and that it confirmed her suspicions that his illness was becoming much worse.

On 12th December 2013, my father overdosed for the third time. That morning he’d come downstairs earlier than usual, before I’d left the house, and said goodbye to me. But it wasn’t a normal goodbye, he seemed a bit distant and emotional, and I suspected that he was planning something, since he never got up until I’d left the house. I tried not to overthink it, but went to college wondering, would he do it?

On Thursdays I usually went home at around 11.30am and returned to college for another lesson at 2:45pm. It was a difficult decision to make, but I decided to stay in college, partly because I wanted to finish my ICT coursework, but mainly to avoid going home and potentially finding him dying or dead. While I was at college that day, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Deep down, I knew that was the day he’d try again.

Sure enough, when I went home that evening, my mother informed me that yes; he had attempted suicide again and was in A&E recovering. This time, he left a suicide note, something he hadn’t done before. I read the note, but only got about halfway through before my vision became too blurry with tears to read any more of it. The first line read “I am innocent and have done nothing wrong”, and a bit later on it said “I can’t go on living like this, being constantly hounded for something when I am not even sure what it is”, which clearly proved that he was suffering from paranoia.

The final chapter will be up next Monday! Thank you for reading, as always!
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Matrix123
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#131
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#131
(Original post by Leviathan1741)
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That was so emotional! I'm sorry to hear about this but I trust it's made you a stronger person. Another well written post - can't wait for Monday
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Leviathan1741
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#132
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#132
(Original post by Matrix123)
That was so emotional! I'm sorry to hear about this but I trust it's made you a stronger person. Another well written post - can't wait for Monday
I suppose it has! It's definitely shown me that I can cope with more than I think I can
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Zargabaath
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#133
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#133
(Original post by Leviathan1741)
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I never know how to reply to these, other then saying how well written and insightful they are :yep:
Again, thanks for sharing
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Leviathan1741
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#134
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#134
(Original post by Zargabaath)
I never know how to reply to these, other then saying how well written and insightful they are :yep:
Again, thanks for sharing
Haha it's okay! I love that you reply at all!
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Matrix123
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#135
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#135
(Original post by Leviathan1741)
I suppose it has! It's definitely shown me that I can cope with more than I think I can
That's great to hear! :yep:

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FrenchUnicorn
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#136
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#136
Leviathan1741 that was so heartbreaking :cry2: it's terrible to see that because of your dad's MH you can't even act like a normal person anymore with him. But life is life, and you seem pretty mature , well done on you for being so strong :hugs:
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Leviathan1741
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#137
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#137
(Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
Leviathan1741 that was so heartbreaking :cry2: it's terrible to see that because of your dad's MH you can't even act like a normal person anymore with him. But life is life, and you seem pretty mature , well done on you for being so strong :hugs:
Thank you FrenchUnicorn! We've got one more chapter to go :hugs:
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FrenchUnicorn
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#138
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#138
(Original post by Leviathan1741)
Thank you FrenchUnicorn! We've got one more chapter to go :hugs:
Can't wait to read it
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Leviathan1741
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#139
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5 – The Aftermath and Current Situation

Hello everybody! The last chapter of my father’s mental illness series is finally here! This one will be longer than my previous posts – I just didn’t want this series to drag on for too long! I hope you don’t mind!

My father remained in hospital until mid-January, where he was discharged and moved in with my grandfather temporarily until we could decide what to do next. After a few weeks we decided that the best plan would be for him to move into a little house of his own, since living at home with me and my mother was highly likely to be fuelling his paranoia, plus the stress of having to look after him was beginning to make my grandfather ill.

One day in April when my mother went to visit him at my grandfather’s house, my father asked for a divorce. The news spread through the family, and we all agreed that it was probably for the best. Then, a couple of days later, my father checked himself back into Stonebow.

On Monday 19th May I went to visit my father in his room in Stonebow. He looked incredibly tired, and revealed that once again, he hadn’t been sleeping properly. My mother and I sat down on his bed, and he sat down on a chair opposite us. Our conversation was awkward, and it was clear that he still felt anxious being around her. After an hour or so, we wrapped up the visit and I promised to visit every Monday evening. We said our goodbyes and left the Stonebow unit.

I never did go back to Stonebow after that visit, though. My father somehow got permission to leave Stonebow to go out for certain periods of time, provided that there was at least one person accompanying him. We agreed that he could visit us on Wednesday’s and Sundays, and this arrangement continued until he moved into his new house.

On 25th July 2014, my father was finally able to move into his new house. He was very apprehensive about the move, and I could tell that his paranoia was increasing in the days leading up to it. Eventually, the owner of the house agreed to hand over the keys to the house, and my father and his sister got permission to start moving his possessions into the house.

The next day, my father turned up at our house at around 10.30am. After some negotiation, he and my mother agreed on a few more things that he could take with him, and he left to go back to his new house. My mother told him that she wasn’t going to visit him. She didn’t tell him why, but her thinking behind her decision was that if she didn’t visit the house, she couldn’t ‘taint’ it somehow and cause his paranoia to worsen further.

In December, my father started seeing a psychologist, which was a major breakthrough. It appears to have helped, and he doesn’t seem quite so agitated and is able to sleep better. Hopefully he will continue to do so, because it’s made a noticeable difference in terms of his mood.

The plan at the moment (March 2015) is that my mother and I will stay in this house, and that my father will either stay in his current house, or eventually move into a flat on the North side of the river, as he says he feels isolated on the South side. More recently (March 2016), dad stopped taking his medication, and became suicidal again. He also stopped trusting his brother and sister, so we’re at a loss about what to do.

Nothing significant has happened since then, but I will update this blog if anything does occur! I know I say it every time, but thank you guys so much for sticking with me and continuing to read and support my blog, it really means a lot to me! :hugs:

I’m not entirely sure where I’d like to go from here. I’m considering adding a post about my experience of losing my friends in college, which I’ll likely do. Additionally, I was also thinking about uploading accounts (2 posts per week maybe?) of the 2 major fieldwork trips I went on during sixth form, one to the Isle of Arran, and the other to the French Alps. Is that something you guys would be interested in? Please also let me know of any other ideas you might have!
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Blondie987
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#140
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#140
(Original post by Leviathan1741)
5 – The Aftermath and Current Situation

Hello everybody! The last chapter of my father’s mental illness series is finally here! This one will be longer than my previous posts – I just didn’t want this series to drag on for too long! I hope you don’t mind!

My father remained in hospital until mid-January, where he was discharged and moved in with my grandfather temporarily until we could decide what to do next. After a few weeks we decided that the best plan would be for him to move into a little house of his own, since living at home with me and my mother was highly likely to be fuelling his paranoia, plus the stress of having to look after him was beginning to make my grandfather ill.

One day in April when my mother went to visit him at my grandfather’s house, my father asked for a divorce. The news spread through the family, and we all agreed that it was probably for the best. Then, a couple of days later, my father checked himself back into Stonebow.

On Monday 19th May I went to visit my father in his room in Stonebow. He looked incredibly tired, and revealed that once again, he hadn’t been sleeping properly. My mother and I sat down on his bed, and he sat down on a chair opposite us. Our conversation was awkward, and it was clear that he still felt anxious being around her. After an hour or so, we wrapped up the visit and I promised to visit every Monday evening. We said our goodbyes and left the Stonebow unit.

I never did go back to Stonebow after that visit, though. My father somehow got permission to leave Stonebow to go out for certain periods of time, provided that there was at least one person accompanying him. We agreed that he could visit us on Wednesday’s and Sundays, and this arrangement continued until he moved into his new house.

On 25th July 2014, my father was finally able to move into his new house. He was very apprehensive about the move, and I could tell that his paranoia was increasing in the days leading up to it. Eventually, the owner of the house agreed to hand over the keys to the house, and my father and his sister got permission to start moving his possessions into the house.

The next day, my father turned up at our house at around 10.30am. After some negotiation, he and my mother agreed on a few more things that he could take with him, and he left to go back to his new house. My mother told him that she wasn’t going to visit him. She didn’t tell him why, but her thinking behind her decision was that if she didn’t visit the house, she couldn’t ‘taint’ it somehow and cause his paranoia to worsen further.

In December, my father started seeing a psychologist, which was a major breakthrough. It appears to have helped, and he doesn’t seem quite so agitated and is able to sleep better. Hopefully he will continue to do so, because it’s made a noticeable difference in terms of his mood.

The plan at the moment (March 2015) is that my mother and I will stay in this house, and that my father will either stay in his current house, or eventually move into a flat on the North side of the river, as he says he feels isolated on the South side. More recently (March 2016), dad stopped taking his medication, and became suicidal again. He also stopped trusting his brother and sister, so we’re at a loss about what to do.

Nothing significant has happened since then, but I will update this blog if anything does occur! I know I say it every time, but thank you guys so much for sticking with me and continuing to read and support my blog, it really means a lot to me! :hugs:

I’m not entirely sure where I’d like to go from here. I’m considering adding a post about my experience of losing my friends in college, which I’ll likely do. Additionally, I was also thinking about uploading accounts (2 posts per week maybe?) of the 2 major fieldwork trips I went on during sixth form, one to the Isle of Arran, and the other to the French Alps. Is that something you guys would be interested in? Please also let me know of any other ideas you might have!
Great read! Thank you for giving us an insight into such a sensitive topic, I've been really enjoying reading your posts and I'm sorry you've had to go through this but your father is lucky to have the support of you and your family, good luck with everything and I look forward to your next post!
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