Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend of almost 3 years saw a text from an old boyfriend on my phone a few days ago and he got really angry. I tried to explain that it was innocent, but he wasn't having it. Anyway, for those of you who don't know, carnival is today and I planned to go with a friend. I was going to go with my boyfriend but he has work. Anyway, he's staying with me at my house and as I was getting ready, he decided that he's not comfortable with me going anymore especially since he wouldn't be there with me. I told him that I'm going anyway and he took my car keys. I tried to take them from him and we were sort of wrestling for it. I grabbed them from him and he shoved me against a wall and I hit my head. He then took the keys from me again. I told him to get out of my house. He did so, and he took my car with him. This all happened only a couple of hours ago. Since then, he's called me numerous times apologising but I'm still so shocked. I told him to bring my car back and he's on his way.

    This has never happened before, he's never laid a finger on me and now I'm fearful that he'll get more violent over time. I don't even know what to say to him when he gets here. What should I do?
    Girl, you better leave him real quick.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Sometimes, people deserve second chances. We're all human. We have all made mistakes. We've all felt enraged and lashed out in some capacity.

    We need some context here. Its not like he battered her. He grappled for the keys and it got way out of hand, and then he stormed off with the keys. All this talk of theft of car is ludicrous. His sole objective was to stop her leaving in the car, so he took the keys. Its not like he wanted to steal the car.

    Did he have a right to do that? No, of course not. Is he in the wrong? Absolutely. Did he overreact and lose his temper? Yes.

    Like i say though, we've all lost our temper. He didnt act rationally, we know that. But in a 3 year relationship, if someone acts out like that once, and is remorseful afterwards, understands how he was in the wrong and reacted badly, doesn't he deserve a second chance?

    If it was a pattern or he's done something similar before, then i'd say get out of there. But if you both love each other, and its the first time something like this has happened, maybe the sensible thing to do here is left a few days pass and then have a constructive conversation.
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    (Original post by Spongebob'sPants)
    Sometimes, people deserve second chances. We're all human. We have all made mistakes. We've all felt enraged and lashed out in some capacity.

    We need some context here. Its not like he battered her. He grappled for the keys and it got way out of hand, and then he stormed off with the keys. All this talk of theft of car is ludicrous. His sole objective was to stop her leaving in the car, so he took the keys. Its not like he wanted to steal the car.

    Did he have a right to do that? No, of course not. Is he in the wrong? Absolutely. Did he overreact and lose his temper? Yes.

    Like i say though, we've all lost our temper. He didnt act rationally, we know that. But in a 3 year relationship, if someone acts out like that once, and is remorseful afterwards, understands how he was in the wrong and reacted badly, doesn't he deserve a second chance?

    If it was a pattern or he's done something similar before, then i'd say get out of there. But if you both love each other, and its the first time something like this has happened, maybe the sensible thing to do here is left a few days pass and then have a constructive conversation.
    The problem is he really don't like her having male friends
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by donutellme)
    There shouldn't be any terms with your ex... Not while in a relationship.

    She didn't say forbid. She said disapprove. And if you're in a relationship you shouldn't really have close friends of the opposite sex.
    You clearly aren't mature enough to have a functioning relationship. Come back in three years when you have more of a clue.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Twinpeaks)
    You clearly aren't mature enough to have a functioning relationship. Come back in three years when you have more of a clue.
    Why's that? Cos I have boundaries and limits?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by donutellme)
    Why's that? Cos I have boundaries and limits?
    Yes, you clearly have very small limits if you feel you can't form a close friendship with a female without feeling an overwhelming need to have sex with her.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Twinpeaks)
    Yes, you clearly have very small limits if you feel you can't form a close friendship with a female without feeling an overwhelming need to have sex with her.
    I think that's a little unfair. I have close friendships with girls but I still find them sexually attractive and have ended up sleeping with them before. It's much harder to have a close friendship with a girl without something sexual happening. The exceptions to this typically seem to be when they are childhood friends or both married or some other situation where the idea of sleeping together is less attractive.

    In terms of a taken man/woman with a single woman/man, I'd say it's pretty hard to get close without sexual tension or cheating of some kind. I would certainly feel suspicious if a girlfriend became close friends with a single guy and I don't think that is in any way controversial or immature or insecure. It's just simple probability based on infidelity rates, the commonplace occurrence of cheating generally, and the chance of sex happening in same-sex friendships compared to opposite-sex friendships (i.e. much higher in the latter).
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This really saddens me. I still want him and I have no idea what to do. I haven't told anyone about the incident because my friends/family all really like him and I don't want to paint him in a bad light, because I know he's not a bad person
    So fast forward a few years. You've married him despite being shoved a few more times, had to be off work a few times because he's 'accidentally' given you a black eye, and you've covered for him to your family because you don't want to let them think you made a mistake. He is relying on you not telling anyone about his outburst. That's how men like him get away with it. Tell everyone - your parents, friends, family. You need their support.

    Believe me if he acts controlling and possessive before you are married, he'll be much more so afterwards when he thinks it'll be much more difficult for you to leave.

    Fast forward another couple of years. You now have 1 or 2 babies/children. Do you want them to be seeing him losing it? They'll grow up fearful and withdrawn. Worse he may well hit them too. Do you want it on your conscience that you ruined not only your own life but that of innocent children?

    He'll not want you to go out to work if you can meet men there so money may be tight. However difficult it is for you to leave now, it will be a hundred times more difficult with children, no money etc. He may well try and follow you wherever you go to escape him.

    You say you know he is not a bad person. Yes he is. Think. Do you love him or the person you want him to be?

    IME this will not have been the first time he has acted like this with a GF. Have you ever met any of his previous gfs? It will surely be illuminating to have a chat with them.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Twinpeaks)
    Yes, you clearly have very small limits if you feel you can't form a close friendship with a female without feeling an overwhelming need to have sex with her.
    I have very good self control and could easily be friends with girls. I choose not to because 1. I honestly think it's inappropriate to have close friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship for a bunch of reasons and 2. because it will cause natural jealousy in my partner, which I'd rather avoid as I care about them.

    So yeah, I don't really care what you think, but I have proper reasons rather than small reasons and jealousy as you put it.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: September 3, 2016
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.