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Is it unfair to judge a Woman on her past?

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    (Original post by Ella-keturah)
    If someone would get insulted by that then would you really want to he with them? You could suggest getting tested together.
    Good point thanks Yea, she's mature sometimes (like when she goes to rights protests) but then really oversensitive lol
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    gender is irrelevant
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    #1

    (Original post by Thisguy11)
    gender is irrelevant
    I'm not ghey so it's woman
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    Why are you even contemplating being with someone that _you_ feel comfortable giving a complete character assassination? Is there actually anything you like about her or were you hoping for a virginal princess with no history, sexual or otherwise?

    People with mental health difficulties don't always make perfect partners but compassion is nice to have.

    I don't think being upfront about your past makes you proud of it. Just that you felt it was important to share and be honest. I'm glad that my partner is mature enough that he didn't come online and ask a bunch of strangers whether I could be forgiven for my past. And he might have more cause to as I was a sex worker. But he listened to the context and didn't feel the need to check that his man status hadn't changed.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    Why are you even contemplating being with someone that _you_ feel comfortable giving a complete character assassination? Is there actually anything you like about her or were you hoping for a virginal princess with no history, sexual or otherwise?

    People with mental health difficulties don't always make perfect partners but compassion is nice to have.

    I don't think being upfront about your past makes you proud of it. Just that you felt it was important to share and be honest. I'm glad that my partner is mature enough that he didn't come online and ask a bunch of strangers whether I could be forgiven for my past. And he might have more cause to as I was a sex worker. But he listened to the context and didn't feel the need to check that his man status hadn't changed.
    She doesn't have MH problems?
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    find someone better
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    (Original post by KnowledgeIsBest)
    find someone better
    I will (srs)

    Met her dad last night for a drink, he said she used to pretty misandrist and basically play with men. Sleep with them early then say stuff like men are evil, a waste of her youth etc. :lolwut:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in my early 20s, not perfect but I met a woman who's 30 recently and we really hit it off.

    However shes has a LOT of bad things in her past. I'm not misogynist and I have obviously slept with girlfriends but she did a load of crazy stuff when she was my age or younger. Her parents were rich but really liberal so she did stuff like **** a guy in the middle of a crowd at a gig when she was 16, or drugs at boarding school though she was never an addict. And she was a FWB with her flatmate at uni which apparently got awkward. She also got a tattoo at 14 as a dare though I know her dad and he is classy. Obviously she's older now but still a bit of "party girl" though she has a good job as do I.

    I have told her all the things from my past too, but I find it hard to think about hers. She is really hot, and has a good career and law degree so I'm surprised she isn't taken :lol: is that a red flag? Also I'm not really worried about this but she has a lot of male friends around her age she flirts with too.
    Judge her on how she is now, people make mistakes or regret their past especially if it is like that however they will try and cover the regret with either, doing it more, or self pity, so I say see what she is like, if things dont work, they dont work, but I hope things do for both of yours and hers sake.
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    (Original post by AlexLawrence1453)
    Not fun
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Whoops I kinda lost control and actually stopped making sense at some parts
    Spoiler:
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    Needy, obsessive borderline with daddy issues and a penchant for ****ing with my emotions and destroying my self esteem under the guise of wanting me to be more dominant and controlling. She was constantly flippant (a good example was when she apologised after breaking up with me and started to send nude pictures, then minutes later ****ged me off to a bunch of people I was at that moment talking to publicly). She constantly tested how much she could take from me, even explicitly asking me to sacrifice friendships and school life to be with her and because she was jealous I was talking to girls. Imagine having sex with an adult body but the emotional bond of a father/rebellious daughter. It all culminated into her ending it with me, once again under the guise of protecting my emotions, then showing off her new love interests (within weeks of breaking it off) and constantly putting me down for any moment of happiness I had. She even went as far as saying "don't fall out of love with me until I do to you" and that she didn't want me to stop loving her but she didn't want to be in a relationship, friendship or anything to do with me. By that point, it all seemed normal and like it was my fault. Suffice it to say, she's had 10s of partners and only been single for like a month maximum since she was 12. If you see any warnings that she's asking for sacrifices from you (a healthy relationships requires very little sacrifice), it's a power play. She seemed submissive, but she needed power over me and needed to control me. Constant sob stories. Even 2 days after breaking up with me, she said sorry and started crying then I told her to get some sleep and the next day she pretended like she was joking and basically told me to **** off. History of self harm, notably in one case with her ex boyfriend where she slashed up her legs and sent him pictures of it.

    Another example was she started talking about wanting to marry me and legitimately asking for promise rings and planning a marriage, but at the end said that me wanting to marry her was making her feel terrible and hating it. That, and she (on a daily basis) told me she loved me, and that she didn't love me explicitly and sometimes even in the same breath.
    One question though: why the hell did you have a relationship with this girl? if she didn't look like a millennial Jennifer Love Hewitt I'll be very disappointed (and terribly confused as to why you got with her).
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    (Original post by RainbowMan)
    One question though: why the hell did you have a relationship with this girl? if she didn't look like a millennial Jennifer Love Hewitt I'll be very disappointed (and terribly confused as to why you got with her).
    I didn't know she was like that until later on. Plus I was completely clueless about relationships at the time.
 
 
 
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Updated: September 25, 2016
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