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Cowz
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#121
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#121
(Original post by Spotty Dog)
No.. not really. =/ Are you saying that I'm 'unobtainable', in a way? Such as men see me as a lesbian, and woman see me as straight?
No, but maybe people will if you say to them you are asexual. But I was more suggesting that in your relationship with your boyfriend, you get as much out of it as you might if you were lesbian. I.e. you feel loved and can return that love, but you get no sexual pleasure from it.
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username138327
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#122
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#122
I'm really baffled. The wiki didn't help at all and the same with some of the posts.

I know it's sort of a bit ignorant to try and simplfy a sexual orientation into a single line but is it that asexuals simply find sex un-pleasurable, or do they not have sexual attraction to people. Because it would seem that if they don't have pleasure from sex it could be due to a physical or psychological problem with their sexual organs.

If they are unable to be sexually attracted by anybody how do they arrive at an aroused state?

I'm sorry if this is frustrating for asexuals to answer these questions.
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SoundDevastation
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#123
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#123
(Original post by Cowz)
Ahh, but now you're making assuptions about what I mean by the term social dropout. It's easy to go to nightclubs, it is easy to 'party' and it is easy to go to go out with your work colleagues. Now I hate all those things with a passion, but I don't consider myself a social drop out. However, think of the person who attends the party, goes to the nightclub and all all that, simply in a desperate attempt to 'fit in', when really they don't know what they want.

Actually mind, thinking about it I really do hate most of the people I meet. Maybe it's because I;m surrounded by students all day. I notice you're vegan and volunteer at Oxfam ? I think you and I would get along just. Blimey, the more I think about it the more I can understand why you quit university. I know this is the student room and all, but students don't half peave me off-myself included. But I'm soon to be a PhD student so I don't really count anymore. In fact, most of society peaves me off. Maybe I'm the social drop out? :p:
i think we both are :p:
in that case, no im not a social drop out. I do alot of stuff with alot of people, but its all stuff i genuinely want to do. Uni wasnt, if anything i was at uni because it was the done thing, because it was normal. It was a mistake and i payed for it.



Hmmm, depressed? Nothing that I wouldn't have attributed to teenage hormones at the time I don't think. I guess certain things get me down when I think about them. But I guess part of my ambition right now is to try and reach a position of doing something about it, or at least be a position of greater independence so I have greater freedom of choice. In that light, have you not considered going back to university just for the qualification? I'm not sure your love of music will last forever.
Then you're lucky. The music job isnt a 'job' in that it doesn't earn money. I have no particluar career plans and thats the way I like it. Maybe my love of music wont last, in which case, i'll move on.. but throughout the 100s of people I deal with in SD [the name of the label] I am one of the youngest.. so its a mature and passionate community that is strong.

Its a good ambition.. freedom to do what you really want. I have condiered the qualification, but i honestly cant see it making a difference in my life. I certainly dont want a career in the that field, or any specific academic field. I know now who i am.. and im not academic :p:
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emmarainbow
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#124
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#124
Cowz - you mean no offence, but you're picking through the histories of people and pathologising them.

Should I pick through your life and tell you you're broken?

It *hurts* for someone to presume that they know you better than you know yourself. I did not pull asexuality out of the air and apply it to myself. I tried to fit all the other labels and failed, and that one fitted me. I spent a long time going through hell trying to understand myself, and (through your accusations about others' mental health) I can't help but feel attacked, my judgement isn't counted into how well I know myself. I feel as if you're trying to claim how I'm not right, don't fit in, am not real. Do you see what I mean?

It's as if someone sat you down and explained, slowly and patiently and sensibly how everything you feel, the way you love and return love, your experiences and way of understanding the world are not only wrong, but can be fixed and improved, if only you could be more like me. And once you've met enough people who have acted like this (or worse, act angrily at you breaking the norm) I really lose the patience in your certainty of yourself to reply sensibly.

*That* is why I'm out the closet and feel the need to do this series. If I can just educate enough people that I'm allowed, am legitimate, I am capable of feeling this and I only wish you could do so too...
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Cowz
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#125
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#125
(Original post by SoundDevastation)
Its a good ambition.. freedom to do what you really want. I have condiered the qualification, but i honestly cant see it making a difference in my life. I certainly dont want a career in the that field, or any specific academic field. I know now who i am.. and im not academic :p:
You don't have to follow your degree field through to a career, just having a degree [with a decent class] will significantly improve your career prospects. There are many non-specific graduate jobs out there, including with Oxfam.
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Cowz
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#126
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#126
(Original post by emmarainbow)
Should I pick through your life and tell you you're broken?
I sometimes wish someone would, just to see what they'd say. Self-analysis and self-critisim are pretty limited tools really. But then I'm very confident in my abilities right now and don't feel the need to change anything about myself. (What do you make of that? lol)

I did not pull asexuality out of the air and apply it to myself. I tried to fit all the other labels and failed, and that one fitted me.
A topic which keeps reappearing in this thread. Why do you feel the need to label yourself? Why were you never happy just accepting you don't like sex, how does a label help?

I feel as if you're trying to claim how I'm not right, don't fit in, am not real. Do you see what I mean?
Perhaps I was. But this goes back to the issue of labels. By labelling yourself you are essentially not making yourself fit in and are seemingly trying to prove a point to people.

*That* is why I'm out the closet and feel the need to do this series. If I can just educate enough people that I'm allowed, am legitimate, I am capable of feeling this and I only wish you could do so too...
Educate people as to what? What the label asexuality means or why you feel the need to apply it? I think people can accept that there are those who do not enjoy sex. People find labels hard to accept however; they are somewhat like a political statement.
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SoundDevastation
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#127
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#127
(Original post by emmarainbow)
Cowz - you mean no offence, but you're picking through the histories of people and pathologising them.

Should I pick through your life and tell you you're broken?

It *hurts* for someone to presume that they know you better than you know yourself. I did not pull asexuality out of the air and apply it to myself. I tried to fit all the other labels and failed, and that one fitted me. I spent a long time going through hell trying to understand myself, and (through your accusations about others' mental health) I can't help but feel attacked, my judgement isn't counted into how well I know myself. I feel as if you're trying to claim how I'm not right, don't fit in, am not real. Do you see what I mean?

It's as if someone sat you down and explained, slowly and patiently and sensibly how everything you feel, the way you love and return love, your experiences and way of understanding the world are not only wrong, but can be fixed and improved, if only you could be more like me. And once you've met enough people who have acted like this (or worse, act angrily at you breaking the norm) I really lose the patience in your certainty of yourself to reply sensibly.

*That* is why I'm out the closet and feel the need to do this series. If I can just educate enough people that I'm allowed, am legitimate, I am capable of feeling this and I only wish you could do so too...
:hugs:
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SoundDevastation
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#128
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#128
(Original post by Cowz)
You don't have to follow your degree field through to a career, just having a degree [with a decent class] will significantly improve your career prospects. There are many non-specific graduate jobs out there, including with Oxfam.
I KNOW. you're far too keen to try and change peoples direction... this is exactly the same as the asexuality issue in that it is something i HAVE thought about, something I have debated over in my head to the point of tears. My life may not be conventional and it may not be whats 'best for me' but its my life, and now, finally, im happy with it.
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emmarainbow
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#129
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#129
(Original post by Cowz)
Educate people as to what? What the label asexuality means or why you feel the need to apply it? I think people can accept that there are those who do not enjoy sex. People find labels hard to accept however; they are somewhat like a political statement.
Why do people label themselves homosexual? Why do people feel the need to educate people on gay issues? Surely it is just a label of people who have sex with the same sex? People find labels hard to accept, so why do they do it? Is that a political statement?

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE WRITING.

And SD? Thanks, I shouldn't read TSR after my dad agrees with this guy, and I'm slightly drunk. *Hugs* gratefully received. (Have some for you *hugs*)
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Cowz
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#130
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#130
(Original post by SoundDevastation)
I KNOW. you're far too keen to try and change peoples direction... this is exactly the same as the asexuality issue in that it is something i HAVE thought about, something I have debated over in my head to the point of tears. My life may not be conventional and it may not be whats 'best for me' but its my life, and now, finally, im happy with it.
Well if it's not best for you, then why do it? What's the point?

Sorry, I do sometimes state the bleedin' obvious, but surely it's obvious for a reason?
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Cowz
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#131
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#131
(Original post by emmarainbow)
Why do people label themselves homosexual?
To find a homosexual partner, surely?
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SoundDevastation
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#132
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#132
(Original post by Cowz)
Well if it's not best for you, then why do it? What's the point?

Sorry, I do sometimes state the bleedin' obvious, but surely it's obvious for a reason?
because whats best for you isnt always whats right.

It would probably be 'better for me' to ignore my lack of attractions and get on with my relationship with my bf, who i love and live as heterosexual... dammit it would be a hell of alot easier... but id be lying to myself, and im an honest person.

finishing my degree, as you said.. would be better for me. But I dont want to. I dont want to as a finger to the uni, and because i just.. dont.. want to. Going to uni was a big mistake and I want to put it away and move on.
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SoundDevastation
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#133
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#133
(Original post by emmarainbow)
And SD? Thanks, I shouldn't read TSR after my dad agrees with this guy, and I'm slightly drunk. *Hugs* gratefully received. (Have some for you *hugs*)
oooh dear. At least he knows anyway.. have you heard any more from Endemol?
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emmarainbow
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#134
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#134
(Original post by Cowz)
To find a homosexual partner, surely?
Then why do pride groups exist? Solely as dating agencies? Why do gay people come out to straight people, to people of the opposite sex, to family members? Why do pride parades happen? Why do many gay people embrace being gay to everyone as a small but important part of WHO THEY ARE.
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emmarainbow
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#135
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#135
(Original post by SoundDevastation)
oooh dear. At least he knows anyway.. have you heard any more from Endemol?
Nah, I get a call on Monday to check I still want to do it and stuff. She did say hi yesterday to ask for a photo for my bio file on their buerocracy side, () but that's all. (I said use my tsr one).
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Cowz
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#136
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#136
(Original post by emmarainbow)
Then why do pride groups exist?
Campaign for equal rights? Not sure that applies to asexuals.

Why do gay people come out to straight people, to people of the opposite sex, to family members?
Because relationships tend to be public anyway? They want to share with their family and friends who their partner is?

Declaring your love, or potential love, of someone of the opposite sex is completely different to telling people whether or not you enjoy sex.
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Spotty Dog
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#137
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#137
(Original post by Cowz)
No, but maybe people will if you say to them you are asexual. But I was more suggesting that in your relationship with your boyfriend, you get as much out of it as you might if you were lesbian. I.e. you feel loved and can return that love, but you get no sexual pleasure from it.
I'm really not sure I understand...
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Cowz
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#138
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#138
(Original post by SoundDevastation)
because whats best for you isnt always whats right.

It would probably be 'better for me' to ignore my lack of attractions and get on with my relationship with my bf, who i love and live as heterosexual... dammit it would be a hell of alot easier... but id be lying to myself, and im an honest person.

finishing my degree, as you said.. would be better for me. But I dont want to. I dont want to as a finger to the uni, and because i just.. dont.. want to. Going to uni was a big mistake and I want to put it away and move on.

As has already been pointed out, it's not really my place to say. But the above does suggest you have a very self-destructive attitude.

You honestly are more bothered about giving the finger to your university (who probably don't even care) than are about getting a degree? Why!? I think maybe you worry too much about what people think of you and the image you project.
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Cowz
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#139
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#139
(Original post by Spotty Dog)
I'm really not sure I understand...
I dunno. Like the way Barrymore was maried for years?
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emmarainbow
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#140
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#140
Asexuality is not something that is a problem, it is not defined as a dislike of sex, it is not something that needs to be discussed.

However, society does not legitimise it. It is heteronormative and only recognises monogamy.

Therefore, it needs to be recognised and discussed and embraced to be legitimised, just like a lot of gay people feel the need for others to accept them and be accepted. I think your idea of what it's like to come out is a bit simplified.
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