My letter to Shane

Dear Shane,
Seven years almost, wow, I sometimes just can’t believe it’s been that long since I first saw you. Congratulations to both of you on the pregnancy. I know you will make a great father, you’re a sweet and loving man and you deserve the best. Here’s a little about myself and point of this letter. My name is Saba, I’m 19 years old and a student from Greater Manchester in England/ UK. I’ve been a fan of westlife since the very beginning and if you can remember my family knew Kian’s uncle from Sheffield, I had talked to you on the phone before, and I met you while you shopping were in my hometown. Just like every other fan, I’ve supported you throughout the years, bought all your singles, albums and merchandise and seen you on tour every year.

Westlife has been a special part of my life, you lot got me through the rough patches of my life, where I had trouble with family, relatives, friends and boyfriends. Listening to you Shane sing those songs, made me forget the worries in life and instead I concentrated on you, just to get out of reality. You were my favourite – you’re a good looking guy, with the perfect smile and you are a very lucky man for having a gorgeous wife and a great future set out for you, I’m proud of you.

However all this grew to be a serious obsession. I can’t stop thinking about you, honestly every minute of the day I do. At first I didn’t mind and I spoke to a lot of westlife fans and they were in the same position as me. However the older I got, the worse this obsession of you got and the more it has deeply affected my life. That’s the difference between me and most of your other fans; this obsession of you is ruining my life completely. I know it’s wrong to be fantasising over you a married man, but I just can’t help it, no matter how hard I try.

I started to realise this was taking over my life, when it firstly effected my exams and concentration back in high school at 16 years of age. Revision was impossible and this heavily brought down my grades. Although they were pulled up when I used you for some of my other classes e.g. my Art exam was based on you and in fact all my drawings of you are still up in the art gallery in the school. I want to thank you for giving me this inspiration.

The biggest thing this is affecting and still today is my relationships. You are constantly in my mind and heart and my boyfriends never were, especially during sex, I’m sorry to say but whenever I got intimate with them, I thought of you which made me come twice as fast and made it a more pleasurable experience. Sorry about that, I deserve a slap.

The reason I’m telling you all this, is not to blame you, because Shane it’s not your fault at all. I need some advice and care from you, the man himself who this obsession is about. Everyone’s always saying to me, “get over Shane”, but it’s not that easy. You’re like a reward in my life and maybe the only positive thing I have in my life, and I feel like I need to cling on you forever, and make you mine. I cannot sleep unless I’ve fantasised about you, I know it sounds silly and maybe desperate, but I have to imagine us together, otherwise I’m not satisfied.

When I was 16, I ran away from home, because of the troubles I had at home and I just wanted to escape from the world. The only person I could think of running away to was you. I made it far as Dublin, but was so scared on my own, that I went crying back home. ‘Why do I love you, don’t even want to’, those lyrics explain it all. When I see or hear or think of you, it just hurts so badly in my heart, I feel sick in my stomach, what is this?

I need some help I know, I’ve been to a counsellor, and she didn’t help me much. What I need to go to is probably to someone professional, like a psychiatrist. But I can’t, cos I can’t afford it, and also I’m studying to be a psychologist, so going to one, could effect my status. I am happy for you and your wife, but I’ve realised the happier you’re getting the more depressed I am getting. Look how ironic this is, when you got married on the 28th Dec 03, it was my granddad’s funeral on the same day. I was laughing at the funeral just thinking of the irony.

Since I found out about you’se having a baby, I came to a decision that I’m going to do my best and try and get over you once and for all. If I don’t stop it, I will just go insane, never get married and settle down, I won’t be able to love any other man, no one would want to come to me for therapy, in other words my life would be over and I might as well be dead.

I really don’t know what to do, please tell me what I should do? I did what everyone told me to do, by getting rid of posters and CD’s of you and westlife. But it’s the thoughts and feelings that aren’t disappearing. Whenever I see a couple walking down the street or see a wedding, I immediately associate that with us. I keep saying to myself, he’s married to Gillian and he loves her, but it’s not working. I already hate myself so much for becoming like this, like a stalker almost. If you hated me, I think that would be it, I’d be hurt for eternity.

Shane I don’t know how you’re reacting to reading this, but its either laughter or pity. What should I do babe? I’m so confused.

Saba xxx