Depression Society MkII Watch

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starchild
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#1401
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#1401
Pink :hugs: you arent a nutcase or stupid :hugs: promise.
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starchild
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#1402
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(Original post by Bangers+Mash)

I feel crap aswell, i just feel so lonely, i have hardly anyone in my life and i hate it, i cant wait to get back to college but i know that wont be anybetter, i just want someone to care about and someone to care about me instead of lying in bed wondering 'is this it, is this my life', i feel numb and empty, like im not living but just passing time im full of so much sadness right now, And now ive realised things are never going to get better.
You have us, I promise. You are a lovely person and you will find someone special one day. :hugs: in the meanwhile you have to put up with my hugs...

And you are going to get better, :hugs: i promise.
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Bangers+Mash
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(Original post by *pink_sapphires*)
Thanks B+M. Unfortunately, I'm feeling worse. Think it's tiredness setting in. I'm just so stupid :bawling:
your not stupid, these things happen all the time, why dont you go for a lie down, just relax and calm yourself, and hopefully you will feel better
We all here if you want to talk :hugs:
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Bangers+Mash
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(Original post by starchild)
You have us, I promise. You are a lovely person and you will find someone special one day. :hugs: in the meanwhile you have to put up with my hugs...

And you are going to get better, :hugs: i promise.
:hugs:
Thanks

How are you?
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jonathan122
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:hugs:

Sorry you had a bad night pink sapphires

Hi, sitara, B+M :hugs:
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herbal bug
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hello all
x
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jonathan122
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Hi herbal bug,

How have you been?
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herbal bug
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bit pissed off at a few people but else been ok.
she's been good aswell but hey thats probably jinxing it.
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Bangers+Mash
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#1409
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im just feeling even worse now, look how sunny it is outside and im like 'this', i just feel so empty now, i havent got anything at all to make me think in a positive way.
I thought tidying my room would make me feel better, but instead i feel worse, I want to go back to college...but at the same time im so scared of going back.

Im just moaning again, nevermind :/

hope everyone is alright
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jonathan122
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(Original post by Bangers+Mash)
im just feeling even worse now, look how sunny it is outside and im like 'this', i just feel so empty now, i havent got anything at all to make me think in a positive way.
I thought tidying my room would make me feel better, but instead i feel worse, I want to go back to college...but at the same time im so scared of going back.

Im just moaning again, nevermind :/

hope everyone is alright
:hugs:
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*pink_sapphires*
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#1411
Thank you everyone :hugs:

One of my best friends, Harriet, just came round. She's been in Africa for the past month so I've not spoken to her besides one facebook message she sent me congratulating me on passing my driving test. We just had a huge great big chat and I told her all about Gavin and I didn't cry And she said that he's a **** and that not all guys are like that and that I will find someone lovely soon. She made me feel better, but Gavin's words are still haunting me. It's his friend, Michael, who's got to me too. He tried to get me to sleep with him and tried kissing me and touching me and I was like 'please, no, i'm not a slut and i'm not in any frame of mind to be doing things and i don't like you.' But he told me that everything Gavin's said to me he's not meant and he's said the opposite to him. But he said he does that with all girls he uses, so I guess it's not my fault. But I still believe what he says. I still believe he cares. I still belives that he thinks I'm lovely and special and caring, even though he probably means none of it. I have to say this, although I will hate myself for saying it, but I don't deserve to be treated like that. All this time I've thought that that was all I deserved, but I don't. I deserve more than that and he's not good enough for me. I'd never trust him again in a relationship type of thing. Hmm...yeah, I can cope. Just hurts when I think too deeply about it.

:hugs: thanks everyone
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Areontas
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:hugs: everyone. I haven't visited MkII what with being inactive for some time and everything, but thought I'd give an update.

The depression I was suffering from has almost bordered on me going mental. Nothing seems to affect me anymore. I used to be scared of being rude to my parents, mainly because of the abuse I could get, or my dad's temper. I've always been insulted by them, whether it be because I'm thick, unhelpful or apparently 'rude' to them. They have their own underlying problems and I can never win with what I say, even if it's nice. Anyway, yesterday we had a massive argument over such a stupid thing. We were meant to go out for a meal (a normal family thing), but my mum was being her usual snappy self to me. It's even more rubbish when she involves my brother and goes on about how he's so much better than me. I should have ignored it as I usually do, but instead I answered back and told her how fed up I was.

Perhaps I should have been calmer, but I said it as rationally as possible. If she would have just apologised, or if my parents were actually nice instead of resorting to their usual shouting, I might have gone to the meal. Instead, nothing is ever my mum's fault, and the blame got shifted on me as usual. I kept being told to get changed and go, but it was the last thing I wanted to do. To top it off, I was genuinely feeling ill (having had a cold, headache, temperature, and I had been sick several times) - but this, by my mum, was labelled as an 'act'. I felt brave enough to keep saying 'no' and just answer back, until my dad flipped and lost his temper. I don't even know why he got involved - it had nothing to do with him - but he always does this, saying I'm the cause for all the problems in our family (which is completely ridiculous). He ended up saying he'd take my dead body (he can be a violent person), and that he'd kill me, but he didn't manage to do anything because my mum stopped him. I'm not sure if he would have hit me or not. I'm hating the unstable environment I live in at the moment, but they do love me as well and have paid for my education etc. I've got to endure this one more year before university.
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*pink_sapphires*
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Is anyone around to chat tonight? I could do with a few hugs and caring words :bawling:
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Dalimyr
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#1414
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:bawling: I can't understand anything in my head any more

I'm getting really sudden and strong urges to kill myself, and I can't push myself to go book a doctor's appointment. I've actually been meaning to book one because my knees are giving me a lot of trouble but I...I just can't do it :no:
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*pink_sapphires*
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:hugs: Dali. God, I feel even worse reading your post. I'm so self-centred and stupid.

What is up with your knees? I've had joint problems for years and years so I understand your pain. And today, I want to kill myself too
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Areontas
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#1416
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(Original post by *pink_sapphires*)
Is anyone around to chat tonight? I could do with a few hugs and caring words :bawling:
I'm around. :hugs: - I'm in need of the same at the moment: please feel free to send a PM anytime, and I'll do my best to give advice!

(Original post by Dalimyr)
:bawling: I can't understand anything in my head any more

I'm getting really sudden and strong urges to kill myself, and I can't push myself to go book a doctor's appointment. I've actually been meaning to book one because my knees are giving me a lot of trouble but I...I just can't do it :no:
:hugs:

Is there anyone you can confide in, so they're around when you're booking the appointment? Or at the very least pick something that makes you happy/gives you strength, and whilst contemplating that, pick up the phone since deep down you know it's for your own health.

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through the urges to self-harm, or even kill yourself. All I can say is that I've been there and somehow managed to pull through. I guess the way I did it was put my head down, keep as busy as possible, and get on with whatever I had to do. It sounds an awful way of coping - because it's essentially just avoiding everything - but it's all that worked. I can't speak to anyone since no family (certainly) would understand, and with my parents it's all about putting on a front. I have fun with my friends, but can't share such deep, dark secrets with anyone. Thus, all I had left was to keep busy and think about what I want to achieve in the future, and how ending my life now would take away all of that... I hope you get through this awful time, and update us when you're feeling better.
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Dalimyr
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(Original post by *pink_sapphires*)
:hugs: Dali. God, I feel even worse reading your post. I'm so self-centred and stupid.
Oh God, I'm sorry. Your post wasn't even up when I started writing, and I certainly never intend to make people feel worse You're not self-centred and stupid :no: :hugs:

What is up with your knees? I've had joint problems for years and years so I understand your pain.
I don't know. Recurring problems ever since I was....13? 14? Used to just be that I'd get pain in my knee after running around for a while (e.g. in PE) and I'd be perfectly fine again after having a break for 5-10 minutes...but as the years have gone on it's become worse and worse. I now struggle to go up and down the stairs in my house without wincing in pain at least once. Makes me feel like a pensioner. People have suggested damaged cartilage and stuff to me in the past, but I'd want a doctor's opinion, and any ideas on how to treat it.


Dad also told me today that we're going on holiday to see his side of the family in a couple of weeks. He knows I don't really want to go, but it made me rather upset when I thought that if I were to commit suicide tonight then he'd possibly think it might be that which tipped me over the edge (when it isn't at all; I don't want to go, but that's because I can't really do long journeys and I really don't want to go anywhere when I'm feeling like this)
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*pink_sapphires*
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(Original post by Dalimyr)
Oh God, I'm sorry. Your post wasn't even up when I started writing, and I certainly never intend to make people feel worse You're not self-centred and stupid :no: :hugs:

I don't know. Recurring problems ever since I was....13? 14? Used to just be that I'd get pain in my knee after running around for a while (e.g. in PE) and I'd be perfectly fine again after having a break for 5-10 minutes...but as the years have gone on it's become worse and worse. I now struggle to go up and down the stairs in my house without wincing in pain at least once. Makes me feel like a pensioner. People have suggested damaged cartilage and stuff to me in the past, but I'd want a doctor's opinion, and any ideas on how to treat it.


Dad also told me today that we're going on holiday to see his side of the family in a couple of weeks. He knows I don't really want to go, but it made me rather upset when I thought that if I were to commit suicide tonight then he'd possibly think it might be that which tipped me over the edge (when it isn't at all; I don't want to go, but that's because I can't really do long journeys and I really don't want to go anywhere when I'm feeling like this)
Don't feel bad! It's my own fault, not yours! :hugs:

Right...as for knees, they are my speciality :p:
Do they ever give way when walking? Is there a specific part of the knee which hurts most? And are they ever swollen?

Obviously I'm not a doctor, but I may be able to suggest a few things to help you if you like? Even though going to your GP is the best bet, I have given up going to see them about my joint problems! They said I had arthritis, put me on loads of medication which didn't help, I ended up reacting to some of it and I spent days in A&E and then I had to go and see a woman in London and yeah...after 6 years, we've got nowhere! No one can tell me what is wrong with me. It's soooooo frustrating. And it damages me mentally aswell as physically because I think no one cares and because I used to get comments from people about how I walked when I was in pain People lower down the school nicknamed me Beatrice because they thought I walked like an old granny. The psychological effort of these things is extreme but doctors don't care
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fairy spangles
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hi pink and Dali - sorry to hear your not having a good time of things.
Pink - Doctors arent bohered about psychological aspects although thats all i feel im learning about at the minute.
Im kinda not in the mood to talk i just feel dead.
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jonathan122
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(Original post by Dalimyr)
:bawling: I can't understand anything in my head any more

I'm getting really sudden and strong urges to kill myself, and I can't push myself to go book a doctor's appointment. I've actually been meaning to book one because my knees are giving me a lot of trouble but I...I just can't do it :no:
Holly, if you get these urges then you MUST get help immediately - a few weeks ago I felt like I was going to kill myself, and once I was in that cycle the only thing that could calm me down was calling the emergency GP, who prescribed some tranquilizers for me.

In the long term, you can think about doctor's appointments and therapy, but if you are feeling so bad at the moment please call a doctor NOW and get some help.

:hugs: Please take care. :hugs:
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