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fallen_acorns
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#1421
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#1421
(Original post by The_Mighty_Bush)
Which city?
well, wifes hometown is harbin - which is also where I have spent most my time in china, so probably there..

wages are lower there then down in the more major cities though - but then again so is living costs..

Will see what jobs my wife has sorted, and then look at making a decision
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fallen_acorns
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#1422
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#1422
(Original post by Tom_Ford)
Because you are a white man my friend. Ask Joe Black what his opinion is on the place and come back to me. Hell, I am a half and I find the people morally decadent.
my wife said the same..

When we went out together she would just keep saying 'they never do that to me!' or 'they never treat me like that' - when I got really nice service in a resteraunt/shop etc.

Honestly, never had anything like it in any of the other countries I have been to in the past. It was wierd, and whilst nice, sometimes it went to far - like in one resteraunt, my wife just could not get any service.. one hand up from me, and multiple staff were running over, which just made things really uncomfortalbe, as my wife was pissed off, and I was now annoyed at them for making my wife upset.. etc.
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Lyrical Prodigy
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#1423
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#1423
(Original post by fallen_acorns)
my wife said the same..

When we went out together she would just keep saying 'they never do that to me!' or 'they never treat me like that' - when I got really nice service in a resteraunt/shop etc.

Honestly, never had anything like it in any of the other countries I have been to in the past. It was wierd, and whilst nice, sometimes it went to far - like in one resteraunt, my wife just could not get any service.. one hand up from me, and multiple staff were running over, which just made things really uncomfortalbe, as my wife was pissed off, and I was now annoyed at them for making my wife upset.. etc.
Where's your wife from? Sorry if you've said already, haven't read back through the thread.
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fallen_acorns
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#1424
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#1424
(Original post by Lyrical Prodigy)
Where's your wife from? Sorry if you've said already, haven't read back through the thread.
shes from china
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Lyrical Prodigy
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#1425
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#1425
(Original post by fallen_acorns)
shes from china
Yeah I imagined she was, I just asked to be sure because it's rather odd. The Chinese people treat her differently to you because you're white yet she's Chinese herself? :confused:
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username917703
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#1426
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#1426
(Original post by fallen_acorns)
shes from china
Mail order brides :cool:
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Arkasia
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#1427
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#1427
(Original post by Wilfred Little)
Mail order brides :cool:
With the state of our postal service, she will turn up when she's 70, and then be given to your neighbour with a 'sorry you were out' slip.
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fallen_acorns
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#1428
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#1428
(Original post by Lyrical Prodigy)
Yeah I imagined she was, I just asked to be sure because it's rather odd. The Chinese people treat her differently to you because you're white yet she's Chinese herself? :confused:
It is wierd.. never seen a country where there is such a difference between the way they treat each other, and the way they treat certain groups of tourists...

(Original post by Wilfred Little)
Mail order brides :cool:
you know - I really dont like telling people that my wife is chinese, because it comes with 1 of two connotations:

1 - older lonely english man, who resents english women for rejecting him, and idiolises chinese/eastern women as some sort of old fashioned ideal.. and wants to go over and meet an asian bride, etc.
2 - younger english guy who is obsessed with asian culture, and actively likes women because they are east asian, and not because of who they are.. usually coupled with obsessive watching of anime, etc.

genuinly dont really like telling people, because I just presume they think the worst.

In reality though, her being chinese is never something I wanted - just something that happened.. your at uni, you go out for the night, meet a girl.. the last thing that is on your mind is where she is from. - until years later your married, and fighting visa battles, and having to deal with the real possibilties of living in china.

I wrote a whole post about this ages ago on TSR, in response to a guy who thought that having an international girlfriend was so so cool... tried to brign him back to reality - by explaining how yes, it can be wonderful, and having two cultures in a relationship brings so many special moments.. showing my wife, who had never known anything about it, an english christmas was amazing.. getting to experiance a proper family chinese new year.. having a wedding where half your guests travelled round the world, and watching as two groups of people who could barely speek to each other, danced together and laughed.. was brilliant..
But then you can have visa issues, cultrual differerences, which wont become apparent until your in a serrious relationship.. different values, the fact that one of you will likely be appart from your family for most of your life.. language problems at first. etc. and in reality, it is a very mixed bag, it adds a lot of good, but there is also nothing easy about having a relationship with someone who is not from the uk, or even the EU.

I have a friend who is the 2nd catagory.. activly chases chinese women - swear every single girl he has ever liked has been either chiense or japanese.. and I just want to slap him sometimes.. and say that forget about where they are from, and how they look.. are they actually a person you like.. or are you just chasing the idea that you like of having an asian wife.. - it really pisses me off.

/rant.
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username917703
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#1429
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#1429
Interesting post and background, but just to be clear, I was only pulling your leg with that post. Hope you get everything sorted mate.
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fallen_acorns
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#1430
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#1430
(Original post by Wilfred Little)
Interesting post and background, but just to be clear, I was only pulling your leg with that post. Hope you get everything sorted mate.
my bad, should have probably made it more clear that the rant was not aimed at you, just my general feelings towards the perception of white guys with chinese wifes.

I knew you were just joking - and jokes about it have never bothered me.. friends and family joke about it all the time, as does her chinese friends/family.. - never get annoyed at jokes..

Now its the people who dont joke about it.. but instead just go 'oh...' and then go quite.. that I get annoyed at

+ thanks
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Tom_Ford
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#1431
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#1431


Just me in my lab on Friday nights. Can't wait to start cutting in May, next year will be madness.

Spoiler:
Show
I took a vid cos there was Beyonce on!



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Arkasia
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#1432
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#1432
(Original post by fallen_acorns)
It is wierd.. never seen a country where there is such a difference between the way they treat each other, and the way they treat certain groups of tourists...



you know - I really dont like telling people that my wife is chinese, because it comes with 1 of two connotations:

1 - older lonely english man, who resents english women for rejecting him, and idiolises chinese/eastern women as some sort of old fashioned ideal.. and wants to go over and meet an asian bride, etc.
2 - younger english guy who is obsessed with asian culture, and actively likes women because they are east asian, and not because of who they are.. usually coupled with obsessive watching of anime, etc.

genuinly dont really like telling people, because I just presume they think the worst.

In reality though, her being chinese is never something I wanted - just something that happened.. your at uni, you go out for the night, meet a girl.. the last thing that is on your mind is where she is from. - until years later your married, and fighting visa battles, and having to deal with the real possibilties of living in china.

I wrote a whole post about this ages ago on TSR, in response to a guy who thought that having an international girlfriend was so so cool... tried to brign him back to reality - by explaining how yes, it can be wonderful, and having two cultures in a relationship brings so many special moments.. showing my wife, who had never known anything about it, an english christmas was amazing.. getting to experiance a proper family chinese new year.. having a wedding where half your guests travelled round the world, and watching as two groups of people who could barely speek to each other, danced together and laughed.. was brilliant..
But then you can have visa issues, cultrual differerences, which wont become apparent until your in a serrious relationship.. different values, the fact that one of you will likely be appart from your family for most of your life.. language problems at first. etc. and in reality, it is a very mixed bag, it adds a lot of good, but there is also nothing easy about having a relationship with someone who is not from the uk, or even the EU.

I have a friend who is the 2nd catagory.. activly chases chinese women - swear every single girl he has ever liked has been either chiense or japanese.. and I just want to slap him sometimes.. and say that forget about where they are from, and how they look.. are they actually a person you like.. or are you just chasing the idea that you like of having an asian wife.. - it really pisses me off.

/rant.
If your friend is so desperate for a waifu, tell him to buy a dakimakura.
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fallen_acorns
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#1433
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#1433
(Original post by Arkasia)
If your friend is so desperate for a waifu, tell him to buy a dakimakura.
had to google that - honestly, would not be suprised if he has one in secret..

Not trying to judge people, as you know, what ever makes you happy - but I think if I woke up in the morning, rolled over to see myself next to a pillow with a women on it.. rather then, well, an actual women.. I think I would have to really question the path my life has gone down.
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Arkasia
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#1434
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#1434
(Original post by fallen_acorns)
had to google that - honestly, would not be suprised if he has one in secret..

Not trying to judge people, as you know, what ever makes you happy - but I think if I woke up in the morning, rolled over to see myself next to a pillow with a women on it.. rather then, well, an actual women.. I think I would have to really question the path my life has gone down.
I know a few weeaboos myself and trust me, they don't mind letting people know about it.

And yeah, but it would be sadder if even the pillow had gotten bored of you and left while you were sleeping.
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fallen_acorns
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#1435
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#1435
(Original post by Arkasia)
I know a few weeaboos myself and trust me, they don't mind letting people know about it.

And yeah, but it would be sadder if even the pillow had gotten bored of you and left while you were sleeping.
Weeaboos - I am laerning a lot of new words tonight!

Fits the discription of a fair few guys I can think of though..
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Tom_Ford
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#1436
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#1436
I'd feel a little bit emasculated if I was in the situatuon where my Mother was Chinese, Father was white, and they thought the white culture was superior and never taught me about my other side. There are couples like that. It'd represent everything I hate about IR relationships, where one/both races in the pair is an object of fetish. I.e. The coupling came about in immoral circumstances. A lot of American couples are like that, messed up to begin with and they produce messed up kids. A lot of other stuff about this stuff that I cba to go into. Very important to teach mixed race kids to love both sides of themselves.

I look up to my Father tbh, in real life, see him as a guy that succeeded despite prejudices in his day, found a beautiful lady who was totally foreign, but he made it work. I know it sounds a bit un-pc, but it makes me proud somewhat to be the product of a victory against racial adversity and negative media stereotypes.
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SA-1
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#1437
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#1437
(Original post by fallen_acorns)
It is wierd.. never seen a country where there is such a difference between the way they treat each other, and the way they treat certain groups of tourists...

you know - I really dont like telling people that my wife is chinese, because it comes with 1 of two connotations:

1 - older lonely english man, who resents english women for rejecting him, and idiolises chinese/eastern women as some sort of old fashioned ideal.. and wants to go over and meet an asian bride, etc.
2 - younger english guy who is obsessed with asian culture, and actively likes women because they are east asian, and not because of who they are.. usually coupled with obsessive watching of anime, etc.

genuinly dont really like telling people, because I just presume they think the worst.

In reality though, her being chinese is never something I wanted - just something that happened.. your at uni, you go out for the night, meet a girl.. the last thing that is on your mind is where she is from. - until years later your married, and fighting visa battles, and having to deal with the real possibilties of living in china.

I wrote a whole post about this ages ago on TSR, in response to a guy who thought that having an international girlfriend was so so cool... tried to brign him back to reality - by explaining how yes, it can be wonderful, and having two cultures in a relationship brings so many special moments.. showing my wife, who had never known anything about it, an english christmas was amazing.. getting to experiance a proper family chinese new year.. having a wedding where half your guests travelled round the world, and watching as two groups of people who could barely speek to each other, danced together and laughed.. was brilliant..
But then you can have visa issues, cultrual differerences, which wont become apparent until your in a serrious relationship.. different values, the fact that one of you will likely be appart from your family for most of your life.. language problems at first. etc. and in reality, it is a very mixed bag, it adds a lot of good, but there is also nothing easy about having a relationship with someone who is not from the uk, or even the EU.

I have a friend who is the 2nd catagory.. activly chases chinese women - swear every single girl he has ever liked has been either chiense or japanese.. and I just want to slap him sometimes.. and say that forget about where they are from, and how they look.. are they actually a person you like.. or are you just chasing the idea that you like of having an asian wife.. - it really pisses me off.

/rant.
How's it different in China? Always wanted to go but haven't had the opportunity yet.

It's good to hear that cultural barriers weren't an issue when it came to choosing your wife, something that for some reason is still an issue in this day and age. Hope everything unfolds for the better for you mate, it will do eventually
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SA-1
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#1438
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#1438
Really beasting my dissertation now. Done almost half of it since yesterday and I think I'll leave it at that for today. Probably play fifa or watch a movie to give my mind a rest. Going to tackle the results & discussion tomorrow and I'm really not looking forward to it. Can see it taking me a while to get it all perfect.

Microsoft Word froze and became unresponsive and shut down a while ago, luckily I had pressed save a few minutes before haha. Emailed it to like three different people and saved it in two different memory sticks to make sure nothing goes wrong :cool:
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Tom_Ford
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#1439
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#1439
Here is a paradox tbh that most people do not realise regarding the white lad and the oriental lady. People say in the media that the oriental lady is an object of fetish and that may be true. But it works the other way too, these oriental ladies see the white guy as an object of fetish so it really works both ways. A trophy and status symbol. Of course there is love to do with it because we are humans, but the trophy like status is the big initial pull. Of course there is the racial inferiority complex and the idea that 'white is right', western culture is enlightened etc.

But, yeah, use that knowledge how you may and have fun!

In my experiences irl, them and Arab girls are the ones that I find a bit backwards and tarred by post-colonial hangovers.
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fallen_acorns
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#1440
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#1440
(Original post by Tom_Ford)
I'd feel a little bit emasculated if I was in the situatuon where my Mother was Chinese, Father was white, and they thought the white culture was superior and never taught me about my other side. There are couples like that. It'd represent everything I hate about IR relationships, where one/both races in the pair is an object of fetish. I.e. The coupling came about in immoral circumstances. A lot of American couples are like that, messed up to begin with and they produce messed up kids. A lot of other stuff about this stuff that I cba to go into. Very important to teach mixed race kids to love both sides of themselves.

I look up to my Father tbh, in real life, see him as a guy that succeeded despite prejudices in his day, found a beautiful lady who was totally foreign, but he made it work. I know it sounds a bit un-pc, but it makes me proud somewhat to be the product of a victory against racial adversity and negative media stereotypes.
I get what you mean.

Me and my wife have spent a long time talking about raising our future children, and getting the right balance of cultures. we both want our child to have a life made up of each of our cultures.. but its not going to be easy to do.. language, is a problem we can solve, but family and culture is more diffiicult.. we have spoken about spending extended periods in each country, making sure they get to tavel and visit their relitives enough etc. and the problems of each culture when it comes to raising kids (massive generalisations here.. but for instance, british teenage life can be pretty crazy, which my wife does not really like.. whereas I am not so fond of the over-working of children that I have seen in china.. where primary aged kids are working 10+ hours a day and doing tons of homeowrk, instead of playing)

Its certianly an extra consideration that growing up I never thought about, when I daydreamed about my future family.. but teaching our children to be proud of both of their cultures is something that will be really important for us.

- have any advice for a couple who will be trying to raise a child with two cultures?
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