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    this close to bashing my keyboard or smashing something angry and pissed off doesn't cover it!
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    My twitter and Facebook have been so triggering today


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    Really really not safe tonight. Everything seems to be going wrong around me and things are crumbling yet I don't have the strength to pick things back up. Need someone to just make it stop cause I'm sick of this pain and I don't have anyone in real life to turn to cause they're all gone now cause I'm a horrible pathetic excuse for a human I'm so stupid and pathetic and I'm so sick of this hell and there really is no point


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    Strugglling to keep myself safe right now :/ cant do this :cry2:
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    I fell over in the street yesterday evening and had a panic attack. I was so scared. Luckily my boyfriend was with me so he could comfort me a bit. I'm so scared of falling over now, because what if I land on my belly? My bf said I landed on my knees so everything was fine, but panicking like that... I haven't done that in a few weeks.

    Everything is ok again now though. Got Uni today. Hoping to talk to my tutors about these bloody extensions and when I'm going to finish them.
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    Mental health services are so bad here... Got a phone call saying I'm on a waiting list. Ugh so frustrating. I can't do this on my own


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    (Original post by avhhs)
    You sound quite like me :lovehug:. Wish I had something better to say than good luck



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    :hugs: thanks, good luck to you too!
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    Wow so I saw a GP who was actually quite helpful. Talked about diaz and whether there were any alternatives, and he suggested propanalol. Has prescribed me 28x10mg (said it was a very low dose, and that I could go up to 40mg if it wasn't effective) but also prescribed me 28 of 2mg diaz without me having to ask, and suggested experimenting to see what works best in different situations.

    I'm surprised because normally being in a room alone with a guy freaks me the **** out. He could see I was shaking and asked if he could take my pulse, and it didn't even make me panic too much when he was touching my wrist (cos he didn't properly grab it). Doing some blood tests to check there isn't a physical cause (pulse was 90 apparently) but may well just be anxiety. I think it was mostly a relief to finally have a GP who had actually read my notes and didn't feel the need to ask (again) what caused me to get PTSD and a billion surrounding questions, like they are really fundamentally necessary and totally worth triggering me massively. So that was good.

    Now trying to figure out if I can make it to the pharmacy before my exam this afternoon. I don't like taking diaz before exams because of the cognitive effects, but if I could get some propanolol then that might be really helpful.
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    I feel worse after therapy :sigh: Only two more sessions left, part of my head is telling me to not even go to them.
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    (Original post by Deyesy)
    I feel worse after therapy :sigh: Only two more sessions left, part of my head is telling me to not even go to them.
    Any particular reason? :hugs:

    I always feel worse after therapy and I'm still going, not sure if that's just a sign of madness though.
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    (Original post by 08batee)
    cause I'm a horrible pathetic excuse for a human I'm so stupid and pathetic and I'm so sick of this hell and there really is no point
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    Hope you're safe now, hun. You're not a pathetic excuse for a human and you're not stupid idea - please don't think that :lovehug:


    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Wow so I saw a GP who was actually quite helpful. Talked about diaz and whether there were any alternatives, and he suggested propanalol. Has prescribed me 28x10mg (said it was a very low dose, and that I could go up to 40mg if it wasn't effective) but also prescribed me 28 of 2mg diaz without me having to ask, and suggested experimenting to see what works best in different situations.

    I'm surprised because normally being in a room alone with a guy freaks me the **** out. He could see I was shaking and asked if he could take my pulse, and it didn't even make me panic too much when he was touching my wrist (cos he didn't properly grab it). Doing some blood tests to check there isn't a physical cause (pulse was 90 apparently) but may well just be anxiety. I think it was mostly a relief to finally have a GP who had actually read my notes and didn't feel the need to ask (again) what caused me to get PTSD and a billion surrounding questions, like they are really fundamentally necessary and totally worth triggering me massively. So that was good.

    Now trying to figure out if I can make it to the pharmacy before my exam this afternoon. I don't like taking diaz before exams because of the cognitive effects, but if I could get some propanolol then that might be really helpful.
    Yay for efficient GP! :jumphug:


    (Original post by Stiff Little Fingers)
    Anyway - still not comfortable talking to people about how I feel or my problems but thought I'd come back and say hi guys :wavey:
    :hugs:
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    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Wow so I saw a GP who was actually quite helpful. Talked about diaz and whether there were any alternatives, and he suggested propanalol. Has prescribed me 28x10mg (said it was a very low dose, and that I could go up to 40mg if it wasn't effective) but also prescribed me 28 of 2mg diaz without me having to ask, and suggested experimenting to see what works best in different situations.

    I'm surprised because normally being in a room alone with a guy freaks me the **** out. He could see I was shaking and asked if he could take my pulse, and it didn't even make me panic too much when he was touching my wrist (cos he didn't properly grab it). Doing some blood tests to check there isn't a physical cause (pulse was 90 apparently) but may well just be anxiety. I think it was mostly a relief to finally have a GP who had actually read my notes and didn't feel the need to ask (again) what caused me to get PTSD and a billion surrounding questions, like they are really fundamentally necessary and totally worth triggering me massively. So that was good.

    Now trying to figure out if I can make it to the pharmacy before my exam this afternoon. I don't like taking diaz before exams because of the cognitive effects, but if I could get some propanolol then that might be really helpful.
    Glad you had a good appointment. I don't know much about Propanolol, but my concern is that if you've not taken it before, you won't know how it affects you, so it may not be the best idea to take it before an exam? Obviously your decision though!

    (Original post by Deyesy)
    I feel worse after therapy :sigh: Only two more sessions left, part of my head is telling me to not even go to them.
    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Any particular reason? :hugs:

    I always feel worse after therapy and I'm still going, not sure if that's just a sign of madness though.
    I do too, I think it's just because you're having to talk about things and open up, at least, that's what I think it is for me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Glad you had a good appointment. I don't know much about Propanolol, but my concern is that if you've not taken it before, you won't know how it affects you, so it may not be the best idea to take it before an exam? Obviously your decision though!
    Yeah - I'm having the same concern. That said, it sounds like there's not a hell of a lot that it could do to damage performance, and yesterday shaking made it quite hard to write straight, which kind of is performance damaging, so it might be worth it. Can't decide.
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    Can anyone work out why I feel so melancholy all the time? I feel depressed but I find one or too things I find ok but dont enjoy them anywhere near I should to the point where I have over 320 Steam video games and only played a few despite being a major game fan playing them since I was 2 years old back in the 80's when gaming was for nerds, or you can put on my favourite movie and I will not concentrate on it and miss most of it so have to watch it again and this time concentrate on different points and miss the parts I watched originally.

    I know I said this before but I seem to have a thrifty attitute to life, I stay inside even if I want to go out as too tired or put off playing video games or even eating then when I do things, especially eating I pig out, or video games I play till say 6am and not even concentrate on it.

    No idea how to change it.
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    i got extenuating circumstances
    i can now do my work at home in the quiet over summer and hand it in in August!

    had a pretty rubbish night

    no idea how i even feel today, just blahh i think.
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    i got extenuating circumstances
    i can now do my work at home in the quiet over summer and hand it in in August!

    had a pretty rubbish night

    no idea how i even feel today, just blahh i think.
    good news about the extended deadline, it might take some of the pressure off?
    i hope you are okay :hugs:
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    Going to ring my accommodation office to see if they've come to a decision about my housing yet. They haven't got back to me and it's making me really nervous! D:
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    (Original post by Mouse Potato)
    Going to ring my accommodation office to see if they've come to a decision about my housing yet. They haven't got back to me and it's making me really nervous! D:
    I forgot to accept my offer for housing in time, and only realised about 5 days ago. Logged in and it still allowed me to confirm my choice so now I'm so confused as to whether I have a place or not. Emailed them asking and haven't heard back yet. Uni stuff is so stressful already.
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    (Original post by octoberbaby)
    I forgot to accept my offer for housing in time, and only realised about 5 days ago. Logged in and it still allowed me to confirm my choice so now I'm so confused as to whether I have a place or not. Emailed them asking and haven't heard back yet. Uni stuff is so stressful already.
    Oh no! Do they have a phone number you could call maybe? Uni stuff is definitely stressful, I'm returning after a year out and it's so worrying.

    -----

    I found out that my application was successful!! I don't know where exactly it'll be yet, but they've said that I should be able to bring my gerbil because my CPN said how important she was to my wellbeing, so I'm feeling much calmer about it all now!!
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    Everything was going so perfectly right and now everything has become terrifying and I'm so scared of screwing my dissertation up after it started off so well. I'm being pulled in too many directions and because I'm not having the chance to concentrate on any part of it I'm getting muddled and upset and jumpy.
 
 
 
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