i don't understand the logic of.self acceptance Watch

skunkboy
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#141
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#141
All human beings have ugly parts of their bodies. They just don't realize that and have been lying to themselves.

They hate the truth that brings pain & suffering.

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Riku
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#142
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#142
(Original post by Zaros)
From the way the thread has gone, I'm taking it the problem now is that you have little to no friends. I completely understand as I myself have no true friend apart from my beloved girlfriend. However the way to make friends is not to post in places like this. Instead think of something that you personally really enjoy and find a forum where you can talk and make friends. I know for a fact that you might not make any friends, and sure maybe you will graduate and there might not be anyone in your life right now. I felt the exact same way about 2 years ago when I was bullied to the point not even my parents would help me. Problem is life is all about balance. Right now your life might well suck, but I can promise you that at some point life will balance it back out.

If you want to talk feel free to message me~
Thanks man. In balance as said on my other (more important yet ignored?) thread, I'm really effing lonely at uni. Elsewhere less so but it still gets me down
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Zaros
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#143
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(Original post by Riku)
Thanks man. In balance as said on my other (more important yet ignored?) thread, I'm really effing lonely at uni. Elsewhere less so but it still gets me down
Ignored might be the wrong word, unseen might be a better one. As someone without friends at school my advise would be to enjoy it, most people get bombarded with friends and it seems to be rather annoying to me.
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Riku
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#144
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(Original post by FishLover)
Riku, you need to get over this one girl. This isn't the fifth time this has happened to you. It's the first. If you are so fond of being logical then you should know that this one experience does not provide enough data to see a pattern or draw any conclusions from. If she did ignore you a lot and paid more attention to this other guy then she was not being a very good girlfriend.

Look Riku, you are probably not as unattractive and unlovable as you seem to think you are. I have a sister who behaves almost exactly like you. She's basically an older female version of 'Riku'. She is still obsessing over this guy that broke up with her around a year ago. She seem to think that she has all these flaws that I have, personally never noticed. She thinks that she is ugly, stupid, not good enough and is constantly comparing herself to someone or another. It's freaking annoying. I'm sure that, just like my sister, you are also exaggerating all these perceived flaws. I had never noticed half the stuff she blabs about till she, herself, drew attention to those things. Contrary to what you might think, Riku, the world is not constantly watching your every move, trying to see you slip up or do something stupid and laugh at you.
Fourth actually. The first girl rejected me cos I was fat (Year 6) the second didn't stay for a second date and dumped me over MSN (Year 10) the third came out shortly after ending it with me we met each other twice in 6 weeks (Year 11) and this is the first girl I have dated after my parents divorcing at the end of Year 11. She left me due mostly circumstances but maybe someone else, it's hard to tell

I don't think my flaws are massive but TSR would beg to differ :-S
I am paranoid of people though
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Riku
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#145
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#145
(Original post by Zaros)
Ignored might be the wrong word, unseen might be a better one. As someone without friends at school my advise would be to enjoy it, most people get bombarded with friends and it seems to be rather annoying to me.
But having no friends is a recipe for disaster with a semi depressed person. It confirms the fear you're flawed and inlikable
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scrotgrot
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#146
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(Original post by Riku)
Fourth actually. The first girl rejected me cos I was fat (Year 6) the second didn't stay for a second date and dumped me over MSN (Year 10) the third came out shortly after ending it with me we met each other twice in 6 weeks (Year 11) and this is the first girl I have dated after my parents divorcing at the end of Year 11. She left me due mostly circumstances but maybe someone else, it's hard to tell

I don't think my flaws are massive but TSR would beg to differ :-S
I am paranoid of people though
No the first three don't count as they were never your girlfriends, you had 0 dates with the first one, 1 with the second and 2 with the third.

I've had three girlfriends, lasting 4-5 months, 3 months and 3 years+(!) respectively, plus a few rejections in the past, but in light of the length of my current relationship even the two other girlfriends don't seem like they properly counted, let alone the rejections.
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Riku
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#147
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(Original post by scrotgrot)
No the first three don't count as they were never your girlfriends, you had 0 dates with the first one, 1 with the second and 2 with the third.

I've had three girlfriends, lasting 4-5 months, 3 months and 3 years+(!) respectively, plus a few rejections in the past, but in light of the length of my current relationship even the two other girlfriends don't seem like they properly counted, let alone the rejections.
Ok...but ths is the only girl I successfully managed to get to obviously fancy me as early as Year 10, and my Year 16 self has to **** it up?! Talk about regression
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Zaros
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(Original post by Riku)
But having no friends is a recipe for disaster with a semi depressed person. It confirms the fear you're flawed and inlikable
Having no friends is a choice of yourself. If you want friends then you can go out and you can make friends. It's not that hard, and if for some reason you can't make any in one place, try another and another until you get some. There is nothing to fear about being flawed, nothing is perfect even the Vulcans you mentioned are flawed because they feel no emotion, even Spock is flawed for being a mortal. Enjoy your flaws they're what make you you.
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Riku
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#149
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(Original post by SophieSmall)
Your posts have gotten more and more pitiful as the months have gone on, it used to be you were just insecure about your appearance and wanted some advice on improving it and stuff like that which is pretty normal, down to posts like this and the other one you wrote were you were ridiculously paranoid your dad was buying granola to lower your testosterone.
No I've been a raging paranoid since I joined this place, I just started blurting more and more to TSR as time went on tbh, and now regretting it. Wanting to improve appearance, and feeling afraid Dad is trying to lwoer my testosterone deliberately...believe it or not they're linked. I*mprove appearance, and fears of being replaced by a 'better looking' guy. Feeling guilty and selfish for following my own path in lfie which may upset my parents esp. with my history of an ED, and feeling emasculated by my inability to follow my own path...Judging myself as not a 'man' for being unable to hold my drink or handle sleep deprivation well, and fears my ex's guy friend is more masculine than me, and so on...
It is all essentially linked in me being insecure in whether or not I can class myself as more than an overgrown boy and a struggle between wanting to grow up and embrace the power of adulthood and the fear of growing up and leaving my childhood behind, and what I think it means to be a man. I've been working on this for ages with counsellors, I'm sorry TSR's been so privy to it all too.
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scrotgrot
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#150
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(Original post by Riku)
Ok...but ths is the only girl I successfully managed to get to obviously fancy me as early as Year 10, and my Year 16 self has to **** it up?! Talk about regression
Relationships break up and people stop fancying each other, that's not regression, it's natural.
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Riku
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#151
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#151
(Original post by Zaros)
Having no friends is a choice of yourself. If you want friends then you can go out and you can make friends. It's not that hard, and if for some reason you can't make any in one place, try another and another until you get some. There is nothing to fear about being flawed, nothing is perfect even the Vulcans you mentioned are flawed because they feel no emotion, even Spock is flawed for being a mortal. Enjoy your flaws they're what make you you.
Ok, but I have an established social anxiety now so this isn't going to happen overnight
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politics_
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#152
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Riku
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#153
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(Original post by sliceofcake)
Or you're just incompatible with the people on your course? I don't like most of the people on my course, but that's not to say there's anything wrong with them or me. There might be a lot wrong with all of us but I can't call them friends because we're so different.
Also, what does it matter? What does it really matter? What happens now/in university will not be the same for the rest of your life. Not having friends now doesn't mean you never will, it means you don't have friends for now. Eventually you WILL get a job and then you can go from there, befriending the people you work with.
Also your earlier comment of "I don't want to be an unemployed, broke, alcoholic, weed smoking bum on the dole like my old school friend I had to escape from because I couldn't help him" is all down to you. Unemployment and financial situation is mostly within your control, it's up to you to get a job. You seem to worry that you won't but most graduates share that worry. Being an alcoholic weed smoker is completely within your control. Just don't start, it's not likely for you to become addicted if you don't start.
Because of my social anxiety and obsessions getting in the way of me even overcoming them I don't know whether I'd like or dislike them. I lived at home and mostly got to lectures and seminars late.
I felt a bit threatened by the drinking culture because I'm scared I'll start revealing too much or act in a very antisocial way under the influence, but that I'll be judged if I didn't...so I didn't do either
No this is true and that's why I'm glad I have friends at home I'm just a little disappointed I have made such little progress on my social anxiety in 3 years. Even with leeway for the fact I've been ill, I haven't been severely ill since the end of first year
(if you think this is me ill then you'd have loved me in first year haha)
The people I work with in retail are kinda friendly, but some are younger (about 18) and stuck little girls. My best mate also got sacked, and about 80% of the team has either left or been booted in the 2 and a half years I've been with them

It is, I'm taking extremes as I seem to do a lot, compare and despair and all or nothing thinking. Basic CBT stuff
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Riku
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#154
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(Original post by scrotgrot)
Relationships break up and people stop fancying each other, that's not regression, it's natural.
What causes a man to go out with a girl that crushed on him in school, when she's now approaching her twenties? What has happened to me?
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scrotgrot
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(Original post by Riku)
What causes a man to go out with a girl that crushed on him in school, when she's now approaching her twenties? What has happened to me?
Well I assume you were attracted to her and she was a realistic prospect, what's unmanly about that?
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hihoho
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I realise that by the notion of perfect you are referring to fine-tuning as time progresses, which is realistic and I totally agree with what you are saying, everyone should strive to improve but reality is not many do.. neglect those because most people that end up in the top are people that continuously and ruthlessly improve themselves. You need to change your lifestyle, little by little. It won't change overnight as you rightly mentioned but if you just don't do anything about it.. then expect to nothing to happen. The important lessons though is that you do it for yourself and not for anyone else. The best thing you can do while you are still in university is to join societies, you will make many friends that way.
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Sarrah17
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(Original post by carlisomes)
Because having flaws is normal.
I don't agree with the concept of people having "flaws". I think that flaws occur when you have one universal idea of perfection that everyone strives to be. In that case you will have some people closer to the generalised concept of perfection than others which evokes the idea of flaws in those who lesser achieve perfection. However, this argument doesn't necessarily apply to us. Because, we are all different, in physical and mental traits. The idea of being a perfect human being is irrational seeming as perfection is different in almost everyone's eyes. What someone may see as perfect may be the complete opposite for someone else. This is just my view on things, what do you guys think?
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Riku
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#158
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(Original post by Sarrah17)
I don't agree with the concept of people having "flaws". I think that flaws occur when you have one universal idea of perfection that everyone strives to be. In that case you will have some people closer to the generalised concept of perfection than others which evokes the idea of flaws in those who lesser achieve perfection. However, this argument doesn't necessarily apply to us. Because, we are all different, in physical and mental traits. The idea of being a perfect human being is irrational seeming as perfection is different in almost everyone's eyes. What someone may see as perfect may be the complete opposite for someone else. This is just my view on things, what do you guys think?
I think that most people on this thread think along the same lines to you Sarrah, except for me who is claiming ts trive for perfection but is in fact playing at keyboard warrior in the university library rather than doing his finals coursework, and the fact that this thread even exists to ask the question is it ok to be less than perfect is a sign that either a) I am still very mentally ill and in need of treatment, and/or b) the creation of this thread is in itself me trying to avoid confronting the central reason that I am mentally ill.
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Riku
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(Original post by hihoho)
I realise that by the notion of perfect you are referring to fine-tuning as time progresses, which is realistic and I totally agree with what you are saying, everyone should strive to improve but reality is not many do.. neglect those because most people that end up in the top are people that continuously and ruthlessly improve themselves. You need to change your lifestyle, little by little. It won't change overnight as you rightly mentioned but if you just don't do anything about it.. then expect to nothing to happen. The important lessons though is that you do it for yourself and not for anyone else. The best thing you can do while you are still in university is to join societies, you will make many friends that way.
But if you read my OP I was on extreme mood and saying I MUST BE GOD AT ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING AND YOU WILL ALL COWER BENEATH MY MIGHT which is the same sort of thought I got when stressed when I was like 13, can you see that my concept of self improvement is a wee unrealistic?
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Riku
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(Original post by scrotgrot)
Well I assume you were attracted to her and she was a realistic prospect, what's unmanly about that?
She was not a realisitc prospect, she was a beautiful, intelligent and highly ambitious woman from an orthodox religious, conservative family background, whereas I was a demotivated, paranoid, insecure hermit running from my present continuously back to the past in fear of both the present and the future. I am not the boy that she once knew-although I did make her happy.
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