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    (Original post by DancinBallerina)
    THIS!

    I've seen some women who aren't attractive, yet they've got a stunner of a guy on their arm!!! Looks means sod all - so the people saying "be attractive", is utter tripe!!!! Everyone is different & attraction is different to different people.
    To a point, but it doesnt do any harm knowing how to make the most of yourself. Your target is to increase your chances to the max number of suitables. Men are quite visual in th first instance.
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    (Original post by TheGreatImposter)
    Yeah I get you OP. If its not your looks, it may be your personality/ compatibility. Not the best one to give advice with these things because I've never been in a relationship.
    I'm not the OP I was just commenting. If it were only down to looks then all ugly people would be single and all attractive people would be coupled up, but that's not the case. To be honest I think there are many factors that could be at play, some of it is luck. For me, I find the early stages of a relationship very fragile and stressful and I think a lot of people nowadays see dating as a meat market and hop from person to person, particularly in my age group and location. In some ways if you are unattractive, you are more likely to get a person who loves you for who you are inside rather than who just sees you as a piece of meat. Just my 2 cents.
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    (Original post by TheGreatImposter)
    why?
    it's alll weird

    (Original post by DancinBallerina)
    .....I don't believe it is my personality...the amount of people I've met over the past year, who've asked "Have I got a bf?", I say no, & theyre always surprised & say words to the effect of you've got an amazing personality. No idea maybe if when I go on dates, I'm quite 'private' in that I don't disclose every single thing about myself because I like mystery & don't want to give all. :dontknow: But I give enough so it's not silence / awkward.

    It just doesn't make sense to me.
    you seem to be in severe denial. the desperate tone for understanding, reassurance and encouragement in your OP conflicts with the "I'm perfect, I'm fine" tone in your following posts.

    obviously there is an issue within yourself that's preventing you from getting into a solid or good relationship, since you're driven to make the OP about the situation you're in.

    or...you made a ridiculous, pointless OP asking for impossible advice. choose which.
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    DancinBallerina


    It's so difficult to tell without knowing you or your relationship history. Do you have a close friend that you can trust to give you an unbiased, honest opinion as to why your relationships so far didn't stick?

    I doubt there anything in you as a person that could be putting people off. :hugs: You also don't sound like you've got too high expectations or too many deal breakers.

    Perhaps you don't know how to recognise the qualities you want in a partner in people you meet? So you're dating the same types who aren't in to commitment for whatever reason without realising that's what's going on. Maybe have a sit down and think about the common themes and see if there are any patterns?

    Reading some of your posts, maybe you're not ruthless enough when it comes to dating? I know that sounds super cynical, but by the time people have reached their late 20s/early 30s they're pretty well the people they'll continue to be. So if they're not showing signs of commitment or they're only making booty calls chances are they're not going to change. There's no point in wasting your time.

    Also... did you actually have the DTR chat with any of the guys/fwbs you were seeing? It might be that they just didn't realise you wanted something more and assumed that was how it was gonna be?

    Have you tried online dating sites which aren't Tinder? OkCupid is nice because it has more of a focus on profiles/getting to know people rather than only being based on appearance. Makes for good quality dates if you put the effort in

    This is all just possibilities - it could also just be that you've not met anyone yet :hugs:
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    (Original post by DancinBallerina)
    .....I don't believe it is my personality...the amount of people I've met over the past year, who've asked "Have I got a bf?", I say no, & theyre always surprised & say words to the effect of you've got an amazing personality. No idea maybe if when I go on dates, I'm quite 'private' in that I don't disclose every single thing about myself because I like mystery & don't want to give all. :dontknow: But I give enough so it's not silence / awkward.

    It just doesn't make sense to me.
    Perhaps you cna get some honest feedback rather than just your friends. I mean objective. Maybe you intimidate, maybe you seem disinterested or aloof, maybe you seem hard work or set in your ways.

    Maybe you are looking in the wrmg places and need to change social circles? Maybe you arent networking enough. I had one friend and she got a bf just by never refusing a date. It can be hard work I agree, but now is the time to tackle it. Do not spend a long time in a mediocre relationship .
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    To a point, but it doesnt do any harm knowing how to make the most of yourself. Your target is to increase your chances to the max number of suitables. Men are quite visual in th first instance.
    So I need to dress slutty?
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    (Original post by DancinBallerina)
    So I need to dress slutty?
    What do you think is dressing slutty?
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    (Original post by malware)
    you seem to be in severe denial. the desperate tone for understanding, reassurance and encouragement in your OP conflicts with the "I'm perfect, I'm fine" tone in your following posts.

    obviously there is an issue within yourself that's preventing you from getting into a solid or good relationship, since you're driven to make the OP about the situation you're in.

    or...you made a ridiculous, pointless OP asking for impossible advice. choose which.
    Ok since you know everything about me, what is the issue? :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Cremated_Spatula)
    What do you think is dressing slutty?
    Tits out, legs out, vag out! Dressing in such manner is not an image I wish to give off. I wear clothing which is date appropriate, and of a reasonable length (usually wear dresses). But as someone has just say I need to get the attention of the men visually, so I assume that's what they're implying?
    • #2
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    (Original post by DancinBallerina)
    THIS!

    I've seen some women who aren't attractive, yet they've got a stunner of a guy on their arm!!! Looks means sod all - so the people saying "be attractive", is utter tripe!!!! Everyone is different & attraction is different to different people.
    Yes it's true some couple are of similar levels of attractiveness, but many others have a marked difference. I think attraction is complex and while looks are important that's only the first level of attraction and more to do with sex than relationships.
    • #2
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    (Original post by DancinBallerina)
    So I need to dress slutty?
    Most girls I know with boyfriends live in hoodies, leggings and uggs and I'm not willing to go there personally. Nice dresses for me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I cook, clean, bake, give good head, dress nice, do my hair, go to the gym, go to a good uni and still can't get a boyfriend
    Maybe there's something about your personality? Looks are what catch the guys attention but personality is what keeps them interested
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    (Original post by DancinBallerina)
    So I need to dress slutty?

    Nah but you can dress well. Whilst part of me is philosophical and its a numbers game you do need to do what you can to give it the best chance.


    Are you meeting enough people?
    Are you meeting the right sorts?
    Are you clear what you want and what you ahve to offer?
    How is your flirting technique?

    My tip is know what you wnat but make sure you are open minded, but then dont waste time on what you know to be dead ends.


    Do you really think you are making enough effort?

    Would you ask a guy out on a date/ thats just self confidence.

    Maybe your dating technique just needs a bit of refining. Im no saying its easy, but some people manage it and some people are better than others. In your case youd like to be as good at it as you can... that make sense?

    If you are in London theres loads of fating classes coaching session. I do think you need some objective feedback on your technique. Youra after ctaching a particular type of fish , so you need to know how to do it or at least understand how others have done it.
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    (Original post by DancinBallerina)
    Tits out, legs out, vag out! Dressing in such manner is not an image I wish to give off. I wear clothing which is date appropriate, and of a reasonable length (usually wear dresses). But as someone has just say I need to get the attention of the men visually, so I assume that's what they're implying?
    :rofl: No, you don't need to dress like that.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Perhaps you cna get some honest feedback rather than just your friends. I mean objective. Maybe you intimidate, maybe you seem disinterested or aloof, maybe you seem hard work or set in your ways.

    Maybe you are looking in the wrmg places and need to change social circles? Maybe you arent networking enough. I had one friend and she got a bf just by never refusing a date. It can be hard work I agree, but now is the time to tackle it. Do not spend a long time in a mediocre relationship .
    If said men still spoke to me, I would! Apart from one, I don't talk to any of the guys anymore purely because I don't want to cause drama or appear like I am trying to rekindle things, which is obv. not the case.

    I'm very cautious of how I behave around a guy and I am also wary of what I say, as I know guys pick up on things that could easily go against you, i.e What are you looking for.

    Guys don't get to know me long enough to assume I am hard work / set in my ways, so that can't be a reasoning for!

    I do think my social circles is crap, esp now as all friends are getting settled. But I work in an establishment whereby there is opportunity to network. But it's not easy when the majority of people are a lot older, not many people of my age, but it could potentially be a gate keeping way :dontknow: Dates I've been asked on, I've always gone to. I'm not picky in the sense of ''He's too short, can't go on a date with him'', im not like that. I am open to a lot of things as you never know what could happen.
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    (Original post by DancinBallerina)
    Ok since you know everything about me, what is the issue? :rolleyes:
    lol don't be immature. the same people who nicely advise you also know as much as I do. so if my posts are pointless so are theirs, thus making the thread pointless, no? or, do as I advised and instead of projecting on the internet what you do right, log out, sit down and think about what you do wrong. clearly it's you.
    • #2
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    (Original post by ivy.98)
    Maybe there's something about your personality? Looks are what catch the guys attention but personality is what keeps them interested
    I think if anything I'm 'too nice' I get told I'm a 'lovely person' all the time. Guys don't find it exciting and get bored of me and trample on me. I have a tendency to 'mother' people. Think I need to stop being a walkover and become a hardened b***h then I might finally have some luck.
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    Go up to the first person you like, tilt your head and whisper 'suck me neck' 100% success rate.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Most girls I know with boyfriends live in hoodies, leggings and uggs and I'm not willing to go there personally. Nice dresses for me.
    You wouldn't catch me in a pair of Ugg boots if my soul depended on it! I'm always in dresses because they're a lot more ladylike / feminine, and I've got a body I've worked hard to maintain lol
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    (Original post by malware)
    lol don't be immature. the same people who nicely advise you also know as much as I do. so if my posts are pointless so are theirs, thus making the thread pointless, no? or, do as I advised and instead of projecting on the internet what you do right, log out, sit down and think about what you do wrong. clearly it's you.
    Thanks
 
 
 
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