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Muslim TSR users, should I marry this man? Arranged Marriage Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    im 18, going on 19 and its at a point where i dont mind getting married if the right person comes along. My dad is my only guardian who acts as a wali, my dad family are hindu and my mums side of the family are useless. Hes found someone for me but hasnt approached him yet. the guy is 25/26, he is Somalian (im south asain) he has a PhD and is a hafith of the Quran. he is well established too. i pray five times a day and wear the hijab and abaya although i still talk/flirt with guys so maybe its best if i get married as my spouse will fulfil my desires.

    Generally when it comes to looking for a spouse i look for 1.Islam and 2.being educated so he ticks all the boxes.

    the thing is i dont know if im honestly ready for marriage, i think i may be as i want to be a mother as soon as i can and i am ready to be a housewife (im fully trained too lol) another thing is that i dont know if i am ready for sex its so daunting and i dont think i could lose my virginity on my wedding night.

    what makes a person ready for marriage?

    can anyone give me any advice as to weather i should marry this guy? my dad woul never make me marry someone i dont want to

    feel free to ask any relevant questions
    NO omg as a Somali I can 100% ensure there will be family dsyfunction and disharmony through culture clashes and stuff like that honesty I've witnessed it and whilst yes your father wouldn't wish bad on you I still think he looks like a all round good person but who knows when it comes to the home so I wouldn't :/ if you want to talk about this more PM me I'm more than happy to help sis ) x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yeah thats what im planning on doing. my dad knows him and this guy is looking for marriage, he might not even say yes but im thinking ahead. idk i just want to have a chill life, no work, no stress dedicate myself to my future kids
    Doesn't the idea of being absolutely dependent on a guy who could really leave you at any moment horrify you?

    Unless you've saved up a lot of money, you need to work, for yourself. A 'chill life, no work, no stress' will go zooming down the drain should he divorce you one day.

    You need to think about that too.
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    Thank god I am not within a religion that someone has to decide who I marry!! I am sorry I just find it really sad for girls that are forced into marriage.
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    (Original post by urbanlocations)
    Thank god I am not within a religion that someone has to decide who I marry!! I am sorry I just find it really sad for girls that are forced into marriage.
    I think you misunderstood, forced marriages are impermissble in Islam. There is a DIFFERENCE between an arranged marriage and a forced one.

    I find it sad too and oppresive for girls who are forced into marriage.

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    (Original post by urbanlocations)
    Thank god I am not within a religion that someone has to decide who I marry!! I am sorry I just find it really sad for girls that are forced into marriage.
    im not forced and arranged marriages are from culture. forced marriages are not allowed in islam
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    im not forced and arranged marriages are from culture. forced marriages are not allowed in islam
    Oh I have seen many programs that are very the opposite... In fact the dad said if the girl did not marry this certain man she would be disowned.

    She had to run away from the family.

    I mean it is kind of forced...as what choice do some girls have>>
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    I think you should do it as after all your dad only wants whats best for you, he would never do something to hurt you in anyway and he sounds like a decent guy but think about it as this will be your future ahahah
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    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahaha
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    (Original post by urbanlocations)
    Oh I have seen many programs that are very the opposite... In fact the dad said if the girl did not marry this certain man she would be disowned.

    She had to run away from the family.

    I mean it is kind of forced...as what choice do some girls have>>
    yeah but just bc theyre muslim doesnt make it from the religion. ive seen muslim child rapists on the news but doesnt mean its from Islam
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    What ethnicity are you?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    can all the people against the idea of arranged marriage not comment , i wrote this for the purpose of Muslims to give me advice. i dont need your western 21st century comments.
    Oh God no, heaven forbid anyone give any advice that isn't backward and moronic!
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    TBH ultimately you know yourself, your life, your experience and who you are. So if you think its the best option then go for it but dont go in blind, think carefully about the whole situation and as someone mentioned do istikhara which will further help you. Aswell as this, work on yourself as a person as you mentioned you are slowly trying to improve and personally I think marriage is about growing together as people so don't think you have to have every little thing sorted before marriage. Make dua and think about everything before you make a choice Maybe visit any other family member you feel comfortable with, find someone in your area that can give you advice (someone mayb motherly figure who will give you advice on the basis of Islam) InshaAllah everything will work out for the best, stay smiling either way beautiful x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i just wanted general advice and opinions from muslims. i dont have anyone else to talk about it and its easy off anon. im pretty confused whether i shoudl or not so people could give me good points
    I actually doubt whether youre serious, first off no one is gonna give you "good points" it isnt something to tick off marriage is half of your deen asking this sort of a question on a website named "student" room shows youre not ready. You shouldnt even expect any sort of sensible answer when no one even knows the circumdtances. You need to someone from the masjid get advice from those close by, not on a website that essentially is used for things centered around a studentlife. Marriage at 18 isnt one
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    (Original post by Sae.HH)
    Everyone has some 'intention' of marriage, it's called thinking about the future. Practically most people want to know each other for at least two years before seriously considering it so from a religiously conservative (or not conservative depending on your view) point of view most relationships these days are haram.



    Yeah my parents wouldn't accept anyone who isn't even Bengali specifically. Unfortunately for them I don't really care who I marry so statistically they're f*****
    In relation to your first point, i think nowadays getting to know someone is more important than ever just because of the women today being so modernised divorce so common etc Marriage has lost its meaning so getting it right is essential. I dont think there would be much wrong in going on "dates" aslong as nothing haraam as such went on mainly used as a get know sort of thing. OP needs to seek advice from someome knowledgeable not TSR
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    (Original post by urbanlocations)
    Oh I have seen many programs that are very the opposite... In fact the dad said if the girl did not marry this certain man she would be disowned.

    She had to run away from the family.

    I mean it is kind of forced...as what choice do some girls have>>
    ummm......if parents choose then they ask their daughter she can accept or reject, parents give them the choice. I'm 20...not 'forced' into a marriage....in university and I think you are getting mixed up with culture...
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    (Original post by Jamie S)
    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahaha
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    Making people do stupid things since 1393 bce

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    can all the people against the idea of arranged marriage not comment , i wrote this for the purpose of Muslims to give me advice. i dont need your western 21st century comments.
    What are you doing on TSR then?
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    Feminists, where are you?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i cook and clean in the house as it is and understand the principles of being a good housewife in islam and understand the duties of being a wife.
    Two things from me:

    I). This was deeply troubling for me to read - I'm not going to lie. Live your life the way you want to live it, your faith is personal but you shouldn't be oppressed by some belief in a being who may or may not exist. You should be able to be happy in the ways in which you wish to be so.

    II). If you have to posit this question on an online forum, you should know the answer is already, "no" because this stands for how little you know him. Committing to someone you don't even know? Really? You're insane.
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    (Original post by muslimstanisyed)
    If he is from different culture dont do it sister.
    Not worth it in the long run
    now you're just bringing culture over religion, nothing wrong with marrying someone of a different culture
 
 
 
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