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Is it weird to want to wait until marriage to have sex? Watch

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    (Original post by Cherry82)
    Oh my gosh, goalssss!
    Right on. Right on.
    Aw thank you
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    (Original post by Cherry82)
    But how could you be so sure? Unless you're already married to that person, you'd never absolutely know for sure but I see where you're coming from
    That's what I mean. I'd stress to wait until marriage. The chance of me defining the right person before then is low.
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    (Original post by Cherry82)
    X
    I wasn't criticising your personal view of sex. I was simply criticising some of the reasoning: it makes no sense to say that you want to marry before having sex because dating leaves open the possibility of separation -- that will always be the case, and committed, unmarried couples separating is pretty much identical to a divorce except in legal and financial matters, so I don't agree that there's any real difference between the two, since the assumption seems to be that it's either marriage or a short-term relationship, which is clearly false.

    You've also said something slightly strange here:

    (Original post by Cherry82)
    When you've decided to marry someone, you would have already established a relationship to where you feel comfortable enough to have the intentions, plans and hopes of committing to the person for a life time. This includes relationships where both partners are not married but would like to the rest of their lives together.
    It clearly doesn't though. You earlier implied that commitment = marriage and everything else = dating to see how it goes, which clearly didn't account for the fair number of people who won't marry but will still commit. Now you're saying people who don't intend to marry somehow fall under the former umbrella of commitment = marriage anyway, so I'm slightly confused.
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    No in the long run you'll be glad you waited for a decent guy that wasn't as scummy as the rest
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    Even if a guy has been with a few people I wouldn't let that bother you. I would just make him understand you want to wait, if he is good enough and thinks enough about you then he will be willing to wait.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi so basically just what the title says, I'm a bit worried that I'll be unable to have a serious relationship because a lot of guys don't want to wait so long for sex :/ so is it weird? Should I just give up on it?
    Not at all. Your body, your choice.
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    (Original post by Hydeman)
    I wasn't criticising your personal view of sex. I was simply criticising some of the reasoning: it makes no sense to say that you want to marry before having sex because dating leaves open the possibility of separation -- that will always be the case, and committed, unmarried couples separating is pretty much identical to a divorce except in legal and financial matters, so I don't agree that there's any real difference between the two, since the assumption seems to be that it's either marriage or a short-term relationship, which is clearly false.

    It clearly doesn't though. You earlier implied that commitment = marriage and everything else = dating to see how it goes, which clearly didn't account for the fair number of people who won't marry but will still commit. Now you're saying people who don't intend to marry somehow fall under the former umbrella of commitment = marriage anyway, so I'm slightly confused.
    I know separation would always be a possibility. The point I was trying to make there was, I feel more comfortable with- if I did have a divorce (touch wood) at least at one point I had planned to be with this person for a lifetime, hoping to raise a family with them. No one knows if their marriage would last a lifetime, you can only hope and work together to make sure it flourishes. But people who date have a higher chance of separating compared to married couples who have already established a relationship beforehand. Entering a relationship, at first nothing is serious because the whole purpose is to get to know each other, to see if something serious could come out of the relationship and to know whether you like/love the person. Unless arranged- with marriage you've already gone through that whole process and established enough to where you've both decided to commit. People normally do not marry someone they are unfamiliar with, most of the time it's someone they've been with for years. However people do date someone they've found attractive who has similar interests though they may not 'know' that person.

    'Now you're saying people who don't intend to marry somehow fall under the former umbrella of commitment = marriage anyway.'
    -No. Ok, I need to rephrase and explain myself properly. When I had made that comment, I was addressing couples who have been together for years- cohabiting couples where they plan on being together long term, even living like a married couple hence which was why I had then said 'Why not just get married?'
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    (Original post by Cherry82)
    But people who date have a higher chance of separating compared to married couples who have already established a relationship beforehand.
    We're talking about committed, long-term relationships vs. marriage, not 'we've just had coffee a few times' vs. marriage.

    Entering a relationship, at first nothing is serious because the whole purpose is to get to know each other, to see if something serious could come out of the relationship and to know whether you like/love the person.
    This is true of both committed relationships w/o marriage and marriage itself.

    Unless arranged- with marriage you've already gone through that whole process and established enough to where you've both decided to commit. People normally do not marry someone they are unfamiliar with, most of the time it's someone they've been with for years. However people do date someone they've found attractive who has similar interests though they may not 'know' that person.
    I don't think you're comparing like with like here. People don't cohabit and have committed relationships out of marriage with people who they've only known a short while, either. The tendency to assume that any relationship that's not marriage must be some kind of short-term fling isn't leaving this conversation quickly enough...

    'Now you're saying people who don't intend to marry somehow fall under the former umbrella of commitment = marriage anyway.'
    -No. Ok, I need to rephrase and explain myself properly. When I had made that comment, I was addressing couples who have been together for years- cohabiting couples where they plan on being together long term, even living like a married couple hence which was why I had then said 'Why not just get married?'
    For any number of reasons. Anyway, the point was that there seems to be a consistent reluctance to recognise that anything outside of marriage can count as anything other than 'dating just to see how things go' (and as you've already said, this would be true of married couples as well, unless it's arranged), so I'm glad you've somewhat conceded that not everyone who has premarital sex is uncommitted, but I still don't agree that it's proper to describe anyone who doesn't fit into either 'married' or 'dating casually' as 'living like a married couple', which suffers from the same problem that any type of commitment must be some kind of marriage, whether formal or informal.

    People who aren't married but are still committed are often that way by choice, and had they wanted to be referred to as 'living like a married couple', they could have done so officially. But they didn't, so let's stop pretending that they can in effect be lumped together with those who marry.
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    (Original post by Cherry82)
    -No. Ok, I need to rephrase and explain myself properly. When I had made that comment, I was addressing couples who have been together for years- cohabiting couples where they plan on being together long term, even living like a married couple hence which was why I had then said 'Why not just get married?'
    Because for some couples, signing a paper has no influence on their mutual love.
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    Stop replying to this pls. There are countless identical threads so the OP can just search for one..
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    (Original post by Josb)
    Because for some couples, signing a paper has no influence on their mutual love.
    In fact, let me ask this question because I really don't understand people when they say this.
    On the paper couples sign- is it just a certificate? What is on the paper as in overall what does it say and if there are any, what legal benefits come with having this 'paper'.
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    Hmmm so there still are people who don't want sex before marriage eh. It's the norm in the Eastern world, but not the norm in the West. But I am sure people with same views as you are out there.
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    I'm waiting so don't worry
    It's your body, so your decision


    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    (Original post by Hydeman;64659831}


    For any number of reasons. Anyway, the point was that there seems to be a consistent reluctance to recognise that anything outside of marriage can count as anything other than 'dating just to see how things go' (and as you've already said, this would be true of married couples as well, unless it's arranged), so I'm glad you've somewhat conceded that not everyone who has premarital sex is uncommitted, but I still don't agree that it's proper to describe anyone who doesn't fit into either 'married' or 'dating casually' as 'living like a married couple', which suffers from the same problem that any type of commitment must be some kind of marriage, whether formal or informal.

    People who aren't married but are still committed are often that way by choice, and had they wanted to be referred to as 'living like a married couple', they could have done so officially. But they didn't, so let's stop pretending that they can [i
    )

    in effect[/i] be lumped together with those who marry.
    'We're talking about committed, long-term relationships vs. marriage, not 'we've just had coffee a few times' vs. marriage. '
    -Ok, I see where the misunderstanding is coming from. We're both commenting on two different scenarios here. I was not commenting on 'long- term relationships vs marriage'. I just meant relationships overall vs marriage as people have sex while in relationships- whether long term or short term. So I am talking about relationships overall vs marriage.

    'I don't think you're comparing like with like here. People don't cohabit and have committed relationships out of marriage with people who they've only known a short while.'
    -Wait what? Would you mind elaborating. I never said this. Again, I think you've misunderstood me. I spoke about relationships, the whole dating process overall not specifically cohabiting couples who have known each other for years. Again hence why I had said 'cohabiting couples where they plan on being together long term, even living like a married couple...Why not just get married?' Not everyone in a relationship is a cohabiting. So again, I think we are addressing two different scenarios.

    Not to be rude, I'd like to continue conversing with you as I have a lot more to say in regards to your response however I have exams approaching the week after guys and I'm super behind on revision. My butt shouldn't be on TSR debating- I should be off TSR cramming and studying the content for next week. I surely will be back though. Just around July/August time. Peace x
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    (Original post by Cherry82)
    In fact, let me ask this question because I really don't understand people when they say this.
    On the paper couples sign- is it just a certificate? What is on the paper as in overall what does it say and if there are any, what legal benefits come with having this 'paper'.
    Yes it's a document. I haven't signed one in the UK, so I don't know more about it.

    It is a good start:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_...land_and_Wales
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    (Original post by Josb)
    Yes it's a document. I haven't signed one in the UK, so I don't know more about it.

    It is a good start:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_...land_and_Wales
    Thanks for the link.
    But before I go to revise, can I leave you with some links also with quotes from them?

    In the UK- there are legal benefits and rights you have from being married that cohabiting couples do not have i.e with children and inheritance :
    http://findlaw.co.uk/law/family/marr...abitation.html
    https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/re...l-differences/

    Ok, I need to stop now so I can finishing off studying. Revision and Exams are killing me. My break is officially over.
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    (Original post by Hydeman)
    ...
    Hey, hope you don't mind but I came back to quickly share this video with you. It came to mind as I was studying and no it's not what you think:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Afu1Rwlggf8
    (why men are frightened of marriage?)
    Check out- 2:36. Happy he mentioned this.Ok, back to revision.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi so basically just what the title says, I'm a bit worried that I'll be unable to have a serious relationship because a lot of guys don't want to wait so long for sex :/ so is it weird? Should I just give up on it?
    Boo, don't worry about it you are not alone #TeamNoSexBeforeMarriage . The right person who truly love you will wait, respect and accept your decision and not pressure you. It's not weird at all. If you want to talk more inbox me x
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    It's not weird at all. Sex does not have to be a necessary part in a relationship because it's a choice. You'll inevitably find someone who's willing to wait and feels you're worth it. As for giving up on it, that's up to you. Just do whatever makes you happy.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi so basically just what the title says, I'm a bit worried that I'll be unable to have a serious relationship because a lot of guys don't want to wait so long for sex :/ so is it weird? Should I just give up on it?
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    (Original post by notsoclueless)
    It's not weird at all. Sex does not have to be a necessary part in a relationship because it's a choice. You'll inevitably find someone who's willing to wait and feels you're worth it. As for giving up on it, that's up to you. Just do whatever makes you happy.
    I agree.
    I'm a guy and all I want to achieve in dates is to hang out, have fun and hook up (if she's up to it.. I won't pressure her).. also keeping things light. Relationships is her department. She's the one that decides.
 
 
 
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