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I got my FWB pregnant and she wants to keep it? Watch

    • #16
    #16

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I've been seeing this girl L for the last 4 to 5 months. We usually go on a small "date" and then head back to hers for some fun.

    We told eachother we wouldn't get in contact other than for sex or setting up the "date".

    She got in contact yesterday evening to say that she's pregnant and has been for 2 weeks. Wth!?

    She was meant to be on the pill, so she has clearly lied to me... now she's telling me she wants to keep it and wants me in her life as the father.


    I'm 21, I'm not cut out to be a dad quite yet... I've got my career in mind and I'm not mature enough either.

    I don't know what to do from here?

    You're right about one thing, you're immature because you clearly do not wish to take full responsibility of getting your FWB pregnant. She's also NOT the only one who has to take full responsibility here.

    NOTHING is fullproof when it comes to sex. What was exactly wrong about wearing a condom on YOUR behalf as well as your FWB taking the pill?

    You really need to MAN UP about your situation.
    • #13
    #13

    (Original post by Elivercury)
    You are making the assumption they knew the medication would potentially interact. As I stated earlier in the thread, it was a big thing about 10 years ago when numerous women were given an antibiotic that stops the pill working, without any warning of this (or even being asked if they were on birth control). This resulted in numerous unplanned pregnancies.

    Agreed that if she messed up taking the pill, she was silly, but ultimately it can't just be her responsibility, the OP needs to take some also. It also doesn't mean she's trying to trap him.

    Realistically the method by which they got to where they are is irrelevant and what matters is dealing with it. And the best way to deal with it is certainly NOT to run in shouting that she's tried to trap him. If he is correct, what does she care? She has succeeded. If he's wrong, he's just shouted at and upset a pregnant, scared and confused young woman, which is unlikely to make her come to a rational decision about matters.
    Yes I agree that they are both responsible and the only true victim is the unwanted child, who was spawned by a man who can't even face up to it (no offence OP but you said it yourself that you are not ready given you age and circumstances in life) and yes we don't know much about the woman but I can bet she knows next to nothing about parenting, responsibility and motherhood.
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    (Original post by banterboy)
    Lots of stupid people saying it's his fault for not wearing a condom. Why should he ruin sex with the painful, unsatisfactory experience of wearing a condom when SHE LIED??? It's 100% her fault, stop blaming the victim.

    ffs people will blame the man for anything.
    Your right he has not been stupid at all, the truth is people lie and no protection is 100% safe so he should of took his own precautions.
    • #13
    #13

    (Original post by banterboy)
    Lots of stupid people saying it's his fault for not wearing a condom. Why should he ruin sex with the painful, unsatisfactory experience of wearing a condom when SHE LIED??? It's 100% her fault, stop blaming the victim.

    ffs people will blame the man for anything.
    This whole thing seems futile it's pretty much he says vs she says regarding the pill and a poor innocent child is going to be born into the middle of that.

    But yeah I think the 'pain' of wearing a condom is less than that of losing custody battles and paying out child maintenance for the next 18 years. I'm sorry but the vayjay can't be that good for you men can it? If a woman demanded £200,000 (cost of raising a child) for one night you'd think she was crazy but many guys are unconsciously doing that by not putting on a 99p condom.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're right about one thing, you're immature because you clearly do not wish to take full responsibility of getting your FWB pregnant. She's also NOT the only one who has to take full responsibility here.

    NOTHING is fullproof when it comes to sex. What was exactly wrong about wearing a condom on YOUR behalf as well as your FWB taking the pill?

    You really need to MAN UP about your situation.
    Yes she is, she ****ing lied, she's evil, what part of this is difficult.

    Take an analagous scenario:

    Trusted friend: Give me the key to your house, so i can feed your dogs while you're away.

    You: Okay.

    Friend: *Steals all your stuff*

    Society and Courts to you: "You should have predicted the future and knew he would lie. You have to deal with this with no help from us. Also, he now has a magical right to more of your property every month, just because".

    If this isn't fair, then neither is the OP's situation.
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    (Original post by watchingyouwatch)
    Because as people have repeatedly said the pill is not 100% effective and in the case of FWB you want to avoid getting STDs.If you rely on your girlfriend /FWB being on the pill and then for whatever reason she ends up pregnant or you end up with a STD you will be partly responsible.
    Condoms are not 100% effective as well. If his fwb would have gotten pregnant by using a condom, what would you say? "it's her fault for not using the pill"?

    (Original post by watchingyouwatch)
    If you are in a stable and longterm relationship where you know there sexual health is good and the small possibility of getting pregnant has been discussed then just being on the pill is probably fine. If not use a condom or live with the consequences....
    So the pill should only be used in this situation?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Good point. She either planned it or she's lying to stir up drama and get attention for some odd reason. Or she found out she's pregnant to someone else from earlier but wants to pin the paternity on this guy.
    Or being on the pill- which tends to make your periods very regular- she released she was late and took a test ?

    When the OP says she told him she had been pregnant for two weeks it could mean a number of different things

    That she has known she was pregnant for two weeks (which is how I read it) or
    that she was two weeks late when she took the test or that it was two weeks since she thinks she got pregnant... Just because that isn't the way a doctor would date a pregnancy doesn't mean anything.

    The idea that she isn't on the pill or did it on purpose is not based on anything other than the OPs misguided belief that the pill works 100% of the time.

    I know someone who got pregnant because they had a stomach bug- it wasn't even serious they were ill for just one day- but they didn't realise that even that can be enough because their body hadn't absorbed the pill properly on that day.

    If you have a boozy night out and throw up- which is hardly an uncommon occurrence with students- particularly if you take the pill in the evening- then you should take other precautions for a month - but how many do ?

    The pill is a tiny amount of a hormone and only works if your system absorbs it properly.

    No one on this forum knows if the girl lied or not- but then neither does the OP
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    now you are friends with baby lmao
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    (Original post by Dnkz7)
    Gotta feeling you've been screwed over. Shows that you can't trust anybody as it can lead to things like this.
    Tell her straight up that you don't feel ready to support the child, and if she wants to keep it then she's gotta raise the kid on her own. Strange that she wants to keep the kid and wants you in the kids life too, seems like she wants to lock you down so she can keep you as a partner. Did you not tell that she developed feelings for you over time?

    This is why FWB never work, someone is gonna catch feelings later on - usually being the female from my friends experience...
    Preach,especially the last part
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I've been seeing this girl L for the last 4 to 5 months. We usually go on a small "date" and then head back to hers for some fun.

    We told eachother we wouldn't get in contact other than for sex or setting up the "date".

    She got in contact yesterday evening to say that she's pregnant and has been for 2 weeks. Wth!?

    She was meant to be on the pill, so she has clearly lied to me... now she's telling me she wants to keep it and wants me in her life as the father.


    I'm 21, I'm not cut out to be a dad quite yet... I've got my career in mind and I'm not mature enough either.

    I don't know what to do from here?
    Too late now keep it in the pants next time if u are not ready for the consequences
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    (Original post by banterboy)
    Lots of stupid people saying it's his fault for not wearing a condom. Why should he ruin sex with the painful, unsatisfactory experience of wearing a condom when SHE LIED??? It's 100% her fault, stop blaming the victim.

    ffs people will blame the man for anything.
    Where is your evidence for this? The OP saying "zomg she was on the pill so obviously she couldn't get pregnant unless it was deliberate!" does not count as proof she was lying and that it wasn't totally accidental.

    He didn't have to "ruin" sex by using a condom, but by choosing not to use one he accepted that they were going to rely just on the pill and has to deal with the consequences now that it hasn't worked.

    He isn't a victim, they're both adults who got into this mess together. The unborn child is the victim if anyone is.
    • #13
    #13

    (Original post by watchingyouwatch)
    Or being on the pill- which tends to make your periods very regular- she released she was late and took a test ?

    When the OP says she told him she had been pregnant for two weeks it could mean a number of different things

    That she has known she was pregnant for two weeks (which is how I read it) or
    that she was two weeks late when she took the test or that it was two weeks since she thinks she got pregnant... Just because that isn't the way a doctor would date a pregnancy doesn't mean anything.

    The idea that she isn't on the pill or did it on purpose is not based on anything other than the OPs misguided belief that the pill works 100% of the time.

    I know someone who got pregnant because they had a stomach bug- it wasn't even serious they were ill for just one day- but they didn't realise that even that can be enough because their body hadn't absorbed the pill properly on that day.

    If you have a boozy night out and throw up- which is hardly an uncommon occurrence with students- particularly if you take the pill in the evening- then you should take other precautions for a month - but how many do ?

    The pill is a tiny amount of a hormone and only works if your system absorbs it properly.

    No one on this forum knows if the girl lied or not- but then neither does the OP
    If you have a boozy night out and throw your pill up it's your own fault to be honest I don't have any sympathy. Indeed it's a big he says she says and we don't know what the OP's FWB did but one thing is for sure in my mind that two many children are brought into this world as pawns and unwanted by irresponsible, immature, incapable parents and are neglected and even abused. That to me is the unfair part of this, forget the parent's drama.
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    (Original post by Josb)
    Condoms are not 100% as well. If his fwb would have gotten pregnant by using a condom, what would you say? "it's her fault for not using the pill"?


    So the pill should only be used in this situation?
    If she got pregnant when only using a condom I would say that it both people in the relationship would have to take responsibility. If you get pregnant by accident that it isn't a matter of fault but accepting responsibility. If you knew there was a problem at the time- i.e.the condom split or something then they should consider the morning after pill.


    Contraception should be a joint decision and both partners should be aware of the risk

    As to the second question I am saying that taking the pill AND using a condom is probably a good idea in a casual relationship if you want to reduce the chances of STDs and pregnancy . At the end of the day you make the choice and live with the .consequences
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    (Original post by Josb)
    Condoms are not 100% effective as well. If his fwb would have gotten pregnant by using a condom, what would you say? "it's her fault for not using the pill"?


    So the pill should only be used in this situation?
    If both people know that the girl isn't on the pill and decide to only use condoms, they're equally at 'fault'.

    If the girl DID lie about being on the pill, then that's a crap thing to do and the pregnancy is obviously her fault. But OP has no proof that she lied. He has convinced himself that she lied, and is blaming her for the pregnancy and talking about blocking and ignoring her. People are just pointing out that this is unfair as no contraceptive method is 100% safe. If he was so sure he didn't want children, he should have used a condom too.
    • #9
    #9

    (Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
    Zara Larsson said it right

    http://www.awkwardminute.com/assets/...798cbda58f.jpg


    Yeah I mean finding out you're going to be a dad at 21 is pretty scary. All honesty though, the baby will probably be better without OP being there.
    Best solution guys: avoid having sex until marriage.
    #staysafe
    #patience
    • #17
    #17

    They're both responsible. It's probably more her fault than his but still.

    Good luck now. One of my friends was in that situation, well he was with the girl for 2 years, then he broke up with her but he kept having sex with her. The girl was crazy, she got pregnant and blackmailed him "we don't get back together, I keep the child". It ended 'well', he cut her out of his life and she aborted.
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    Why dont you tell her you dont want the baby and if she wants to have on she can look after it on her own and you will have NO involvement and will not contribute towards it and will not see it.

    Simple.

    Why should you have to sacrifice your future and your careers prospects for some tramp who lied to you probably so she could claim benefits.

    Text her this and then block her number; who the hell cares if she has a baby or not. Get your career and life sorted.

    I do feel for you and some of the comments on this thread are exactly what is wrong with feminism, blame the male for everything.
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    I agree with the above. She has options here, she can terminate, put it up for adoption or keep it. If she and she alone is making the decision to keep it then she and she alone should be the one to take on the burden and responsibility that comes with making that choice.

    It's ridiculous that men are automatically expected to provide and be a part of a child's life when an accidental (or sneakily planned) pregnancy comes about. Men aren't the only ones that should be more careful and use extra protection if they don't want a child, women should too and then they wouldn't find themselves in these types of situations. Women have just as much brain matter as men, there's no excuse for her not insisting he wear a condom before she slept with him for added protection.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    I agree with the above. She has options here, she can terminate, put it up for adoption or keep it. If she and she alone is making the decision to keep it then she and she alone should be the one to take on the burden and responsibility that comes with making that choice.

    It's ridiculous that men are automatically expected to provide and be a part of a child's life when an accidental (or sneakily planned) pregnancy comes about. Men aren't the only ones that should be more careful and use extra protection if they don't want a child, women should too and then they wouldn't find themselves in these types of situations. Women have just as much brain matter as men, there's no excuse for her not insisting he wear a condom before she slept with him for added protection.
    "It's ridiculous that men are automatically expected to provide and be a part of a child's life"

    And it's also ridiculous that even if the mother in question doesn't want any involvement from the secondary progenitor - say in a domestic violence situation - he will legally be able to force contact. That's the way the law works, I'm afraid. It provides a degree of parental responsibility for both parties given that they were both responsible for bringing some poor child into the world.

    Fact is that if you are old enough to be having sex, then you are old enough to have to accept the consequences. If you don't really know or absolutely trust the other person then you have two choices, don't you?
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    (Original post by TSRFT8)
    Why dont you tell her you dont want the baby and if she wants to have on she can look after it on her own and you will have NO involvement and will not contribute towards it and will not see it.

    Simple.

    Why should you have to sacrifice your future and your careers prospects for some tramp who lied to you probably so she could claim benefits.

    Text her this and then block her number; who the hell cares if she has a baby or not. Get your career and life sorted.

    I do feel for you and some of the comments on this thread are exactly what is wrong with feminism, blame the male for everything.
    Because expecting a man to take responsibility for his actions and suggesting that pregnancy can happen through methods other than "deliberate entrapment" is totally outrageous feminism and we should stand against it.

    I feel for the guy as he has relatively little say in the outcome of the situation, but lets not pretend he's entirely blameless here. Also it's easy to suggest abortion when you're not the one having to go through with it. While I think it's probably the way forward, it's not my decision anymore than it is yours or the OPs.
 
 
 
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