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Family is stopping me from having sex before marriage watch

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    (Original post by TheMaskedLady)
    Because she is a Muslim and I am a Muslim so I have the same views. And we believe it is impermissible to have sex before marriage. and I just think that if she can't even find any guys in uni why not just go for the guys her mum is finding for her. Just give them a try. Why is op so completely against the idea of meeting them? It's not going to cause any harm. And if she can find a guy in uni to marry then bravo for her. And since she cant even find any guys who are willing to wait until marriage why would you even want to be with them? Why not just trust your mum's decision, who wants the best for you, and go with one of them?

    and no i'm not married ._.
    Her mum will probably pick anyone with a decent reputation- like the things we see from the outside - job, education, wealth - but not know the person on the inside-

    arrange marriages- marry first, love later and even the love is not guaranteed. It's too artificial and forced, just to look good in front of people. Deep down her mother does not care about her, but the reputation her family has.
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    The right guy will be willing to wait for marriage
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    (Original post by samzy21)
    You are very young and naive. Your family are right. Listen to them. If you have sex before marriage, everyone will find out then no one will marry you because they'll see you as a ho for not saving yourself for marriage. If a Muslim guy has sex before marriage people are okay with it which is unfair. That's the way it is in the muslim community. Plus if you are Muslim, you should know sex before marriage is haraam.

    Also if you have a boyfriend and sleep with him, he is likely to disrespect you by telling his friends what you are like in bed or film it without you knowing or he could use you for sex then dump you or worse. If you marry first then that won't happen, your husband will respect you even if you don't love him.

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    I read this post and went back 10k years and threw up all together
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    (Original post by lulucoco98)
    arrange marriages- marry first, love later and even the love is not guaranteed. It's too artificial and forced, just to look good in front of people. Deep down her mother does not care about her, but the reputation her family has.
    I could not agree with this more.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel happy and I really really want to believe what these articles are saying but it's like I have a mental block about this, I can't shake of the fear and anxiety about it because of so many years of what my mum has told me and other Muslims. I wish I could be free but it feels like I have a mental band wrapped tight around me and I can't get rid of it.
    Also on my wedding night should I pretend I'm in pain to fool him into thinking I'm a virgin? I know I should never marry a man who's going to be violent if he finds out I'm not one but you never know how someone will react to this situation until they see after sex that you're not a Virgin
    Hey I just read your post, although I can't imagine what you are going through but I can try to advise you. There are good muslim guys as well as bad ones, you just need to be patient and find the one that you think is suitable. Okay in Islam you can't be forced to marry someone you don't want to so if your parents try forcing you to marry someone just say that, also try getting to know some of the guys your mum says and see if you like any of them (who knows one of them might one of the nicest guys you have ever met). The way I see it if you remain as a virgin and marry a virgin the sex at first for both of you would most likely be amazing for both of you (yes even though you're virgins) but as you have more sex you both will become more experienced. Lastly about the double standards in the muslim community on men can have as much sex as they want and no one will bat an eye but if a woman does it she is left as an outcast, I agree with this its completely true but its not Islams fault its the goddamn community double standard views. If I came off as rude in my longggg paragraph I apologise. Best of luck girl.
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    (Original post by CAPTAINSHAZAM)
    Are you genuinely serious??? If youre a muslim you already know its forbidden and for you to say it makes you feel worthless and depressed because youre not allowed to have sex before, is hilarious. Yes because having sex at uni will make you feel special right after the guy moves on and you feel you have "worth" now and you have "power" in your life. As opposed to the reason why youre not supposed to have sex is to preserve your dignity and worth sleeping around with people isnt going to give you that. This sounds like such a troll and the style seems like a kid has a written.
    I've had casual sex are you calling me indignified and worthless ? What about many of the girls I know who are sweet and kind but have had sex ?
    Quite a proclamation, I'd wager you wouldn't say it to my face.
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    Ohhh boy. Oh, boy. Where to begin?

    This is all I have to say after reading this entire thread.

    1. You are an adult. Do what you want.

    2. You do not live with your parents. You can do what you want.

    3. Your parents will not find out if you have sex or not.

    4. Guys do not care if you are a virgin or not. Psychologically speaking, those who care are likely to be very possessive, controlling, jealous, and sometimes insecure, so I would not recommend dating someone who cares if you are a virgin or not.

    5. Your future husband, parents, and friends do not need to be told if you are a virgin or not. Just tell the truth when asked; if they judge you for being or not being a virgin at the age of 20, you should not even have them in your life.

    6. If you do not want to have sex but still want sexual stimulation because you have hormones just like every other 20-year-old, masturbate. It is not dangerous and it will probably make you more comfortable with the idea of having sex.

    7. Do not be afraid of having sex because of what your parents told you. Just because you have sex with someone, it does not mean that they are using you, that you are worth less than a virgin or that you have no dignity.

    8. I have never even heard of a guy being able to tell if a girl is a virgin based on the tightness of her vagina.

    9. A man calling you ‘second-hand goods’ is disrespectful and insulting to you as a woman, not to mention complete BS that will not ever happen. How would said man react were HE called ‘second-hand goods’ because he was not a virgin? Oh, yes, that is right; he would ‘justifiably’ (*cough*unjustifiably*cough*) beat you to a pulp for not being a submissive little doormat subservient to him. As someone else said, it is a very misogynistic thing to say. It implies that he sees you as being below him rather than his equal. If anyone ever does that or would do that, then they are not worth spending your life with.

    10. Fun fact: I have never heard of anyone who has waited for marriage in real life. Your parents most likely did not wait for marriage either (unless they met on the day they married). (I am not saying people who wait until marriage do not exist; just that they are so rare OP will most likely never find one.) Do what you want before marriage because you do not even want a virgin to be your husband and it would be unfair of him to expect you to be a virgin when he would not be. (It does not matter if any of you is a virgin or not as long as you love each other anyway.)

    11. Last time I checked, 42% of marriages in the UK end in marriage. That means whether you wait for marriage or not, there is a high chance of it not mattering because the divorce rate is so high. Being a virgin before the wedding night does not mean your marriage is more likely to last.

    12. Not all men want to use you for sex. There are plenty of decent men out there.

    13. If you do not want to be financially dependent on your father, get a part-time job (receptionist, etc), rent a flat with a person or two (basically flat-share like you are house-sharing now), and split the rent and the bills. You may not be able to earn enough for a rented flat by yourself, but two or more people can definitely do it as long as they are adults with part-time jobs.

    14. Whenever your mum asks you 'Have you thought about it?' after mentioning that someone's son is single, answer that there is nothing to think about because she just mentioned that a guy is single. Being single is quite common, which means you do not have to think about marrying him just because he is single. By her logic, you would have to think about marrying EVERY SINGLE GUY just because they are single.

    15. Do not marry whoever your parents want you to marry. Even if they get you engaged without your consent, you do not have to do it! It is haraam for the wali (guardian) of a woman to force her to marry someone she does not want and does not like. The Prophet himself said that a woman should not be engaged or married without her permission. As such, even by Muslim ideas, your parents cannot force you to marry without your consent, as that is haraam and the marriage would not be valid. Kindly remind them it is a sin for them to force you into marriage whenever they bring it up.

    16. Your mother is a manipulative, controlling b**** and most likely has several mental problems. She also does not care about you, only about her reputation. Trust me, I know her kind.

    17. So far, this has been unclear, but if you do not believe in Islam or do not agree with it, convert to Christianity/become an atheist/whatever strikes your fancy. Contrary to what the Qur’an says, you will not go to hell for not believing in Islam. Besides, have you heard of the theory that all religions actually follow the same God, just under different names?

    18. To those who think OP should meet the guys her mother talks about: her mother is manipulative and controlling, so any guy the mother picks is likely to be as manipulative and controlling as her. After all, her mother would deem him unsuitable otherwise. OP wants to get rid of the controlling behaviour her mother exerts over her. Meeting the people her mother wants is most likely a terrible idea and will probably just enhance the amount of control her mother has over her, which is not what OP wants.

    19. Cut off your parents from your life if you want to. You do not need to keep them in your life just because they had sex and happened to conceive you.

    20. If OP is a troll: I do not care and I will still post this for anyone who might be in a similar situation.

    Stay strong, OP. I am a Christian but my mother is almost the same as yours (which is why I moved out before I even became an adult). After seeing everything mentioned here, I honestly bet your 'sex talk' was basically your mother yelling at you not to have sex. Anyway, just try not to go insane and do your own thing. My suggestion is not to believe what your parents say either. Good luck.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I wish my parents and family weren't so backwards, they cannot be reasoned with and they'll get me married off to a guy who has similar thinking to them I feel so bleak about my life My mum regardless of what you tell her believes the hymen breaks during sex, she says it did for all her sisters and her but j tried to tell her that was probably a tear to the vaginal wall because the guy was being forceful. I don't want to wait until marriage but they've instilled such a fear in me that I can't bring myself to have sex outside marriage now even if I wanted to. My mum denies that my bedsheets will be shown around to prove I am a virgin but that my future husband will see it and he won't trust me and think i wasn't a virgin if he doesn't see blood. For this reason she won't let me use a tampon, she had such a go at me when I asked if I could use one :/
    people still go around parading the girl's bed sheets. That is the weirdest custom or ritual I have ever heard. It's such a private moment for a female. I don't understand why people are shouting it from the rooftops. What do they do for the guy, throw him a party?
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    (Original post by Lord Samosa)
    If you want sex, then go ahead and have it, you're free to do what you want. (I'm assuming you don't believe in Islam or aren't religious)

    As for your future husband, don't marry someone backwards minded. Forced marriages are illegal AND against Islam.
    Telling another Muslim to go ahead and commit zina isn't really good advice. That's also against Islam and a major sin at that.
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    (Original post by SlavsOut)
    There would be something wrong if they were advocating anything else.
    Hahaha made me laugh

    OP how many parents actually encourage their daughters to go and get as many cocks inside her **** as,possible?

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    Reading that I thought 'This ain't in Britain is it?', and I knew 'Muslim' had to be included there somewhere.
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    How will your family know that you have had sex? Are they going to check if your hymen is still intact?

    Some girls are born without a hymen, so if you decide to have sex and they're wondering where you hymen has gone, just show them an article about girls not being born with them
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    I don't honestly know how some girls deal with the fact that their entire worth to the people who supposedly love them is a hole between their legs. I mean, you could be the most intelligent, kind and fantastic person on the planet lol jk there better be a teeny flap of skin still on that hole.
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    (Original post by mcneill98)
    I've had casual sex are you calling me indignified and worthless ? What about many of the girls I know who are sweet and kind but have had sex ?
    Quite a proclamation, I'd wager you wouldn't say it to my face.
    No but she was being ironic and hypocritical that because she doesn't have sex she has no worth. When it's clear most boys in Uni want sex if they think a girl is interested. So having sex is hardly gonna give her worth not unless she has a serious relationship having casual sex will most often than not make you feel less worth. Studies research has been done. So regardlesss of if you don't feel that way op situation is far more complicated. Considering she has family concerns marriage concerns etc so it's more than causal sex.
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    (Original post by lulucoco98)
    Her mum will probably pick anyone with a decent reputation- like the things we see from the outside - job, education, wealth - but not know the person on the inside-

    arrange marriages- marry first, love later and even the love is not guaranteed. It's too artificial and forced, just to look good in front of people. Deep down her mother does not care about her, but the reputation her family has.
    This is just wrong. If you look at research it's clear and evident arrange marriages not forced theirs a difference are just as happy and in most cases more happy than love marriages. Reasons for this because they fall in love rather than some cases of love marriage where they become bored and fall out of love. Much research has been done. Yes love marriage isn't all failure but this notion that arrange is less happy is nonsense.
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    (Original post by CAPTAINSHAZAM)
    This is just wrong. If you look at research it's clear and evident arrange marriages not forced theirs a difference are just as happy and in most cases more happy than love marriages. Reasons for this because they fall in love rather than some cases of love marriage where they become bored and fall out of love. Much research has been done. Yes love marriage isn't all failure but this notion that arrange is less happy is nonsense.
    What I said is not nonsense. It is very plausible. They probably act happy so they don't bring shame to their family and also to embarrassed to want to admit wanting a divorce. It's stigma.

    Arranged marriages are artificial, it's not happening naturally it's people controlling in who they pick for u and what requirements they want for their children. It's a little bit sick and weird. Just leave your children to make their own choices, let them be adults and make mistakes rather than controlling every aspect of their lives from when they get married, live, study, have kids. And no I was not wrong, you are
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    (Original post by CAPTAINSHAZAM)
    This is just wrong. If you look at research it's clear and evident arrange marriages not forced theirs a difference are just as happy and in most cases more happy than love marriages. Reasons for this because they fall in love rather than some cases of love marriage where they become bored and fall out of love. Much research has been done. Yes love marriage isn't all failure but this notion that arrange is less happy is nonsense.
    And stop trying to make yourself feel better by saying research has been done. What research? Probably BS anyway
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    (Original post by lulucoco98)
    What I said is not nonsense. It is very plausible. They probably act happy so they don't bring shame to their family and also to embarrassed to want to admit wanting a divorce. It's stigma.

    Arranged marriages are artificial, it's not happening naturally it's people controlling in who they pick for u and what requirements they want for their children. It's a little bit sick and weird. Just leave your children to make their own choices, let them be adults and make mistakes rather than controlling every aspect of their lives from when they get married, live, study, have kids. And no I was not wrong, you are
    Lmao bs research.... If you ever do psychology and relationships arrange marriage is a huge topic numerous studies have been conducted from various cultures you dont even know what arrange marriage means, you have to still give your consent nothing to do with controlling you have full choice and can decline or accept who ever you want. Arrange marriages are just as happy if not more so in some cases.

    Epstein et al
    Gupta & Singh

    those are some names of researchers because i have actual evidence unlike you where youre stating opinions
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    (Original post by CAPTAINSHAZAM)
    Lmao bs research.... If you ever do psychology and relationships arrange marriage is a huge topic numerous studies have been conducted from various cultures you dont even know what arrange marriage means, you have to still give your consent nothing to do with controlling you have full choice and can decline or accept who ever you want. Arrange marriages are just as happy if not more so in some cases.

    Epstein et al
    Gupta & Singh

    those are some names of researchers because i have actual evidence unlike you where youre stating opinions
    That's just a small number of research, it does not account for everyone getting a arranged marriage, everyone is different. I'm not stating opinions, I know the difference between forced marriages and arranged marriages- I'm just saying their artificial and it is clear that families- especially in OPs case play a role in who their children marry and control every aspect of their lives. From sex, tampons to who they want her to marry ( by giving her recommendations) they want to be involved in everything.

    People can lie when research is conducted, it's not solid, scientific proof. You are just trying to make yourself feel better
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    So just to confirm guys: nothing at all is different down there compared to a virign and non virgin
 
 
 
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