Have I done the right thing? Watch

AKAA12
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#141
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#141
(Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
I think you will find someone without a doubt, but its just you're going to have to set yourself up for dissappointment, there's gonna be a fair few guys out there who wont want to wait, but there's bound to be someone out there who'll think the same as you
hopefully, though they'll probably be the religious types. that isn't a problem though
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prettygreeneyes99
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#142
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#142
(Original post by AKAA12)
hopefully, though they'll probably be the religious types. that isn't a problem though
Nah, not neccesarily religious types lol. Thinking about it I can think of one or two guys who I could quite imagine being sweet enough to wait for a girl to be comfortable before trying to do anything sexual with them. Only problem is though these guys Im thinking of are quite shy!
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Sanity Panda
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#143
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#143
Those usually are the deeper reasons, I'm sure you have others such as the trust idea.

- Feeling that people felt the need to have sex when they were younger, so I purposely refused to do this so called "in" thing. Course now that I'm older it doesn't matter anymore.

- I'm somewhat of an idealist here... but I like the idea of finding someone I can be with the first time. Trusting is something I give out after extended periods of time.

- Emotions are fickle things. Infatuation occurs so often in many early stages of a relationship.

- I've watched so many relationship breakdown and the heartache that follows afterwards, that I think... meh.

- I don't believe someone can really know someone until they've been with them for a while, and after the whole "the other person is perfect" has gone. You hear the thing love is blind so often...

- Perhaps I place an overemphasis on the concept of love. Some people don't mind having sex without love, others don't mind having sex while moving towards love. I prefer the idea of sex with love.
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AKAA12
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#144
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#144
(Original post by Sanity Panda)


- Perhaps I place an overemphasis on the concept of love. Some people don't mind having sex without love, others don't mind having sex while moving towards love. I prefer the idea of sex with love.
totally agree there. most people don't agree with me but it makes no difference. and it's really annoying to have people laugh at me and call me old fashioned just because I wouldn't have sex early in a relationship, etc, perhaps its time to change friends lol jk
do you abstain for religious reasons as well?
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Sanity Panda
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#145
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#145
I don't follow the christian religion, so no.

A long long time ago, I used to think I would be alright waiting until marriage. Then I had a talk with some of my friends and there isin't any point. A stable relationship is enough for me.
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AKAA12
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#146
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#146
(Original post by Sanity Panda)
I'm not religious.
oh ok. most people who do usually do so for religious reasons, that's why i was asking. actually, ive only met catholic people who feel that way.
i am religious, but not very.
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AKAA12
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#147
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#147
(Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
Nah, not neccesarily religious types lol. Thinking about it I can think of one or two guys who I could quite imagine being sweet enough to wait for a girl to be comfortable before trying to do anything sexual with them. Only problem is though these guys Im thinking of are quite shy!
btw did you say I was not ready for a relationship because im a virgin at 21? i don't get what's wrong with waiting for the right person?
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AKAA12
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#148
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#148
(Original post by Sanity Panda)
I don't follow the christian religion, so no.

A long long time ago, I used to think I would be alright waiting until marriage. Then I had a talk with some of my friends and there isin't any point. A stable relationship is enough for me.
oh ok guess you're certainly not muslim then. pre-marital sex is considered a sin in islam isnt it
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prettygreeneyes99
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#149
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#149
(Original post by AKAA12)
btw did you say I was not ready for a relationship because im a virgin at 21? i don't get what's wrong with waiting for the right person?
No I based that from your unwillingness to even compromise on the sexual side of a relationship, of course there's nothing wrong with waiting for the right person to come along to sleep with...
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AKAA12
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#150
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#150
(Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
No I based that from your unwillingness to even compromise on the sexual side of a relationship, of course there's nothing wrong with waiting for the right person to come along to sleep with...
oh alright. was asking coz ive had friends laugh at me because I'd rather wait.
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toddlers crossword
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#151
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#151
(Original post by AKAA12)
i respect people's wishes like Id want them to respect mine
(Original post by AKAA12)
it's disgusting to sleep around.
Maybe you should try being less condemnatory of other peoples attitudes to sex if you want them to understand and respect your decisions?

imo, you didnt even seem to like the guy you were with much, and didnt seem to think you had much in common or would stay together, I don't think you should have been together anyway regardless of the sex issue!
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AKAA12
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#152
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#152
yes i said that because its not something i would do, i was not attacking anyone personally
if anyone wants to then go ahead.
i have friends who do that, i don't keep saying they're disgusting or tell them to stop, it's their decision
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choco6
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#153
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#153
uhh wht a long thread.
anyway, couldn't be bothered reading the whole thread.
wrt the op, I don't think it's very weird/abnormal to a virgin at 21.
if he wanted it and you didn't, it's best to have broken up.
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chocolat321
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#154
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#154
well to the person who pointed out that only catholics are the ones who wait till marriage to have sex, I'd like to remind you that the protestant/anglican faith does not encourage pre marital sex, so even protestants might not have sex for religious reasons before they are married,and also those who believe in the orthodox churches(ie greek orthodox, russian orthodox, etc)
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*meow*
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#155
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#155
I'm not sure about why everyone makes a big deal about losing virginity early,but 21 isn't verrrry old at all.
And I don't really understand how 3 months is too long to not have sex either?!
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Zoecb
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#156
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#156
(Original post by AKAA12)
sex isn't that important to everyone
and like i said, the amount of time you've been together is not as important as how close you are.
after being together for three months, all couples are obviously not equally close.
So spend more time together. If you only saw each other once a week or something, that is effectively a 2 week relationship with a ****load of wasted time in which to get frustrated from lack of sex.

(Original post by AKAA12)
you may feel that way, but I think that you can be in a relationship and be in love without sex. I wouldn't sleep with a guy until I were in love, like I said.

and please, a relationship without sex is not just friendship. did you sleep with every woman you went out with till now?
Yes. The past relationships I have had have been sexual. The only one that didn't were the ones I had in primary school.

I don't generally call something a relationship UNTIL there has been some kind of sexual contact (unless there was a practical reason we hadn't got to it yet I suppose).

In this thread you are asking for confirmation that your choice was 'the right thing to do' - well of course, if it's what YOU want (or don't want, as the case may be). If however by implication you're asking whether it is normal or common or things like that, the answer is no. Your behaviour is your choice but it is nevertheless really quite unusual.

You're expecting it to be perfect and that's not a good attitute to have. Firstly it'll probably hurt and be awkward in all sorts of physical ways. Also, if you're head over heels in love with the guy you lose your virginity to, the more likely you are to be infatuated once you've had sex and the more it will hurt when you break up.
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h82think
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#157
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#157
(Original post by AKAA12)
I dumped my boyfriend of three months because he was pushing me sexually
i didn't want to have sex yet, because I want to be sure that im in love before i take the step.
Yes, in my opinion you have done the right thing. If this man loved you enough, he would have respected your wishes and waited.

(Original post by AKAA12)
I have another problem too. okay not a problem, but my friends make it out to be weird and strange.
Im a virgin at 21, soon to be 22, but since I have never really loved anyone, I have refused to have sex.
Each of my friends make a big deal out of it and say it's ridiculous.
Why is it such a big deal?
It is not such a big deal or strange that you are a virgin at 22. You should stand your ground and only do things you are comfortable with!
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Zoecb
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#158
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#158
(Original post by Sanity Panda)
While I can understand your argument as I personally believe that most people have shifted and instead rush into sex too early when they don't know if their relationship is stable.
Why is that 'too early'? I don't need a relationship to be stable to have sex. If the relationship goes well, yay. If it doesn't, so what? You end up breaking up... and? I wouldn't regret the sex, quite the opposite. Adds to my life experience.
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*Katie*
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#159
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#159
(Original post by AKAA12)
"I think it's something special"
"sex isn't as important as many other things in a relationship."
I could quote a lot more of what you said, OP. I find it a teensy bit annoying when TSR posters come out with all these 'words of wisdom', despite being virgins. Put bluntly, how on earth would you know?

I think you did the right thing for you, but I think you're in for real disappointment when you first 'get intimate' with someone.
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Sanity Panda
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#160
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#160
(Original post by Zoecb)
Why is that 'too early'? I don't need a relationship to be stable to have sex. If the relationship goes well, yay. If it doesn't, so what? You end up breaking up... and? I wouldn't regret the sex, quite the opposite. Adds to my life experience.
Just a personal choice and a personal opinion on relationships. Perhaps my view is wrong, I would be interested in reasons why the attitude is a negative one.

Like I mentioned in a couple posts beforehand, as a person that searches for happiness. I personally dislike watching people break up over and over again and would prefer not to follow suit, some people don't mind and accept that its okay to do so which seems logical as well.

Another aspect is just some view sex as just sex, and really it is just that... but I like the idea of sex only when in love. Why? Because I've attached meaning to it, just like how I've probably attached many meanings to other things in my life.
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