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    My dumbass computer lost all my stickies which had tons of important stuff on them (addresses, phone numbers, vitally important MHSS quotes I needed to reply to... ). Seriously annoying, but the wonderful Rob is going to see if he can get any of the info back for me. :love:



    (Original post by Stiff Little Fingers)
    Anyway - still not comfortable talking to people about how I feel or my problems but thought I'd come back and say hi guys :wavey:
    Hey! Haven't seen you around in a while. Could meet up for a drink sometime if you like? :beer:

    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Wow so I saw a GP who was actually quite helpful. Talked about diaz and whether there were any alternatives, and he suggested propanalol. Has prescribed me 28x10mg (said it was a very low dose, and that I could go up to 40mg if it wasn't effective) but also prescribed me 28 of 2mg diaz without me having to ask, and suggested experimenting to see what works best in different situations.

    I'm surprised because normally being in a room alone with a guy freaks me the **** out. He could see I was shaking and asked if he could take my pulse, and it didn't even make me panic too much when he was touching my wrist (cos he didn't properly grab it). Doing some blood tests to check there isn't a physical cause (pulse was 90 apparently) but may well just be anxiety. I think it was mostly a relief to finally have a GP who had actually read my notes and didn't feel the need to ask (again) what caused me to get PTSD and a billion surrounding questions, like they are really fundamentally necessary and totally worth triggering me massively. So that was good.

    Now trying to figure out if I can make it to the pharmacy before my exam this afternoon. I don't like taking diaz before exams because of the cognitive effects, but if I could get some propanolol then that might be really helpful.
    That's awesome - well done for staying calm, and I hope the propanolol helps you.

    (Original post by drbluebox)
    Can anyone work out why I feel so melancholy all the time? I feel depressed but I find one or too things I find ok but dont enjoy them anywhere near I should to the point where I have over 320 Steam video games and only played a few despite being a major game fan playing them since I was 2 years old back in the 80's when gaming was for nerds, or you can put on my favourite movie and I will not concentrate on it and miss most of it so have to watch it again and this time concentrate on different points and miss the parts I watched originally.

    I know I said this before but I seem to have a thrifty attitute to life, I stay inside even if I want to go out as too tired or put off playing video games or even eating then when I do things, especially eating I pig out, or video games I play till say 6am and not even concentrate on it.

    No idea how to change it.
    Dysthymia maybe? That's where you've got persistent mild depression. And maybe some kind of therapy might help, like CBT can be used for changing bad thought/behaviour problems.

    (Original post by Mouse Potato)
    I found out that my application was successful!! I don't know where exactly it'll be yet, but they've said that I should be able to bring my gerbil because my CPN said how important she was to my wellbeing, so I'm feeling much calmer about it all now!!
    So pleased for you! And I'm sure your gerbil will be happy too.

    (Original post by ParadoxSocks)
    Everything was going so perfectly right and now everything has become terrifying and I'm so scared of screwing my dissertation up after it started off so well. I'm being pulled in too many directions and because I'm not having the chance to concentrate on any part of it I'm getting muddled and upset and jumpy.
    :hugs: Can you talk to anyone who could help you sort out what stuff's most important, and you concentrate on that first? I'm worried about my dissertation too, can barely remember what I'm supposed to be doing with it.
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    (Original post by Mouse Potato)
    Oh no! Do they have a phone number you could call maybe? Uni stuff is definitely stressful, I'm returning after a year out and it's so worrying.

    -----

    I found out that my application was successful!! I don't know where exactly it'll be yet, but they've said that I should be able to bring my gerbil because my CPN said how important she was to my wellbeing, so I'm feeling much calmer about it all now!!
    Mmm but speaking to people on the phone is TERRIFYING.

    That is such brilliant news! Really good that it's been successful & that you can take your gerbil.
    What is he/she called?
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    (Original post by octoberbaby)
    Mmm but speaking to people on the phone is TERRIFYING.

    That is such brilliant news! Really good that it's been successful & that you can take your gerbil.
    What is he/she called?
    Ah I know what you mean, I hate phones.

    Thanks, I'm so happy! She's called Pringle, she's pretty special needs and I have a lot of MH problems so we spend a lot of time together. I love her to bits, she's stupidly spoilt.


    (Original post by superwolf)
    So pleased for you! And I'm sure your gerbil will be happy too.
    Thanks! I just told Pringle when I gave her her breakfast, I'd like to say she was overjoyed but I think she was more interested in stuffing her face haha!
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    (Original post by Mouse Potato)
    Ah I know what you mean, I hate phones.

    Thanks, I'm so happy! She's called Pringle, she's pretty special needs and I have a lot of MH problems so we spend a lot of time together. I love her to bits, she's stupidly spoilt.




    Thanks! I just told Pringle when I gave her her breakfast, I'd like to say she was overjoyed but I think she was more interested in stuffing her face haha!
    I'm happy for you both
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    "Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone
    How much you love, how much you care
    Because when they're gone
    No matter how loud you shout and cry
    They won't hear you anymore"

    Wherever you are, I will always love you, for you are always with me everyday, and I will cherish the times I had with you and never forget those times. These memories are all I have left of you, for when you left this world, you took a part of me with you. I wish you were still here with us today. I will never forget you.
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    (Original post by -FireFlies-)
    "Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone
    How much you love, how much you care
    Because when they're gone
    No matter how loud you shout and cry
    They won't hear you anymore"

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Wherever you are, I will always love you, for you are always with me everyday, and I will cherish the times I had with you and never forget those times. These memories are all I have left of you, for when you left this world, you took a part of me with you. I wish you were still here with us today. I will never forget you.
    you ok hun?
    im on skype if you need me
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Hey! Haven't seen you around in a while. Could meet up for a drink sometime if you like? :beer:
    Nah - I've been hiding away, still can't talk about how I am, and this thread moves far too fast. Would be good yes, alcohol is brilliant.
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    you ok hun?
    im on skype if you need me
    Tough day.. just wish I was at home with my family - we need each other, today more than ever.
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    (Original post by -FireFlies-)
    Tough day.. just wish I was at home with my family - we need each other, today more than ever.
    can you not ask for day release to be with your family? (hug)
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    can you not ask for day release to be with your family? (hug)
    Yeah going home now for a few hours.
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    (Original post by superwolf)

    :hugs: Can you talk to anyone who could help you sort out what stuff's most important, and you concentrate on that first? I'm worried about my dissertation too, can barely remember what I'm supposed to be doing with it.
    I stupidly saw my academic mentor before my meeting with my supervisor and won't see her again until after next week's supervision. I've been completely focused on programming (aiming to have it done before the end of this week) and now my supervisor has decided he wants a draft of my report in before next Tuesday. It's just really scattered me. The report exists but there's so much that needs expanding. My second marker thinks I'm brilliant and that my report so far is good (got a mark of 80% in my mid point viva) but my supervisor just terrifies me when he randomly throws out tasks to do. Just nervous that I won't be able to do it. He wants my viva presentation slides the week after too

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    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Any particular reason? :hugs:

    I always feel worse after therapy and I'm still going, not sure if that's just a sign of madness though.
    Apparently I'm over-attaching because I was posting the days to go to therapy over the past week on my twitter and you know how worried and anxious I get about attaching too much to people :/ The only way my head knows how to deal with over-attaching is isolation, so I'm currently trying to stop myself from doing exactly that :/

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I do too, I think it's just because you're having to talk about things and open up, at least, that's what I think it is for me.
    Normally I feel okay after it but like I just said asdfgah she thinks I'm starting to over-rely and over-attach to her - Both things I feel incredibly uneasy about.
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    Had a good day and then whoosh, suddenly the depression hits. I want to curl up on the sofa under a blanket and not get up all night but nope, flat must be spotless and cat-free for the inspection tomorrow. I feel like I need to speak to someone but I have nothing to say. I just don't feel particularly... Anything. Nothing.

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    back to square one with the housemate :woo:
    i spend an hour cleaning the kitchen in the night, and get no thanks for it, and they cant be arsed cleaning my 1 pan...
    i give up, i dont need this ****.

    slowly packing up my stuff is pretty scary still, gahhhhhh
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    (Original post by Deyesy)
    Apparently I'm over-attaching because I was posting the days to go to therapy over the past week on my twitter and you know how worried and anxious I get about attaching too much to people :/ The only way my head knows how to deal with over-attaching is isolation, so I'm currently trying to stop myself from doing exactly that :/

    Normally I feel okay after it but like I just said asdfgah she thinks I'm starting to over-rely and over-attach to her - Both things I feel incredibly uneasy about.
    The way you've put it in that post doesn't really sound like she was that helpful... I mean, over-attaching is one of your problems, you know that, so she should be trying to be constructive I think. I guess pointing it out is more constructive than not pointing it out, but did she have any actual advice for dealing with it? I'd say you really should keep going - this might be the start of a breakthrough, you never know.

    ----

    Exam went well this afternoon. Think I wrote three pretty solid essays. 21 pages of A4 (and that was all actually to the point, no rambling required).
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    (Original post by asdfgah)
    The way you've put it in that post doesn't really sound like she was that helpful... I mean, over-attaching is one of your problems, you know that, so she should be trying to be constructive I think. I guess pointing it out is more constructive than not pointing it out, but did she have any actual advice for dealing with it? I'd say you really should keep going - this might be the start of a breakthrough, you never know.

    ----

    Exam went well this afternoon. Think I wrote three pretty solid essays. 21 pages of A4 (and that was all actually to the point, no rambling required).
    Aye, I know it's one of my problems and she gave no advice for dealing with it. We've done what I wanted to which was to put the bullying to bed abit and I do feel like it's been put to bed even if the triggers are still there but there's less of a need to bring it up and I do accept the stuff she and everyone else has said about it being in the past. I don't even know. I hadn't seen her for 6 weeks so part of my head doesn't see anything wrong with counting down the days like I did :/ But over-attaching is the last thing I want to do or becoming reliant on her. Don't want that to happen.

    I know it's a problem and I'm not even able to stop it happening without going to extreme's like completely isolating myself :/ :sigh:

    Really, really glad your exam went well though :hugs:
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    (Original post by ParadoxSocks)
    Everything was going so perfectly right and now everything has become terrifying and I'm so scared of screwing my dissertation up after it started off so well. I'm being pulled in too many directions and because I'm not having the chance to concentrate on any part of it I'm getting muddled and upset and jumpy.
    You made made good progress, and have a good amount done already. Just make sure you make regular code revisions (take a copy of what you have done before changing things) and you will be fine. I should be able to help more after my last exam next Tuesday - I will make sure you do good enough for an excellent mark

    (Original post by ParadoxSocks)
    I stupidly saw my academic mentor before my meeting with my supervisor and won't see her again until after next week's supervision. I've been completely focused on programming (aiming to have it done before the end of this week) and now my supervisor has decided he wants a draft of my report in before next Tuesday. It's just really scattered me. The report exists but there's so much that needs expanding. My second marker thinks I'm brilliant and that my report so far is good (got a mark of 80% in my mid point viva) but my supervisor just terrifies me when he randomly throws out tasks to do. Just nervous that I won't be able to do it. He wants my viva presentation slides the week after too

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I would send your report as-is - just where you know you need to expand it, put a comment/footnote/etc saying you plan to extend it. That way, you can concentrate on programming and make your supervisor happy (and give them something to look over).

    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    back to square one with the housemate :woo:
    i spend an hour cleaning the kitchen in the night, and get no thanks for it, and they cant be arsed cleaning my 1 pan...
    i give up, i dont need this ****.

    slowly packing up my stuff is pretty scary still, gahhhhhh
    I say do what is best for you, and if they complain to you, just say you are busy and walk off. You don't need the trouble they are causing you.
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    (Original post by rmhumphries)
    You made made good progress, and have a good amount done already. Just make sure you make regular code revisions (take a copy of what you have done before changing things) and you will be fine. I should be able to help more after my last exam next Tuesday - I will make sure you do good enough for an excellent mark



    I would send your report as-is - just where you know you need to expand it, put a comment/footnote/etc saying you plan to extend it. That way, you can concentrate on programming and make your supervisor happy (and give them something to look over).
    That was creepy! I came onto TSR a minute after you quoted me.

    Everything is incrementally backed up so if I ruin anything I can bounce back. I'm at a place where I feel like I have something to be happy with (except for those lights but I PM'd you about those) so I just need to tidy up (I think I have unnecessary repetition but all that can easily wait until you're free to pick fault with it/point out major problems.

    I'm looking at the report this evening (5 hours at uni/travelling have tired me out) so I'll follow your advice and add in pointers. There's probably a few bits I can type tonight (HCI, usability and testing methods are all areas I can quickly write up) but I'm trying to avoid freaking out over everything.

    I just feel drained and pulled all over the place. I would literally be crazy without you.
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    (Original post by rmhumphries)
    I say do what is best for you, and if they complain to you, just say you are busy and walk off. You don't need the trouble they are causing you.
    theres no point in me bending over backwards for them anymore, countless times iv cleaned THERE mess up, yet they dont clean mine up once or twice in a blue moon.
    this house is really getting me down now
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    urgh, is there something wrong with me? cause when I look at the world it just seems way too ****ed up to me, am I really insane for thinking people should actually care about each other and be nice to each other rather than hating and killing each other over irrelevant **** that shouldn't matter?

    :sigh:

    I don't even know anymore, just sick of it.
 
 
 
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