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    (Original post by Redolent)
    But he would have been a **** at the time, the girl just wouldn't have known it because she got duped. There are seriously so many men in clubs who see it all as a game of "conquering sluts" and adding points to the tally, and it's so frustrating to see women who think they're doing a good thing for their gender's liberation by enabling these people to get what they want (though I don't doubt it can be hard to tell them apart from the decent respectful ones). They don't care that you're taking a stand against gender roles, on the contrary to them it will just seem like you're playing your role to a T.

    This is something it can be frustrating to watch as an external observer and I'm not surprised a lot of men end up getting bitter.
    I don't think women have casual sex as some sort of statement about gender roles/female liberation, they probably just want to get laid, same as men do. It's just a personal thing to them about wanting sex - they don't consider themselves to be making some sort of stand for women. If a woman wants to have sex, goes out and meets a guy who wants to have sex, then she's hardly getting 'duped', and whilst she might be enabling a guy to get what he wants, she's also getting what she wants too.
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    (Original post by Shockolate)
    I don't think women have casual sex as some sort of statement about gender roles/female liberation, they probably just want to get laid, same as men do. It's just a personal thing to them about wanting sex - they don't consider themselves to be making some sort of stand for women. If a woman wants to have sex, goes out and meets a guy who wants to have sex, then she's hardly getting 'duped', and whilst she might be enabling a guy to get what he wants, she's also getting what she wants too.
    Yeah that's fair. Still I think it is a bad idea to sleep with people who don't really respect you.
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    (Original post by Redolent)
    Yeah that's fair. Still I think it is a bad idea to sleep with people who don't really respect you.
    I agree.
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    Same tbh, don't know if I can trust the girl if she has no qualms with sleeping with that many men. Not an achievement either, it's easier for girls to get sex because of the amount of desperate guys out there.

    Also tells me she is bad at rships.

    Vice versa with if I was a girl.
    Agreed. It doesn't bode well for a future relationship if you know she's moved from guy-to-guy with the speed of Usain Bolt.
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    How can you go around claiming that the number of sexual partners you have is not in fact a reflection of your personality and more often than not your deepest and most intimate feelings? Actions define who you are. "zomg don't judge me to be a murderer because I go around killing people this doesn't define who I am". The fact that people have to do mental gymnastics around the issue that get hurt over nasty words is proof that they don't exactly feel comfortable about it.

    Someone who has casual sex with many different partners is not emotionally or mentally the same person as someone who doesn't. Surprise! For most people sex is a very intimate thing. Even for those who've had one night stands, usually these things happen as a rebound or confidence booster which betrays something deeper going on (lack of confidence, etc) - though this is also unacceptable really and one night stands happen far less often than TV and Movies and your friends' empty boasts would like you to think. But someone who serially has sex with seemingly anybody obviously doesn't view sex as special. It's like nothing more than playing tennis with somebody, or playing a round of Tekken. Now, you may want to defend such a view, or more woefully try to pretend that casual sex with multiple partners is compatible with seeing sex as intimate and meaningful, but in any case at the very least it shows you do not share the same view of sex as most others. And since sex is so often linked with self esteem, intimacy and love (even if it's misguided) people find it morally repugnant to hear that someone treats sex as a throw-away chewing-gum-like activity. Like it or not it speaks volumes about the person. To pretend that it doesn't and that actions don't define who you are is bogus and stupid.

    Despite the sexual immorality that plagues the West, thankfully sex still holds some kind of moral power over people inasmuch as they recognize it's not just like playing tennis. Even when they want to pretend that it is. It never is. And someone who can consistently treat it as such... well, put it this way: it is not unreasonable that someone who wants a relationship doesn't want to be in one with somebody who thinks of sex in a different way than they do. Right?

    The funny thing is that the West cannot escape it's Christian roots. We still value the virtue of purity. And this is just one convoluted way of expressing that. We still see something wrong in too much impurity (even though it is hypocritical to have an arbitrary 'number', it still shows some level of conscience and love of virtue). That is why girls who play hard to get (not meaning stuck up though) will always be more attractive, and girls who are 'easy' are less attractive. A girl who has less sexual partners knows she is worth something more. Knows that not just any guy can have her. This reflects in her personality. And men are attracted to that. Most men today are a bit sex crazy though, so they are attracted to that for impure motives. But in an ideal world, it works both ways, and purity is attractive from the heart of a pure man. In other words, it is about self respect and valuing oneself. Think of it economically if you like. Supply and demand. The more you've put yourself out there, the less of a rarity you are, and that's how you see yourself. Which is why designer labels are not found in crappy shops - they limit themselves to high-end fashion retailers because it projects the image that they are something more valuable and of higher quality.

    This principle works for men and women by the way, but unfortunately (as said) the West is still in transition from Christian to post-Christian and so there are muddled up thoughts. Men think of themselves as mere beasts with no self control, but women are expected to meet a certain standard of purity. Hopefully soon we recognize the mistake we've made in driving God out of our hearts and homes, but that's a seperate issue. But I am just highlighting the symptoms of the problem and the source of the hypocrisy.

    However, all that said, one shouldn't call people names. No matter what someone has done (this goes for all kinds of things) they should be treated with the love and respect that is befitting a child of God. This isn't to say we cannot correct them or make them see that they are being stupid. It doesn't mean we can't use a bit of force in making our points. But at the end of the day, people act in certain ways because they are confused. A lot of these people making the bold claims of "Oh yeah I don't care sex is fun I will have as many partners as I like" aren't that way in real life you can believe that. Take away the internet and their online persona, take away the booze and the glitzy night clubs and the attention they crave and you'll see what is really inside: a longing for love, perhaps, or someone afraid of the future and of themselves. Sounds cheesy, but that's what's going on. There are very few people who truly believe the kinds of things some people say here and in other places to defend sexual immorality. Very few, and when they do believe it they are usually sociopaths or mentally disturbed.
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    (Original post by Redolent)
    You can never know for sure, especially if that guy goes and boasts about his conquest to a bunch of other like-minded people who are then gonna see you like that as well. Anyway, you seem to see sex in a very transactional way, I don't understand how it can seem so impersonal to you. Personality is obviously far less important in an ONS scenario, but it's not a total irrelevance - I wouldn't just sleep with any old person who looked good and might be good in bed.
    See, the thing is, if you don't know that someone's an arse you can't treat them as if they are an arse. Sure, if someone says, "can we have sex? I'm going to tell all my friends how I conquered you and how cheap and dirty you are, and make fun of you for opening your legs to me, but I think we should do it anyway" then I won't sleep with them, but if they're funny and charming and courteous and I'm in the mood, then yeah I might well sleep with them. If it later turns out they're a bit of a ****, so what, I just won't sleep with them again. It can be hard to tell if someone's actually a nice person or just on their best behaviour, and it doesn't make me a bad person if I take someone at their word and assume they are what they say they are. It doesn't make me less of a person if I spend time with someone, including sex or no, and it later turns out they're not my type of person.

    It's not just a sex thing - I've had nascent friendships that were with people who turned out to have crazy conspiracy theories or despicable views on race etc. When I met them they seemed nice so I spent time with them; when they started revealing their true selves I stopped liking them so stopped spending time with them. It works the same way with sex. I'd rather go through life assuming that most people I meet are basically good than vice versa.

    Also, girls can TOTALLY use people for sex and boast about their conquests as well.


    (Original post by Bronze00)
    Sorry but your a ho*, tell any man your body count and he won't want to be within 10 metres of you
    Say that to the boyfriend lying beside me.
    I just turned and said to him "I've slept with 38 people". His response was essentially "so what".

    (I actually think he's more fussed about my tendency to take up ALL THE BED.)

    (Original post by Nevan)
    You're dirty
    You're silly!
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    Around 20 (e.g. I've stopped counting but have a rough figure in my head)... F'ing alcohol.
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    (Original post by wildbluesun)
    See, the thing is, if you don't know that someone's an arse you can't treat them as if they are an arse. Sure, if someone says, "can we have sex? I'm going to tell all my friends how I conquered you and how cheap and dirty you are, and make fun of you for opening your legs to me, but I think we should do it anyway" then I won't sleep with them, but if they're funny and charming and courteous and I'm in the mood, then yeah I might well sleep with them. If it later turns out they're a bit of a ****, so what, I just won't sleep with them again. It can be hard to tell if someone's actually a nice person or just on their best behaviour, and it doesn't make me a bad person if I take someone at their word and assume they are what they say they are. It doesn't make me less of a person if I spend time with someone, including sex or no, and it later turns out they're not my type of person.

    It's not just a sex thing - I've had nascent friendships that were with people who turned out to have crazy conspiracy theories or despicable views on race etc. When I met them they seemed nice so I spent time with them; when they started revealing their true selves I stopped liking them so stopped spending time with them. It works the same way with sex. I'd rather go through life assuming that most people I meet are basically good than vice versa.

    Also, girls can TOTALLY use people for sex and boast about their conquests as well.
    Yeah, again, that's fair enough, although I still I don't think I would want a relationship with a girl who regularly sleeps around like that.

    I suppose girls do sometimes boast but I don't know anyone who really cares about that. Maybe it's just a personal thing for me - I would be really offended if I saw a man boasting about how he's ****ed my girlfriend, but if I saw a girl boasting about having sex with one of my male friends I wouldn't care or take it at all seriously.
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    Don't get me wrong, I'm not being judgmental here. What you do with your body is your business and yours alone. But to answer your question, I'd say that 23 is a pretty impressive number. But again, I'm not judging! The important thing is that you enjoy yourself. So if you did, good for you
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    (Original post by mangamaan)
    So, would you admit your a ****?
    Er no
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    People who sleep around are entitled to do so, and shouldn't have to deal with others effectively bullying them for it. But lets be realistic. Just as people are entitled to spread it as thorough and wide as they can, if they like, it does not mean they are entitled to have people unanimously like that quality, or not have a problem with it in a partner.The fact is, some find it off putting, and these people ARE FULLY ENTITLED TO FEEL THAT WAY. If you sleep around, don't throw your toys out the pram when a guy or girl says they do not find a high shag count appealing in a partner.

    There's actually evidence that shows that those who have had a higher number of sexual partners prior to marriage have more chance of divorce. (The suggested explanation is that bonding doesn't happen as well as it would otherwise.) So there's a reason why (men specially) find '****s' unattractive as potential long term partners. DEAL WITH IT.
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    I also have a problem with a culture that has gotten so hypersexualised we're moved in to the arena of 'prude shaming' people who don't want to model their lives on Sex and the City. Like the only reason a person would not be having lots of casual partners is because they're repressed, or have 'backwards' old fashioned views (and are 'slut shamers'). The idea that someone is fully comfortable with sex but chooses to keep it for serious relationships is inconceivable to some people, and I believe this is some of the source for the kind of b.s in this thread, where people's real motivations for revealing their high number is to boast about it, as a way of telling everyone how 'progressive' they are in their world view.
    "I'm with the times everybody. Look at me."
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    One of my best friends is 19 and has slept with about 20-25 guys, and she isn't bothered by it in the slightest. My sister is 21, slept with 8 and told me once how ashamed she was of herself that it was so many. I would honestly rather be in my best friend's position; sexually liberated and all that (and why shouldn't she be). I can't think of anything worse than feeling guilty for having/enjoying lots of sex. It seems silly but it honestly happens so much with young girls my age (which is 18).
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    if she has slept with more than 5 guys forget it, she's a hoe.
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    I hate it when people shame other people for not having sex too. I think it's rubbish how people feel the need to continuously judge other people for the amount of sex they have. Get your nose out of what other people do with their genitals, FFS.

    I know someone who's pretty careful about who she sleeps with and always jokingly calls herself a prude and such to pre-empt people making a thing of it, and it makes me pretty sad that she feels the need to do that. The slut/frigid dichotomy makes me SO ANGRY I pretty much meltdown whenever I try to discuss it, because people acting like they own other people and can tell them what type of sex they have and when and how much and with who makes me want to bang my head against a fecking wall.
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    I don't want to promote promiscuity because its already caused a high pregnancy and STD rate in my area and it has not helped anyone.
    I haven't got a problem with the amount of people somebody has slept with because that's their business and if they have protected them selves properly and regularly get themselves checked out i'm fine and its cool.

    I just have a problem with the amount of people that don't protect themselves and ruin it it for everybody else. condoms don't protect you from every STD and STI out there.
    The thing that bothers me the most is the fact that people sleep around with (tacky protection)/without protection and take sex for a joke and it get's on my nerves every time, then they refuse to get checked out because they didn't have any "symptoms" of infection when some STD are symptom less, and then the next person they mess around with spreads it around even more with out a care in the world because "they are having fun!".
    The sad thing is i already warned 2 of my friends about this and they both laughed in my face, one of then got a lucky escape while my other friend now has HIV, I would say who's laughing now but that's not funny its cruel, unfortunately the other one still hasn't learned her lesson.
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    Depends how you view sex really. Since coming to uni I've turned down more sex than I've had, refusing to sleep with drunk girls on a personal basis (I'd never want to sleep with someone I really didn't respect). In my eyes sex is one of the greatest things you can do with someone else and having sloppy drunken sex just cheapens it unless you really care for them.

    I don't think I'd even sleep with anyone who I didn't feel was the same intellectual level as me. I'm not moving towards snobbiness, just I feel it's better to save it for someone you can also talk to the next day.

    This is also in no way a religious thing.
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    (Original post by .xXSnowFlakeXx.)
    my other friend now has HIV
    Jesus.
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    (Original post by .xXSnowFlakeXx.)
    I don't want to promote promiscuity because its already caused a high pregnancy and STD rate in my area and it has not helped anyone.
    I haven't got a problem with the amount of people somebody has slept with because that's their business and if they have protected them selves properly and regularly get themselves checked out i'm fine and its cool.

    I just have a problem with the amount of people that don't protect themselves and ruin it it for everybody else. condoms don't protect you from every STD and STI out there.
    The thing that bothers me the most is the fact that people sleep around with (tacky protection)/without protection and take sex for a joke and it get's on my nerves every time, then they refuse to get checked out because they didn't have any "symptoms" of infection when some STD are symptom less, and then the next person they mess around with spreads it around even more with out a care in the world because "they are having fun!".
    The sad thing is i already warned 2 of my friends about this and they both laughed in my face, one of then got a lucky escape while my other friend now has HIV, I would say who's laughing now but that's not funny its cruel, unfortunately the other one still hasn't learned her lesson.
    Ah people who don't regularly use condoms and sleep around! Those LOVELY people!

    I genuinely think doing that is wrong. Like...if you drink a lot or eat crappy food, you're only hurting yourself. But if you don't take care of your sexual health you're not only hurting yourself, you're hurting your partners, and - by extension - the whole community that you find sexual partners in. Skin-to-skin contact can pass on a lot of STDs (including scary ones like syphilis which can give you brain damage if left untreated), so it's not enough to "use condoms if (s)he wants me to" but not do it the rest of the time, and most STDs have asymptomatic forms, so "I'll get checked out if I have symptoms" isn't good enough either.

    I very strongly feel that if you're going to live the kind of lifestyle that means you have more than one partner at a time, to not be stringent with barrier protection is an immoral act. I actually walked out of an orgy once because everyone else had apparently decided that condoms weren't necessary this time. They are. They are ALWAYS necessary.

    (I'm a bit more forgiving of people who don't get regular check ups because I get it, getting your genitals out in front of a doctor can be scary - also needles, time, effort, and some GUM clinics are actually pretty difficult to get appointments with, like they're only open at funny times and suchlike. I see that more as morally desirable than morally necessary. Under most circumstances anyway, if you have clear STI symptoms, ignore them and continue sleeping around my view would change.)
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    (Original post by wildbluesun)
    Ah people who don't regularly use condoms and sleep around! Those LOVELY people!

    I genuinely think doing that is wrong. Like...if you drink a lot or eat crappy food, you're only hurting yourself. But if you don't take care of your sexual health you're not only hurting yourself, you're hurting your partners, and - by extension - the whole community that you find sexual partners in. Skin-to-skin contact can pass on a lot of STDs (including scary ones like syphilis which can give you brain damage if left untreated), so it's not enough to "use condoms if (s)he wants me to" but not do it the rest of the time, and most STDs have asymptomatic forms, so "I'll get checked out if I have symptoms" isn't good enough either.

    I very strongly feel that if you're going to live the kind of lifestyle that means you have more than one partner at a time, to not be stringent with barrier protection is an immoral act. I actually walked out of an orgy once because everyone else had apparently decided that condoms weren't necessary this time. They are. They are ALWAYS necessary.

    (I'm a bit more forgiving of people who don't get regular check ups because I get it, getting your genitals out in front of a doctor can be scary - also needles, time, effort, and some GUM clinics are actually pretty difficult to get appointments with, like they're only open at funny times and suchlike. I see that more as morally desirable than morally necessary. Under most circumstances anyway, if you have clear STI symptoms, ignore them and continue sleeping around my view would change.)
    Thank you, I couldn't have said it better my self.
 
 
 
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