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Ask me anything about.....relationships :E Watch

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    I haven't forgotten about the friendzone question


    will reply to that by toorowwwzzzz!!
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    (Original post by CasualSoul)
    Do you feel you could just ask "Dear/ hun/ whatever is cool these days or actually probably better just to use her name You say you do not want to meet up/ form anything more serious and that is fine. Why is it though that as soon as I mention another girl you become very upset and annoyed with me? Please, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to start an argument or make you feel bad I just want to know why, although you do not wish to meet up you chat to me as if we are a couple. I've contemplated so much about the possible reasons why but I would just like to hear the reason from you and after that I promise not to ask again. I willing to listen to all that you have to say and I promise not to judge you. "

    How do you think that would go down? Here you are showing her in a kind, honest way that all you want is the truth. We are not putting ideas into her head saying "oh are you just scared or slightly insecure?" we are presenting her with the opportunity to tell us what is holding her back/ why what she says and her actions aren't corresponding. Again if she is super insecure and that is one of the reasons at the end we are reminding/ reassuring her that you are trustworthy so she will be more likely to open up to her than being silent because she is potentially scared?
    So I went and said something similar to this, and she brought up the possibility of meeting up again, so cool.
    This probably wont happen, but I guess i will just need to play it by ear and see.

    However, I am now in quite a bad position with her, where I am clueless about how to proceed. Again.
    So remember I said about all her jealousy? Well I cant mention another girls attractiveness without her getting all upset etc.
    But, since she is a teenage girl afterall, she is going to be going clubbing a few times over the couple of weeks. Now she is an attractive girl (she can pull very easily at these types of thing) and if history is anything to go by, no doubt she will kiss some other guy there.
    I do find this very upsetting, this girl does mean alot to me and for her to just go do stuff with some random dude while continually getting jealous of me and telling me how much she loves me is quite hurtful.
    Admittedly it does make me upset to sit and think about what she could be doing when she is out, because it should be me..
    I have eluded to the fact that I dont like her doing this, but thats it. I cant control her. I cant tell her what to do and what not to do at the end of the day.
    But at the same time, I just dont think its fair. Its not fair that she does this, knowing exactly how she would feel if I did the same. I dont think its fair that I should continue to talk to her and act like a couple with her when she goes and does this.
    I just have no idea what to say or do with her, or if its even worth it anymore.
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    (Original post by I Need Help 2)
    So I went and said something similar to this, and she brought up the possibility of meeting up again, so cool.
    This probably wont happen, but I guess i will just need to play it by ear and see.

    However, I am now in quite a bad position with her, where I am clueless about how to proceed. Again.
    So remember I said about all her jealousy? Well I cant mention another girls attractiveness without her getting all upset etc.
    But, since she is a teenage girl afterall, she is going to be going clubbing a few times over the couple of weeks. Now she is an attractive girl (she can pull very easily at these types of thing) and if history is anything to go by, no doubt she will kiss some other guy there.
    I do find this very upsetting, this girl does mean alot to me and for her to just go do stuff with some random dude while continually getting jealous of me and telling me how much she loves me is quite hurtful.
    Admittedly it does make me upset to sit and think about what she could be doing when she is out, because it should be me..
    I have eluded to the fact that I dont like her doing this, but thats it. I cant control her. I cant tell her what to do and what not to do at the end of the day.
    But at the same time, I just dont think its fair. Its not fair that she does this, knowing exactly how she would feel if I did the same. I dont think its fair that I should continue to talk to her and act like a couple with her when she goes and does this.
    I just have no idea what to say or do with her, or if its even worth it anymore.
    How did you get her to want to meet up again because this is a COMPLETE CHANGE from what she was saying before so I'm wondering why she has suddenly changed. (Is it because you talked about other girls and then she got jealous so that is why she wants you to meet up again as this sort of gives you hope and so she knows she's got less chance of loosing you to other girls or have I got that all wrong?)

    From whart you've writen I can see she means a lot to you and that you like her a lot, does she know how much you like her and would you say currently that you like her more than she likes you ?

    You need to figure out if you mean as much to her as she means to you. If so it's worth a try if not it is not worth a try and the only reason she is chatting to you as a couple is because she likes the attention all on her. she said she would meet up but that could just be too encourage you/ so all the attention is still all on her.

    there is no point getting too involved if she doesn't really like you and is just 'stringing you along' because you give her the attention she craves.

    If we can figure out the above I should be able to help you where to go from here.

    Alternatively you could just admit that you really like her and say its hard for you to say this but there are only two options :

    you're either going to have to stop speaking her completely (since you already told me there is no chance for friends) or if you really do like each other then continue speaking as a couple and meet up because its too much for you to speak to her as a couple and develop feelings for her when nothing is ever going to happen and you are never going to meet.
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    Okay right now for the friendzone question before I log out of here
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    (Original post by bluemax)
    PS: Any tips on how to 'escape' the friendzone?
    Sorry about the delay

    went on a weekend away with all the other Gurus :perv:

    I would say the key is standing out as a 'potential lover' so that she can't categorise you in the 'friend' category but when you do this you can't appear to forward or too creepy. I would say you have to start out as a friend I mean in order to avoid the creepiness but you need to show EARLY on that you like her as more than a friend, again it can't be in a creepy way though or in a way that is too forward that it puts her off.

    You need to try and establish if she likes you as more of a friend first though because no matter what you do if she just sees you as a friend then really there is no hope. In other words even if she knows she likes you she might still put you in the friendzone if she doesn't like you back so sometimes it is a guys fault that he gets friendzoned (i.e. he didn't make his feeling clear from an early stage and the girl thought he only saw her as a friend) but sometimes it isn't the guys fault and there is nothing he can do to keep out of the friendzone because if a girl doesn't like him (as more than a friend) no matter what he does she will still place him in the friend zone.
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    Guru is always here to help :perv:
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    (Original post by CasualSoul)
    Sorry about the delay

    went on a weekend away with all the other Gurus :perv:

    I would say the key is standing out as a 'potential lover' so that she can't categorise you in the 'friend' category but when you do this you can't appear to forward or too creepy. I would say you have to start out as a friend I mean in order to avoid the creepiness but you need to show EARLY on that you like her as more than a friend, again it can't be in a creepy way though or in a way that is too forward that it puts her off.

    You need to try and establish if she likes you as more of a friend first though because no matter what you do if she just sees you as a friend then really there is no hope. In other words even if she knows she likes you she might still put you in the friendzone if she doesn't like you back so sometimes it is a guys fault that he gets friendzoned (i.e. he didn't make his feeling clear from an early stage and the girl thought he only saw her as a friend) but sometimes it isn't the guys fault and there is nothing he can do to keep out of the friendzone because if a girl doesn't like him (as more than a friend) no matter what he does she will still place him in the friend zone.

    Hey, Thanks!
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    (Original post by bluemax)
    Hey, Thanks!
    You're welcome
 
 
 
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