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    (Original post by Ekemini)
    Not exactly worthless but according to them are damaged goods
    The same goes to having women with degrees or literate. These were, and are still being seen by some in some cultures, to be things that make women not pure and 'damaged goods'.

    Virgins are horrible sex partners generally. Also, if men should sleep around but women shouldn't, is your culture advocating homosexuality, then?
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    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    can you explain how they have no back-bone etc.? Is it being unfaithful or unemployed etc.?
    i dont know quite how to explain it, not so much that as opposed to being with them just for the sake of being with them and just being bossed around because its easier?

    its really hard to explain, i dont know if no back bone is really the right term but its sort of being really ill-matched because they just dont want to be single and would be with anyone to avoid it..
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    (Original post by Ekemini)
    I know that. Its not everything that he says that I agree. I think it all boils down to dignity.
    Dignity =/= sex life

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    (Original post by clh_hilary)
    The same goes to having women with degrees or literate. These were, and are still being seen by some in some cultures, to be things that make women not pure and 'damaged goods'.

    Virgins are horrible sex partners generally. Also, if men should sleep around but women shouldn't, is your culture advocating homosexuality, then?
    Its not. Nigerians are really aginst homosexuality. There ARE girls who sleep around but society expects girls to be virgins. I cant exactly explain their way of thinking.
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    (Original post by luuucyx)
    i dont know quite how to explain it, not so much that as opposed to being with them just for the sake of being with them and just being bossed around because its easier?

    its really hard to explain, i dont know if no back bone is really the right term but its sort of being really ill-matched because they just dont want to be single and would be with anyone to avoid it..
    you mean desperate, insecure, needy, lonely etc.

    Often stemming from no backbone, but there are more severe forms of spinelessness and cowardice I can promise you

    A problem for both genders of course.
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    (Original post by rachelc142)
    Dignity =/= sex life

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Its not my way of thinking. I think they believe if you remain a virgin you are a good girl, was raised well, that you have dignity and self respect
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    (Original post by Ekemini)
    Its not. Nigerians are really aginst homosexuality. There ARE girls who sleep around but society expects girls to be virgins. I cant exactly explain their way of thinking.
    I'm just saying it's ridiculous. I don't understand why you don't see how absurd this is.

    So men are expected to sleep around, women are not. At the same time men cannot sleep with other men. How does that work?
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    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    you mean desperate, insecure, needy, lonely etc.

    Often stemming from no backbone, but there are more severe forms of spinelessness and cowardice I can promise you

    A problem for both genders of course.
    hahahaha the evolution of the spine-free-human

    yeah definitely! i think maybe im never gonna fall in love again cos im such a cynic hahaha
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    (Original post by Ekemini)
    Explain what you mean by unrealistic expectations please

    (Original post by Ekemini)
    I am not expecting. I don't expect anything of anyone. Ok maybe I expect my future boyfriend to be hot, have tattoos, a deep voice, look like Jack frost from Rise of the guardians and have a dark past( I am just blabbing here )But its the society's belief and I cannot exactly change it
    THAT is unrealistic expectation


    (Original post by Ekemini)
    According to elders, my parents, the adults. I did not say non virgins are damaged goods. Its not my opinion cause I basically don't care if you are a virgin or not. Don't take this personally but reading feminism, I have a feeling might give me a headache because from the little things I have seen I don't think I understand it. For example i saw a picture somewhere where a girl claiming to be a feminist said that you don't have to touch a woman to rape her. I couldn't believe my eyes.
    no that's obscene. There is no rape if there's no physical contact, it's either emotional abuse or a false rape allegation. :lolwut:

    I put a ton of effort into my big quote to you, why have you ignored it? Granted it was a bit condescending given your age.
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    (Original post by clh_hilary)
    I'm just saying it's ridiculous. I don't understand why you don't see how absurd this is.

    So men are expected to sleep around, women are not. At the same time men cannot sleep with other men. How does that work?
    Men are not exactly expected to sleep around it just that its ok if they do. For women its not the same thing. Of course not every girl is a virgin and there ARE prostitutes believe it or not. not everyone over here is going to live up to society's expectations. I can see how absurd this is but I can also see that they see this as values girls should aspire to have. To wait. That everything has its time blah blah. Oh God my back hurts
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    (Original post by Ekemini)
    Men are not exactly expected to sleep around it just that its ok if they do. For women its not the same thing. Of course not every girl is a virgin and there ARE prostitutes believe it or not. not everyone over here is going to live up to society's expectations. I can see how absurd this is but I can also see that they see this as values girls should aspire to have. To wait. That everything has its time blah blah. Oh God my back hurts
    It's a value they expect girls to have, similarly to the expectation that girls should not be educated or literate.
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    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    no that's obscene. There is no rape if there's no physical contact, it's either emotional abuse or a false rape allegation. :lolwut:
    Not if if it's artistic rape.
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    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    THAT is unrealistic expectation




    no that's obscene. There is no rape if there's no physical contact, it's either emotional abuse or a false rape allegation. :lolwut:

    I put a ton of effort into my big quote to you, why have you ignored it? Granted it was a bit condescending given your age.
    Ok the one about Jack frost is not unrealistic Please don't kill my petty dreams Haha. I didn't ignore it. I also dislike cheating people and I know that there will be plenty of people who will want to dissuade but I hope I can stand my ground
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    (Original post by Ekemini)
    Men are not exactly expected to sleep around it just that its ok if they do. For women its not the same thing. Of course not every girl is a virgin and there ARE prostitutes believe it or not. not everyone over here is going to live up to society's expectations. I can see how absurd this is but I can also see that they see this as values girls should aspire to have. To wait. That everything has its time blah blah. Oh God my back hurts
    do YOU, because this is what matters, YOU believe that this is a value girls should aspire to have, and why? And not just 'because my elders said so', why do YOU like this value?
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    (Original post by clh_hilary)
    Not if if it's artistic rape.
    give me strength
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    (Original post by clh_hilary)
    It's a value they expect girls to have, similarly to the expectation that girls should not be educated or literate.
    Not over here. Where did you hear that expectation from? If your girl is educated it is also a thing of pride but mind you the girl should also have good character.
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    (Original post by Ekemini)
    Ok the one about Jack frost is not unrealistic Please don't kill my petty dreams Haha. I didn't ignore it. I also dislike cheating people and I know that there will be plenty of people who will want to dissuade but I hope I can stand my ground
    Nono, the long comment on page 5 explaining why it's wrong for the men to have more freedom the women! They're brainwashing you! The question is whether you are happy to go with what they say for your own reasons, or want to fight it

    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    you have been raised to believe that this is not a double standard but the natural order, that men should have more freedoms than women and only women should be 'pure' and chaste virgins. It may be deeply held by the religion, and a very sensitive subject

    I am being blasé but in truth it is quite grossly hypocritical what they are saying. You are saying men are saying 'if you sleep around, you have shamed the family, you will have a bad reputation and no man will want to marry you'-well this is them beating around the bush on them thinking that women who lose their virginity outside of marriage are over-sexual in a corrupt, 'sinful' way that 'women should not be'. This is what traditionally religion always calls 'whore' 'prostitute' 'slut'. It is typically used as a way to justify women being submissive slaves obedient to their husbands and men, second-class citizens; this is true patriarchy and what Feminism aims to dismantle, rightfully.

    As my friend Eva says




    We in the UK have been working to stop women who have sex outside of marriage being called sluts, but it is not the same everywhere such as your homeland. This doesn't mean your culture is wrong or backward, but in this case the issue is hurting you and you can reject it if you want, so it is good that you are seeking understanding of it to see whether you want to embrace or reject this aspect of the culture

    They are hypocrites and it's a double standard because the only reason they think the men should be allowed to sleep around is because they are men. This is another way of saying they think that men should be more free than women
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    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    do YOU, because this is what matters, YOU believe that this is a value girls should aspire to have, and why? And not just 'because my elders said so', why do YOU like this value?
    Right now its very confusing for me because this has been banged into my head so I don't know where I stand with it. But as for me it is an intimate thing that I cant imagine myself doing casually and is an experience I only want to share with one person: My very own jack frost
    Wow bandicoot you keep me own my toes
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    (Original post by Ekemini)
    Not over here. Where did you hear that expectation from? If your girl is educated it is also a thing of pride but mind you the girl should also have good character.
    Irrelevant. The point is all of them become 'values' for girls to have in the exact same way - just because the society says so.

    The idea that wives should not earn more or be more educated than the husbands is still pretty much alive even in the developed world.
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    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    give me strength
    I think artistic rape is probably a lot more serious since it's a form of terrorism whilst rape is not.
 
 
 
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