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Hijabi and finding it hard to find someone. Suggestions? Watch

    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    It's fine, because technically being Muslim we can't speak to the opposite gender if we aren't family.




    No trust me, she must like them enough to meet up with them, there wouldn't be no other intention however she hasn't done it for a while. Most of the guys she speaks to mainly become her friends or she cuts contact completely.
    Really?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Really?
    Yep, which alongside other rules, we've all broken.
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    Regardless of if they talk or not, it's their problem. I know most people who have sinned worst so they are in no position to judge about meeting up with people when they've dated and done much worse. If they want to gossip, it just shows that all they care about is reputation and stupid honour.
    The point here is not random people who "do worse", it's if she wants to find a decent man who doesn't sleep around, date around and polygamy behind her back she needs to have a good reputation. If she doesn't she will be stuck with the kind of guys who "have done worse", and she will be forced to suffer their asymmetric judgement.

    It doesn't matter that it seems like loads of people are doing it, muslim girls after marrige don't do that , it is not common, not even in the west, yes some have bf's, some date once or twice, but "multiple males" from online websites is not something you hear often. If, as you say, she is after marriage then she needs to slow down a little. You may see it as judgement because you're 18 and can't wait, but unless she's going for a non muslim or non religious, liberal guy then even you talking about what she does online compromises her reputation.
    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    Yep, which alongside other rules, we've all broken.
    I have so much yet to still learn lol.
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    (Original post by Propi)
    Don't throw your mum under the bus just because she doesn't like the idea of you and your sister meeting up with "multiple men". If she loves someone and was sneaking out to meet them, then her actions make more sense. But if it gets around that she's meeting loads of muslim guys from online websites, regardless of how chaste she is, people will talk and it will compromise her chance of finding an actual husband.
    Most non-Muslim guys wouldn't care of her "reputation"; she could still go with them if Muslim guys are too judgmental.
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    Yep, which alongside other rules, we've all broken.
    Good girl. Hopefully, you'll break more than the petty ones.
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    It's fine, because technically being Muslim we can't speak to the opposite gender if we aren't family.
    I've read that it's alright to converse with the opposite gender to discuss topics in a public forum like this as long as it's all respectable no joking etc.



    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    Regardless of if they talk or not, it's their problem. I know most people who have sinned worst so they are in no position to judge about meeting up with people when they've dated and done much worse. If they want to gossip, it just shows that all they care about is reputation and stupid honour.
    I know what you mean but why give these people a chance? Tell your sister to have faith in Allah, maybe she could try asking around in the masjid, also I'm sure you probably have those marriage aunties, they seem to be great at matchmaking. And tell her to always introduce the guy to the family, if he's a good guy then he will want to approach her father and do things properly and things can insh'Allah progress from there.

    Remember there is no honour in sneaking around to meet some guy, thereby violating several rules of Islam.
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    Yep, which alongside other rules, we've all broken.
    No, there is a physical barrier online and this is not an intimate conversation, you are trying to deflect perceived judgement with this 'we're all sinner schtick'. Yes we are, but this is not about judgement, it's just that your post intimates that you see nothing wrong with what your sister is doing and would follow her footsteps if it weren't for your mother. Just be careful, outside of the internet and the approval of non muslims its nit the kind if route you can come back from.
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    (Original post by Josb)
    Most non-Muslim guys wouldn't care of her "reputation"; she could still go with them if Muslim guys are too judgmental.
    Yes she could, and? My advice is contingent on her wanting to marry a muslim, if she doesn't want to she can pretty much do anything she wants, lol.
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    (Original post by Propi)
    Yes she could, and? My advice is contingent on her wanting to marry a muslim, if she doesn't want to she can pretty much do anything she wants, lol.
    What you're saying is that Muslim guys are not really forgiving.
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    (Original post by Josb)
    Most non-Muslim guys wouldn't care of her "reputation"; she could still go with them if Muslim guys are too judgmental.
    A girl who follows Islam even a little bit would never 'go with' a guy before marriage Muslim or not.
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    (Original post by Josb)
    What you're saying is that Muslim guys are not really forgiving.
    What you're saying is as a non-Muslim guy sex is something that needs to be "forgiven"?

    No, what I am saying is if a muslim guy is decent and marriagable he can pick and choose, and if he has standards he won't pick someone who he thinks experienced multiple hookups. He won't do or say anything, he simply will marry someone else.
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    (Original post by mrambitious)
    I've read that it's alright to converse with the opposite gender to discuss topics in a public forum like this as long as it's all respectable no joking etc.





    I know what you mean but why give these people a chance? Tell your sister to have faith in Allah, maybe she could try asking around in the masjid, also I'm sure you probably have those marriage aunties, they seem to be great at matchmaking. And tell her to always introduce the guy to the family, if he's a good guy then he will want approach her father and things can insh'Allah progress from there.
    A lot of the guys are way older than what she'd be and really uneducated and lack motivation in life, we have an auntie who'd be happy to help but she's awfully nosy and weird, I think my sister is having problems with knowing who is the right guy and actually showing him to the family because it's always a hard step.

    (Original post by Josb)
    Good girl. Hopefully, you'll break more than the petty ones.
    Don't worry, I'll make you proud.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have so much yet to still learn lol.
    Haha you do.

    (Original post by Propi)
    The point here is not random people who "do worse", it's if she wants to find a decent man who doesn't sleep around, date around and polygamy behind her back she needs to have a good reputation. If she doesn't she will be stuck with the kind of guys who "have done worse", and she will be forced to suffer their asymmetric judgement.

    It doesn't matter that it seems like loads of people are doing it, muslim girls after marrige don't do that , it is not common, not even in the west, yes some have bf's, some date once or twice, but "multiple males" from online websites is not something you hear often. If, as you say, she is after marriage then she needs to slow down a little. You may see it as judgement because you're 18 and can't wait, but unless she's going for a non muslim or non religious, liberal guy then even you talking about what she does online compromises her reputation.
    Muslims girls after marriage will be married, why would they hang out with other guys? I don't think the type of guys you're mentioning exist around here, a lot of Muslim guys are shady and sleep around, get girls pregnant and then have the cheek to say they want to find the perfect Muslim wife. You shouldn't be so judgemental because that's not very Islamic.

    (Original post by Propi)
    No, there is a physical barrier online and this is not an intimate conversation, you are trying to deflect perceived judgement with this 'we're all sinner schtick'. Yes we are, but this is not about judgement, it's just that your post intimates that you see nothing wrong with what your sister is doing and would follow her footsteps if it weren't for your mother. Just be careful, outside of the internet and the approval of non muslims its nit the kind if route you can come back from.
    That's because I'm a liberal Muslim, shock horror. We exist and I'm more cultural than religious, I have tried to be a better Muslim and still do but sometimes I find myself conflicted at times, this is totally personal yet no one follows Islam to the full, trust me there are worst girls out there sinning.
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    some mosques have this thing of letting people sign up for marriage. so, It's a kinda matchmaking thing. you sign up, give some written info about you, others sign up too. the mosque gets back to you if theyve been met with a potential candidate.

    to me, this is not my ideal way of marrying but I know a few couples who got married in this manner and they find it a good system.
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    It's fine, because technically being Muslim we can't speak to the opposite gender if we aren't family.
    How absurd... The prophet Muhammed PBUH, his Companions and many early Muslim men used to speak to women they weren't related to, as recorded in the hadiths.

    Who made up that rule? Probably some new age 'shayk'.
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    (Original post by cosmic angel)
    How absurd... The prophet Muhammed PBUH, his Companions and many early Muslim men used to speak to women they weren't related to, as recorded in the hadiths.

    Who made up that rule? Probably some new age 'shayk'.
    I know, it's rather silly as we go to school with Muslim guys, are bound to know them so do we stop talking to them? Nope.
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    (Original post by Propi)
    What you're saying is as a non-Muslim guy sex is something that needs to be "forgiven"?

    No, what I am saying is if a muslim guy is decent and marriagable he can pick and choose, and if he has standards he won't pick someone who he thinks experienced multiple hookups. He won't do or say anything, he simply will marry someone else.
    You have to understand that there are different situations between "virgin until marriage" and "multiple hookups". A girl who has had a few few long term boyfriends is not a ****.
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    (Original post by Josb)
    You have to understand that there are different situations between "virgin until marriage" and "multiple hookups". A girl who has had a few few long term boyfriends is not a ****.
    She is not a ****, but she is also not the type of woman a Muslim guy is going to marry, if he has kept himself chaste his whole life then its only fair that his wife have done the same.
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    Muslims girls after marriage will be married, why would they hang out with other guys? I don't think the type of guys you're mentioning exist around here, a lot of Muslim guys are shady and sleep around, get girls pregnant and then have the cheek to say they want to find the perfect Muslim wife. You shouldn't be so judgemental because that's not very Islamic.



    That's because I'm a liberal Muslim, shock horror. We exist and I'm more cultural than religious, I have tried to be a better Muslim and still do but sometimes I find myself conflicted at times, this is totally personal yet no one follows Islam to the full, trust me there are worst girls out there sinning.
    Being judgemental is fundamentally Islamic. And I didn't pass judgement on your sister, I don't know her. And my point is the type of Muslim guy who do that will be the only ones available to her.

    And it doesn't matter that your liberal and more cultrual, it doesn't even matter if you're muslim, girls face a judgement guys don't unfortunately. It's the way it is, and honestly I thought well of you till you promised that non-muslim guy you'd break all the rules. You can't be that openly haram and harp on about judgement. And if you were truly confident and secure in who you were and what you do, you wouldn't care about my judgement anyway especially not from some random person online.
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    (Original post by mrambitious)
    She is not a ****, but she is also not the type of woman a Muslim guy is going to marry, if he has kept himself chaste his whole life then its only fair that his wife have done the same.
    "Muslim guys staying chaste their whole life" lol, they are the thirstiest in clubs.
 
 
 
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