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I got my FWB pregnant and she wants to keep it? Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    She was meant to be on the pill, so she has clearly lied to me... now she's telling me she wants to keep it and wants me in her life as the father.
    No pill gives 100% protection ...
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    (Original post by maridonna)
    "It's ridiculous that men are automatically expected to provide and be a part of a child's life"

    And it's also ridiculous that even if the mother in question doesn't want any involvement from the secondary progenitor - say in a domestic violence situation - he will legally be able to force contact. That's the way the law works, I'm afraid. It provides a degree of parental responsibility for both parties given that they were both responsible for bringing some poor child into the world.

    Fact is that if you are old enough to be having sex, then you are old enough to have to accept the consequences. If you don't really know or absolutely trust the other person then you have two choices, don't you?
    Both parents should have a choice in whether they want to play a part in their child's life, if neither want the child it should be terminated. In the case of a domestic violence situation the father absolutely should be allowed to have contact with his child if that is his choice. If he poses an active threat to the child then I have faith that social services and/or the mother will handle the situation accordingly.

    I absolutely agree that both parties are responsible for creating the child, but if only one party actually wants the child then they should take on full responsibility for it.

    In an ideal world people wouldn't be stupid enough to find themselves in these situations anyway, but such is life.
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    " if neither want the child it should be terminated." - Really? I think a good 2/3rds of the world would disagree rather forcefully on this one.

    Agree with your last sentence, mind.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    Both parents should have a choice in whether they want to play a part in their child's life, if neither want the child it should be terminated. In the case of a domestic violence situation the father absolutely should be allowed to have contact with his child if that is his choice. If he poses an active threat to the child then I have faith that social services and/or the mother will handle the situation accordingly.

    I absolutely agree that both parties are responsible for creating the child, but if only one party actually wants the child then they should take on full responsibility for it.

    In an ideal world people wouldn't be stupid enough to find themselves in these situations anyway, but such is life.
    If both parties are responsible for creating it then why does one of them get to drop that responsibility and the other take full responsibility? Your sentence contradicts itself. Either one party has to take full responsibility or they share it, there are no other options.

    It's a difficult one. I feel for any guy who has a drunken hook up and all of a sudden finds himself about to be a father with its financial and other responsibilities.

    On the other hand, if you're not going to plan for/mitigate pregnancy then you have to take responsibility for it. I mean when I had a FWB I discussed the potential pregnancy risk and we agreed that abortion was what we would opt for. Granted, this is by no means a "contract", but you should really figure out if you're no the same level for these things and/or take appropriate precautions such as doubling up on contraception.
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    (Original post by Elivercury)
    If both parties are responsible for creating it then why does one of them get to drop that responsibility and the other take full responsibility? Your sentence contradicts itself. Either one party has to take full responsibility or they share it, there are no other options.

    It's a difficult one. I feel for any guy who has a drunken hook up and all of a sudden finds himself about to be a father with its financial and other responsibilities.

    On the other hand, if you're not going to plan for/mitigate pregnancy then you have to take responsibility for it. I mean when I had a FWB I discussed the potential pregnancy risk and we agreed that abortion was what we would opt for. Granted, this is by no means a "contract", but you should really figure out if you're no the same level for these things and/or take appropriate precautions such as doubling up on contraception.
    It doesn't contradict itself because getting pregnant does not immediately = having a baby. You can terminate it or put it up for adoption. They're both responsible for the female becoming pregnant, so why then does only the woman get the choice of if the man spends the next 18 years of his life paying maintenance for a child he does not want and never planned for? Why does she (and only she) have that power?

    Agreed, people entering into any type of sexual relationship should have a similar talk for what happens in this situation. Unfortunately not many do.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    It doesn't contradict itself because getting pregnant does not immediately = having a baby. You can terminate it or put it up for adoption. They're both responsible for the female becoming pregnant, so why then does only the woman get the choice of if the man spends the next 18 years of his life paying maintenance for a child he does not want and never planned for? Why does she (and only she) have that power?

    Agreed, people entering into any type of sexual relationship should have a similar talk for what happens in this situation. Unfortunately not many do.
    Because it's her body? I mean, lets be serious, giving the man an equal or deciding vote in the matter would just be ridiculous. Abortion is not a simple quick fix. Depending on how far gone/unlucky you are it can leave you sterile, your body can/will be flooded with hormones for having lost your baby along with other un-fun things. While I agree in this situation it sounds like the best course of action, it isn't exactly a fun ride and isn't something to be decided lightly.

    Likewise, can you imagine the situation where the father wanted the baby but the woman didn't? Should she be forced to go through 9 months of pregnancy and child birth? It's a pretty ridiculous notion.

    Yes, it's certainly an inequality, but there is a very good reason for that - when it comes to reproduction the sexes are wholly unequal. The women bear both the bad and the good of it. Unfortunately the fact the woman gets the deciding say, does not relieve the father of their responsibilities for knocking her up in the first place.
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    (Original post by EllainKahlo)
    Just letting you know, while it is perfectly possible that she planned this, there are also foods/medicines and even teas which stop the pill from working if you take the at the same time. It happens in the news a lot actually. So it is possible it was a pure accident.
    I'm on the pill.. WHAT??

    I did NOT know this. Could you expand? I'm tryna search for some things online, but I can't find much from trusted sites.

    I take the pill religiously everyday without fail so I'm curious to know what are the factors that could reduce it's effectiveness.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    It doesn't contradict itself because getting pregnant does not immediately = having a baby. You can terminate it or put it up for adoption. They're both responsible for the female becoming pregnant, so why then does only the woman get the choice of if the man spends the next 18 years of his life paying maintenance for a child he does not want and never planned for? Why does she (and only she) have that power?

    Agreed, people entering into any type of sexual relationship should have a similar talk for what happens in this situation. Unfortunately not many do.
    Because it's her body and she decides what happens to her body.

    Now I agree to an extent that it's unfair for the guy who doesn't want to be a father, but the fact is, the child needs to be supported financially. If the father shouldn't have to help support the child, who should? The state?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She takes most of the blame.

    I'm not going to stay with her.

    She tricked me into all this... I'm sure she planned it too. If she hadn't she would've told me she wasn't on it - and don't tell me "maybe she forgot" because she's been on the pill since day 1.
    She takes most of the blame cause you're too ****ed up to buy condoms for yourself? What a pitiful ****.

    Don't stay with her, who says you have to? Tell her '**** you' and walk away.

    Both of you are damn idiots.
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    (Original post by maridonna)
    " if neither want the child it should be terminated." - Really? I think a good 2/3rds of the world would disagree rather forcefully on this one.

    Agree with your last sentence, mind.
    Why should it not be terminated? The parents aren't gonna love it or treat it well, it'll just be a waste of resources and it won't get a good life anyway. I think you're overestimating the population of cis white men who want to force people to keep balls of cells they don't want to have.
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    (Original post by jackien1)
    Why should it not be terminated? The parents aren't gonna love it or treat it well, it'll just be a waste of resources and it won't get a good life anyway. I think you're overestimating the population of cis white men who want to force people to keep balls of cells they don't want to have.
    I think you're missing the point. They were suggesting that if neither wanted the child, they could put it up for adoption.

    I'll grant it's no guarantee of a decent life and I'd probably advise termination, but that was the point they were making.
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    I'm on the pill.. WHAT??

    I did NOT know this. Could you expand? I'm tryna search for some things online, but I can't find much from trusted sites.

    I take the pill religiously everyday without fail so I'm curious to know what are the factors that could reduce it's effectiveness.


    http://www.womenshealthmag.co.uk/hea...-from-working/

    antibiotics and laxatives can be a problem
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    I'm on the pill.. WHAT??

    I did NOT know this. Could you expand? I'm tryna search for some things online, but I can't find much from trusted sites.

    I take the pill religiously everyday without fail so I'm curious to know what are the factors that could reduce it's effectiveness.
    I'm unsure of the full list but antibiotics are a big one - always make sure your doctor is aware you are on the pill and confirm it doesn't interact. I've heard of some herbal teas and stuff doing it, but this is unlikely to be a concern for most people as it likely involved unusual combinations..
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    (Original post by Elivercury)
    Because it's her body? I mean, lets be serious, giving the man an equal or deciding vote in the matter would just be ridiculous. Abortion is not a simple quick fix. Depending on how far gone/unlucky you are it can leave you sterile, your body can/will be flooded with hormones for having lost your baby along with other un-fun things. While I agree in this situation it sounds like the best course of action, it isn't exactly a fun ride and isn't something to be decided lightly.

    Likewise, can you imagine the situation where the father wanted the baby but the woman didn't? Should she be forced to go through 9 months of pregnancy and child birth? It's a pretty ridiculous notion.

    Yes, it's certainly an inequality, but there is a very good reason for that - when it comes to reproduction the sexes are wholly unequal. The women bear both the bad and the good of it. Unfortunately the fact the woman gets the deciding say, does not relieve the father of their responsibilities for knocking her up in the first place.
    Of course, I agree that what a woman does with her body (has the child or not) should 100% be her choice, no question. A man can't force her to have a baby if she doesn't want to. However, if the choice she makes for her body is to keep the baby, it's precisely that -- her choice.

    I don't take abortion lightly, I don't doubt it's horrible and traumatic for some women, but then they should have been more careful then shouldn't they? Hopefully they won't make the same mistake again.
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    (Original post by jackien1)
    Why should it not be terminated? The parents aren't gonna love it or treat it well, it'll just be a waste of resources and it won't get a good life anyway. I think you're overestimating the population of cis white men who want to force people to keep balls of cells they don't want to have.
    I don't think they're all white men. In fact, I think quite a lot of brown and black men (and women) in Asia, Africa, Southern Europe, America, and a heck of a lot of the Middle East would take issue with (what I read as) a rather sweeping and throwaway 'oh just get rid of it' comment in relation to what a lot of people would consider human life.

    Hadn't planned on getting into a pro-life/pro-choice argument on here though. It's a free country etc.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    Of course, I agree that what a woman does with her body (has the child or not) should 100% be her choice, no question. A man can't force her to have a baby if she doesn't want to. However, if the choice she makes for her body is to keep the baby, it's precisely that -- her choice.

    I don't take abortion lightly, I don't doubt it's horrible and traumatic for some women, but then they should have been more careful then shouldn't they? Hopefully they won't make the same mistake again.
    Right, but just because she has the final decision, doesn't absolve the man in this equation. They both got her pregnant and if she's unwilling to have an abortion he needs to respect that.

    I fully agree that in an ideal world they would both have been responsible in the first place, but sadly that isn't where we are.

    As mentioned by someone else above, that child will need support, not the least of it financial support, so who should provide it? The state?

    I feel for the guy as he done goofed, but it's the same sympathy I give to someone who's run up a ridiculous phone or credit card bill. You made the mistakes and now you have to live with them.

    Incidentally, I believe the crux of a lot of the discussion around men supporting a child appears to be that it's an 18 year "punishment" for a momentary lapse in judgement. But look at HIV, that also requires a momentary lapse in judgement (or bad luck via condom breakage) and will have a far more devastating impact on your life. Not that I think pregnancy and HIV should be compared as such, I just feel it should be highlighted that sex has consequences and you need to be prepared for these, particularly given contraception isn't 100%.
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    (Original post by Shumaya)
    Because it's her body and she decides what happens to her body.

    Now I agree to an extent that it's unfair for the guy who doesn't want to be a father, but the fact is, the child needs to be supported financially. If the father shouldn't have to help support the child, who should? The state?
    Of course, don't dispute that.

    Maybe, just maybe.. When a grown ass adult (or irresponsible teenager, if that's the case) decides to see a pregnant through, they should provide for the additional life they've made themselves? Instead of depending on a man or the state to provide food and clothes for the child they (and they alone) decided to bring into this world.
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    (Original post by Elivercury)
    Right, but just because she has the final decision, doesn't absolve the man in this equation. They both got her pregnant and if she's unwilling to have an abortion he needs to respect that.

    I fully agree that in an ideal world they would both have been responsible in the first place, but sadly that isn't where we are.

    As mentioned by someone else above, that child will need support, not the least of it financial support, so who should provide it? The state?

    I feel for the guy as he done goofed, but it's the same sympathy I give to someone who's run up a ridiculous phone or credit card bill. You made the mistakes and now you have to live with them.

    Incidentally, I believe the crux of a lot of the discussion around men supporting a child appears to be that it's an 18 year "punishment" for a momentary lapse in judgement. But look at HIV, that also requires a momentary lapse in judgement (or bad luck via condom breakage) and will have a far more devastating impact on your life. Not that I think pregnancy and HIV should be compared as such, I just feel it should be highlighted that sex has consequences and you need to be prepared for these, particularly given contraception isn't 100%.
    The man doesn't really have a choice but to respect it, he can't do anything about it. My view is a simple one: if you decide to bring a life into the world, you should provide for it. Yes the man is equally to blame for creating that life but he is not equally responsible for providing for it if he is against the woman giving birth to the child. At the end of the day the woman has a choice. One of those choices comes with massive responsibilities and if she doesn't think she can live up to them, she shouldn't have the child. It is her choice and she should be the one who is responsible for it.

    In the end though, the law is the law and my opinion isn't going to change that. ^^
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    (Original post by stargirl63)
    I'm on the pill.. WHAT??

    I did NOT know this. Could you expand? I'm tryna search for some things online, but I can't find much from trusted sites.

    I take the pill religiously everyday without fail so I'm curious to know what are the factors that could reduce it's effectiveness.
    Example: http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/body/h...contraceptive/

    While I get that this isn't the most common thing in the world, it irks me that some people insist on being sexually active and think that pregnancy and STDs just can't happen to them. And when it does, it wasn't their fault of course. Just because OP is mad, and granted I understand why, doesn't mean he isn't partially at fault for what has happened. You make your bed, you have to lie in it. If I was a man, I certainly would not take some girl's word for it that she was on the pill. One I'd want to see proof, and even if she has it on her person, doesn't mean she takes it. Various types of contraception exist for a reason.

    There are a lot of medicines, too many to name, which also affect the pill from working. But your doctor has a responsibility to tell you if it could make your contraception not work.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    Of course, don't dispute that.

    Maybe, just maybe.. When a grown ass adult (or irresponsible teenager, if that's the case) decides to see a pregnant through, they should provide for the additional life they've made themselves? Instead of depending on a man or the state to provide food and clothes for the child they (and they alone) decided to bring into this world.
    Easier said than done. I've seen young parents and they are both absolutely knackered. Single mothers aren't expected to work until the child is aged 5 (I mean, how could they?) and even then it's not realistic to work more than part time - unless you earn serious cash you'll be paying to work.

    Obviously they should factor this in before they decide not to go down the adoption/abortion route, but ultimately if they have the child they are going to need financial support. Unfortunately, regardless of how excellent or poor their decision is, they will need this financial support. Who should pay for that? The father or you and I?
 
 
 
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