'Testing the water' with a guy!

There's a guy I know who I have liked for a very very long time. For various reasons the signals he's giving me seem to indicate that he does like me too, but that he's shy and confused (complicated further by the fact he's started seeing another girl...it's a long story). Anyway, I've talked to so many people about this in detail and the advice I'm getting is to 'test the water' with him so that he knows I like him - at the moment it's like both of us do like each other but are scared to be the one to put ourselves out there. How can I do this subtley? We're at the same uni so I see him around quite a bit (usually we're both with friends and just say hello) and we're friends, but how can I show I'd like to take things further short of jumping on him?! (Neither of us are technically 'available' right now [I'm in an LDR that is coming to an end, but that's for another thread] so I'm not about to make a move physically!)

I like this guy so much. If he doesn't feel the same, I don't want to come on in a way that I scare him off being friends with me, because we get on really well. But if he does feel the same, which I think might be possible, I really want him to know that I'm interested.

Anyone got any advice or similar experiences? Thank you...

Reply 1

pkchips

1

ask him whether or not he likes u, and say i like you.

Reply 2

dazednconfused

OP

pkchips

ask him whether or not he likes u, and say i like you.

I don't know... I'm thinking something more subtle and less secondary school?! :wink:

Reply 3

pkchips

1

dazednconfused

I don't know... I'm thinking something more subtle and less secondary school?! :wink:

Fair enough. Being to the point and upfront can be helpful sometimes. If you want to be more subtle, you might just want to talk to him quite a lot and get physcially closer to him, and see how he reacts.

Reply 4

naelse

15

use any excuse to touch him subtlely. eg "I like your shirt" ----> lean in and stroke it, resting your hand a little longer than you need to, mantaining eye contact. He'll get the idea, but it gives him the choice to ignore it and just move away or come in for a kiss. works for me every time.

Reply 5

Dude

14

What the hell is "Testing the Water"? I've never heard that term used in an relationship :confused:

Reply 6

khil

15

Yeh just be up front with him.

Or you can hint something like, "Hey you know, wouldn't it be quite fun if we got together?" but say it jokingly :biggrin:

if he doesn't like you he'll probably be rather shocked and horrified. If he likes you he'll probably get the idea and be shocked but probably pleased. It gives you an opening to turn it around if you do get the hint that he does like you - you can then add, depending on his reaction, "I'm serious."

Easier way is just - just ask him. Ask him - do you like me?

And no that's not secondary school - in fact that's the sorta bluntness not many have but the sort of thing you really do need! If it's secondary school a lot more people will be doing it - it's the fact that it's so honest and straightforward that makes this sort aapproach hard - but it's perhaps the best one around.

Reply 7

bricktops

slapp his arse when he walks pass.

Reply 8

pkchips

1

irisng

Yeh just be up front with him.

Or you can hint something like, "Hey you know, wouldn't it be quite fun if we got together?" but say it jokingly :biggrin:

if he doesn't like you he'll probably be rather shocked and horrified. If he likes you he'll probably get the idea and be shocked but probably pleased. It gives you an opening to turn it around if you do get the hint that he does like you - you can then add, depending on his reaction, "I'm serious."

Easier way is just - just ask him. Ask him - do you like me?

And no that's not secondary school - in fact that's the sorta bluntness not many have but the sort of thing you really do need! If it's secondary school a lot more people will be doing it - it's the fact that it's so honest and straightforward that makes this sort aapproach hard - but it's perhaps the best one around.

ask him if he wants it, straight up.

Reply 9

username18215

0

10

dazednconfused

I don't know... I'm thinking something more subtle and less secondary school?! :wink:

Secondary school has its charms.

Reply 10

Angel_Cake

2

md_red_uk

Secondary school has its charms.

Indeed. Personally I think it's easier if everyone is just honest with each other rather than playing silly games all the time! I'd be flattered if someone told me they liked me, and at least I could be honest and tell them straight out if it wasn't going to happen. If someone kept trying to flirt I might flirt back just thinking they were being friendly and then they'd get the wrong idea, which would cause a lot more hurt in the end.

Reply 11

dazednconfused

OP

lessthanthree

hang on - he has a girlfriend. Please don't step on her toes. By all means tell him how you feel and let him make his own mind up, but make sure he's aware that you're not a side order.

Yeah that was my point - and that's why I don't want to try anything physical or be too outright - I wouldn't feel right about it :frown:

Reply 12

dazednconfused

OP

Angel_Cake

Indeed. Personally I think it's easier if everyone is just honest with each other rather than playing silly games all the time! I'd be flattered if someone told me they liked me, and at least I could be honest and tell them straight out if it wasn't going to happen. If someone kept trying to flirt I might flirt back just thinking they were being friendly and then they'd get the wrong idea, which would cause a lot more hurt in the end.

I totally agree... it's just so hard! :redface:

Weirdly enough I'd probably be more upfront if I didn't really know him, but as we're friends (and have loads and loads of mutual friends) I'm really worried about the awkwardness/embarrassment potential... I'm quite shy too and as we've known each other for quite a while, it would just feel weird to suddenly tell him I like him...

'Testing the water' with a guy!

Related discussions

Articles for you