The Student Room Group

Has your dad ever cheated on your mother?

I was just wondering how people's families get over this and how it ends when the father cheats? I recently found out my dad has cheated on my mom and it is horrible. I feel so bad for her because she gave up her life for him and raised his kids, giving up his career and now she feels trampled. They can't get a divorce because she is totally dependent on him. I hate him so much but I need him to pay for my education as well. They are just going to stay together and pretend like it never happened. I guess I want people to share their experiences and maybe give me some advice because I am a totally broken person. I can't stop crying and feel like my family is falling apart because seeing them together is so fake...
God no, my dad would never have done that (they're split now).

Sorry OP... :console:
My dad had an affair and walked out. My parents are together still, but I don't think my mum's ever completely got over it. In a way though, it's given her a new lease of life. She goes out more, and realises she doesn't have to be sitting at home waiting for her husband.

My dad and I never got along very well, and to be honest, we have no relationship whatsoever now. I just don't have any respect for him - to me, he's a seedy old man, and this is an image I can't get out of my head. However, I'm no longer sad about what happened. I just don't talk to him.

Anyway, I think where you go from here depends on your family. It may be that your mum will now find the motivation to be more dependent. Just make sure your there for her, because she will be feeling very rejected right now.

The pain will go soon, I promise.
Yeah my dad cheated on my mum when i was younger and that resulted with me having a half brother. I hate my half brother mum, why chase a guy when he is married with three kids??? She was chasing him becuase of his ******* money!! Well i also dispise my dad and lost a lot of respect !!!! My two little sisters dont even know about my half brother. My parents are still together but it has been ******* hard for my mum and it still hurts her 10 years after and becuase my family is well known in my country, it was in all the ******* papers!!!!
Reply 4
Natasharox
My dad had an affair and walked out. My parents are together still, but I don't think my mum's ever completely got over it. In a way though, it's given her a new lease of life. She goes out more, and realises she doesn't have to be sitting at home waiting for her husband.

My dad and I never got along very well, and to be honest, we have no relationship whatsoever now. I just don't have any respect for him - to me, he's a seedy old man, and this is an image I can't get out of my head. However, I'm no longer sad about what happened. I just don't talk to him.

Anyway, I think where you go from here depends on your family. It may be that your mum will now find the motivation to be more dependent. Just make sure your there for her, because she will be feeling very rejected right now.

The pain will go soon, I promise.


My mother feels old and unattractive. She is 40 and my dad is 45. The slag who he is with is 29. And she has a husband and child. She is his secretary. I feel horrible for my mother. I have stopped believing in the institution of marriage because everyone in our circle cheats. I thought my dad was never capable but it turns out that he is. I truly hate him. My mom has just had a child with him- my little brother is 2.5 years old. I dont believe in having kids either because they just bring problems. You get fat, unattractive, cant spend time with your husband cuz the kid has to be put to bed etc, cant stay up late, is always running around and screaming etc... And then your husband leaves to a younger woman. I hate marriage and children.
Reply 5
Anonymous
Yeah my dad cheated on my mum when i was younger and that resulted with me having a half brother. I hate my half brother mum, why chase a guy when he is married with three kids??? She was chasing him becuase of his ******* money!! Well i also dispise my dad and lost a lot of respect !!!! My two little sisters dont even know about my half brother. My parents are still together but it has been ******* hard for my mum and it still hurts her 10 years after and becuase my family is well known in my country, it was in all the ******* papers!!!!


Same here, it was for the money. Except he would never divorce my mother because he values his reputation too much. My sis is 16 and little brother is 2.5 years old. 3 Kids. Married. That slag is married too with an 8 year old kid.
Um no not that I know of, if he did I would not speak to him again.
Anonymous
My mother feels old and unattractive. She is 40 and my dad is 45. The slag who he is with is 29. And she has a husband and child. She is his secretary. I feel horrible for my mother. I have stopped believing in the institution of marriage because everyone in our circle cheats. I thought my dad was never capable but it turns out that he is. I truly hate him. My mom has just had a child with him- my little brother is 2.5 years old. I dont believe in having kids either because they just bring problems. You get fat, unattractive, cant spend time with your husband cuz the kid has to be put to bed etc, cant stay up late, is always running around and screaming etc... And then your husband leaves to a younger woman. I hate marriage and children.


Please don't feel too put off. There honestly are some good men out there, and having children can be a great experience for some people. Just remember that, when it comes to finding a husband, you're not there just to be his wife and look good for him, but you're an independent person too with your own desires. I think your mother needs to remember this too - she is an individual, a woman with her own virtues, and she does not need to just be there to look nice for your dad.

But I do know how you feel. My dad left my mum because he basically said she was too fat - what does he expect when you have children? It annoys me, because he's no oil painting himself. I hate when men expect the women in their lives to be perfect.

I really hope that, in time, you can repair the relationship with your father. I haven't been able to, and I hate that fact, but there's just no way I can make myself respect him again.
OP, I'm really sorry this has happened to you. :console:
My dad cheated on my mum and they split when I was 3

I remember my mum pushing my dad out of the door and him falling backwards and cutting his head open. Then when my mum was in the front room crying, I went and got her a tissue and gave her a cuddle... that's all I really remember, but it is a heartbreaking memory.

My dad moved out and lived with his girlfriend, saying he "didn't want to be a dad any more". My mum used to arrange for him to come and see me, then he wouldn't turn up.

I don't think I ever really got over that to be honest, there are a lot of empty and hurt feelings that shaped my life I think, and they still plague me now despite the fact that I never actually think about him leaving.

I hate him as a person. I occasionally saw him when I growing up, but I didn't like him, or his girlfriend. I was made to stay with them both and I hated her for what she'd done to our family and obviously I could never forgive my dad for hurting my mum so much.
He's always been a pretty **** dad and never bothered trying, so I don't try for him now and we're not really in frequent contact.
However, when I was 7 we moved from where we lived and we moved to where my family were (and are). My mum met someone and we moved in with him when I was 9, and they got married when I was about 12. My mum is much happier than I ever thought she could be, and things have worked out best for me as well - I certainly wouldn't have wanted my dad to actually be my dad 'actively' as he would have been crap at it.

I'm happy with my life and my mum is happy with hers - my dad is alone and miserable, and it's his own bloody fault.

I had a massive falling out with him last year, so he came to visit me to defend himself. He denied ever having an affair (I know I was only 3 but I remember everything so vividly, he can't deny it and the divorce papers cite "adultery" - idiot), and when I asked him why he's never paid any child maintenance he said "I don't see why I should pay for what I'm not getting." - !!!!!!!!
I really need him to pay what he owes so I can actually get through Uni and he can contribute the money he never did when I was younger, but it's not going to happen.

If it's going to be like that then fine. I'm not losing anything as he was never there in the first place.

Like I said, it is what it is. I'm better off without him.

So it can work out fine, but I think it can really have a lasting impact on kids. I know that even though I'm happy, wouldn't want my life to be any other way and I'm not "bitter" about what happened, I can't shake off the hurt that I've always carried with me.
That's just my personal experience anyway - it can be much better, it can be worse.

OP, whilst our experiences are obviously very different I do understand roughly what you're going through. I don't really know what to say apart from just try and be there for your mum as much as possible, and be glad that you've had so many years of growing up with them together. Also, try your best not to see yourself as a broken person - your parents and whether or not they are together does not define you, you're a grown person with your own interests, personality, life and experiences - nothing can change that.

I would also suggest trying to find some local counselling - maybe just for you, maybe just for your mum, maybe for both of you together or maybe with your dad as well. Personally I'd go for the counselling alone just to work through the feelings all this has generated, and how you can change them and see the situation in a different way and move forward.

Sorry about how rambly this is, I really do empathise/ sympathise though and you're more than welcome to PM me if you need anything xxx
Reply 9
hahaha most men cheat on their wife.

My dad cheated on my mum quite recently to be honestly ermmm they were very close to a divorce but didnt go through...its like they are stayong together because of the kids, personally i wouldn't have it for my man/furture husband to cheat on me i would chuck him out however i see where my mum is coming from, but the problem is if the relationship is based on the kids only then its doomed already hence won't last long before something else comes up.

My advise is to stay clear of both parent don't side either, don't get involve what so ever, however if you still feel to talk, talk to an aunt or whoever is close to the family and knows what happens
My dad cheated on my mom, all the time, infact I have at least 11 half brothers and sisters (from various other women) that my dad had when he was with my mom.....

My family is complicated anyway, they are still together, have been for 25yrs... if you could call it together, but everything is okay now I suppose!

I'm not condoning it btw, my Mom is amazing and such a lovely person and she put up with a LOT of crap from him.
Yes, I think so (and even if it wasn't while they were still together, they're not divorced so legally, yes he has). My dad walked out and then said a year later he had a girlfriend for a year, so it was probably the reason for him leaving, although he won't admit it. I never realised at the time, never even doubted it or considered that he may be having an affair- none of us did, but looking back now three years later it all seems so obvious- being absolutely awful to my mother, working away several days a week, working very late nights etc. OP, it's a horrible situation to be in, as I'm sure you know, but after the first while, it does honestly get a lot easier. You have to support your mother's decision and try to move on from there- if she wants to stay with him, try and respect that. My parents did that for a couple of weeks and it didn't work out, but then again, it was all my dad's decision and my mum was just desperate for him not to leave- but those few weeks were a mess- basically he wanted nothing to do with my mum- wouldn't speak to her, wouldn't let her cook for him or wash his clothes, and he was basically just living there for me and my brother and sister, so in a way, it may be better that your family is trying to carry on as normal, because as hard as that is, it's a very understandable way of dealing with the situation. Although, you and your mother shouldn't just let him get away with it and pretend like nothing ever happened- he has to know how hurt you both are, and you have every right to be annoyed with him. But if he genuinely is sorry and won't do it again, I'd say give him a chance OP. If your mother is really dependant on him, it would be better that way. I'd definitely recommend talking to a friend about it. I never did, and to this day, never have, but definitely regret that. Talking would probably help. Good luck!
Reply 12
Yep, he had an affair about 10 years ago and she forgave him, mostly I think because of me and my sister, he repaid it by having another one last year and she finally kicked him out but they still get on pretty well. Personally I really can't stand him which is made worse by the fact he is staying at our house while he recuperates from a motorbiking accident; it's rather uncomfortable around the house as me and my sister barely talk to him added with the fact that I actually stated I didn't want him around which has caused some tension between me and my mum. Still I think it's likely he's had more than the two we know of.
Anonymous
Same here, it was for the money. Except he would never divorce my mother because he values his reputation too much. My sis is 16 and little brother is 2.5 years old. 3 Kids. Married. That slag is married too with an 8 year old kid.


Everyone in our circle cheats, becuase they all have money all the men , all the young girls chase them. (another reason why money is evil) I have promised myself never to cheat becuase it has really affected my mum and i wouldnt want to hurt anyone like that. I even found a newpaper article on the whole incident in my mums drawer and i almost cried, She had kept the article for 10 years!! The woman my dad cheated on already had 2 kids from two different men, my dad is so ******* stupid!!! The hard thing is that my half-brother has grown up and now he is trying to contact me but i feel like if i talk to him i would be betraying my mum and i hate his ******* how can we ever have a relationship if i hate his ******* mum!!!.
Oh, I've just read your post about marriage and kids...

Marriage: With regards to this, obviously in my experience my parents' marriage was a shambles, they shouldn't have even been together in the first place. They weren't suited. But try thinking of all the other wonderful marriages in the world! A lot of married couples are just blissfully happy and wouldn't change anything for the world. When I was visiting my grandad's grave recently, I was talking to a man who'd just lost his wife. He was obviously distraught, but he was telling me how they'd been together since they were 18, were still completely and utterly in love and every night as they fell asleep together they'd hold hands. It was gorgeous to hear. Just because you've experienced marriage failing, it doesn't mean it's always like that. You're a different person and if you get married, you've learnt from the experiences of your parents that you can change it and do it differently.

Children: They can be the most precious gift imaginable. Yes, my dad walked out, but if I may say so myself I was actually quite a cute kid and I was a saviour for my mum. I cheered her up and gave her purpose, gave her a reason to carry on when she couldn't find another one. I personally can't wait to have children, especially so I can do things differently for them and provide them things I never had. Again, same with marriage, I've learnt to do things differently to how they were for me. Kids aren't burdens to very many people. You don't necessarily just become fat and bored and tied down to looking after it - not at all. If you have the right support, everything can be absolutely fine. Even if you don't have the right support, it can be the best time of your life. My mum certainly did a good job of it, or at least the best she could under the circumstances. I can't wait to have children, I think they'll be the highlight of my life and I can't wait to give them the love I never had, to be honest.
I think children have great potential to bring couples together, not push them apart.
And you can have time to spend with your husband if you make time - it can work out, again don't just base how you feel on your experiences. I know it's harder than it sounds.

But please please go for counselling or something - it'd be awful if how you feel now just manifested itself in you and got worse and worse, when there's no need for it to do so. You really can get over this, and it doesn't need to shape you. x
Original post by Anonymous
I was just wondering how people's families get over this and how it ends when the father cheats? I recently found out my dad has cheated on my mom and it is horrible. I feel so bad for her because she gave up her life for him and raised his kids, giving up his career and now she feels trampled. They can't get a divorce because she is totally dependent on him. I hate him so much but I need him to pay for my education as well. They are just going to stay together and pretend like it never happened. I guess I want people to share their experiences and maybe give me some advice because I am a totally broken person. I can't stop crying and feel like my family is falling apart because seeing them together is so fake...


I really hope you see this message because im going thru the EXACT same thing right now. Everything except the fact that my mom knows about it. 've hid it because that's the only way my dad will pay for my education and idk what my mom will do to herself when she finds out about this. Im more afraid of living with the fact that my mom would forgive my dad for my sake and because she has nowhere else to go. 13 years have passed by. How did you survive this?
Original post by mellow_nuks
I really hope you see this message because im going thru the EXACT same thing right now. Everything except the fact that my mom knows about it. 've hid it because that's the only way my dad will pay for my education and idk what my mom will do to herself when she finds out about this. Im more afraid of living with the fact that my mom would forgive my dad for my sake and because she has nowhere else to go. 13 years have passed by. How did you survive this?


Bumping up a 13 year old thread probably isn't going to get you many answers from the original poster, therefore isn't advised, but you can always start a new thread and get some advice from the current TSR members.

I'm sorry to hear you're having some family difficulties.