Worried I'll never fall in love. REALLY long just to warn you.

Anon or delete please.

Ok, I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm never going to fall in love because I'm emotionally incapable of doing so. I used to be able to feel really strongly for people and believe in romance and true love but now I just can't.

Firstly, it seems like guys always feel more strongly for me than I do for them. And weird as it might sound, for me to be happy in a relationship, I need to be really obsessed with the person. I need to feel as if I feel more strongly for them than they ever could for little old me, so that when they do tell me their feelings for me, its an amazing moment. Its sad and naive I know, and I guess I need to stop trying to live out a romantic film or book, but just a conventional boy-meets-girl and they are attarcted to each other type relationship just does nothing for me.

Secondly, I always, ALWAYS assume the worst. And this is the complicated part. I wish I was naievely trusting. But I'm not now. Basically I assume that anyone I'm with will cheat, or will talk about me behind my back, or will say things they knows girls want to hear, and they assume I'll believe. But I won't, because I just see two facedness in everyone. It's not that I don't trust men as such, I don't trust anyone- not that I think everyone's automatically a cheat and a liar, just that I know that human nature isn't a perfect, honest, fairytale way of being. People are tempted, people have bad days and say hurtful things, people think nothing of talking about others or taking the piss. I'm the same. We all are. I know that people are also good, and that in general the good outweighs the bad, but in any guy I could potentially have a relationship with, I just think well yes, he might love me, but that doesn't mean he won't be charming and flirtatious with other girls he meets, and it doesn't mean he won't potentially do something to hurt me in some mistake he committs.

This sounds stupid, but I wish I could blindly trust, fall head over heels for someone, and then if they do something hurtful, for me to be heartbroken. I've been there before, and while the emotional damage is horrible at times, its also a learning process, and at least a really strong negative feeling is a strong feeling nonetheless. I dont have strong feelings, good or bad. I'm just platonic and indifferent. So if a guy did cheat on me, or say something about me, or hurt me in some other way, I'd just think well yes, it's what I expected, and just remain cynical and unfazed.

Is it stupid of me to wish that I could feel heartbreak, if something did go wrong in a relationship? I only feel like that because to feel that, I'd have to have first felt the optimistic, total love that I really want to have again but don't think I can. Its like a horrible loop- I can't fall in love because firstly I want something special, and I'm worried that if that something special does come along, it'll be too late and my extent of cynicism will have got to the point where "special" doesnt even exist for me.

Basically, I want something I can’t find, but now I’m starting to realise that if I did find it, my pessimism would ruin the feelings I want to have anyway.


Sorry if this is really wordy, its probably the longest thing I've ever written tbh. And I know its all a load of crap. But I just dont know what to do and I really want to know if anyone else feels like this or can offer advice.

Anon or delete please.

Ok, I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm never going to fall in love because I'm emotionally incapable of doing so. I used to be able to feel really strongly for people and believe in romance and true love but now I just can't.

Firstly, it seems like guys always feel more strongly for me than I do for them. And weird as it might sound, for me to be happy in a relationship, I need to be really obsessed with the person. I need to feel as if I feel more strongly for them than they ever could for little old me, so that when they do tell me their feelings for me, its an amazing moment. Its sad and naive I know, and I guess I need to stop trying to live out a romantic film or book, but just a conventional boy-meets-girl and they are attarcted to each other type relationship just does nothing for me.

Secondly, I always, ALWAYS assume the worst. And this is the complicated part. I wish I was naievely trusting. But I'm not now. Basically I assume that anyone I'm with will cheat, or will talk about me behind my back, or will say things they knows girls want to hear, and they assume I'll believe. But I won't, because I just see two facedness in everyone. It's not that I don't trust men as such, I don't trust anyone- not that I think everyone's automatically a cheat and a liar, just that I know that human nature isn't a perfect, honest, fairytale way of being. People are tempted, people have bad days and say hurtful things, people think nothing of talking about others or taking the piss. I'm the same. We all are. I know that people are also good, and that in general the good outweighs the bad, but in any guy I could potentially have a relationship with, I just think well yes, he might love me, but that doesn't mean he won't be charming and flirtatious with other girls he meets, and it doesn't mean he won't potentially do something to hurt me in some mistake he committs.

This sounds stupid, but I wish I could blindly trust, fall head over heels for someone, and then if they do something hurtful, for me to be heartbroken. I've been there before, and while the emotional damage is horrible at times, its also a learning process, and at least a really strong negative feeling is a strong feeling nonetheless. I dont have strong feelings, good or bad. I'm just platonic and indifferent. So if a guy did cheat on me, or say something about me, or hurt me in some other way, I'd just think well yes, it's what I expected, and just remain cynical and unfazed.

Is it stupid of me to wish that I could feel heartbreak, if something did go wrong in a relationship? I only feel like that because to feel that, I'd have to have first felt the optimistic, total love that I really want to have again but don't think I can. Its like a horrible loop- I can't fall in love because firstly I want something special, and I'm worried that if that something special does come along, it'll be too late and my extent of cynicism will have got to the point where "special" doesnt even exist for me.

Basically, I want something I can’t find, but now I’m starting to realise that if I did find it, my pessimism would ruin the feelings I want to have anyway.


Sorry if this is really wordy, its probably the longest thing I've ever written tbh. And I know its all a load of crap. But I just dont know what to do and I really want to know if anyone else feels like this or can offer advice.

Soo you've felt like that before? First love maybe?
As you said, it's a learning experience. So maybe you've learnt about heartbreak and now you're doing this living thing that everyone has to keep doing.
Guessing by the fact you're on TSR, you've got to be like late teens/ twenties? Even if you're older than that, you've still had about a fifth of your life so far- you've got so much more time to find love, fall head-over-heels in love, trust someone blindly and wrongly, and by that time you might not even want to be heartbroken any more.
As the previous 2 posters have said, it's not really rare to feel like this. If you do keep expecting to live out the romances you're talking about, wanting to fall in love at every turn, you are being a bit naive. You can't fall in love with everyone you date- maybe if you stop looking so hard you'll find it, and it'll hit you round the head and it'll be there.
Ramblerambleramble

I like this little club we've inadvertently formed, lol!