Annoying divorced parents who drag you into their problems Watch

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danni_bella
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Okay, I don't know how many of you know, but anyway my parents got a divorce a few years ago.

I've gotten over it now, which is all well and good, but lately - just coz my dad decided to get a new GF (that's fine by me, I think she's a nice person) my mum :rolleyes: has become a serious menance to my life

All she does is whinge to me on the phone, and complain about my dad and if I don't agree with her, she berates me and puts me down. Says I'm exactly like him and will 'turn out to be like him if I'm not careful'.

Quite frankly I don't feel I need this as I have exams going on, but it just seems to me like she's trying to get me (and my sister) on her side, and b/c it's not working with me, she just puts me down and manipulates everyone to get against me (even my dad :eek: Manipulative, see what I mean? ).

I don't know what she's doing and I don't know why, but it's annoying.

Perhaps when I visit her after the exams, I might have to sit BOTH parents down and get them talk to each other and stop being immature. But I know they won't talk to each other, aagh! Annoying parents :rolleyes:
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girlafraid
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JUMP OFF! KEEP STUDYING PYSCH!

seriously, it must really suck to have your mom do that to you. maybe she's mad that your dad has moved on, i dont know... if i were you, i'd probably end up telling her exactly what you wrote; you dont need this sh-t when you're getting ready for your exams and hearing her put down your father isn't something you appreciate.
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danni_bella
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(Original post by girlafraid)
JUMP OFF! KEEP STUDYING PYSCH!

seriously, it must really suck to have your mom do that to you. maybe she's mad that your dad has moved on, i dont know... if i were you, i'd probably end up telling her exactly what you wrote; you dont need this sh-t when you're getting ready for your exams and hearing her put down your father isn't something you appreciate.
Lol yeah. Actually I've been studying all morning (well - that is, before the dreaded phone call :rolleyes: ) so this is my break! :p: Also originally planned to come on here to wish another member a happy birthday, but that's another story.

Yep, I told her that (about how I don't appreciate her putting down my dad) and she said that I was selfish to say that, and didn't care about her. Soo untrue!

Anyway my dad can be annoying in his own way too What with forgetting birthdays and being a general tight-wad lol, but he's not manipulative or vindictive like my mother. Now that is what I can't stand about her. To be fair she's got her positives, but when you wanna study, you gotta study! And that is my main point :cool:
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Onearmedbandit
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Maybe she's feeling lonely
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spoonofdeath
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if she's going to do that **** to you on the phone, tell her to stop being so selfish & immature and hang up on her. Then maybe she'll think about it for a second rather than just thinking about herself.
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iwait4u
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My parents arent divorced (yet) but, I sometimes feel her to be manipulative and make me feel like I am the victim and therefore my dad is the bad person (or that my brother is depending on the situation).

She made me cry and got me really upset because I didnt want to be on her side and said "I dont wana take part in this story". (this was when she was furious with my brother). She told me I was on his side and therefore I got punished

Anyhoo, I sometimes feel like sitting my family down and sorting these issues out cos the is always tension between her and my dad/brothers. Its difficult saying that she is "in the wrong" (that wouldnt go down lightly), but maybe mum's just cant back down and admit defeat sometimes.

But most importantly, I think it is cos she's lonely now and is devastated. My mum will be alone next year cos I'm going to uni and my brothers are already at uni. And so maybe its cos she's scared to lose all of you. i duno
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Brown Eyed Girl
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mine are technicaly still together... all tho my dad has disapeared into oblivion...
my mum kept going on and on about how aeful he was and what hed done to her and to me.. every night... for hours
i could of bounced up and down shouting pink elephant in the bathroom look... and she would of thought i was agreeing with her....

you basicaly just got to tell her im sick of this i have exams to do if you want me to be here with you grow up.. cause if she doesn't she'll loose you.
its a bit cruel to stick a scare on some one.. but at the rate my mum was going i was barely sleeping cause she never shut up and always made me feel like crap but dredging up history... and it affected my exams.
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Shelbycakes
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it happened to me last year, my dad left my mum and took my sister with him and i was left to pick up the pieces. my mum completly lost it and i had to be around her all the time tell her everything i was doing etc etc she used to ***** about my dad all the time and eventually tried to commit suicied. And then she took my dad back. and then he decieded to try and end it all too. and then he got violent towards me and eventually i moved out (all this happened during my AS exams). i dont really understand why parents involed thier children in these sorts of arguments. it ruins lives. I think sitting your parents down is a great idea, i wich i'd of been able to do something like that.
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eurasianfeline
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i'm going to PM you now girl.
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BlackHawk
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(Original post by danni_bella83)
Okay, I don't know how many of you know, but anyway my parents got a divorce a few years ago.

I've gotten over it now, which is all well and good, but lately - just coz my dad decided to get a new GF (that's fine by me, I think she's a nice person) my mum :rolleyes: has become a serious menance to my life

All she does is whinge to me on the phone, and complain about my dad and if I don't agree with her, she berates me and puts me down. Says I'm exactly like him and will 'turn out to be like him if I'm not careful'.

Quite frankly I don't feel I need this as I have exams going on, but it just seems to me like she's trying to get me (and my sister) on her side, and b/c it's not working with me, she just puts me down and manipulates everyone to get against me (even my dad :eek: Manipulative, see what I mean? ).

I don't know what she's doing and I don't know why, but it's annoying.

Perhaps when I visit her after the exams, I might have to sit BOTH parents down and get them talk to each other and stop being immature. But I know they won't talk to each other, aagh! Annoying parents :rolleyes:
I think we have the same parents. Sounds exactly like mine :rolleyes:

*hugs*
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frost105
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Hi Danni.

I've had the same problem over the years and to save yourself the trouble your best just being blunt and honest. You are the daughter of your mother AND your father. Its not your responsibility to take sides in their failed marriage. By moaning at you your mother is only distancing herself from you.

The sooner you tell her to stop moaning at you the better. I put up with it for years and finally had a huge fight 3 years ago with my mum which led to a 7 month fall out of not talking.
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Debussy
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parents are the biggest losers ever. i remember having to tell my dad that my mum and my stepdad were having a baby. :eek: they don't speak to each other so any communication they have is through me... :rolleyes: its a shame they can't just grow up.
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frost105
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(Original post by medic_bex)
parents are the biggest losers ever. i remember having to tell my dad that my mum and my stepdad were having a baby. :eek: they don't speak to each other so any communication they have is through me... :rolleyes: its a shame they can't just grow up.
My dad had me tell my mum that he was getting married again. That was the last straw for me on the dad front. We get on a lot better now but thats a low blow.
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Golden Maverick
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(Original post by frost105)
Hi Danni.

I've had the same problem over the years and to save yourself the trouble your best just being blunt and honest. You are the daughter of your mother AND your father. Its not your responsibility to take sides in their failed marriage. By moaning at you your mother is only distancing herself from you.
Good advice I think. Sounds like your mum is insecure about your dads gf, maybe worrying that she'll win over your hearts (although you probably knew that). Have you tried reassuring her you will always be close to her, unless she tries to drive you away as it sounds like she is now.

Hope it all works out.
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yukinko
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(Original post by Golden Maverick)
Good advice I think. Sounds like your mum is insecure about your dads gf, maybe worrying that she'll win over your hearts (although you probably knew that). Have you tried reassuring her you will always be close to her, unless she tries to drive you away as it sounds like she is now.

Hope it all works out.
yeah i agree. My mums been divorced twice now, but when she divorced my step dad, it was sooo bad. Mind you, in my case, my stepdad wasnt the most agreeable man on earth, so i was a little sympathetic......but i still didnt need it and i didnt even have exams then, so my sympathies to u. Encourage her to go out more, find new hobbies and ppl to take her mind off things and whinge at. oh yeah, if you meet your dad's gf, don't try to push her away like your mother might want you to(i might be completely wrong here).

AND remember, you're the DAUGHTER, and they are the parents, not the other way round. They shouldn't worry you about it and you shouldnt have to put up with it.
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frost105
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(Original post by Golden Maverick)
Good advice I think. Sounds like your mum is insecure about your dads gf, maybe worrying that she'll win over your hearts (although you probably knew that). Have you tried reassuring her you will always be close to her, unless she tries to drive you away as it sounds like she is now.

Hope it all works out.
Its been yaers now. We have an amnesty about the whole thing. As family goes we're not that close. I speak to my dad about once a month and havent seen him in 2 years. My mum is moving to OZ and I have a brother who I havent spoken to for nearly 5 years now.

On a whole though the toughest thing is accepting your parnets are human make mistakes and arent as perfect as we thought they were when we were growing up.
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danni_bella
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Aww, thanks for all your posts guys!! That was really sweet, wasn't expecting so many responses. And BTW congrats BlackHawk for your non-smoking success, I have a friend in the same situation too, keep at it!

Yep I told my mum last night that I didn't wanna hear anything about her relationship problems as yet, and would keep her company/visit her during the hols, but not to listen to her moan

Firm, but to the point. It had to be done My parents still won't talk to each other but :mad: Immature :rolleyes: I mean seriously, that whole 'not talking to someone' when you're over a certain age is a bit silly I think, as I believe in negotiation, but then that's just me :p:

Anyway I'm gonna do some helping in the hair thread, then resume studying again (think I need to :eek: ).

Lots luv DB_xox
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Logan
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wellp... the best thing to do is.. ignore ure mum.. you got ure life to live not and not theirsto take... you'll be great someday
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Shelbycakes
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#19
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Hopre everything works ok okay for you!
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