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    (Original post by Luize)
    It's a bit hypocritical to expect a gf to be a virgin when you are not one yourself.
    I agree.

    I think you should expect things according to what you yourself are like.
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    I know exactly how you feel. I wouldn't go out with a girl who'd had one night stands. But the bisexuality thing isn't really an issue for me (I suppose I could be described as one myself) - bisexuality doesn't mean anything to a relationship or the personality of the girl.

    Maybe you're just scared of commitment...
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    (Original post by cambridgemuscle)
    ....... i told her i couldn't be with her because she's had two one night stands and that i would feel uncomfortable investing emotionally in her.
    You know, this isn't a business decision you're making! The point of the relationship isn't merely the 'profit' you will make for your effort and the safety of your 'investment'. I would understand if you were saying 'well this business has made some terrible decisions before so I don't feel it's safe to buy shares...' but this is a relationship. Maybe the more important thing is whether you both want it enough. Like choosing a degree (weird analogy maybe but that's what I've been thinking about recently...!) if you choose a degree based the future chances it will give you in the job market, your chances of actually enjoying and being successful in that degree will probably be lessened because you haven't chosen the one you will actually *want* to work at.

    Basically I'm saying that I think there are probably more important things to think about when deciding whether to go out with someone.

    oh and...

    i suppose it was a case of not wanting to invest emotionally in a girl other blokes had had for free
    i went through a stage where i was pulling 4 or five girls a night, every night i went out
    You're lucky she isn't taking the moral high ground and refusing to go out with you on the basis that so many girls have had you for free and you may well flit off into another phase like that sometime.
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    (Original post by lessthanthree)
    I am bi and I'm a perfectly good girlfriend. Just because someone's experimented doesn't mean they're going to use you for another notch on the headboard. I think it's really sad that someone is judged on their past like that. Surely it should be about what they can do and are doing for you, rather than what they might have done with someone else?
    the more i think about it the more i agree about the bisexuality thing. i don't have a problem with a gril 'sleeping' with other girls however strange that may sound.

    but i'm also feeling more strongly that i did the right thing at the begining of this term. i have a problem, and i think a large percentage of lads think the same, with girls who've lived the lifestyle my ex had on four levels. a) I don't wanna walk into her college bar thinking the bloke on the other side of the room could have shagged my missus. b) I despise beyond belief the image of other blokes bragging about having a bit of her c) I don't want to invest emotionally in a girl other blokes have had for free. whenever we had an argument or even taking her out for a meal began to make me feel like absolute crap because i knew i was having to put time, effort, money, emotions and the risk of getting hurt into a girl who some player pulled and shagged after a few hours at formal and in Cindy's. d) Is she gonna cheat on me?

    Last one is the least important. i trusted her 100% and i mean that. but as you probably got from that, c) is the most important and in the end going out with her was making me question my own self-respect.
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    You're lucky she isn't taking the moral high ground and refusing to go out with you on the basis that so many girls have had you for free and you may well flit off into another phase like that sometime.[/QUOTE]

    Taking the moral high ground that i've kissed loads of girls :confused:
    We don't live in 17th century New England. She'd snogged all her mates and if i was 17 i might have been bothered. i just thought it sort of quirky in a shtitng on your own doorstep sort of way.

    Then Cambridge is not Magaluf either. but the way she got through them in her second year was about as 18-30 as it gets.
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    Although I think muscle is being a little bit hypocritical in his selection criteria I do agree with him. I think it's absolutely wrong to have a one night stand and paraphrasing it by calling it just a fling doesn't make it better. If everyone was cool with girls going around having 'flings' then 'sloppy seconds' wouldn't be quite so insulting. You really can't advocate promiscuity and I think he's OK to object to it.
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    (Original post by lessthanthree)
    I think if we all thought like you and overrationalised before dating - nobody would ever date.

    Yes, there's a risk element, but such is life - not everything's a straight set walk in the park, and not everybody has a preferable past. But you cannot expect something of someone that they will not get from you - you can't keep judging those who've been in past relationships and going for the virgins if you're not one yourself
    relationships i'd be cool with.

    shagging random blokes i think we'd all agree is a bit different.
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    You have double standards.
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    I don't personally agree with one night stands, but I would hope that it wouldn't bother me what somebody's past is as long as it was just that, their past.

    It's up to you really though, if you're not comfortable then there's nothing you can do to chaqnge that, but there's no harm in giving it a go.
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    (Original post by cambridgemuscle)
    but i'm also feeling more strongly that i did the right thing at the begining of this term. i have a problem, and i think a large percentage of lads think the same, with girls who've lived the lifestyle my ex had on four levels. a) I don't wanna walk into her college bar thinking the bloke on the other side of the room could have shagged my missus. b) I despise beyond belief the image of other blokes bragging about having a bit of her c) I don't want to invest emotionally in a girl other blokes have had for free. whenever we had an argument or even taking her out for a meal began to make me feel like absolute crap because i knew i was having to put time, effort, money, emotions and the risk of getting hurt into a girl who some player pulled and shagged after a few hours at formal and in Cindy's. d) Is she gonna cheat on me?
    I'm going to answer your q's because I sound similar to your ex-gf...

    a. I have pulled a lot of people in my college and it's very incestuous here. If you walked into my bar you'd probably meet about four guys I've pulled and are now good friends with, you'd see other guys I'd pulled, and you'd see my ex.
    b. No one brags because if they're in college, you try to be friends with them and forget it ever happened. This includes pulling, sex and relationships. Most of the time the first two happen when you're too trollied to know what you're doing, especially after a night in cindys.
    c. I've done this (with a couple of proper players as well). I was so smashed I don't remember. I went on a couple of dates with them but didn't want to make it serious because I didn't like them enough and wanted to be single. Then I pulled my boyfriend (also in Cindy's - woo!) and I just didn't want to know the other guys. My boyfriend thought I didn't wanna go out with him cos I was so loving being single, but I actually wanted to go out with him more than be single.
    d. I wouldn't cheat on my boyfriend. I could have stayed happily "dating" him and kept pulling lots of other people, as I did to start with, but I wanted to be his girlfriend more than pull anyone else.

    Hope this gives you a girl's pov and helps you understand a bit
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    i'd base a relationship on religious values. it depends wether she's proud of what she's down and how open she is to talk about it. id rather a down to earth girl who MINDS sleeping around.
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    (Original post by Lozza)
    I'm going to answer your q's because I sound similar to your ex-gf...

    a. I have pulled a lot of people in my college and it's very incestuous here. If you walked into my bar you'd probably meet about four guys I've pulled and are now good friends with, you'd see other guys I'd pulled, and you'd see my ex.
    b. No one brags because if they're in college, you try to be friends with them and forget it ever happened. This includes pulling, sex and relationships. Most of the time the first two happen when you're too trollied to know what you're doing, especially after a night in cindys.
    c. I've done this (with a couple of proper players as well). I was so smashed I don't remember. I went on a couple of dates with them but didn't want to make it serious because I didn't like them enough and wanted to be single. Then I pulled my boyfriend (also in Cindy's - woo!) and I just didn't want to know the other guys. My boyfriend thought I didn't wanna go out with him cos I was so loving being single, but I actually wanted to go out with him more than be single.
    d. I wouldn't cheat on my boyfriend. I could have stayed happily "dating" him and kept pulling lots of other people, as I did to start with, but I wanted to be his girlfriend more than pull anyone else.

    Hope this gives you a girl's pov and helps you understand a bit
    Cheers Lozza. Like i say. trusted her 100%. she told me she loved me and i believed her totally.

    I've been around this place long enough to know the beef and i've woken up in a few strange beds after meeting girls dancing in Cindy's, but i've never slept with any of them. I always tell them how i feel on the issue and they're fine with it. God, in the morning they usually thank me (cause i'm a horrible minger- lol). It may sound weird but espesh after what happened with the ex i'd hate to be one of a number who could cause the feelings that i had and as a result, the **** i put her through. It's so easy to end up sleeping with someone, but for me at least, i'd rather not risk the hangover which lasts a bit longer than a morning.
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    (Original post by finnstar)
    i'd base a relationship on religious values. it depends wether she's proud of what she's down and how open she is to talk about it. id rather a down to earth girl who MINDS sleeping around.
    see this is odd with me as well. i find it harder to accept it when she goes on about how bad she feels about her past. if she was like, yeah whatever its the 21st century then i wouldn't have hurt me so much i don't think. but the fact she felt guilty and cheapened by it just hurt me more.
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    There is no correlation between a girl who has had one night stands, and how she will be once in a relationship. I don't really understand why people are talking about 'agreeing' or 'disagreeing' with one night stands, it seems a bit nonsensical to me. A one night stand is (usually) a purely physical thing, and a relationship is, of course, about emotions as well. How many people your girlfriend/boyfriend slept with before you really shouldn't come into it (as long as safe sex was practiced!). Why does it even matter? - they are such very different things.

    If you want your girlfriend to be a virgin when you yourself are not, then you are a hypocrite.

    If your criteria is that a girl has to have slept with less people than you, otherwise you can't have a relationship with her, I think you need to get over yourself, or work on your self-confidence issues (as this may be a problem as well)

    Not meaning to be harsh here, but double standards really irritate me.

    Good luck with finding your perfect girl with no past....
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    (Original post by Peach)
    There is no correlation between a girl who has had one night stands, and how she will be once in a relationship. I don't really understand why people are talking about 'agreeing' or 'disagreeing' with one night stands, it seems a bit nonsensical to me. A one night stand is (usually) a purely physical thing, and a relationship is, of course, about emotions as well. How many people your girlfriend/boyfriend slept with before you really shouldn't come into it (as long as safe sex was practiced!). Why does it even matter? - they are such very different things.

    If you want your girlfriend to be a virgin when you yourself are not, then you are a hypocrite.

    If your criteria is that a girl has to have slept with less people than you, otherwise you can't have a relationship with her, I think you need to get over yourself, or work on your self-confidence issues (as this may be a problem as well)

    Not meaning to be harsh here, but double standards really irritate me.

    Good luck with finding your perfect girl with no past....
    i think this is a bit harsh on so many blokes. Firstly, i don't need a girl to have slept with fewer kids than i've slept with girls. its the way she's slept with them that's the crux of the matter.

    Secondly, just because a lot of blokes do have problems with this doesn't mean we're insecure. every bloke my ex slpet with was fit. surely if i had an inferiority complex i'd stay with her to make myself part of the 'hunk club'. i know i could be a player if i wanted, but surely its a testament to my own security in myself to know that i don't have to prove myself to anyone.

    safe sex wasn't practiced- that's why she had to get herself tested.

    one night stands and relationships are not like chalk and cheese. at our age sex is a central if not the defining part of either. Imagine going out to buy a drink. if you go to a nice bar you'll pay £3 for a pint of stella. If you slum it in the college bar you'll pay a quid fifty or something. In the bar you get nice surroundings, live music and u can see and be seen. but that still doesn't hide the fact that you're paying twice the price for the same thing the other bloke is drinking back at college. before u call me whatever, i'm saying that it works on both sides. Sex with a player can eqaully be likened to paying over the odds for a glass of wine. if anyone has a better analogy please tell.
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    just because she got tested does not definatly mean that she had unprotected sex.
    And have you not considered that she may have had unprotected sex with a past serious partner thinking them to be tested also...where they may not have been. Or they led her on into thinking that they were clean without a doubt and she later found out that may not be the case.
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    actually I think the fact that she got tested does reflect badly on her, for the reasons muscle gave. If she had only had protected sex surely she would know there was no way she had an STD and could therefore say this without doubt. The fact she got tested means that there was doubt.
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    (Original post by Peach)
    If you want your girlfriend to be a virgin when you yourself are not, then you are a hypocrite.
    I want my girlfriend to have a vagina. I don't. Does that make me a hypocrit?
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    (Original post by Luize)
    just because she got tested does not definatly mean that she had unprotected sex.
    And have you not considered that she may have had unprotected sex with a past serious partner thinking them to be tested also...where they may not have been. Or they led her on into thinking that they were clean without a doubt and she later found out that may not be the case.
    no. she had sex when drunk more than once without using anything with one night stands.
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    (Original post by cambridgemuscle)
    second girl got tested b4 we had unprotected sex. she was clean, but the fact she had to do that surely says something about what type of girl she is. .

    BULLSH*T.

    Just because your mature enough to get tested doesn't necessarily make you any sort of 'girl.'

    Its comments like that that give STI testing (a very good thing to do) a bad name!

    I have been tested, and i've only slept with one person. Am i a slut because i got tested?
 
 
 
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