Is this any of my fault? Please help me out-working with girl problem Watch

newman24x
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Well i have been working with this girl in a scientific project for the past 4-5 month and I have to say that her contribution is around 10%-20% towards every aspect of the project. Not only does she always comes late to the discussions/meetings but she gives excuses that she didn't do much on the report because she's afraid what i might think of it and end up doing it last minute. She also give excuses that she's afraid of doing most part of it because she's not comfortable or not confident.

Last week i had a meeting with my supervisor and he ask me where is she and i was so embarrassed because i just said to him: "i don't know Dr." omg...really i don't know! before the meeting with the supervisor, we had a class together and she didn't came (as usual), i suspect she woke up late (and it turns out she did!) I e-mailed her regarding the meetings that she missed and asked her nicely can she catch up?

she emailed me back and said why didn't i remind her of the meeting? WTF? as i recalled she already jot down everything of our next 3 meetings, and please...i'm not her PA She accused me of not reminding her and was so upset with it. I called her and was as well upset with it. I told her very firmly that her contribution to the project is very small and she has not turn to meet to supervisor. First she said she woke up late, then she adds that she had the period pain. Well ok fine, but it has been days i waited her. Can't one of those days she pick up her phone and at least sms me? I really wanted to call her but i want to know her commitment on this project and her effort as well. It has been 4-5 months i been tolerant and patient with her. It can't be every of those 4-5 months and everytime we have meeting she has the horrible period pain. I asked most of my mates (girls) and they said it can be hurtful but she can still pick up the phone or use the sms...well i don't know. the more i'm being sympathetic the more i'm going nuts doing this by my own. the project is quite big and i have no idea what i'm going to say to the lecturer. it can't be complete because of period pain?? lol

well then she started crying and i was like "what?" Am i in the wrong here? I'm kicking my ass to do this project and most of it was done by me. I was very tolerant and sympathetic with the girl for the past 4 months. Should i go on with being like this?

please im really lost and confuse. i need advice
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Pop_tart
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(Original post by newman24x)
Well i have been working with this girl in a scientific project for the past 4-5 month and I have to say that her contribution is around 10%-20% towards every aspect of the project. Not only does she always comes late to the discussions/meetings but she gives excuses that she didn't do much on the report because she's afraid what i might think of it and end up doing it last minute. She also give excuses that she's afraid of doing most part of it because she's not comfortable or not confident.

Last week i had a meeting with my supervisor and he ask me where is she and i was so embarrassed because i just said to him: "i don't know Dr." omg...really i don't know! before the meeting with the supervisor, we had a class together and she didn't came (as usual), i suspect she woke up late (and it turns out she did!) I e-mailed her regarding the meetings that she missed and asked her nicely can she catch up?

she emailed me back and said why didn't i remind her of the meeting? WTF? as i recalled she already jot down everything of our next 3 meetings, and please...i'm not her PA She accused me of not reminding her and was so upset with it. I called her and was as well upset with it. I told her very firmly that her contribution to the project is very small and she has not turn to meet to supervisor. First she said she woke up late, then she adds that she had the period pain. Well ok fine, but it has been days i waited her. Can't one of those days she pick up her phone and at least sms me? I really wanted to call her but i want to know her commitment on this project and her effort as well. It has been 4-5 months i been tolerant and patient with her. It can't be every of those 4-5 months and everytime we have meeting she has the horrible period pain. I asked most of my mates (girls) and they said it can be hurtful but she can still pick up the phone or use the sms...well i don't know. the more i'm being sympathetic the more i'm going nuts doing this by my own. the project is quite big and i have no idea what i'm going to say to the lecturer. it can't be complete because of period pain?? lol

well then she started crying and i was like "what?" Am i in the wrong here? I'm kicking my ass to do this project and most of it was done by me. I was very tolerant and sympathetic with the girl for the past 4 months. Should i go on with being like this?

please im really lost and confuse. i need advice
Yeah too bad for her, I'd refuse to work with her after a month lol.
You have been more than cool with her and now it's time that she realises what a pain in the ass she is. if you come late once, sure no problem but there is a line. no one can work like this.
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11asidehero
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its just excuses mate
i feel sorry for you
this happens 9/10 times
working in groups/pairs there is always one lazy person that does nothing
whether its a big science project or powerpoint presentation
you cant really do much about it and if you let her do the work she will do it poorly and you'll both get terrible marks/grades
just tough it out dude i feel for you
i didnt think girls were lazy tbh
im a dude and i would defo say that guys are more lazy =p
just think about the sliver lining
once the projects over you wont have to have anything to do with her
LIFE TOUGH IM AFRAID
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flowermaster91
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(Original post by 11asidehero)
its just excuses mate
i feel sorry for you
this happens 9/10 times
working in groups/pairs there is always one lazy person that does nothing
whether its a big science project or powerpoint presentation
you cant really do much about it and if you let her do the work she will do it poorly and you'll both get terrible marks/grades
just tough it out dude i feel for you
i didnt think girls were lazy tbh
im a dude and i would defo say that guys are more lazy =p
just think about the sliver lining
once the projects over you wont have to have anything to do with her
LIFE TOUGH IM AFRAID
:sadnod:
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newman24x
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(Original post by Pop_tart)
Yeah too bad for her, I'd refuse to work with her after a month lol.
You have been more than cool with her and now it's time that she realises what a pain in the ass she is. if you come late once, sure no problem but there is a line. no one can work like this.
(Original post by 11asidehero)
its just excuses mate
i feel sorry for you
this happens 9/10 times
working in groups/pairs there is always one lazy person that does nothing
whether its a big science project or powerpoint presentation
you cant really do much about it and if you let her do the work she will do it poorly and you'll both get terrible marks/grades
just tough it out dude i feel for you
i didnt think girls were lazy tbh
im a dude and i would defo say that guys are more lazy =p
just think about the sliver lining
once the projects over you wont have to have anything to do with her
LIFE TOUGH IM AFRAID
thank you. really appreciates it. i know now she's going all around telling everyone i'm this inconsiderate ******* who can't seem to understand her

should i even feel sorry for her. do i need to even apologize for anything (because i know someone out there seems to think i'm in the wrong somehow).

to the above posters, again really appreciate it. it was a big support for me in some ways.
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Pop_tart
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(Original post by newman24x)
thank you. really appreciates it. i know now she's going all around telling everyone i'm this inconsiderate ******* who can't seem to understand her

should i even feel sorry for her. do i need to even apologize for anything (because i know someone out there seems to think i'm in the wrong somehow).

to the above posters, again really appreciate it. it was a big support for me in some ways.
That really is very low of her to do that. You will always have people against you (the people who are choosing her side) but I don't think you should feel sorry for her. You have been VERY understanding all along? You accepted her situation for all those months untill it was having a negative effect on you too and that's not supposed to happen. You just can't work this way?
She has to take her own responsibility! the fact that you are partners in this project doesn't mean you are supposed to text her when ever she got lectures or what ever who does she think she is? the Queen? common!
she seems evil! :yep:

Is there anyway you could talk about this with your lecturer or mentor.. Because I think she is the one who should be punished not you!

good luck!
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Rhys~
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Just tell to go **** herself and grow up. I really cant stand people like that
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Trishyy
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The *****!
Go to your lecturer and tell her what she's been doing (make a list/record what she has/hasn't actually been doing).
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vgstrat
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(Original post by newman24x)
Well i have been working with this girl in a scientific project for the past 4-5 month and I have to say that her contribution is around 10%-20% towards every aspect of the project. Not only does she always comes late to the discussions/meetings but she gives excuses that she didn't do much on the report because she's afraid what i might think of it and end up doing it last minute. She also give excuses that she's afraid of doing most part of it because she's not comfortable or not confident.

Last week i had a meeting with my supervisor and he ask me where is she and i was so embarrassed because i just said to him: "i don't know Dr." omg...really i don't know! before the meeting with the supervisor, we had a class together and she didn't came (as usual), i suspect she woke up late (and it turns out she did!) I e-mailed her regarding the meetings that she missed and asked her nicely can she catch up?

she emailed me back and said why didn't i remind her of the meeting? WTF? as i recalled she already jot down everything of our next 3 meetings, and please...i'm not her PA She accused me of not reminding her and was so upset with it. I called her and was as well upset with it. I told her very firmly that her contribution to the project is very small and she has not turn to meet to supervisor. First she said she woke up late, then she adds that she had the period pain. Well ok fine, but it has been days i waited her. Can't one of those days she pick up her phone and at least sms me? I really wanted to call her but i want to know her commitment on this project and her effort as well. It has been 4-5 months i been tolerant and patient with her. It can't be every of those 4-5 months and everytime we have meeting she has the horrible period pain. I asked most of my mates (girls) and they said it can be hurtful but she can still pick up the phone or use the sms...well i don't know. the more i'm being sympathetic the more i'm going nuts doing this by my own. the project is quite big and i have no idea what i'm going to say to the lecturer. it can't be complete because of period pain?? lol

well then she started crying and i was like "what?" Am i in the wrong here? I'm kicking my ass to do this project and most of it was done by me. I was very tolerant and sympathetic with the girl for the past 4 months. Should i go on with being like this?

please im really lost and confuse. i need advice

I know what you feel like... I was in a similar situation......:yep:
We were working as a 3 member team on a science fair project......... and 1 of the members was a girl...she was similar in nature to the one you described.....
Me and my buddy (the other member) were doing all of the work and that git came up with excuses like period pain, ill grandmother, brother not letting her use the net and so on.... me and my friend were sympathetic at first but then she missed a trial presentation that was being inspected by our Principal..... :eek3: ....and as a result she had to submit an incident report to the principal and later on she insulted us infront of our class and blamed us for her mistakes...... and ....most of the class believed her and started thinking we are jerks..... we had a hard time gaining back our reputation....



I SUGGEST you get rid of her as soon as possible.....though I think its too late to change project members.... but still try...
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pamelaa
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Tell on her.
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newman24x
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(Original post by Pop_tart)
That really is very low of her to do that. You will always have people against you (the people who are choosing her side) but I don't think you should feel sorry for her. You have been VERY understanding all along? You accepted her situation for all those months untill it was having a negative effect on you too and that's not supposed to happen. You just can't work this way?
She has to take her own responsibility! the fact that you are partners in this project doesn't mean you are supposed to text her when ever she got lectures or what ever who does she think she is? the Queen? common!
she seems evil! :yep:

Is there anyway you could talk about this with your lecturer or mentor.. Because I think she is the one who should be punished not you!

good luck!
Welll i know her. she's the kinda a person who like to complains and moans. Once the supervisor ask her to do some research for him she moans at me. i'm not bothered of what she's going to say about me and i'm not going to say bad things about her at all to my mates because if i did, then i'm just as worst as her and i'm not going to be at her level. My supervisor knows about her not always coming to class and her poor contribution to the project, but i told him it's ok i can handle her (at that time).

But today she submitted some parts of the project to me and i have inspected her work and its was quite good. But of course the way she communicate with me at that time (was through email) was very cold and unfriendly, and i have to make sure that 'this seem to be very good performance' is maintain. Tomorrow i have an appointment with the supervisor and her so i have no idea whether to be nice, friendly or what not towards her, should i even explain why i was upset or so. Should i even praise her effort just now?

But hay thanks man. Really appreciate your sincere opinion.

(Original post by vgstrat)
I know what you feel like... I was in a similar situation......:yep:
We were working as a 3 member team on a science fair project......... and 1 of the members was a girl...she was similar in nature to the one you described.....
Me and my buddy (the other member) were doing all of the work and that git came up with excuses like period pain, ill grandmother, brother not letting her use the net and so on.... me and my friend were sympathetic at first but then she missed a trial presentation that was being inspected by our Principal..... :eek3: ....and as a result she had to submit an incident report to the principal and later on she insulted us infront of our class and blamed us for her mistakes...... and ....most of the class believed her and started thinking we are jerks..... we had a hard time gaining back our reputation....

I SUGGEST you get rid of her as soon as possible.....though I think its too late to change project members.... but still try...
Owh gosh i feel for you mate. I don't think i'll change members. I have around 5 weeks left and the work is almost 60% complete (solely by me that is). Well will see. Hope i wouldn't be upset like that anymore. I hate it when i get angry or upset. I just like to maintain myself and be positive. And this is the end of my semester in the Uni. Hope everything turns out well.
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vgstrat
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(Original post by newman24x)
Welll i know her. she's the kinda a person who like to complains and moans. Once the supervisor ask her to do some research for him she moans at me. i'm not bothered of what she's going to say about me and i'm not going to say bad things about her at all to my mates because if i did, then i'm just as worst as her and i'm not going to be at her level. My supervisor knows about her not always coming to class and her poor contribution to the project, but i told him it's ok i can handle her (at that time).

But today she submitted some parts of the project to me and i have inspected her work and its was quite good. But of course the way she communicate with me at that time (was through email) was very cold and unfriendly, and i have to make sure that 'this seem to be very good performance' is maintain. Tomorrow i have an appointment with the supervisor and her so i have no idea whether to be nice, friendly or what not towards her, should i even explain why i was upset or so. Should i even praise her effort just now?

But hay thanks man. Really appreciate your sincere opinion.



Owh gosh i feel for you mate. I don't think i'll change members. I have around 5 weeks left and the work is almost 60% complete (solely by me that is). Well will see. Hope i wouldn't be upset like that anymore. I hate it when i get angry or upset. I just like to maintain myself and be positive. And this is the end of my semester in the Uni. Hope everything turns out well.

You should communicate in a professional manner..... That is you should talk to her about the project and the project only....no more sympathy.....after the meeting with supervisor get away from her if you dont have any project work....
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newman24x
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(Original post by vgstrat)
You should communicate in a professional manner..... That is you should talk to her about the project and the project only....no more sympathy.....after the meeting with supervisor get away from her if you dont have any project work....
owh how i wish i'd read this before

after the meeting everything went fine. it was very professional. the supervisor was expecting me to say something about her but i didn't. I change the topic to something else (i was offered a research scholarship at my Uni by my super, so i switch to that topic)

but after the meeting i walk with her and said does she want to talk about what happen the other day? She said she admit what she did was wrong but she does not accept the way i told her that day. She said i was 'unprofessional' and she even said her mother agrees? huh?? she claims i was rude, inconsiderate and insensitive to her. She said she had so much respect to me before and now she lost some of it. urm...ok? she also claims that i'm like this because of my family background (i don't have any sisters..apparently that's her reason)

she also said that now she knows how i truly am, my true colors (wow after all this months?) and she said her 'friends' told her that i'am like this (urm...ok?). She said i give her so much work, even the supervisor does not give her that much work? (urm as i understand supervisors gives us the task and is up to us how we do it? they mainly supervise? ?? lol) She claims that i didn't appreciate her work and and she said that i viewed her work as too small...well...all she did was collect data...so how big is that? At the end of the day the marks will be for the whole work collecting-processing-analyzing-interpreting-documenting. So is her part really hard and big? it's just 1/5th of the project whiles i'm at the moment killing my self for the whole entire part? and all the argument was around the collecting data how she contributed to it, how much time and effort she puts in it, how much time on the collection of data, etc.

well that's how it goes. It was a big argument but i just stop it, smile, wave my hand and move on. have no idea whats next..
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vgstrat
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(Original post by newman24x)
owh how i wish i'd read this before

after the meeting everything went fine. it was very professional. the supervisor was expecting me to say something about her but i didn't. I change the topic to something else (i was offered a research scholarship at my Uni by my super, so i switch to that topic)

but after the meeting i walk with her and said does she want to talk about what happen the other day? She said she admit what she did was wrong but she does not accept the way i told her that day. She said i was 'unprofessional' and she even said her mother agrees? huh?? she claims i was rude, inconsiderate and insensitive to her. She said she had so much respect to me before and now she lost some of it. urm...ok? she also claims that i'm like this because of my family background (i don't have any sisters..apparently that's her reason)

she also said that now she knows how i truly am, my true colors (wow after all this months?) and she said her 'friends' told her that i'am like this (urm...ok?). She said i give her so much work, even the supervisor does not give her that much work? (urm as i understand supervisors gives us the task and is up to us how we do it? they mainly supervise? ?? lol) She claims that i didn't appreciate her work and and she said that i viewed her work as too small...well...all she did was collect data...so how big is that? At the end of the day the marks will be for the whole work collecting-processing-analyzing-interpreting-documenting. So is her part really hard and big? it's just 1/5th of the project whiles i'm at the moment killing my self for the whole entire part? and all the argument was around the collecting data how she contributed to it, how much time and effort she puts in it, how much time on the collection of data, etc.

well that's how it goes. It was a big argument but i just stop it, smile, wave my hand and move on. have no idea whats next..

Having sisters dosen't change anything tbh..... sister is one relationship and other girls are other girls...

I knew this would happen and I knew that she disgraced your name by telling this and that to family and friends....

I hope you don't have to see her again...

Btw, good luck..and congrats on getting the scholarship..
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newman24x
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(Original post by vgstrat)
Having sisters dosen't change anything tbh..... sister is one relationship and other girls are other girls...

I knew this would happen and I knew that she disgraced your name by telling this and that to family and friends....

I hope you don't have to see her again...

Btw, good luck..and congrats on getting the scholarship..
well, after days she finally sms's me and ask for an apology. She ask that if it is ok to start the partnership all over again and forget the things that has been done.

for the sake of the project (and the other task that i have to do with her), and it's just 5 weeks more, i think i should accept this apology but i don't really know how to put it to accept it. Reason being because i don't want to play the tolerant good guy anymore. Quite fed up with it. And i dont want to put in the message e.g. dont do it again because i want to make my contact with her as minimal as possible.

any suggestions? would it suffice to just say: "Ok, hopefully we can start fresh again, and best of luck to you." .

hopefully this will be the end of it :o:
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vgstrat
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(Original post by newman24x)
well, after days she finally sms's me and ask for an apology. She ask that if it is ok to start the partnership all over again and forget the things that has been done.

for the sake of the project (and the other task that i have to do with her), and it's just 5 weeks more, i think i should accept this apology but i don't really know how to put it to accept it. Reason being because i don't want to play the tolerant good guy anymore. Quite fed up with it. And i dont want to put in the message e.g. dont do it again because i want to make my contact with her as minimal as possible.

any suggestions? would it suffice to just say: "Ok, hopefully we can start fresh again, and best of luck to you." .

hopefully this will be the end of it :o:
DOn't send any message.....
Call a meeting regarding the project...and casually discuss the project ..... dont start a friendly chat or anything.... discuss the project then say we will meeting again after I have completed "..." and in the mentime please do "...this"...and walk away...
Dont pop up the past... no more sympathy .... just the project....
If she tries to say "I am sorry...or something like that" say lets finish the task at hand....
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