I HATE how I have no say in things.. (sorry if wrong forum)

basically to cut a long story short, my life has always been dictated by my dad. to the point where a few years back, i tried killing myself to stop him doing the same to my little brothers.. anyways thats all in the past.
what's happened now is, im FINALLY off to uni (northampton to do psychology and law), been waiting for this moment of freedom since i was 15.. and my dad strikes again.
i got into northampton through clearing, and because the halls were full, sorting out accomodation is such a mission, so my dad decided to buy a 2 bed house and then me and whoever i find can rent it.
BUT, the house wont be ready for another 2 weeks (when freshers fortnight is over)
my dad knows the whole point of freshers is to socialise etc, but he's decided instead of staying in a b&b with my housemate-to-be (like me and her had planned yesterday) but he wants me to stay with extended family in milton keynes, and expects me to sort and pay for the almost 2 hour public transport commute and be home by 6PM!!!
and when i explained to him that most events happen in the evening, and clubbing etc, his response was "it's not compulsory, so you don't need to go"
i have had SO much pinned on these next few weeks and it just feels like everything i've worked for is falling apart - i've nearly been 18 for a year and i've NEVER been clubbing (legally).
and i know i sound really over dramatic, and i've got 3 years ahead of me, but im just so ******* ANGRYYY :mad2:

he then proceeded to let me know my uncle has "contacts" at northampton uni, so he'll know what i'm "upto". like seriously, WTF.
lol sorry.. i thought i'd have a little tsr rant, thankyou for reading :smile:

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Reply 1

cpj1987

Go and stay in a B&B as you planned anyway. You're an adult, so don't let him control you.

Reply 2

DominF

You're moving out and are an adult, if you're ready to handle being detached from him then it's your choice and you should stay in a B&B as planned.

Bite his kneecaps.

Your dad frankly sound like a prick. Just move on and minimise contact with him.

Reply 5

Durantula

You guys make it seem so simple. Being someone with a similar father, but to a MUCH lesser extent, it must be said (i can usually persuade him), i know how he feels. You cant just move on and minimize contact, as hes your father and you will need him to support you in the future still. All you can do is attempt to reason with him, or go out and when your out say you need to stay as you missed a train etc if you have to. I really dont what to say apart from best of luck mate.

Reply 6

hoonosewot

SkySantosh

It sounds that simple because it is that simple. You take control of your own life and start living it. Yes they're your father and you might still want their support/love but going out and enjoying your freshers week won't make a father disown you, and if it does then that's not a father i'd want help from.

Reply 7

plopSDCSDC

I'm wondering, being serious but did/does he abuse you? It might have been better if to go anon, but its alright if you don't wanna answer this. Tbh, many people say fresher's isn't neccessarily the best time of your life, but it may seem so because its a major step foward from home and towards freedom, it might be tough but just hack it until you're there and got a rented house. You'll have plenty of time to be independet and go out, don't worry wont be the end of teh world.

Reply 8

rukouine88

You sound pissed, and right you should be! I know so many people who go through the exact same thing you are. You have three choices:

1)Cut your ties with this controlling father, move out and support yourself until he calms down (which he may well do, a lot of fathers are strict because they love you and don't know how else to show it)
2)Try and reason with him, tell him you're moving and that you want space and freedom and don't take no for an answer even when he's screaming and shouting and breaking things
3)Learn ways of sneaking past his watchfull eyes. Use friends for cover if you can... Make up 'exams' from uni that you have to go to.... You know, over night field trips,try and snag a copy of a uni letter and scan it to forge proof... As for freshers, if none of the above works then don't let it bother you that much. It's not the be all and end all of Uni social life...
It's a hard life I know, but you have to find a way around it or you'll go crazy...

Reply 9

Durantula

hoonosewot

I cant disagree more.....it isnt that simple, you cant just turn around and ignore your fathers requests completely, go out and do your thing for freshers, end of the day, this is the guy whose nurtured you from a kid, and done whatever it takes for you. Now i dont agree with what hes doing with regards to his son and his university, but it isnt so clearcut as "Up and go", because in the event the father does turn around and disown him, what then? Whose the one losing out? Then the OP has a whole host of problems to deal with while trying to get a degree in the process.

Reply 10

achard

for godssakes your dad is buying a freaking house for you to live possibly rent free for your entire uni career. that is worth sacrificing a few clubbing nights out and freshers events for.

Reply 11

carcinoma

Just go to freshers as you are supposed to, and stay in a B&B like you were going to.

Where is your mother in all this?

Reply 12

PlanetTea

Poor you. Your dad sounds annoying. Well I heard that Freshers isn't where people meet all their long-term friends anyway. It'll be a bastard to miss it, but if you do, it won't be the end of the world. Why can't you use your student finance maintenance loan to pay for a B&B? It would really be worth it. Also, don't let your dad's threats put you off being naughty :biggrin:

And most of all, don't let him spoil your fun.

It's moments like these that I think, perhaps it isn't so bad that my mother and step father are TELLING me to go out and get some, practically pushing me out the door to have a laugh. My parents are weird... But cool.

Reply 13

PlanetTea

SkySantosh

Oh per-lease. Don't listen to this nut-job OP. Listen to the other poster; you need to suck it up and do what you damn well please. I'm sorry but that's the only way to take control of your own life and put your father in his place i.e. out of your business.

Reply 14

BlocFFC

That's awful. Stay in the B+B!

Reply 15

Kerbiggaboo

B+B. Try your best to move on. If you let him take a hold on you now, you may not be able to get away for the rest of uni. It doesn't have to be ultra dramatic and cut ties completely. Make it known that you are your own person, you're an adult, you are legal to do what you want.

Reply 16

Pink Bullets

Am I missing something? Your father bought you a HOUSE and you're complaining because you won't get to move into it until after fresher's week? And you want sympathy or something? What?

Reply 17

rubus

could you not do one week with family and one week in the b&b? i would talk to your dad though, he has to realise he cant control your life forever and now is the time for you to be more independent. Have you ever disobeyed him before? I doubt he would be that angry with you if you compromised like I said. But I dont know him. At the same time, he is buying you a house. that is pretty amazing so let him know youre grateful.

You can be independent from you dad without cutting him out of your life. Its not a case of one or the other.