on-off relationships?

1

theres a guy i know whos in an on-off relationship with his girlfriend. I really like him, and i know he really likes me too, but hes still with his girlfriend so we obviously cant get together, and neither of us will do anything because we dont want to hurt her ( i dont know her at all, just dont think its fair for her to be cheated on, and hes not like that with girls). anyway, what im asking is, if a relationship is on-off, is it worth sticking at it, or is it destined to fail? :confused:

Reply 1

Spenceman_

I'd hate to think of any relationship as destined to fail. I'd imagine it's an issue that is very situation specific. You being in the picture at all will not help the relationship even if you think you are so far only innocent friends with the guy.

He should not base any decisions on the prospects of you and him or be influenced by you in any way but it's not so easy. You could, through his subconscious, play a big role in the success or failure of his relationship.

Reply 2

TKR

15

no uidea about the deep phillosophical stuff to do with on off relationships but my advice with the guy situation is to ehm.. take the girl out of the equation, if you catch my drift?

Reply 3

northern_lass

OP

1

thekillersrock

no uidea about the deep phillosophical stuff to do with on off relationships but my advice with the guy situation is to ehm.. take the girl out of the equation, if you catch my drift?

erm, not really sure i know what you mean!

im only friends with this guy, but its not like we're very close friends, we txt each other occasionally and speak wenever we see each other, but we had a talk a few weeks ago and we said we both like each other. since then we havent spoken, and im unlikly to see him a lot over summer, so i think im just going to leave it. if its meant to happen it will happen rite? i dont want to be the reason they split up if they do, and they might be able to make a go of it.

Reply 4

dave

northern_lass

erm, not really sure i know what you mean!

im only friends with this guy, but its not like we're very close friends, we txt each other occasionally and speak wenever we see each other, but we had a talk a few weeks ago and we said we both like each other. since then we havent spoken, and im unlikly to see him a lot over summer, so i think im just going to leave it. if its meant to happen it will happen rite? i dont want to be the reason they split up if they do, and they might be able to make a go of it.

I think he means sabotage their relationship. (Apologies if I'm wrong). It's obvious you're trying to be fair about this, but if there's a chance that this guy may want to USE you as an excuse to split from his current g/f - I'd head for the hills until it's over if I were in your position. :wink:

Reply 5

northern_lass

OP

1

bodhisattva

I think he means sabotage their relationship. (Apologies if I'm wrong). It's obvious you're trying to be fair about this, but if there's a chance that this guy may want to USE you as an excuse to split from his current g/f - I'd head for the hills until it's over if I were in your position. :wink:

oh rite, i understand now! yeah, i dont think i want to get involved in all of this, hes not like that as he wont just use someone, but i dont want to be the reason for them splitting up. ahh, well, never mind!

Reply 6

dave

........hang on a sec........if you're just a friend with this guy - and he suddenly drops his g/f in favour of a relationship with you - then as long as you haven't actively encouraged him to dump her, you're not responsible for his actions, are you. :wink:

Reply 7

MRLX69

2

What ever happens happen, don't stress or worry about anything, enjoy life, take each day as it comes. If it's meant to be, it will be :smile:

(Sorry, I only read the first two lines of the first post. So this might not make sense at all :redface:

. I'm off to do some fizzikz :biggrin:

)

Reply 8

northern_lass

OP

1

bodhisattva

........hang on a sec........if you're just a friend with this guy - and he suddenly drops his g/f in favour of a relationship with you - then as long as you haven't actively encouraged him to dump her, you're not responsible for his actions, are you. :wink:

hehe, i like your way of thinkin! im just gonna wait to see what he decides, he knows im here, but he also nos im not waitin around just for him.

Reply 9

Hana_87

16

Well technically you are the reason they are going to break up.

If you wern't there, they might be able to rekindle things.

The middle person is nearly always to blame for the failure as they are the one that have caused the problem. This is not always the case, but more often than not.

By typing this i am prepared for people to disagree, shout the odds or whatever but sorry, i have deep feelings about this.

Reply 10

Gwen

1

Don't break them up.... :frown:

stay friends with the guy and go find a boytoy to play with :wink:

Reply 11

Shelbycakes

i agree! dont break them up if he really wants you then he will break up with her for you. as i say to all these things if its meant to be it's meant to be!

Reply 12

dave

Hana_87

Well technically you are the reason they are going to break up.

If you wern't there, they might be able to rekindle things.

The middle person is nearly always to blame for the failure as they are the one that have caused the problem. This is not always the case, but more often than not.

By typing this i am prepared for people to disagree, shout the odds or whatever but sorry, i have deep feelings about this.

You make some good points. However, ponder this. We've all broken up with a partner at some time or other and always look for a reason to do so. As you rightly say, a 3rd person is usually the case - but why should that third person take the BLAME? I don't think that saying "well if you weren't there" is a persuasive enough argument. If I broke up with a girlfriend because of a third party - it would be because "I found the third party to be better company/more attractive/whatever" than my current girlfriend - with the emphasis on the "I found". IMHO too many people attempt to lay the blame for a failed relationship at other people's feet, instead of taking a long, hard look at themselves.
Here's where I shout at you

. Don't EVER apologise for stating what you hold true. If others cannot respect your opinion - even though they may disagree - then they cannot expect respect themselves.

Reply 13

northern_lass

OP

1

Hana_87

Well technically you are the reason they are going to break up.

If you wern't there, they might be able to rekindle things.

The middle person is nearly always to blame for the failure as they are the one that have caused the problem. This is not always the case, but more often than not.

By typing this i am prepared for people to disagree, shout the odds or whatever but sorry, i have deep feelings about this.

well, it like i said, me and thisguy arnt in the same friendship group or anything, we know each other from college. wer just both attracted to each other and find each other great company. Im not planning to split them up, i dont want to end up being the reason for this girls hurting, and theres no way id want him to cheat on her with me because i think that would taint any relationship and being cheated on is one of the worst feelings. since that night we had that talk, iv kept my distance because i dont want to ruin things that could be made better between them. as long as hes happy, im happy to stay away not to cause probles. I respect your opinions, and i can see that me being around may cause further problems.

Thanku for your advice!

Reply 14

Hana_87

16

northern_lass

well, it like i said, me and thisguy arnt in the same friendship group or anything, we know each other from college. wer just both attracted to each other and find each other great company. Im not planning to split them up, i dont want to end up being the reason for this girls hurting, and theres no way id want him to cheat on her with me because i think that would taint any relationship and being cheated on is one of the worst feelings. since that night we had that talk, iv kept my distance because i dont want to ruin things that could be made better between them. as long as hes happy, im happy to stay away not to cause probles. I respect your opinions, and i can see that me being around may cause further problems.

Thanku for your advice!

Thats ok.

I respect you for leaving them be. Let him go, if he comes back, he's yours.

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