Friends with flatmates Watch

Deanna19
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#1
I've already made a few flats on flatmates etc but ah well here's another.

I am moving in with someone I knew of at school but only really just started talking to in the past month. We both needed a room mate so thought it would be good to share a place together.

He seems to think we are going to be best friends and when I told him that I'll be going back home every (or nearly every) weekend he was like Oh aren't you going to hang out/come out with me? I said well no, probably not because I want to see my friends & family back home. He sounded really hurt that I didn't want to spend all my spare time with him which I thought was weird.

Is it ok for me not to want to be 'best buddies' with him?
Because really I'm only there for work and a place to sleep and to be honest would rather go home every weekend to see my friends & family then stay in the ****** town with someone I'm not even great friends with.
Harsh but ah well
0
reply
seagram__
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#2
Report 9 years ago
#2
being friends with flatmates is a nice thing.you share the same place and you live in the same flat.probably you are students or you ahve the same age aswell.that's why he probably thought that
well If you ahve something in common,share same interests and get on well of course.
IF not then you don't have to be best friends just because you live in the same place but some time together won't hurt you or whatever.
0
reply
iceagecoming
Badges: 0
#3
Report 9 years ago
#3
Do you even want to become better friends with him over time? Doesn't sound like he wants you to be his best friend ever, he just wants a flatmate who is open to the idea of doing things together sometimes. If you're just there to work and sleep, maybe it'd be better to find someone similar, not just someone you happen to know who has different expectations?
0
reply
Deanna19
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#4
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#4
(Original post by iceagecoming)
Do you even want to become better friends with him over time? Doesn't sound like he wants you to be his best friend ever, he just wants a flatmate who is open to the idea of doing things together sometimes. If you're just there to work and sleep, maybe it'd be better to find someone similar, not just someone you happen to know who has different expectations?
Yeah I do want to get to be better friends with him over time.
I know what I said sounded harsh, I am actually a nice person :p: .

I just find him really full on at times, and I'm not even living there yet.
I'm more than happy to hang out with him during the week, just not all the time. Plus it was more of a general question on how people interact with their housemates if they aren't close friends....if that makes any sense at all:rolleyes:

I dunno I'm probably just making a mountain out of a mole hill because I haven't lived with anyone but my family before. So the change is making me a bit paranoid about every little thing.
0
reply
carcinoma
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#5
Report 9 years ago
#5
He probs had other ideas.

Do what you want/need to **** how other people feel.
0
reply
FiveFiveSix
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#6
Report 9 years ago
#6
He wants you.
0
reply
voudreau
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#7
Report 9 years ago
#7
(Original post by Deanna19)
I've already made a few flats on flatmates etc but ah well here's another.

I am moving in with someone I knew of at school but only really just started talking to in the past month. We both needed a room mate so thought it would be good to share a place together.

He seems to think we are going to be best friends and when I told him that I'll be going back home every (or nearly every) weekend he was like Oh aren't you going to hang out/come out with me? I said well no, probably not because I want to see my friends & family back home. He sounded really hurt that I didn't want to spend all my spare time with him which I thought was weird.

Is it ok for me not to want to be 'best buddies' with him?
Because really I'm only there for work and a place to sleep and to be honest would rather go home every weekend to see my friends & family then stay in the ****** town with someone I'm not even great friends with.
Harsh but ah well
Dw about it. Last year I did my own thing and my life was completely separate from my flatmates. Living with people and spending every waking hour together would be too much anyway imo. He will get used to it... he has no choice!
0
reply
Irrelevance
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#8
Report 9 years ago
#8
His problem. Not yours.
0
reply
iceagecoming
Badges: 0
#9
Report 9 years ago
#9
(Original post by Deanna19)
Yeah I do want to get to be better friends with him over time.
I know what I said sounded harsh, I am actually a nice person :p: .

I just find him really full on at times, and I'm not even living there yet.
I'm more than happy to hang out with him during the week, just not all the time. Plus it was more of a general question on how people interact with their housemates if they aren't close friends....if that makes any sense at all:rolleyes:

I dunno I'm probably just making a mountain out of a mole hill because I haven't lived with anyone but my family before. So the change is making me a bit paranoid about every little thing.
Ah right, well if you're hanging out with him in the week then going off for the weekend is pretty acceptable, don't worry about it I expect that will happen sometimes in my flatshare and we're proper friends already. When you're not close to people you live with they will expect some extra effort at the beginning, just so you start off well, and even though it would be great to be soulmates afterwards no one really takes it as a given. I'm sure you are lovely so just talk/hang out with him as much as you like!
0
reply
Deanna19
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#10
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#10
(Original post by FiveFiveSix)
He wants you.

I hope not
0
reply
Mwoah
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#11
Report 9 years ago
#11
Dunno. Sounds like you're not even going to try to be mates. You don't have to go out with him but it seems like in your mind you've already deceided 'not going to be my friend'.

Give him a go. After all if you were 'the ****' you'd be flat mates with someone you actually liked.
0
reply
FiveFiveSix
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#12
Report 9 years ago
#12
(Original post by Deanna19)
I hope not
He's male, isn't he? :p:
0
reply
Deanna19
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#13
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#13
(Original post by Mwoah)
Dunno. Sounds like you're not even going to try to be mates. You don't have to go out with him but it seems like in your mind you've already deceided 'not going to be my friend'.

Give him a go. After all if you were 'the ****' you'd be flat mates with someone you actually liked.
If I was what?

I do like him, I just don't want to spend every day with him....

I didn't actually get much of a choice to move in with someone I'm good friends with but hey you do what you gotta do to keep a job yeah?
0
reply
Lefty_P
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#14
Report 9 years ago
#14
He wants casual sex.
0
reply
Deanna19
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#15
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#15
(Original post by FiveFiveSix)
He's male, isn't he? :p:

well I expect so :rolleyes:

if the moves get pulled out I'll just say I like girls
0
reply
Svenjamin
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#16
Report 9 years ago
#16
I agree with Mwoah. To a certain extent being flatmates with someone suggests you're going to be friends, maybe not best friends, but disappearing every weekend is obviously going to disappoint him if the flat is just for you two. I sure wouldn't want to have flatmates who disappeared every weekend. You have to be pretty cold if you think a flatmate is that person who just that other person shares the rent without any social interaction at all.

As for him wanting you... I doubt it. No one but a complete idiot would sign a contract to live with someone they fancied.
0
reply
Deanna19
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#17
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#17
(Original post by Svenjamin)
I agree with Mwoah. To a certain extent being flatmates with someone suggests you're going to be friends, maybe not best friends, but disappearing every weekend is obviously going to disappoint him if the flat is just for you two. I sure wouldn't want to have flatmates who disappeared every weekend. You have to be pretty cold if you think a flatmate is that person who just that other person shares the rent without any social interaction at all.

As for him wanting you... I doubt it. No one but a complete idiot would sign a contract to live with someone they fancied.
Yeah I understand that, I just would have thought that he would want his own space too.
0
reply
FiveFiveSix
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#18
Report 9 years ago
#18
(Original post by Deanna19)
well I expect so :rolleyes:

if the moves get pulled out I'll just say I like girls
Fair enough. Best of luck
0
reply
Svenjamin
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#19
Report 9 years ago
#19
(Original post by Deanna19)
Yeah I understand that, I just would have thought that he would want his own space too.
You think he would want his own space EVERY weekend? Obviously he should have his own friends and shouldn't rely on you, but at the same time most people expect to go out with their flatmates occassionally. Saying you'll be going away pretty much every weekend could come across as "I don't want to ever go on a night out with you", or even "I don't want anything to do with you". I'm not surprised he reacted the way he did, it doesn't mean he's besotted with you or anything, just it doesn't exactly sound like a friendly welcome!

Of course, that's from my own experience and I've never shared a flat with just one other person, so I don't really know the dynamics of a 2 person flat. It's obviously a lot easier with more flatmates since one person can disappear and it doesn't mean much.

Chances are once you're all settled in, he'll find it fine. Having the flat to himself at weekends is obviously has its perks, but saying what you did is pretty blunt/anti-social before you've even started the tenancy. Could have been handled a bit more tactfully.
0
reply
PlanetTea
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#20
Report 9 years ago
#20
(Original post by Deanna19)
I've already made a few flats on flatmates etc but ah well here's another.

I am moving in with someone I knew of at school but only really just started talking to in the past month. We both needed a room mate so thought it would be good to share a place together.

He seems to think we are going to be best friends and when I told him that I'll be going back home every (or nearly every) weekend he was like Oh aren't you going to hang out/come out with me? I said well no, probably not because I want to see my friends & family back home. He sounded really hurt that I didn't want to spend all my spare time with him which I thought was weird.

Is it ok for me not to want to be 'best buddies' with him?
Because really I'm only there for work and a place to sleep and to be honest would rather go home every weekend to see my friends & family then stay in the ****** town with someone I'm not even great friends with.
Harsh but ah well
Why wouldn't you want to be better friends? Why wouldn't you want to get to people at your uni? How strange..........
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Have you registered to vote?

Yes! (502)
37.86%
No - but I will (101)
7.62%
No - I don't want to (91)
6.86%
No - I can't vote (<18, not in UK, etc) (632)
47.66%

Watched Threads

View All