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Is this right (age gap thing)
I have cousin who is fourteen and I she has recently started dating a guy who is twenty. I am usually tolerant of age gaps differences if the people involved are mature and genuinely love eachother, but this makes me a bit uncomfortable. I always have doubts about what motivates older men to date girls who are...well still girls. Do you people think this is right?
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There are several past threads mentioning exactly the same thing- look them up.
In regards to your personal situation, I generally think it is right to be wary of such an age gap. A girl of 14 is very unlikely to be mature enough to fully come to grips with her decision- it will probably seem quite glamorous to her and a way to bump up her street cred.
There are always exceptions, but you should definately keep a close eye on the situation. You'd do well in offering her your support rather than condeming her because this would probably encourage her to rebel.
As long as he doesn't sleep with her he is doing nothing wrong legally, but I still find it hard to see what they would have in common. I don't think anybody is mature enough to deal with a substantial age gap until their 20's.
In regards to your personal situation, I generally think it is right to be wary of such an age gap. A girl of 14 is very unlikely to be mature enough to fully come to grips with her decision- it will probably seem quite glamorous to her and a way to bump up her street cred.
There are always exceptions, but you should definately keep a close eye on the situation. You'd do well in offering her your support rather than condeming her because this would probably encourage her to rebel.
As long as he doesn't sleep with her he is doing nothing wrong legally, but I still find it hard to see what they would have in common. I don't think anybody is mature enough to deal with a substantial age gap until their 20's.
i'm sorry that is wrong. what does a man of twenty see in a fourteen year old? even if one of my male friends started going out with a 14 year old it would be seen to be odd.
I havent said anything about. Trouble is she thinks she's oh so mature, and yet I can't help feeling its more of an ego trip for her than anything else. As for him, I simply cannot understand why a man that age would paddle so far down the kiddy pool. It is perverse in my opinion whether or not they have sex, because men who date girls (and I mean girls int he literal sense of the word) do it because they feel they are in control and calling the shots and I don't like that.
It depends, does she look or act fourteen?
KdySk8rGirl
It depends, does she look or act fourteen?
No, if they "do" anything it doesn't matter if she looks or acts forty! It's still illegal and he'd get in trouble. Frankly I think it's totally wrong (whether it's a sexual relationship or not) and I'd keep a very close eye on it.
14 and 20??? What are they THINKING 
IZZY!
this is totally wrong.paedhophilia!!!!you should report it.
Oh for heavens sake!! Ok I'm speaking as an older guy - and I agree that dating a 14-year-old is unusual - but why immediately scream "paedophile"? You can be SUED for doing that - if he should care to read your comment and TRACE you - you could well receive a solicitor's letter - so beware.
Now look at this in context. There ARE unscrupulous and depraved people around - there's no denying that - but there are also GENUINE ones too. Unfortunately - as in so many walks of life - the "baddies" give the "goodies" a bad name. That's something that we have to live with. Consider this. The age of sexual consent varies worldwide between 12 and 18 (generally speaking) - e.g. in Scandinavia itself, depending on the area you live in, the age of consent varies between 12 and 16. Now if the age of consent in the uk were 14 - would you still be so concerned over a 6 year age gap?
I certainly agree with the point that a 14 year old girl is unlikely to be psychologically mature enough to be aware of the implications of such a relationship - but there ARE exceptions. Obversely - the guy concerned COULD be genuine - but there ARE exceptions. If the girl concerned is DEFINITELY psychologically immature - then I'd say it's not a good idea - even if the guy IS genuine. If she IS mature - then run with it, but keep a VERY close watch on the situation.
Please - NEVER jump to conclusions - they can backfire on you very badly indeed.
i can give some advice from the overside of things i went out with some one older when i was 15 - he was 21
can i say several things i know your worried about her, but talk to her about it she may act like she wants you to piss off but whati found was somepeople came to me and were like were worried about you and i talked to them, but others didnt it was only months later when we split that i had loads of people goin oh my god we were so worried and i found they had been talkin bout how stupid they thought i was behind my back and i found it really hurtful
can i say several things i know your worried about her, but talk to her about it she may act like she wants you to piss off but whati found was somepeople came to me and were like were worried about you and i talked to them, but others didnt it was only months later when we split that i had loads of people goin oh my god we were so worried and i found they had been talkin bout how stupid they thought i was behind my back and i found it really hurtful
Niaya
it was only months later when we split that i had loads of people goin oh my god we were so worried and i found they had been talkin bout how stupid they thought i was behind my back and i found it really hurtful
Now ain't that the TRUTH. People tend to be blinkered and always see things from THEIR point of view. Did any of your friends ever ask about YOUR feelings on the matter? Or were they too busy backbiting?
bodhisattva
Now ain't that the TRUTH. People tend to be blinkered and always see things from THEIR point of view. Did any of your friends ever ask about YOUR feelings on the matter? Or were they too busy backbiting?
most were talking behing my back but a few really good mates said stuff like
we're worried about you, but its your decision but we're here if you ever want to talk have fun and be careful
There tend to be three schools of thought on the matter*.
1) OMGWTF? PAEEEEEEDOOOOO!!!!! like, sick!!!
2) Well, I'm not too comfortable with it, but it's not so major.
3) Who cares, it's just a number.
These show up every time a thread like this is made, and none has yet to be commonly accepted. So I avoid these threads.
* Bear in mind that the term "thought", as so often on this board, is used loosely.
1) OMGWTF? PAEEEEEEDOOOOO!!!!! like, sick!!!
2) Well, I'm not too comfortable with it, but it's not so major.
3) Who cares, it's just a number.
These show up every time a thread like this is made, and none has yet to be commonly accepted. So I avoid these threads.
* Bear in mind that the term "thought", as so often on this board, is used loosely.
lessthanthree
I'm not in the slightest bit comfortable with <16s dating people that much older. It smacks of "oh look at me I have an older boyfriend" and to be honest, she's a kid.
Kids should be allowed to be kids for as long as possible.
Kids should be allowed to be kids for as long as possible.
If you must generalise - I think your first statement is pretty accurate and would apply in the majority of cases. "Oh look at me etc." is NO basis for ANY form of relationship. It just occurred to me, though, apart from the internet, where would a 14 year old girl MEET a 20 year old guy? Pub? Club? If so - then the girl is obviously trying to appear older than her years. For WHAT purpose? Answers, anyone?
Whether or not he touches her, I think its all for the wrong reasons - on both sides. I am talking here about a girl who has never been in love. To her, a boyfriend is a human accessory. She looks fourteen, and while she's fairly mature (compared to a lot of other people her age anyway), she is so obviously still a kid. As you grow older, the age gaps can increase without raising eyebrows so I am not sure it is fair to say "would you complain if it was 24-30". He makes her look good to her friends and to herself, so I can see why she wants to be with him (not that I approve). But what I am wondering is why HE wants to be with her. I mean like come on; was he rejected by all the other girls in his age range? They are not in love and I don't think they claim to be. She's my cousin but I still have to be honest in saying she is a selfish person to whom the concept of true love is quite alien. The whole thing is so shallow pervese.
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