Guilt

Right here’s the thing (its quite a long story, grab yourself popcorn! :P)

About 2months ago (end of march/early april) I booked a holiday to Lanzarote with my friends. We knew we had to go somewhere for the summer holidays so we just went down into the city to see what bargains we could find. Turns out that we found an excellent bargain : £272 for 7 nights Self catering in Lanzarote, flying from our nearest airport. At this time, everyone was like yeah! Yeah! Let’s go for it! However, my parents weren’t in the country at the moment, they were off somewhere in France and I know that they are the kind of parents that want you to like tell them EVERYTHING (a bit controlling, but they’re ok). So I couldn’t phone them up when everyone phones their parents to ask. I was under a lot of pressure to comply really and to say yeah lets go for it: but deep down I wanted to go to and I just hoped that my parents would say yes too.

So when they came home I told them about it and they were not best pleased. They were like saying “oh you shouldve talked to us about a holiday before” etc etc (up to that point I hadn’t even said anything about holiday to them because I didn’t even know where we were going – I didn’t know anything so didn’t want to say). They were making it out as if I was twisting their arm for me to go: ok I really wanted to go but if they didn’t want me to go then fine! It just made me feel really bad when they said that: they feel that they HAVE to let me go now and that it was my ploy to make sure that they were away when the bookings were finalised (which in fact is not true because we did not set out to get a holiday that day: it was merely to have a look at what’s on offer).

Eventually, after making me feel 10 times worse, they relented and allowed me to go (my friends no nothing about my parental issues). I had seriously just considered telling my friends: look I don’t want to go anymore. Its only till about 1 month after booking do I realise that the holiday actually coincides with my brother’s graduation, which I feel bad about. Although it only states 2 guests are allowed and that he’s totally fine: even if mum and dad don’t go I still felt quite bad.

However, today, during a like family meal with relatives the issue came up. My uncle asked why I was going to be away for my brother’s graduation and mum said I was going on holiday. He then asked me – oh where are you going off to, and I said Lanzarote. He looked at my mum and said “omg you’re letting him go to LANZAROTE? You’re being a bit risqué there aren’t you”. She just gave a wry smile and I had to explain that it was quite a quite resort (Costa Teguise). He kept going on about it and I was like omg its not that big of a deal is it!??! Then after the meal mum goes to me “yeah he (my uncle) doesn’t know that my arm is being twisted” and that has just sent me down a real low.

Im really unhappy. I mean why are they making a big deal of it? I didn’t PLAN to book the holiday when they were away and there was no chance of making any communication with them on the day. We’ve had many discussions about this and lots of lectures beginning with “when your brother that this age he never…” – you get the idea. If I’d knew what I was in for I honestly would have just said look guys I don’t want to go anymore. I would be willing to scacrifice the £120 deposits if needs be. It’s just gotten me really stressed and tonight was just like the final straw. Iv got to let it out and here it is: to a virtual world and not to my parents.

I don’t know what advice I want: if any at all but I just felt that I had to let it out. What do you think about the whole saga? i feel guilty, but to some extent its not my fault.

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Reply 1

TOD100

Well, I don't think there is any point in you sacrificing the holiday for your brothers graduation. If you did, I think there would be tension and it would maybe make things worse. Also, you'd loose your cash :wink:

We all make mistakes in life, and it's how we learn.

I think you should talk to your parents, explain what you feel, what you're going to do and why you're going to do it and ask them to respect what you've decided. You obviously feel bad about it and deserve respect in whatever you decide to do, because it's a tricky one!

You'll forget all about this in a few years time anyway, so chill out :wink:

Motherless Child

Reply 2

Kish_Kash_1

I would honestly go on the holiday. I would let my hair down, and enjoy it in Lanzorote. Your parents have reluctantly given you permission, but I think they have a problem with your safety in Lanzorote. Is this you first holiday without your parents? If yes, then it's understandable. The holiday would also give you independence. If you don't grab the chance to go on this holiday, then you probably never will. Your parents arent always right.

Reply 3

Jayjayjay

Wowza, its you or your parents in this situation. Do you please them or go and enjoy yourself and try not to worry about it. Guilt can be really difficult to deal with. I know on a personal level that guilt gets me everytime, so I may end up not doing things for me. But then that could possibly result in a lot of lost opportunities. What does your conscience say for you to do deep down? ~ Go with that. You are growing up and they did not actually say no.

Reply 4

Zerforax

your parents seem a bit selfish Oo and too controlling...seems to be too much about their respect and their son
i bet they only want you there on your brothers graduation for the family impression rather than you genuinly wanting to be there
your not going to miss much, few pictures and saying congrats once (wooo?)
meh go enjoy yourself, you only live once :biggrin:

Reply 5

ChocoVet

I think you need to sit your parents down and tell them how you feel and how they are hurting you (basically what you said in the post). If they insist you are in the wrong, ask them what they want you to do now to 'compensate', not what they think you should have done.

Sometimes parents try to make their kids feel guilty to prove their point, and IMO it's not the best way to communicate, because they are not getting to the core issues. But also bear in mind that they have your best interests in heart, so try to understand their point of view as well.

Reply 6

spoonofdeath

:/... I just think you should stop feeling guilty because there is no reason for you to be feeling, go have a good time. If your parents are going to act like that there's no point beating yourself up about it.

Reply 7

khil

Aww hey hey you might as well go on the holiday now - how about talk with them? Tell them if they're so unhappy about it they could've said no - since you gave them the option - but they didn't - so now they can't keep blaming you for going.

*hugs* hope you have a good time on hol :smile: