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[Men troubles!] To e-mail or not... watch

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    As i've posted before, i've really liked a guy i know at university for a long time now. We're friends and it's possible he likes me too, but i don't know for sure. The reason i haven't actually acted on my feelings is because he's currently seeing someone.

    I know nothing can happen now, but i need to know if there's any chance of something happening in the future, because as much as i try, i like him so much and can't seem to move on without knowing. As we're about to say goodbye for the summer, i really think i need to just tell him how i feel, so that he can make his own mind up. Thing is, we predominantly keep in touch online anyway, and in the last week or so i've found it impossible to get him on his own long enough to talk to him about this.

    I composed an e-mail which explains to him that I like him and need to know if there's any chance anything could happen one day. But would it be a complete cop-out to send it? I know it would be better to talk to him in person, but I can't seem to make it happen and I really need to get things sorted with him before the summer. On the plus side, an e-mail would give him more time to think things over without being put on the spot. But is just going to seem lame? Guys, how would you feel in his place? Any opinions or advice?

    Thanks!
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    If I was with someone and I had someone else saying they liked me and wanted to know if I would ever be with them I would feel awkward to say the very least.
    I would feel like they wanted me to break up with the person I was with.

    Sorry. I don't have any advice...if I was in your situation I would bite my tongue and not say anything...but then I'm not the best person to ask for advice about a relationship.
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    Talky to him but as you mentioned an email would give him more time and not put him on the spot. Out with it but pleasantly, calmed, controlled - face to face you may actually express more than you think you would be able to.=0)
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    (Original post by Luize)
    If I was with someone and I had someone else saying they liked me and wanted to know if I would ever be with them I would feel awkward to say the very least.
    I would feel like they wanted me to break up with the person I was with.

    Sorry. I don't have any advice...if I was in your situation I would bite my tongue and not say anything...but then I'm not the best person to ask for advice about a relationship.
    Definitely sound advice, but in this case things are a bit weird. There's a lot of unsaid stuff between us - namely that he's never actually told me he's going out with this girl (i know through other people but he never ever ever mentions her to me). Because of this i feel like we really need some honesty and to get stuff out in the open. Does that make more sense?
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    Send it - but make sure he knows you're not asking him to break up now with his current girlfriend. Make sure he knows all you want is to KNOW and a clarification.

    I reckon you're dealing with this ok - confrontation's always better than not knowing! Even if he says no, it's better to know.

    Hope all works out :tsr:
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    I do agree with irisng. A confrontation is better than not knowing...
    Are you planning on making him aware that you know about his gf?
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    There is reason why though?
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    Thanks for the good advice irisng and Luize

    (Original post by Luize)
    Are you planning on making him aware that you know about his gf?
    Yeah, I was thinking of saying that I know he has a gf so I know nothing can happen at the moment... I kind of feel like there's mind games going on in the fact that she's never mentioned, and I want to try and step above that so we can finally both be honest. Does that seem sensible?
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    (Original post by Jayjayjay)
    There is reason why though?
    :confused: There is reason why what...?
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    (Original post by dazednconfused)
    Yeah, I was thinking of saying that I know he has a gf so I know nothing can happen at the moment... I kind of feel like there's mind games going on in the fact that she's never mentioned, and I want to try and step above that so we can finally both be honest. Does that seem sensible?
    Yeh.
    I know I have neglected to tell people about partners before because I thought it might hurt them. Have you been flirting...is there any chance that he knows you like him?
    Of course I'm just speculating...he may just want to keep his relationship life private. (though if you are good friends it's seems strange to not mention it...obviously depending on how long he has been with her)
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    (Original post by Luize)
    Yeh.
    I know I have neglected to tell people about partners before because I thought it might hurt them. Have you been flirting...is there any chance that he knows you like him?
    Of course I'm just speculating...he may just want to keep his relationship life private. (though if you are good friends it's seems strange to not mention it...obviously depending on how long he has been with her)
    I reckon there's a good chance he knows (or at least suspects) that i like him to be honest. We had a spark between us from the moment we met and it never really went away...
    He's a sensible guy though, surely he knows he's more likely to hurt me by not telling me he's taken? We're friends who chat regularly - from what i can tell he's been with her around 6-8 months and he talks about her to everyone but me :cool:
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    (Original post by dazednconfused)
    :confused: There is reason why what...?
    SORRY!
    I meant a reason why he has not ever mentioned his friend. Does not want to upset you or something like that. What would be the danger of your knowing, is there one - maybe there is in his opinion.
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    (Original post by Jayjayjay)
    SORRY!
    I meant a reason why he has not ever mentioned his friend. Does not want to upset you or something like that. What would be the danger of your knowing, is there one - maybe there is in his opinion.
    Surely the only danger with me knowing is that i'll stop fancying him because he's not available? Or that it'll upset me... but then surely it's kinder to make it clear he's in a relationship so that i don't get my hopes up? It's just weird...
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    (Original post by dazednconfused)
    I reckon there's a good chance he knows (or at least suspects) that i like him to be honest. We had a spark between us from the moment we met and it never really went away...
    He's a sensible guy though, surely he knows he's more likely to hurt me by not telling me he's taken? We're friends who chat regularly - from what i can tell he's been with her around 6-8 months and he talks about her to everyone but me :cool:
    He may be sensible...but I'm apparently sensible and don't like telling people about things...I will avoid it for as long as I can. Would never lie about it, but would never bring up a conversation about it...if it looked like it was heading that way I would change the convo.
    What I'm trying to say is caring about someone sometimes takes away the logic. And it is hard to tell if knowing will hurt a person more than no knowing.
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    (Original post by dazednconfused)
    Surely the only danger with me knowing is that i'll stop fancying him because he's not available? Or that it'll upset me... but then surely it's kinder to make it clear he's in a relationship so that i don't get my hopes up? It's just weird...
    Quite a stretch, my first thought was that maybe he likes you so much that he does not want to throw away that connection you have, that friendship, or that he would maybe end the relationship he is in for you and so would not want you to know about his current relationship. That us quite unlikely though, i agree it is odd. Honesty is the best policy though. I think mention it to him via email and he will have the opportunity to explain himself. May make it awkward when you ae next around each other though...
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    (Original post by dazednconfused)
    Surely the only danger with me knowing is that i'll stop fancying him because he's not available? Or that it'll upset me... but then surely it's kinder to make it clear he's in a relationship so that i don't get my hopes up? It's just weird...
    P.o.I.: Throughout the 90s Mel Gibson and Brad Pitt were most certainly not available to non-famous people. That didn't stop tons of women feeling deep attraction for them.
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    As to the issue at hand, talk to me
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    Sounds like he's happy with the girl he's with. Otherwise he wouldn't be with her. Capisce?
    Sounds like he doesn't want to tell you he's seeing her because he knows your a desperada who may turn nut-job.
    In the words of the great Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo "He's just not that into you."
    Okay? Move on. Forget about him. If he wanted you, he'd get you.
 
 
 
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