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how to be more.. watch

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    in terms of not being quiet: ask questions, do active listening= lots of "really?" (they'll think you're saying alot more than you are, and you won't appear so scary) empathise with what they say, say what your thinking, what you've been up to, hopes/dreams.
    Personally- I'm quite confident in myself. You have to look for the good traits in you, there are some and know people *DO* like you.
    You shouldn't rely on others to make you feel happy, someone will always be better than you, :rolleyes: just know nobody will ever be quite like you
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    I would reccomend picking up a couple of books, they helped me massivley when i felt very unconfident. Go to your local bookshop and have a look at the popular psycology/self development section, there will be loads on confidence, have a good look and see what you think would suit you, 2 books i would recommend are Change Your Life in 7 Days by Paul McKenna and Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers.

    Dont be put off by the titles, there full of practical, everyday stuff that anyone can use is really effective, and will get you thinking like a more confident person, ive read several books over the last couple of years and have picked up lots and lots, PM me or post again if you want more info on any.


    Sharpey09
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    (Original post by *starry_eyed_*)
    i'm shy and my family just say i'm insociable and rude! :eek:
    *Snap*
    It is difficult to change habits of a lifetime though.
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    Watch the films. Much easier than reading and concentrating. With the films you can watch for fun yet pick up little nuggets of gold.
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    There is confident, there is arrogant, then there is swaggering arrogance.
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    Mourinho - excellent example. It's a witty, playful, broody confidence.
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    It is taking character attributes rather than being yourself though.
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    (Original post by Luize)
    It's a bit daunting...they sit there relly quiet never saying anything, but obviously stuff is going on in their brain. It's just the mystery and unknown I think.
    You never heard that it's the quiet ones you need to look out for :p:

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I am on the floor in tears
    You make it sound like they just sit there, planning an 'attack' and then will just suddenly jump on someone!
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    Ah, you do not impose what you see upon yourself. Don't force it.

    Just see what works for prominent people in different situations. Then intuitively you'll adapt to what is good.
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    (Original post by ramroff)
    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I am on the floor in tears
    You make it sound like they just sit there, planning an 'attack' and then will just suddenly jump on someone!
    I can see that it could appear that way.
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    i'm shy too, around new people. what did the trick in my case was when i was reading a novel and the line "shyness is just a feeling of inadequacy, of not being as good as those around you" came up. (yes, a literary quote - but it worked). i realized "what do i have to feel inadequate about?" This mini epiphany sort of got me over my shyness for a while. Probably won't work in every case though - to each his own.
    Good luck.
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    Maybe improving physical appearance and, importantly, ability, will give you more general confidence
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    Going from inconfident to confident doesnt happen over night.. and it doesnt happen by itself. You have to actively do something to make urself change. Here are a few examples I can think of right now where you can make an effort to change:

    eg make the effort to speak up and voice your opinion, even if you're scared

    eg force yourself to smile more - i know this sounds funny, but smiling makes you less scary to other people even if you are quiet. they might be more willing to include you in the conversation. Smiling also makes you feel better about urself. maybe it will allow you to feel braver to overcome ur shyness.

    eg shy people sometimes are aware that they talk really softly or monotonously and are self critical about themselves - make urself talk in a nice clear voice and exaggerate the enthusiasm.. it will later come naturally
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    (Original post by tweetsy85)
    eg make the effort to speak up and voice your opinion, even if you're scared
    Believe me, speaking your opinion when in a group of really loud and (lol) opinionated mates makes speaking up really difficult. They practically drain the energy from me. It's not so much that I lack confidence, I just don't want to be rude and talk over anyone... and the topic of conversation changes so quickly as well it's hard to keep up!
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    (Original post by Loopz)
    Believe me, speaking your opinion when in a group of really loud and (lol) opinionated mates makes speaking up really difficult. They practically drain the energy from me. It's not so much that I lack confidence, I just don't want to be rude and talk over anyone... and the topic of conversation changes so quickly as well it's hard to keep up!
    Sounds painfully familiar... its like ur forced into silence coz u cant keep up with the flow of conversation. yeh that is a problem thats not really due to confidence or shyness... i dunno what its due to! by the time you digest whats being said and are about to express ur opinion, u realise the topic has moved on...i guess it could be due to our brains working at a different pace from other peoples!?
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    (Original post by tweetsy85)
    Sounds painfully familiar... its like ur forced into silence coz u cant keep up with the flow of conversation. yeh that is a problem thats not really due to confidence or shyness... i dunno what its due to! by the time you digest whats being said and are about to express ur opinion, u realise the topic has moved on...i guess it could be due to our brains working at a different pace from other peoples!?
    lol thanks, actually lived up to that tonight :rolleyes:
    I don't like that explanation... must be another one! My friends are maybe just extremely fast :cool:
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    why not use and learn nlp to your advantage.
    http://www.nlpweekly.com/?p=271
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    (Original post by DaveManUK)
    why not use and learn nlp to your advantage.
    http://www.nlpweekly.com/?p=271
    neuro-linguistic programming, shyness wasn't a mental health disorder last time i looked! I think the things there require too much effort for moi!
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    (Original post by Loopz)
    neuro-linguistic programming, shyness wasn't a mental health disorder last time i looked! I think the things there require too much effort for moi!
    what? i never said it was a mental health disorder. nlp is useful for stuff. fact.
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    (Original post by DaveManUK)
    what? i never said it was a mental health disorder. nlp is useful for stuff. fact.
    No the website just seems to imply it. Glad it's useful.
 
 
 
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