How to get a bf to talk about the past

I think my boyfriend had some trouble in his past relationships. I mean maybe he was cheated on before. He’s very possessive of me, and always fears I’m going to ‘leave him’ and go ‘off with someone better’. He’s always very iffy about any men I know. Also, I’ve friend from a friend he had his ‘heart broken’ before, and whenever I try to talk to him about the past, he just does not answer, or he says ‘I don’t know’ and then changes the subject.

Anyone got any ways I can get him to be more open, and talk about the past?

At the moment, I feel there’s this…wall between us. It’s like no matter what I tell him, he ALWAYS thinks I’m going to go with other men and leave him. It’s like he doesn’t trust me to stay faithful. I think if we can work through this, it will make us stronger, and bring us closer together

Reply 1

Kit_Kat

Hmm. I'm not really sure how you could get him to be open, maybe if you were really open about something about you it would encourage him to do the same? Just reassure him that you're not going to leave him, and if he's worried about you breaking up, tell him that the 'wall' might end up doing it for you. (I hope that makes some sense! Good luck with it anyway.)

Reply 2

mysterious_grl

i had the same kind of problem so i understnd hw u feel..but in my case he told me evrythin abt his past..and in a way he 'warned' me tht i shudn do the same with him tht is hurt him or cheat on him :confused:

..i guess u gtta hav a long chat with him..talk abt ur past, ur mistakes and stuff and mayb he'l realise its ok to tell u.

Reply 3

ChocoVet

How long have you been going out with your boyfriend?
Tell him you love him. Show him you love him. And repeat this every day. It might take a lot of time before he feels more secure, so you've got to be patient. I think with time and when he feels more comfortable with you, he'll be more open about his past.

Hope you guys work out :smile:

Reply 4

CrispyDuck

Out of curiousity, how long have you been going out? if it's only a short while, he might find it a bit difficult to open up to you so soon. My friend had the same sort of problem with her boyfriend, he's a very closed person. However, gradually by being open and honest with him about her past/feelings etc, he began to open up too. This is just my opinion so please don't take it too literally, but i think it's a good idea to be as open as possible, talking about issues etc really helps.

If he's a bit paranoid about other men etc, reassure him, but as Kit_Kat said if it carries on perhaps gently tell him that you love him (if you do) or whatever and that you're not going to leave him, but you'd like a bit of freedom and trust.

Seriously good luck, i hope it goes well, i'm sure it will. The most important thing is to be patient, and in time he will begin to open up to you!

xxxx :smile:

Reply 5

Hayley_2k4

CrispyDuck

Out of curiousity, how long have you been going out? if it's only a short while, he might find it a bit difficult to open up to you so soon. I had the same sort of problem with my boyfriend, he's a very closed person. However, gradually by being open and honest with him about my past/feelings etc, he began to open up too. This is just my opinion so please don't take it too literally, but i think it's a good idea to be as open as possible, talking about issues etc really helps.

If he's a bit paranoid about other men etc, reassure him, but as Kit_Kat said if it carries on perhaps gently tell him that you love him (if you do) or whatever and that you're not going to leave him, but you'd like a bit of freedom and trust.

Seriously good luck, i hope it goes well, i'm sure it will. The most important thing is to be patient, and in time he will begin to open up to you!

xxxx :smile:

thank you your advice. I've been with him for just over a year -x-

Reply 6

Shelbycakes

He's got to learn to trust you otherwise your relationship wont go far. perhaps you could start by telling him how much you love him, talk to him about how this makes you feel and he needs to know that your not every other girl that he's been out with and that you wont hurt him.

Reply 7

Google

I think he will forget bad things as time goes
so, just be patient, and try to make him feel confiedence of himself again
good luck :smile:

Reply 8

ChemistBoy

Sodium Penthanol and a chair with straps.

Reply 9

Mad_Monkey59

just let it be... its obviously an issue for him, making him talk about something he doesn't want to talk about will do no good. Just forget about it and when he's ready he'll come to you.