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i dont know what to do

Anon or delete, this is too personal

I don’t know why I am posting on here, I guess I just need a bit of reassurance and maybe a little advice I don’t know where the hell I am going at the moment, I don’t really know where to start as I have had so much s**t in my life, I guess I will start in order of what has happened

My parents, especially my mother abused me mentally and physically until I was five when I moved in with my grandparents but I had to move back when they both suddenly died in a short amount of time of each other, the abuse started again till I moved out at 18.
My brother exposed himself and fondled himself in front of me at this time as well, and on two occasions made me join in with him
My uncle raped me to many times for me to count and let me be his friends ‘special’ friend.
I was bullied a lot at school just words nothing physical
I was raped by two strangers when walking in broad daylight
My godson died leukaemia
I tried to commit suicide twice
I have slept with over 150 people at least because I am such a sl**
I was stalked by my best friends ex boyfriend which eventually resulted in him beating me up and leaving me in hospital for a week

The only light in my life is my boyfriend, but I have been such a b***h to him lately I think I am going to lose him, he knows that I have got a rocky relationship with my parents but doesn’t know the extent and he knows nothing else, I did speak to my two teachers about some things but I sometimes feel like they pushed me in to saying things that I really didn’t want to, I don’t know what I would do if that happened. I know that I am lucky in some ways, I have got some great people around me, a great job in care, I can put on my smile but sometimes I which people would realise how low I am because I am always there for others but no one is there for me

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