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    im in the exact same situation except the distance isnt as far. i make the journey to his bout 2 hours on the bus nearly every second weekend as i dont drive . he drives and works half an hour from me by car and yet has not been over to see me in 5 months. It sucks and i really dont know what advicew to give you apart from talk to him about it and if things dont change then reevaluate whether its worth the hassle. for me it is
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    Unfortunately for what seems to be the majority of relationships between people who are at different Universities, the relationships just don't work out.

    Cue a load of people going "NOT TRUE! ME AND MY GF ARE FINE!" and all that rubbish. Sorry, but it's just common knowledge that many relationships do break up because it takes a lot of effort from two people to keep it going, and if one person just isn't up for putting that much effort in, the other person starts to feel neglected.

    It's unfair on both you that he doesn't put the effort in, but it's also unfair on him as he really wants to make sure he's doing the work he needs to do at Uni.

    You need to talk to him about this, and decide whether it's best for you to continue the relationship or not, and if as you say he does really love you then he needs to show that love by setting time aside for you.

    If you say phone signal is bad, can he not get to a payphone that you can call? Or vice versa, depending on who is getting the bad signal?

    I hope you're in one of the relationships that goes well, but if not then don't put in loads of effort if he isn't willing to do the same for you
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    I completely agree with you, OP. But you've got to tell him everything you told us. Maybe he doesn't realise what he's doing and how it's hurting you.
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    He's not a bad boyfriend, you just need more.


    Solution - End Relationship.
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    If your boyfriend puts everything first he is probably saving the best till last.
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    You're getting played - and as if you 'love' the guy....you're what, 20 years old? Get some life experience, you don't even know what love is.

    I would dump him and focus on yourself and living your life to the fullest at this stage. You probably won't though, I know what infatuation and neediness feels like; more fool you.
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    My ex was kind of like that, even though it wasn't long distance.

    Dump him. Best move I ever made
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    That situation sounds more or less exact to the one I was in with one of my exes.
    We were together for almost 5 years by the time we broke up and were also 200 miles apart, and relied on msn whilst at University. He started being on there less and less, and kept putting off seeing me because of apparently being really busy. He claimed to literally have no time at all, not even a free day or afternoon to see me, even though I offerered to make the trip at my own expense to see him even if it was just for the afternoon. It got to 2 months where he had been putting it off and I hadnt seen him for before I pretty much demaded he see me so we could sort things out. We saw eachother, and broke up. It was the best decision we could have ever made.

    You really, really need to talk about this with him. Dont let it get to the point where you end up resenting him (and it'll happen if you let it continue)
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    even if she really did love this guy, it's no reason to put up with this crap. Talk to him, OP and get the truth out of him: does he want out?
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    He might be doing what used to annoy my girlfriend.

    Close to exams I'd say I can't come out because I've got to do XYZ, but because I'm lazy I end up on the computer/video games and no revising and it used to annoy her that I'd say I couldn't come out because I had to do work and then ended up not doing it and doing something else.

    The reason was that, even though inevitably I think I knew I wasn't going to do work if I wasn't in the house then there was absolutly no way I could revise and I'd be purposfully putting my work last. Where as if I was in the house and I got distracted at least I tried.

    But this is just an anecdote I'm not even sure is relevant.
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    (Original post by Local_United_Fan)
    and as if you 'love' the guy....you're what, 20 years old? Get some life experience, you don't even know what love is.
    that's uncalled for. i can't tell you how many people on this STUDENT forum will disagree with you there.
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    They say it takes 2 to tango, and they're not wrong. A relationship needs effort from both sides in order to succeed! You're clearing putting the effort in, but it worries me he isn't. Whilst I can appreciate that work gets in the way, going out with his friends to the pub or the cinema every night adds up to a lot of time he could be free to see you instead.

    Make sure you communicate your concerns. He may not even be aware of what he's doing, and it's your duty to set him straight! Men are not mind readers, and you do need to spell things out for (some of) them!
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    (Original post by ginner)
    that's uncalled for. i can't tell you how many people on this STUDENT forum will disagree with you there.
    Yea but I have more relationship/sex/dating experience than pretty much everyone on here, and more than most ppl get in their lifetime - I've experienced what I used to naively think was 'love' and I've had relationships with women much older and wiser than me, and friendships with men much older and wiser than me - I am right on this....the 'love' she feels is just neediness, longing, call it what you like but it certainly isn't love.

    She can do what she likes it's her life - but I'm right in what I say and if she carries on acting like a mug she is going to get seriously hurt in the end.
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    (Original post by Local_United_Fan)
    Yea but I have more relationship/sex/dating experience than pretty much everyone on here, and more than most ppl get in their lifetime - I've experienced what I used to naively think was 'love' and I've had relationships with women much older and wiser than me, and friendships with men much older and wiser than me - I am right on this....the 'love' she feels is just neediness, longing, call it what you like but it certainly isn't love.

    She can do what she likes it's her life - but I'm right in what I say and if she carries on acting like a mug she is going to get seriously hurt in the end.
    love has nothing to do with experience and apart from anything is different for everyone.
    i am in love my boyfriend and i know that i have felt naive love at the age of like 16 compared to now. so i guess that helps me see that this is real. but i will not let anyone tell me i 'cant' love someone just because i'm 19. that is just utter ********.

    i do agree the OP is not getting treated the way she should- and OP i think you should tell your boyfriend what youv told us and get it out in the open.
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    (Original post by Local_United_Fan)
    You're getting played - and as if you 'love' the guy....you're what, 20 years old? Get some life experience, you don't even know what love is.

    I would dump him and focus on yourself and living your life to the fullest at this stage. You probably won't though, I know what infatuation and neediness feels like; more fool you.
    Pfff. My aunt and uncle married at 18, had their first child 15 years later and are still together at 60. My grandparents married at 20 and 21 and were together for 45 years.
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    (Original post by ginner)
    love has nothing to do with experience and apart from anything is different for everyone.
    i am in love my boyfriend and i know that i have felt naive love at the age of like 16 compared to now. so i guess that helps me see that this is real. but i will not let anyone tell me i 'cant' love someone just because i'm 19. that is just utter ********.

    i do agree the OP is not getting treated the way she should- and OP i think you should tell your boyfriend what youv told us and get it out in the open.
    You're not.

    When you're 25 and your current soulmate is a distant memory and you've been ****** over a few times, and you've cheated on a few blokes yourself and got an idea of what the game is all about, you'll see what I mean.

    You really haven't been through enough in your life to have any idea what love is.

    Ask yourself - if my boyfriend were to leave me tomorrow for a girl who he says makes him happy, would you be angry and sad, or would you be glad for him and remain happy, content in the knowledge that he has found the right person and that you are fine on your own?

    Yea I thought so - it's the first option. You've unfortunately bought into the idea that that the media/parents/popular culture/religion has sold to you about what 'love' is. You will find out sooner or later that what you feel is infatuation and neediness, as well as a hefty ego and self-esteem boost. Its' not love. Take my word on this.

    Cheers.
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    (Original post by Local_United_Fan)
    You're not.

    When you're 25 and your current soulmate is a distant memory and you've been ****** over a few times, and you've cheated on a few blokes yourself and got an idea of what the game is all about, you'll see what I mean.

    You really haven't been through enough in your life to have any idea what love is.

    Ask yourself - if my boyfriend were to leave me tomorrow for a girl who he says makes him happy, would you be angry and sad, or would you be glad for him and remain happy, content in the knowledge that he has found the right person and that you are fine on your own?

    Yea I thought so - it's the first option. You've unfortunately bought into the idea that that the media/parents/popular culture/religion has sold to you about what 'love' is. You will find out sooner or later that what you feel is infatuation and neediness, as well as a hefty ego and self-esteem boost. Its' not love. Take my word on this.

    Cheers.
    A bunch of failed relationships does not make you wiser than anyone on here.
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    (Original post by Local_United_Fan)
    You're not.

    Ask yourself - if my boyfriend were to leave me tomorrow for a girl who he says makes him happy, would you be angry and sad, or would you be glad for him and remain happy, content in the knowledge that he has found the right person and that you are fine on your own?

    Cheers.
    my answer is yes i would let him go and i would be very happy that he is happy. im only human and would obviously miss him and be very sad, but THE MOST IMPORTANT thing to me is that he is happy. that is all that matters to me. i will never cheat on someone, if i was considering it i would know that something was wrong in my relationship and do something about that before breaking someone's heart.
    this is because most of us have matured before the age of 25- i know myself, i know what i feel. please dont patronise me like im some naive little child, your arrogance will get you nowhere.

    fair enough, these events have opened your eyes to more than what you origanally knew when you were 19. but not everyone needs to make numerous mistakes before being aware of what is real and right for them.

    you don't know me, or anyone else who falls under your huge generalisation.

    'cheers.'
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    I think anyone who doesn't reply to a text after a couple have been sent is darn rude. Your BF shouldn't act like that.
 
 
 
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