Ok...so I never met my dad. I didn't think too much about it at all when I was younger but at about 12/13 I started to but just left it as I had other things to think about and it didn't bother me too much as I thought i'd have many years to maybe eventually meet him when I was older. But then I found out he died when I was 15 and didn't really know how i felt..i tried to see the positive side that the decision of whether or not to try and contact him had been made for me.
I never told anyone about my family life, not even my closest friends and never mentioned he'd died so not really talked about it to anyone I just hate to talk about him. But I feel as if my life has been ruined by him and i have no confidence in myself at all even though i'm at uni and have achieved lots of things in my life.
I know he has 4 other children (who would be my half brothers and sisters) although they are all a lot older than me (like around 15/20 years older) and they have children too. I'm not sure what to do and whether to try and contact them or not. I just long for a family.
Anyone experienced this type of thing? What did you do?
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Never met dad or his side of the family... watch
- Thread Starter
- 11-10-2009 00:39
- 11-10-2009 00:49
I've experienced this to an extent. My dad is still alive and I do have some sort of vague contact with him, but to be honest I've sort of made the choice to not really bother with him as I really don't like/ respect him. He hasn't been around since I was 2/3, and he's never bothered with me, so why should I bother with him?
Honestly, he has never had a significant role in my life and I'm happy with that - things have worked out for the best this way. I like my life, I like the people in it and I don't believe that him not being around has determined what I am, who I am or what I can achieve.
I just feel like you (not you personally, just everyone really) should make the most out of what they do have in life - that's how I cope with things anyway. It's worked pretty well, just because there's no point dwelling on something you can't change I suppose.
I feel like I'm in control of the choice to not really bother with my dad - I guess I'm lucky, since I know what my life is like without him, but have seen him occasionally which means I have been able to realise that it wouldn't be any better with him in it.
I know you're in a different situation and a difficult one at that, I'm really sorry you never got to meet your dad. I don't know what to suggest really, but I truly believe one member of your family can not and should not determine who you are - not because it's illogical, but more because you deserve to have control over who you are and what you do etc.
Obviously there's not much you can do to change the situation with your dad and I'm not sure why you feel as if he's to blame for your lack of confidence, but if you think it'd help if you knew what sort of person he was then yes, maybe it'd be worth contacting your half siblings. You could even develop good relationships with them. Technically you haven't got anything to lose by just going for it
Also, have you spoken to your mum about this, or sort of spoken to her about what your dad was like etc?
Sorry for rambling, hope this makes sense. Am here if you ever want to PM or anything, obviously I don't have experience of your exact situation but I know what it's like to be affected by issues with your dad.
Hope you're okay.