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My friend is being pushed into a sham/loveless marriage. What can I do? watch

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    You can't do anything.
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    there is nothing you can do about it
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    One of my best friends from back home in Iran is being hassled into a marrying an awful guy from London. Basically, this guy and his mother met my friend when they were visiting Iran as tourists last year. They met her through her father who works in the tourist industry.

    Ok, the mother liked my friend and asked if she was single - to which yes replied "yes". The mother of the London guy then kept asking my friend if she would consider marrying her son but she wasnt keen as she's still at uni and doesn't even speak English properly. The London guy is from a Pakistani-origin family but has always lived in London. There is a clear language barrier between them because he doesn't speak Farsi (the Iranian language) and my friend knows just very basic English. His mum seemed really pushy for my friend to marry him (I think because he's almost 30, not attractive, quite dull and has struggled to meet girls in London).

    Anyway, my friend said she'd prefer an Iranian husband but the London mum kept calling her and asking her to give her son a chance although they have nothing in common and can't even speak a common language! My friend then asked me "What if I say no, maybe nobody else will ever ask me for my hand in marriage?" I said don't be silly, you're only 21 and very pretty, half the men in Iran would love to marry someone like you! She seemed to be half-considering the London guy just out of politeness so as not to upset his mum and partly because she was worried about getting left on the shelf.

    Her own parents gave her the freedom to make her own mind up, they never hassled or pushed her into anything.

    I was shocked 2 days later when she called to say that she agreed to marry him! I know she can do so much better and it upsets that she's settling for just the 1st person who asks her (it wasn't even him that asked - it was his mum!).

    The London family have now started applying for the visa for my friend ot move from Iran to the UK..They are pushing it all through so quickly and talking about the whole thing like its a business deal.

    She has been my friends since we were 5 and has always had so much potential and always said she dreamed of falling in love with an amazing man...Now all that has gone out of the window

    What can I do to make her see sense and believe that it's not necessary to accept a proposal out of politeness or through fear of being left on the shelf.

    I heard that sham marriages are reported to the immigration police by UK registrars when it is suspected that the bride and groom don't know each other and can't communicate...I'm scared this will happen to my friend and that she will get arrested. Also, when the London family can't produce proof of a "relationship" between the girl and man when applying for her marriage visa..It's all a farce and a sham. The london mum is trying to rush it all through mega-fast because she knows that her son has struggled for years to get married. It strikes me as somehow fraudulent, and nobody has stopped to actually ask my friend about her feelings. She told me she doesn't love him but will get used to him, that he's a "quiet man from a nice family..." It seems a huge risk to take for a guy that she's not even in to! She simply says "I'll get used to him..." as though resigning herself to less than she deserves. It breaks my heart, what can I do?
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    It's not really any of your business. And there's nothing you can do about it. At 21 your friend should be old enough to make a decision like that, especially if her parents aren't pushing her into anything. If she agrees, she's clearly very stupid, no good can ever come of it. But there's nothing you can do about it if she's made up her mind because she's an adult.
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    Tell the authorities. The wedding will never happen
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    I think the trouble is that in some countries, such as Iran, the expectation for a woman to get married is far greater than what it is here. I think your friend has been harassed into something she doesn't want, marraige is like getting a dog - it's a lifelong commitment, something you will quickly come to regret if not thought out properly.

    Explain to your friend as nicely as possible that you think it's an awful idea, for both the emotional and legal consequences. If worst comes to worst at least meet her in the middle, the mother wants her to give her son a chance right? Well give him what most rational females would describe as a chance; have the two meet first so she can make up her mind properly as to whether she wants to spend her life with the guy. You never know, she might like him. Worst comes to worst she can just IGNORE them afterwards, with both a language and a country between them I imagine that this shouldn't be too difficult ^^
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    What you can do? Sweet eff all.
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    how's about not double posting?
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    As a best friend surely you could try to talk her out of it? Or atleast try and make her understand your opinion? Maybe even scare her a bit with stories....idk it's a tricky situation, but don't go to the authorities until you're completely sure you can't persuade her to say no. She might not listen to you the first time but keep at it!
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    You need to talk to her.

    She will not be happy in a marriage like this and she needs to know this. A marriage is hard work and she's only 21. Quite young in my opinion.
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    I thought the whole point of coming to England is to get away from sh*t like this.
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    (Original post by Daya)
    It's not really any of your business. And there's nothing you can do about it. At 21 your friend should be old enough to make a decision like that, especially if her parents aren't pushing her into anything. If she agrees, she's clearly very stupid, no good can ever come of it. But there's nothing you can do about it if she's made up her mind because she's an adult.
    This :sadnod:
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    is this just to help him get into teh uk
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    From the sound of it, looks like the Iranian girl has willingly agreed to marry the Pakistani guy. So I can't see a reason as to why you'd want to stop this marriage because you think it's a "sham". Correct me if I'm wrong.
 
 
 
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