I have had a very on/off relationship with my ex boyfriend. I know by now I should have moved on, but each time we break up after a while he comes back saying how he loves me etc etc. And to go into the in's and outs now is just way too complicated. (i have known him for 4 years)
Well we were together for a few months at the beginning of this year, and during this he gave me his password for an application form he was doing so I could check it. Not long afterwards we broke up and I then tried his password on him facebook. I went in and found a few things I had rather I hadn't messages he had sent to other girls - but while we hadn't been together. The most hurtful thing was a chat convo he had had with someone else where he had said some things about previous girlfriends meaning more to him than me. At this point I managed to get some respect from somewhere (as we were still quite friendly) and I wrote him a letter explaining what I had done and what I had seen. I had thought by telling him what I had done (as he is a very private person) that would be it for him and me and I could move on.
He changed his password a week later and that was that.
I am naturally quite a nosey person and he started getting back in touch again. (the main reason we normally break up is because i dont feel important enough to him). I then thought to use his password on his hotmail account (where all his facebook alerts come to), and it worked - i thought he would have changed that too!?
Since then it has almost become a bit of an addiction to check his emails. me and him aren't going back out again but have been seeing more of each other and I thought maybe we were going to give it another go. I feel so guilty for checking his emails - and i know everyone will say just stop. i know its wrong.
But from past experiences with him he often doesnt tell me the truth (early on in the realtionship found messages on his phone - we rebuilt the trust after that and I definitely did trust him.
We can clearly see there is very little trust between us, I do think it can be rebuilt tho? Can’t it?
Anyway he went away last weekend with a load of friends and I knew a girl was going to be there who liked him quite a lot. He has always denied liking her back and denied anything happening with her. He went away bank holiday weekend and she was there (photos on the night out with a lot of them together). And when he said there was nothing in it so I trusted him.
Well I went on his hotmail after this weekend and she had sent him a message on facebook and they had shared a room that weekend. Before this on the saturday I had text him ending things coz his heart clearly wasn't in it and I had had enough. So in theory I guess he hasn’t done anything wrong.
I confronted him (I didn’t tell him how I knew as there were loads of people staying that weekend that I know) and he admitted he did stay in a room with her but nothing happened. He also admitted that they pulled and have kissed before (which he had lied about because before he had told me nothing had happened) but it is clear from the messages she has sent something more happened.
Now I thought well if that is it between us it really doesn’t matter – I know what happened whether he wants to admit it to me or not – he still stands by the fact that he was really drunk and can’t remember much and just got of with her (as he put it)
Well he obviously doesn’t know I have been snooping. If me and him are to make a go of it I know I can’t keep snooping. But I am not sure what basis we have for a relationship while I still know he was lieing to me and I have been snooping.
I think I should tell him exactly what I know and how I know. I know by doing this he may not be able to forgive the invasion of his privacy. But he needs to change his password too. The thought of what he did with someone else – whether it means something or not makes me sick, but then I had been an arse that morning towards him (with reason but still)
I know this is a mammoth essay and not sure if any of you are still reading.
Most of you will probably advise to run and leave it all its far too messy.
But do you think what we have both done is forgivable? Bearing in mind it isn’t the first time I have snooped – nor the first time he has other girls on the go. To me whether he slept with her or not is indifferent he had his own room in the hotel and he knew how much it would upset me his sharing a room with her. I do not for on minute believe they just went to sleep either!!
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Snooping - Is it forgivable? watch
- Thread Starter
- 13-10-2009 12:47