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Making friends at university

I'll keep this short so I don't waste too much time. Please keep anon as a few of my flatmates use TSR I believe.

Basically, my flat mates are quite nice people but even after spending a while with them I don't think I can be good friends with anyone on my floor really. I've always assumed that they're the people who you form the strongest relationships with so it's quite worrying.

The reason I haven't is that they're all fairly different to me in terms of were they are from, experiences in life and so on. I know this is meant to be a good thing but I find myself trying really hard to laugh at their jokes and being overly friendly. The university itself isn't a problem because I've met some cool people here and there but my issue is bigger than just flat mates I guess.

I'm a good 4 hour drive away from home where I've, obviously, always felt most comfortable. I'm getting really bad vibes. Argh, even my english is suffering. I haven't written so badly in years.

Reply 1

acid8000

My flatmates suck. :confused:

Reply 2

Aack

I wouldn't say I was great friends with my halls/flat mates in the first year, more so in the second and third year.

It's great to go out with them, but your best mates will probably come from your course, or just friends of friends that you meet along the way.

Don't worry if you haven't made great friendships yet - it's all to come.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

I'd say suck is harsh. Like I said, they're top people but just not the type that I am usually friends with. I know I'm supposed to be broadening my horizons and whatnot but I can't completely change my personality to suit other people. I'll stick it out for at least 2 months but if not, I'm dropping out I think.

Reply 4

marybella

Don't make the mistake of dropping out for lack of friends. I have made more friends on my course than from my flat. Just think about it your flat allocation is just random so why should you be friends. Join a club.

Reply 5

missimpossible

It's okay, please don't worry. I've been at uni for about five weeks now, and although my flatmates are really nice people, I'm not close at all to them. Like you, I have hardly anything in common with them and, although I can pass the time of day with them, I find it difficult to have a more interesting conversation with them. All the friends I've made have been on my course and just through various activities, including one very close friend :smile:

so just try spending more time with the people you have met, getting to know them and becoming closer to them. One of the best things about moving out and going to uni is gaining some independence, and for me at least, that involved not being too reliant on the people I live with. However, if you're still unhappy, then I might advise trying to find someone in the university, maybe the GP on campus, or the student rep council?

I know how difficult this is, but hopefully you'll feel better soon :smile:

Reply 6

achard

Keep up the cordial relationship with your flatmates. You have nothing to lose in doing so. At the same time why not go out more or something.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Guys, this really isn't getting any easier.

Everyone at the university seems to have made friendships and the freshers friendliness is wearing thin now. I'm trying hard to be socialable and it's not like I was a hermit back home. I'm really not sure what to do, people here are now way near as friendly as the ones my friends have met at their universities (from what I hear) and I'm finding myself growing further apart from my flat mates by the day.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I've decided to stick it till Christmas at the very least but I can't imagine staying here for 3 years with no real friends. It's nearly 3AM. I'm feeling ill, mildly depressed and tired. Some comfort would be lovely.

Anyone?

Tbhh my flat mates are awful and I try to spend as little time with them as possible haha. I spent my first week crying and went home, but I came back so much better. I still didn't make a lot of effort with people mind you, and everyone had formed their friendship groups. Howeveerr, at like midnight, I was sat outside on my own all lonely haha, and someone asked me to go back upto their flat for drinks (bit rapey but I went) and I've made some amazing friends. So stick it out, you never know where or when you'll meet someone who is a real friend to you.

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

Well, you've got three years. Do you think it's completely impossible to make any friends over 3 years? I wouldn't drop out.

Currently I'm having a similar problem - nice flatmates, but can't overcome that barrier to become friends. I make convo where I can, but ultimately, if it's not them, there will be other people about.

Don't drop out though - university = degree + friends, but the main part is the degree though I guess.

You're bound to make friends at some point.

Reply 11

wanderlust.xx

University is a huge, vibrant metropolis filled with people that would gladly be your friend. What the hell is the point of wasting it when clearly you could be going out and having fun?

Smile. Have some good Body Language. You need to loosen up and smile more. I read somewhere that you're something like 70% more attractive and approachable if you smile. Don't look as though you're insecure, keep eye contact and keep your thumbs out even if you've got your hands in your pockets. Don't cover your abdomen when you talk to people, and don't touch your face when you talk. Don't play with your hair, and keep yourself together. Awkward silences are only awkward when you point out that they're awkward.

Be more sociable. Join a society, sit next to people in lectures for ***** sake. Nobody's going to think you're weird or that you're going to rape them if you sit next to them and say hi before the lecture starts, or ask them a question in the middle, or comment about something. Join a society and introduce yourself, don't just sit there like a **** thinking everyone's going to ask you for your name - it's more than likely they're the same as you are.

Sit next to people. This pisses me off the most in lectures. Granted, you may want to sit alone and learn, but those that do are obviously isolating themselves from human contact. Then, they complain about having no friends. Honestly, sit next to someone and ask them their name. Introduce yourself. People aren't going to come flocking around you, it's just not going to happen. Even if you're the most insecure person in the world, you can still manage to make a few mates off your course.

Also, seminars/workshops. HONESTLY, introduce yourself and tell us who the hell you are. If you're in a small group of people who talk over you, think of something to say, or like, try and find another group. You've got to present yourself.

I'm not by far the most confident person out there, or the most attractive; but faking confidence is something I can do, and I'm sure that it's landed me a few firm friends. Fine, there are those really social and outgoing people that still intimidate me, and I still can't ask them to do stuff with me yet, but hell, it's going to happen at some point if you just keep your chin up and stop bitching about it 24/7.

Also, forget your flatmates if you don't get on with them. A lot of people I know don't get along with their flatmates either. Meet people on your course or in societies.