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    I'm currently doing my gcse coursework and we are doin our piece on descriptive wrighting. This is just my opening paragraph so a grade and feedback will be truly help full. :yes:
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    its a good start, but there are a few errors, if they are typo errors then don't worry, but make sure when u write it properly u get these right.
    Firstly I would say that the first sentence doesn't make any gramatical sense, the sun needs to 'do' something. also the general spelling is not great. laying down on my deck chair should be 'lying down.' don't forget capital I not i. comma needed in 'what can i say, the sun is....' commas again needed in next sentence. beatiful should be beautiful.
    hope this helps!
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    (Original post by mespannerhanz)
    its a good start, but there are a few errors, if they are typo errors then don't worry, but make sure when u write it properly u get these right.
    Firstly I would say that the first sentence doesn't make any gramatical sense, the sun needs to 'do' something. also the general spelling is not great. laying down on my deck chair should be 'lying down.' don't forget capital I not i. comma needed in 'what can i say, the sun is....' commas again needed in next sentence. beatiful should be beautiful.
    hope this helps!
    Yh thanks that helped. Do you think i should start of with a differant sentence and not the one i orignally have?
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    C?
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    Not being deliberately harsh, but its pretty awful
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    (Original post by Lady_KaKa)
    Not being deliberately harsh, but its pretty awful
    Yh i'm not offended but in what way do you find it aweful?
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    I'd say a C.
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    (Original post by yesioo)
    I'd say a C.
    Any tips on how to get it to a higher standard?
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    (Original post by Ineedhelp998)
    Yh i'm not offended but in what way do you find it aweful?
    Syntactical errors mostly.
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    (Original post by Lady_KaKa)
    Syntactical errors mostly.
    Whats one of those?:p:
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    Any tips on how to get it to a higher standard?
    What board are you with OP?

    Sizzling glaze of the tropical sun hovering above me in the vast empytyness of the sky. Laying down on my deck chair i can’t wait to enjoy the weather this country has on offer. What can i say the sun is like a breeze of fresh air on a hot summer’s day. All it is is a fiery ball, but not just any old fiery ball a ball wich bring’s joy on peoples faces, it is the sun and it is just perfect! I bet you wish you were here? Enjoying all the sun’s spectacular heat ohh... i cant wait for the beatiful golden brown tan i will get from the sun’s laser like ray’s. Truly it is a light in a sea of darkness it is blindingly bright and utterly unique.
    Cut down on the amount of times you say sun and alter the pink sentence a bit and work on your punctuation and spelling I don't know how to advise you...it's been ages since I did creative writing tbh. Try and get the spec or w.e you board has
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    C / D.
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    (Original post by Ineedhelp998)
    Whats one of those?:p:
    Would you like me to re-write it for you and make it A* standard?
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    (Original post by Lady_KaKa)
    Would you like me to re-write it for you and make it A* standard?
    If you wish i just want to see the differance and please tell me what one of thos errors are lol.
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    C. You can't even capitalize an I?
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    (Original post by Ineedhelp998)
    I'm currently doing my gcse coursework and we are doin our piece on descriptive wrighting. This is just my opening paragraph so a grade and feedback will be truly help full. :yes:

    Sizzling glaze of the tropical sun hovering above me in the vast empytyness of the sky. Laying down on my deck chair i can’t wait to enjoy the weather this country has on offer. What can i say the sun is like a breeze of fresh air on a hot summer’s day. All it is is a fiery ball, but not just any old fiery ball a ball wich bring’s joy on peoples faces, it is the sun and it is just perfect! I bet you wish you were here? Enjoying all the sun’s spectacular heat ohh... i cant wait for the beatiful golden brown tan i will get from the sun’s laser like ray’s. Truly it is a light in a sea of darkness it is blindingly bright and utterly unique.
    :lolwut: What?
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    (Original post by mel0n)
    :lolwut:
    Hahah, I didn't notice that until you quoted OP's first post!
    You're definitely getting an A, son.
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    (Original post by truthandtragedy)
    C. You can't even capitalize an I?
    Yh i no i was in a hurry.
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    Also, although I doubt anyone would want to use it, it isn't a good idea to post your coursework on an open forum. :nothing:

    (Original post by truthandtragedy)
    Hahah, I didn't notice that until you quoted OP's first post!
    You're definitely getting an A, son.
    Haha. I noticed a few things but that captured my attention most of all. :ninja: Nice username, btw. :coma:
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    (Original post by Ineedhelp998)
    If you wish i just want to see the differance and please tell me what one of thos errors are lol.
    I just meant that the majority of your sentences don't make much sense.
    So you promise you won't copy my amendments exactly?
 
 
 
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