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Opposite Sex Friends watch

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    Does anyone else have this problem with their boyf or girlf? My boyfriend can't accept that my 2 best friends are male and every time I spend any time with them he makes comments like 'how are your boyfriends?' or 'just make sure you don't get pregnant.' I've told him how depressed it makes me feel, as I've struggled to find any female friends in my current school and he promises to stop it and then the next day he just carries on as before.
    It's a bit more complicated because once I did find myself attracted to them (at seperate times) but I'm talking year 7 and 9- I'm year 12 now and nothing has or will ever happen between us, I see them as brothers!
    It's really getting me down and I can't get through to him, as he has never had a female friend, his views are very old-fashioned, I'm not even allowed to talk about my friends in front of his parents as they would be really uncomfortable with it.
    Any views on this, or what I can do to stop him from making me feel miserable and guilty every time I socialise with them?
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    How about you socialise your male friends and your boyfriend together? Thnat way he wont feel left out, and will see that its perfectly platonic.
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    (Original post by Book)
    How about you socialise your male friends and your boyfriend together? Thnat way he wont feel left out, and will see that its perfectly platonic.
    I already do! He just can't be reasonable about me seeing them anywhere outside of school, when he's not there- to be fair, they have been my best friends for 3/4 years...it's how it's always been.
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    Ok yeah sounds very controlling, wouldn't put up with anyone like that if I were you
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    He's a man for gods sake, they all act like this whether they admit it or not, at least he's being upfront about it. What's the alternative for you? Carpet munching.

    Andrew
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    hey pink pigeon, to be honest with u, from readin wat u have just said, it just seems that u and ur boyfriend are rather different in terms of personality or who u would choose to be friends with. Like u seem to be the cheerful type (correct me if iam wrong) and ur bf would moan at u just coz of ur friends. And talking from experience, a relationship between two quite different people usually wont last - sorry to say this - i hope everything works out well with u .

    And also, i dunno if its just me - but if a girl is really good friends with a guy - and its just friends - flirting would easily but gradually come into that friendship - which is probably why ur bf is not happy that u have male friends and u know how people always say that a friendship can easily turn into a loving relationship, while a loving relationship wont ever turn to just being friends...something to consider i spose..
    take care
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    (Original post by Marie05)
    hey pink pigeon, to be honest with u, from readin wat u have just said, it just seems that u and ur boyfriend are rather different in terms of personality or who u would choose to be friends with. Like u seem to be the cheerful type (correct me if iam wrong) and ur bf would moan at u just coz of ur friends. And talking from experience, a relationship between two quite different people usually wont last - sorry to say this - i hope everything works out well with u .

    And also, i dunno if its just me - but if a girl is really good friends with a guy - and its just friends - flirting would easily but gradually come into that friendship - which is probably why ur bf is not happy that u have male friends and u know how people always say that a friendship can easily turn into a loving relationship, while a loving relationship wont ever turn to just being friends...something to consider i spose..
    take care
    Thanks for your reply. To be honest, as its the only element of our relationship that doesn't work- we have been together a good while- I don't think I can say that we're so different that we don't work, as we share a lot of personality traits too. My relationship with my friends did used to be like that but honestly, the thought of flirting with these boys now makes me feel ill, I just find them unattractive because I've known them for so long in a friendship way that I couldn't find myself attracted to them, as I said, like a brother.
    I just wondered if anyone had any ideas on what I could say or do that would make him feel more comfortable or less insecure, because I do think that is probably what it comes down to.
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    Im afraid u'll just have to "put up or shut up".

    I cant see any way you can change the way he is. - I don't blame him for being protective though, even though you found yourself attracted to "them" a long time ago people do remember stuff like that. He's probarbly worried he's going to lose you - Again I don't blame him, I'm sure you'r a lovely girl. Anything that might assure him that this wont happen could help, but I'm afraid he may still be suspicous. - E.g. spending loads of time with him, telling him how much you love him etc.

    Best wishes
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    If you sleep with one of them, that'll show him good.

    Seriously though, don't let it get you down. Eventually he'll realise there's nothing going on, and no-one can have full trust from the beginning. It has to build, so I've heard.
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    Hmmm tricky one. Luckily I don't have this problem, even though my best friends are boys...

    I don't think there's any hard and fast solution to this. It's a trust issue. I think you have to question whether you want to be with someone who so blatantly does not trust you. If you still do, then you'll have to put up with it and hope that he develops trust in you.
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    i have many of my closest friends who are guys. in fact, sometimes i prefer talking to them because girls' *****ings, as we all know, are quite a pain in the butt, and my guy friends are lot more honest and straight-forward to me.

    strangely though, apart from 1 guy who's an year older than me, all the others are at least 10 years older. :rolleyes: i find my guy friends really mature and i get along with them really well. my ex used to be ridiculously jealous of the guy friend who's my age, and sometimes he would even get jealous of my older guy friends which made me laugh. :rofl:

    my bf hasn't said complained about my guy friends at all, and i guess it was just my ex being a butthead. :mad: :p:
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    Well, I'm not sure if you will be able to change his mind on the subject - well, you may be able to convince him that there is really nothing he has to be worried about, but it will take time for him to really accept it. He obviously feels 'threatened' for some reason or other and he probably can't just turn off those feelings just like that, even if you do convince him that he is wrong.
    When you talk to him about it next, don't tell him that he is being unreasonable or that he's wrong and you probably should not tell him how much it's hurting you because he will just become defensive of his position. Start out by telling him that you understand that he is just so protective because he loves you so much and then try and put yourself in his position. How would you honestly feel if his best friend was a girl? What if tomorrow he came along with some girl in tow and spent a lot of time with her? Just tell him how that would make you feel and that you can in some way relate to what he's feeling - because you love him. Let him know how much you live HIM and not the other guys. Then you can tell him again how they really are just friends and that in time he will surely realise that. Don't press the issue too much, I wouldn't let it escalate into a 'either them or me' situation. Just keep reassuring him and hopefully his doubts will slowly vaporise. if not... ummm... I'm not sure what I can suggest then, but I'd just try to very carefully win him over to your view of things.
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    Are either of the 2 mates gay? Sorry to stereotype and apologies to any gay blokes on here who socialise normally with other guys, but in my experience, guys who only have female friends more often than not turn out to be gay. Call me prejudice but everyone who reads this knows it's true in most cases, not being judgemental, just realistic.

    If this is the case, tell your boyfriend, if i was with a bird who had a best mate who was gay it wouldn't bother me at all, but i can see where your blokes coming from at the moment.
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    (Original post by Chris.)
    Are either of the 2 mates gay? Sorry to stereotype and apologies to any gay blokes on here who socialise normally with other guys, but in my experience, guys who only have female friends more often than not turn out to be gay. Call me prejudice but everyone who reads this knows it's true in most cases, not being judgemental, just realistic.

    If this is the case, tell your boyfriend, if i was with a bird who had a best mate who was gay it wouldn't bother me at all, but i can see where your blokes coming from at the moment.
    that's just rude and horrible. :mad:
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    If my girlfriend was jealous of my female friends, i'd take it as a compliment.

    from what youve said your boyfriend sounds like he has some trust issues. You have to be straight with him, and tell him hes upsetting you. He'll stop making comments if he believes they'll cost him his girlfriend.
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    (Original post by eurasianfeline)
    that's just rude and horrible. :mad:
    How is it anyway horrible?

    What a ridiculous thing to say.
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    (Original post by Chris.)
    How is it anyway horrible?

    What a ridiculous thing to say.
    it's rude and horrible to stereotype guys to be gay just because they only have female friends. you are being ridiculous.

    guys who tend to have female friends only usually mean that they're more sensitive and are good listeners that many guys aren't. unlike many guys, girls like spending a lot of time talking and listening to each other about their problems, worries and stuff, and after talking they would feel much better. whereas many guys often can't get through the first 10 minutes or just saying what they think the girls should do to solve a problem when often we just want to be listened.

    just because a guy is more sensitive and patient towards other people's feelings doesn't mean he is gay.
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    (Original post by HearTheThunder)
    Ok yeah sounds very controlling, wouldn't put up with anyone like that if I were you
    i think he feels threatened...quite a few do

    as do some women when their boyfriends have female friends.

    one of my bst mates is male, and my boyf always takes the piss about it, but i know he doesn't mean it an trusts me.

    you need to ask youself if thats the same with your boyfriend. surely if he trusts you itshouldn't be an issue?
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    He clearly feels threatened, and probably most guys would have some kind of insecurity if you spend a lot of time with other men (even though they're only friends!). However, that doesn't give him an excuse to constantly get you down about it. I think you have every reason to get annoyed with him here; you want to be with him not your 2 guy friends, and if he needs to learn to trust you and respect your feelings. You've done all you can really - you've told him several times and he's met these guys and seen for himself. As long as he believes you are just friends, and you frequently reassure him you love him, then any other complaints are just attempts at controlling you which shouldn't be tolerated.

    Cxx
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    (Original post by eurasianfeline)
    it's rude and horrible to stereotype guys to be gay just because they only have female friends. you are being ridiculous.

    guys who tend to have female friends only usually mean that they're more sensitive and are good listeners that many guys aren't. unlike many guys, girls like spending a lot of time talking and listening to each other about their problems, worries and stuff, and after talking they would feel much better. whereas many guys often can't get through the first 10 minutes or just saying what they think the girls should do to solve a problem when often we just want to be listened.

    just because a guy is more sensitive and patient towards other people's feelings doesn't mean he is gay.
    Did i say "all guys who only have female friends are gay"? No, i said in my experience, the majority of them turn out to be.

    It's not in any way an insult to these people, i'm not homophoebic in the slightest.

    It's so obvious that i'm in the right, hopefully some of the more honest peple on here will back me up, maybe it is technically a "stereotype" but i think it's ignorant of people to think that certain stereotypes have no factual grounds.

    White men can't sprint, when was the last time you saw an all english sprinter with a realistic chance of winning anything at a championship? It's not disrespectful to white people, it's just a fact of life.

    The majority of guys who only have female friends turn out to be gay, fract of life.

    Being PC does NOT give you any moral highground, stop being so naive.
 
 
 
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