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    Tears fell down from her face, making her beauty shine even more. Tormenting him. She was crying and he was expressionless. He couldn’t offer her any tears or even words, he wanted to more than anything. His only reaction was unspoken. A silent prayer. He prayed that the one he loved knew - as he did - how deep and treasured she was in his soul, how she contented him. He hoped she did. After all, she had stayed. Sat there for so long. Crying and hurting.

    For hours he had stood there, mute and empty. The shared emotions - so strong and so tearful - were draining them both. If they weren’t meant to be it was cruel. So it must be right. To suffer this hell and reach heaven, together.

    Yet he wasn’t sure of anything anymore. Without her sunlight smile or repentant touch, deprived of her affecting words he couldn’t be anything. Except darkened and scared.

    Such is how I feel...Should I bother trying to do anything with English? Or am I just no damn good...I'd like to know what y'all think.
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    A good start. You have the short sentences idea done well, but I would like to see some longer sentences. Stopping and starting when reading it can be frustrating and makes you seem insincere.
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    Oh the angst.
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    Is it an erotic novel to be?
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    beautiful!!!
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    This should be in the gallery though
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    Thanks

    And yeah its part of an erotic story how did you guess
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    Seems too melodramatic and I'm not really sure what's going on.

    Try another genre maybe?
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    wrong forum, and I just got annoyed at whoever's in the story for being whiny..

    sorry but the drama and emotion didnt coe off too well.. trying to hard?? let it flow.
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    (Original post by englishstudent)
    Is it an erotic novel to be?
    I hope it is, otherwise I'm a very perverted little boy
 
 
 
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